Welcome. Wilkommen to the third part of The gospel According to Tolkien! I am awed and amazed by the support that has been shown to me thus far and the reception this piece is getting so I will continue it. Sorry it took me so long to put up this chapter, I had a major case of writer's block. Oh and if anybody would be so kind as too make me a livejournal icon, if you know how, then I would be forever grateful. And now, without further ado…
The Nineties and the Days of PlentyThe nineteen nineties brought forth unto the Geeks a new era full of promise. But the Geeks were slow to embrace the future and clung instead to the old ways and customs set down in the murky eighties. Gone were the revolutionary ways of the Hippie Geeks (as was their incense for the most part.)
The old wisdom borne out of the sixties was forsaken. Geeks wandered through halls of memory more splendid than the houses of the living and counted the names of their descent dearer than the names of their sons. Dateless high schoolers sat in chat rooms musing on heraldry or in their mother's basements asking questions of the Dungeon Master. And so the people of Tolkien fell into ruin. The line of geeks failed. The age of influence withered. The rule of the Geeks was given over to lesser authors.
The Geeks tried vainly to gather more converts among the new generation but they were few and far between. For too many children had already been corrupted by the rangers of power and the station of play. Only the truest young Geeks were able to survive past their first real school yard hazing. Many family geeks gave up on teaching their children the word. For how could the works of the Lord possibly compete with the tantalizing pleasures available in the digital age?
These tumultuous years were known as the rise of the Nerds. A new dawn of computers and machinery awaited them and the nerds surged forth led by their new guru, Bill Gates. The nerds used the power of the computers to manufacture illusions of a most glorious sort. These glamouries they used for their movies. And the Geeks did take heed. A glimmer of hope had appeared.
Some geeks desired to use this power to make their own renowned movie. "Look," the few did sayeth, "Look at the wonders that can be created. Look at Dragon Heart."
Yet the other Geeks were broken in spirit. Too many long years had gone by without hope to make them start believing. "It cannot be done," they moaned, "It will not be done."
And so the power of the computers, which could have been used for much good, was instead exploited by the Nerds. This did lead unto such testaments of the nerdish faith as The Matrix and Alien. In this period also came the reawakening of the false prophet George Lucas, from his almost (but not quite) eternal slumber. And yea, he went forth unto the newly emboldened nerds and spake thusly, "Arise sons and daughters! Arise and build for me an empire."
And the Nerds replied, "But Lord, we have already done so. For see the graven images we mass-produce, the films we make, the tomes we write. All of this for the furthering of your immortal glory."
And the Dark One saw and it was good in his eyes, as all that is evil is. Yet his hunger was insatiable. So he spoke again unto the Nerds, "You shall be rewarded for your perseverance. I shall give unto thee a movie."
At this proclamation there was much rejoicing amongst the Nerds which drowned out the sound of George Lucas turning to a minion and saying, "Somebody make me a movie, ok?" And thus was born The Phantom Menace.
It was in 1999, the year of The Phantom Menace, another film began forming. The Messiah had arisen in New Zealand and his coming had been foretold with great and mysterious portents. An elven warrior princess and a wizard on a spike were seen by many and judged to be omens of evil. In Britain a woman brought forth the books of Potter. And, as the millennium drew to aclose agreat census of all the books was taken. And lo, the Holy Trilogy did come out on top.
But the non-believers could not believe that a fantasy book could rival the great literature of old and so they held yet another census. And the works of the Lord did shine forth and win once again. At this the critics began to take notice and the long-suffering Geeks began to feel fresh life move through their veins. The hushed rumors of old became violent debates wherever the Geeks gathered to discuss the merits of Tolkien with new vigor.
And lo! When March of 2001 came it brought with it a gift for the Geeks. A marvelous trailer was seen by Geeks in disguise at such diverse movies as Spy Kids which prompted many Geeks to cast aside their masks of normalcy and proclaim to the huddled masses, "I am a Geek! I follow the true faith as set down by the Lord Tolkien. As such, I denounce all works of the false prophets of science fiction. I await the second coming of the Lord for I have seen the Messiah's face arise in New Zealand. Long live the Trilogy!" This loud affirmation did cause much strife and embarassment among families of Born Again Geeks everywhere.
As the day of reckoning approached the apprehension of the Geeks grew. What if the Trilogy was in some way maligned by the films? What if Peter Jackson could not to justice to the glory of lord Tolkien's vision? But any doubts were silenced as millions of the faithful entered the cinemas and clutch their popcorn in anticipation. A hush fell upon the Geeks and in the glow of the movie screen they did see the Shire and salvation.
At first, all seemed well in the world of the post-movie Geek. For once they were accepted by the mainstream culture. No longer did they have to hide their obsessions from the outside world. For behold, it was now 'trendy' and 'hip' to like The Lord of the Rings. Yet new schisms began to grow among the Geeks and old animosities, which had been allowed to fester, were now born anew. Purists fought Jacksonites. Canonists fought Slashers. Lay Geeks fought Born Agains. And everybody fought the Fanboys and Fangirls.
Some Geeks sought an end to the strife by attempting to unite all geeks under the shared banner of Ringers. "We should be fighting our common enemy the Nerds, not each other,"they cried but it was in vain. For the Geeks did always strive to be the only and perfect ones in everything they did. Being as such, no one group of Geeks can tolerate the others for each believes themselves to be correct and will give no leeway. Some geeks took their isolationism to such an extreme that they cursed in vain and wished that the movies had never been made. They believe the old days were best, when Geekdom was a hidden thing and the bloodlines were pure. Yet the majority of these Geeks were scorned. For how can a culture thrive if it does not infuse itself with new ideas?
And so, an old age has ended in commercialism and the Geeks now stand poised at the brink of a new era of promise and hope.
And now for the thank you's;
Pasha Toh: Thank you for the cookies and the gold star AND milk. I love cookies and milk. (And hugs.) I haven't a gold star since I was seven. Yay! I love second childhoods.
Adelaide E: I did shake the man who met Tolkien's hand and now that I think about it that's almost like shaking Christopher Lee's hand, which is almost like touching Peter Jackson, which almost like touching the entire cast, which is almost like touching an Oscar, which is…. It boggles the mind.
Varda's Servant: No, I didn't name my Barbie Arwen. I just had Eowyn and a bunch of GI Joes that doubled for orcs.
Voldie on Varsity Track: I will wear the term 'spazzbucket' with honor. I got another cookie!
Angelina Sparrow: I'm sorry I almost made you cry. Even if they were good tears. At least I know I can get the full spectrum of emotional responses.
Frodo Fever: I'm glad you liked it and I hope you enjoy this as well.
RedWind730: I'm sorry you didn't get it. You have to have a deep background in Tolkien to understand it. I can't please everybody.
Me: Yay! I've been praised!
Lily the Looter: I too walk the thin line between Geek and Nerd. Now that I know there's somebody else on it with me, would you care to tango?
Crazyrabidfangurl: You're not a sub-Geek. For in the truest form of Geekdom no one is better then anybody else. Can I come in the underground geek-fangirl haven, too? It sounds fun.
Kit Thespian: It's okay if you don't agree with my parody of religion (trust me I've developed a very tough skin about being Catholic in the part of the US where I am stuck) but I'm glad that you had enough of a sense of humor to enjoy it.
BlueDove: I am flattered by your outpouring of support of my creative endeavors. AKA: You ROCK!
The Grammar Nazi: The Led Zepplin references are to some of their songs and lyrics mainly; "The Battle of Evermore" and "Ramble On". I'm flattered that you think I'm pretty. (I personally think I look like Dominic Monaghan with boobs and badly cut hair. Not to say that I don't find him obscenely attractive, because I do. His basic facial structure just doesn't look right on me. Shudder.) I have not however stayed away from slash. I have been corrupted into a slash addict, but very little LOTR slash. Forgive me.
SirNotAppearingInThisFilm: Yeah, I'm a bit slow on the uptake. Can you tell? Glad you liked it!
Majestic Moose: Japanese comic books and caffeinated beverages, the tools to ruling the world. At least they are in my demented alternate reality. Don't worry about rambling, it's a useful skill and that's basically all that this story is. One… Big… Ramble… (It has also been proven that it only takes algebra to bore me into a comatose state so you're all right. No manslaughter charges yet.)
Anticipationnation: Thanks for putting me on your favorites list!
CrystalOfEllinon: Sorry it took so long but I took your advice.
Stridergal Silvertongue: Thank you it was a happy birthday. Don't worry about offending me. It doesn't happen unless I am confronted with close-minded bigots who get on other people for their lifestyle choices, it's my life not your's. Or if I'm PMSing. And don't worry, you didn't offend me.
NiennaVala: Thank you for the tokens of your esteem. The breakfast cereal (I trust it was Lucky Charms) has been eaten and the sloth is currently asleep on a ceiling fan. I've decided to name him Aethelred. Yay! Now Tolkienism has an official mascot.
Reasonably Crazy: Thanks for pimping my story on forums. Can you give me links to them? I want to try to keep track of how far this thing goes.
Lotr-worshipper: Let it be known for the record that I bear no grudge for any slight, past or present, against George Lucas. I love his works (look at my user name). I also support and love new generation Geeks, the bearers of the torch so to speak.
Erulasse: Another Abigail! Rapture! Thank you for reviewing the second time around. And thank you so much for reviewing that unadulterated piece of fluff that is my other story. I've been called a Philip, should I be insulted? And I really don't know where the masses should go for sustenance. Burger King?
Rissa: You need to see a doctor. You are a ditz. But I love you Pip. Call me you…you…you…LARISSA! (My reputation as the master of insults is secure.)
Lady Zephyr: Thank you for alerting me to my story being on Godawful Fanfiction's section for good stories. It alerted me to a slew of comments that have made my ego grow in leaps and bounds.
Mortified Penguin: You have my permission to be a disciple so go right ahead. You are now Disciple Penguin in charge of flightless water fowl.
Almighty Shortest: Thank you. I love ego trips. I read your bio and I think squirrel cults must be in because I tried to start one, too. Something to do with sacrificing acorns.
Badb: Knowing that I made your day truly makes mine.
Poimen: True the savior is needed. And I await its coming with you.
Jessica: I certainly know the kind of books you are talking about and I hate them with a passion. Thank you for the suggestion.
Lilith of Lothlorien: Um…about that marriage thing. Maybe we should be friends first?
Tweeny-Weeny: What's a GCSE? I could pretend I knew what it is but I won't bother.
Sakari: Wow. I'm touched by that brilliant piece of workmanship that you produced just for a simple review. It made me insanely happy. Thank you. I never thought of myself as a prophet but I could get used to it.
Elektra Selene: Geez! How did you find this so late? I am impressed. Thank you!
Thank you to everybody who reviewed this and everybody who just read it. But if you just read it you need to review it so that I can thank you with a clever note. And I promise that no matter how many reviews I get I will continue to reply to each and every one of them. So please, try to take me up on it. And once again, if anybody could help me either by making me a livejournal icon or telling me how I would be eternally in your debt. Stay true, my faithful friends.