I don't own Harry potter, waa J.K Rowling does. I DO however own these corny and partially (REALLY) perverted jokes. Most of them are rated PG-13.

Note two: I got permission by the former writer to write this. You know why? Because I AM the former writer. I decided to switch accounts though. If you have any questions on whether this is really mine, please leave a comment saying so. I will be happy to prove to you that I am the original writer :-D

Things Harry Potter would NEVER say:

Malfoy will you marry me?

LIKE OMG I'm Voldi's BIGGEST FAN!!!!!!!

Oh mee gawd I have a yellow bug on my head! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!

Bouncing ferrets are so...handsome!!!!

Sorry Cho I'm getting it on with Hermione now, could you wait a bit?

Sirius is like SO guilty!!! You know you are, give it up!

I bet you all the galleons in my vault that Dumbledore's a death eater in disguise!

I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! And witty and bright!! (West side story)

FLY?? If I was meant to sit on a stick of wood, I wouldn't be born with balls!

I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!

I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie wooooooooooorld!

Scooby dooby doo!!!!!

Fred and George would make a cute couple!

Do you think if I frown enough, I'll look like Malfoy's mom?

Snapi-o, Oh Snapi-o! Wherefore art thou Snapi-o? (You really need help if you can't guess where I got this line)

Voldemort will have to wait, I'm using the bathroom!

Moody can I borrow your eye? I need it, Cho went to the Restroom.

When I'm in Umbridge's detention I secretly send love letters to Malfoy

Dementors are nothing! Why I once got caught by Snape, now THAT was scary...

If you're going to die by evil minions of darkness, clap your hands! If you're going to dieby evil minions of darkness clap your hands! (Guess this song)

Why aren't I in Raven claw?! Am I too stupid??

GO SLYTHERIN!!!!!!!!

I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY ROBES!!!

Do you think I'd look good with an Afro?

So, this basilisk...it's safe right?

Look I can make farting noises!!!! Oops that was real...

My Uncle Vernon, you're looking more mean and ugly than usual. (Must be the new aftershave)

I'll give you two Yugi action figures for a Kaiba poster!

When you tinkle if you sprinkle...don't hit moaning myrtle because she'll REALLY get pissed!

I always imagined you'd be sexier, Lupin!

What do you think Sirius will do for mothers' day?

James Potter...sounds familiar...

Scratch my balls and I'll scratch yours!

Dudley's just big boned!

Oooh lookie da pwetty bludger!!!!!!!! bam

(Wearing green and white with serpent on head) Weasley is our King!

I am NOT wearing thong underwear! (oooh got a wedgie)

I'd so date you if you were a guy, Hermione

I shaved my armpits with that side of the wand you know....

WARNING! I'm not wearing clean underwear!

I like big butts and I cannot lie!

Lupin has monthly problems? What does THAT remind you of??

McDonalds...I'm lovin' it!!!!!