Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all…damn…

Jiraiya/Tsunade McFiclet challenge for Croaky

Art Imitating Life

By – Wicked Innuendo

He had stumbled upon them in their private moment. Her soft roseate lips pressed gently to his forehead. Tsunade paused, her lips lingered as she deeply breathed the scent of his alabaster hair, so pale that it shimmered blue in the moonlight. And he allowed this; the beginning of a smile touched the corners of his mouth. With a gentleman's grace, he covered her hand with his, stroking the top of her hand with his thumb. She withdrew from the pale haired Jounin. Jiraiya watched them, hidden in the shadows of the trees; his heart began to crumble into a thousand pieces. In all the time he had known her, he had never witnessed such serene contentment in her expression.

He was saddened that she had chosen him. Then again, when had he ever confessed his true feelings for her? His flirting had never graduated beyond the childish teasing and taunts, at most he had added more colorful four letter words to their verbal sparring and in turn she would use him as her ninjutso practice dummy. She appreciated his crude candor; most of her peers treated her like glass. She was beautiful and the granddaughter of the Hokage, that fact was like a double edge sword that made people tread lightly as if walking on rice paper in her presence.

None the less, he felt a small pang of gladness knowing that she was happy. Isn't that what love is about? Wanting to see that person's joy at the cost of your own? She deserved it; he only wished that he had been the source of her newfound happiness.

Jiraiya retreated back along the path, allowing the couple their privacy.

He found himself at the tavern near the Jounin headquarters. He wanted nothing more than the numbness that hard liquor made him feel. Jiraiya chuckled to himself. Could he be anymore cliché at this moment? Boy is sad because Girl likes a different Boy, must placate bad feelings with booze instead of telling Girl how he fees. Doesn't get any more emotionally constipated than that now does it?

Jiraiya took a seat at the bar; the long layers of his white ponytail nearly brushed the hardwood floors. "A double shot of whiskey and some Sake, whatever's cheapest and keep the Sake coming." He slapped a large bill on the counter, just enough to cover his tab for the evening. He had every intention of getting completely shit faced.

He was starting to feel better now, after the second round of sake. More numb, less ache. The artificial warmth from drink was a welcome feeling.

Some one climbed into the barstool beside him. From the corner of his eye he noticed long platinum hair.

"Two of whatever he's having," the newcomer called to the barkeep, then turned to Jiraiya extended his hand. "Hi, I'm Dan, Tsunade's friend. You must be Jiraiya, her team mate. I've heard all sorts of good things about you. It's nice to put a face with a name."

Jiraiya took another sip of the warm alcoholic beverage. The bartender returned moments later with two small carafe's of sake and two small sake cups. The platinum haired Jounin thanked the bartender and pushed one of the rounds towards Jiraiya.

Jiraiya turned towards Dan, scowling at clean cut man whose hand still hung in the air, which he ignored. "Hi Dan, I'm not looking to make any new friends. Alright, Dan. So, you can take that Mr. Nice Guy bullshit, turn it sideways and shove it up your ass."

Dan frowned and poured himself a cup of sake. He drunk the tiny cup and thought for a moment. Choosing his words carefully, he replied, "My intentions toward your comrade are nothing less honorable."

The toad sennin gritted his teeth, "Right…and I have a bridge for sale you might be interested in buying."

Dan ignored Jiraiya's sharp tongue, adamant to befriend the Konoha shinobi. "She speaks highly of you, your friendship is important to her."

In his frustration, he pounded his fist on the bar. Some of the establishment's patrons turned to see what the commotion was about. "Listen up, you don't know jack shit about me or my team, you got that!"

Dan remained calm, which added to Jiraiya's annoyance. He poured a second cup of Sake, sipped the shot and again took a moment to contemplate his words before he spoke. "I know that you saw us together."

Jiraiya wasn't expecting that response. He wanted to rile Dan up. He wanted to wipe that smug Zen like expression from his blemish free face. He wanted Dan to lose his cool and invite him outside. He wanted to pummel the man who dared to touch his Tsunade. He wanted to stick his foot so far up his goody goody ass, that the annoying little blonde would be crapping bits of wooden sandal for weeks. Instead Jiraiya mulled Dan's last words with his semi inebriated mind, stumbling over how to reply to this revelation. "You..Tsuanade, she, she knew I was there?" The anger in his voice had faded somewhat, leaving him bordering between irritation, puzzlement, and growing resentment.

"No, she didn't and still doesn't, but I did." Dan poured himself a third cup of drink, this time not drinking; instead he rolled the tiny cup between his palms.

"What are you getting at, Blondie?" Jiraiya cocked an eyebrow at the man, trying to figure out his angle.

"She's a fiery woman. I could fall in love with that one," Dan laughed, his fair skin turning pinkish in hue, the betraying tell tale signs of a blush. "Hell, I'm halfway there." Dan swiveled in his barstool to face Jiraiya, his face becoming serious. "She doesn't know, does she?"

"Know what?" The bartender replaced Jiraiya's empty Sake bottle, with a new steaming one.

"That you love her." Jiraiya was shocked at the accusation, was he that transparent to this man.

"Who said I love that old hag." He said defensibly, not fooling the man seated beside him.

"It's as plain as day and completely understandable."

"Alright, then. I admit that I have a thing for the lil' princess and…" Jiraiya paused, his brow furrowed into a deep scowl. "I want you to know that when everything is said and done it'll be me, not you that she's with. Me. She'll grow tired of you. You're dull Dan, she needs someone that'll keep her on her toes, and you're not him. "

"I see." Dan stopped fidgeting with his drink and swallowed the cups contents in one swig.

"And Dan, while Tsunade's coming to the realization of how boring you are… During that time, if you make her cry even once I'm going to introduce you to a world of unimaginable pain." Jiraiya meant each and every word.

"You're a good man Jiraiya, I understand why your friendship is so important to her."

That patronizing son of a whore, the thought fleeted through Jiraiya mind. He had had just about as much as he could stand of Dan's company. "Fuck off." Jiraiya stood from his and left the bar without saying good bye to Dan.

Call it men's intuition, but as much as he hated to admit it, that blonde bastard was insightful, genuine, friendly, clean cut, all around nice guy. Jiraiya would never give that smug upstart the satisfaction of knowing that he thought he was a decent person. Dan was just about the antithesis of himself, but still an alright person just the same. He wasn't sure whether Dan's pristine character made it harder or easier to despise him, the antipathy still existed and behind that festering loathing tangoed the idea that he'd be an alright guy to hang out with if he wasn't after the woman of his dreams.

As far back as she could recall he had always been at her side. Through her adolescence to her adult life, he had been there all along. They had attended the academy together and after graduation they had been assigned to work alongside one other as teammates. He had always been a constant in her life; though mostly he was consistently annoying, obnoxious, and loud, but what he lacked in finesse he more than made up for in unwavering loyalty and his ability to make her smile no matter what.

It had been two weeks since he had begun being aloof. He opted to train alone, instead of with his team feigning that he required complete solitude to further master the Rasengan technique. Tsunade thought it was a cop out; he should be a little more creative in his excuse making. His whole demeanor over the past several days had been strange; he neither teased nor flirted with her any longer and their verbal sparring matches had ceased to exist. This bothered her, if there was some reason he was unhappy with her than he should just say it. The pseudo cold shoulder was getting old.

Tsunade took it upon herself to confront the toad summoner. As much as she claimed her egotistical teammate got on her nerves, she missed his boisterous personality just the same.

Tsunade moved through the forest, sprinting through the each tree so quickly she appeared to be gliding midair. She stopped to survey her surrounding, landing gracefully on the thick tree branch, barely allowing hair breath time to pass before she launched herself back through the air again.

After a short time of searching, Tsunade located her missing team mate. She saw him in the distance leaning against the base of an old pine tree. He appeared quite comfortable, too preoccupied to notice her arrival. He was sitting on a faded blue blanket; sans his jacket and sandals. He reclined, his knees raised as a makeshift table with a thick sketchpad and pencil in hand. She watched him for the better part of an hour. He worked diligently flipping the pencil on its eraser end to clean whatever imperfection his dark eyes found. He was a man possessed, he paused only long enough sweep stray strands of white hair from his eyes and to sip whatever alcoholic concoction he carried in the small ceramic jug. With the exception of battle, Tsunade had never seen Jiraiya so completely and utterly focused.

And that was when her curiosity truly began to peek. The what's, why's, when's, and where's started to dance in her analytical mind. What's in the art pad? Why the secrecy? When was he going to be his old self?

"Rasengan training, hmm?" she thought aloud from her perch in the tree.

It was a gamble; she gave herself 50/50 odds that the outcome would be in her favor. Then there was the 80/20 probability that he'd be slightly more than angry if she was caught in the act. Tsunade stopped factoring the risks; she was going to do it. "Life's a gamble, right?" She formed the necessary seals and firmly spoke, "Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!"

From behind a small cloud of smoke a doppelganger of herself appeared.

"The nerve of him," the copy spoke, straightening her low honey blonde pigtails. The clone raised an eyebrow and smirked, fixing her fingers in the tora hand seal, "Henge no Jutso!"

The clone transformed into a small sunshine blonde Genin whom Tsunade had seen pester Jiraiya about advanced techniques in the past. The Tsunade boy clone crinkled his nose and blew a puff of air out the side of his mouth in a vain attempt to sway the too long bangs that framed his tanned youthful face. The strands of blonde returned to their place at the clone's chin. The clone tried to tuck the long side bangs behind his ear, but again the unruly hair refused to cooperate. The clone shrugged, deciding to accept the annoying hairstyle and hopefully announced, "Here goes nothing." And leapt down from the tree.

The Tsunade boy clone ran past Jiraiya at full speed, swiping the sandals and tunic then leapt over the sake jug and into a neighboring tree. "Hey geezer Jounin, teach me to summon frogs!"

Jiraiya looked up from his book, "You'd be lucky to even summon a tad pole, you short shit. Now bring back my stuff. I'm not in the mood for your antics today."

"I'm not in the mood for you antics today," the clone sarcastically mimicked, "If you want it back you'll have to catch me." The clone was off, racing away through the trees.

Jiraiya jumped up surprisingly fast for a man that had been sipping booze for the better part of the day. "Damn boy!" he muttered. He jumped to the branch that boy had been standing on and chased the young Genin barefoot and shirtless through the Konoha forest.

"Get back here you little brat!" she could barely hear his angry voice in the distance. The clone's diversion had been a success.

She jumped down from the high branch; the thick grass softened her landing. Tsunade hurriedly jogged to where her teammate had set up pseudo camp. The slug summoner crouched and picked up the thick tablet of paper. She leafed through the pages and was shocked to learn that he had been drawing manga. She flipped back to the first page and started to read the quasi novella, absorbing each and every detail her hazel eyes passed over.

She didn't mean to sit and read the story completely through. Her intentions had been just to placate her curiosity, but once she started, she couldn't put down the manuscript for the life of her. Every picture, every detail, every line spoken, every written thought had been hauntingly familiar. Written here was the memoir of the time he made love as a teen. On page forty-three was the conversation she had with him last month. And drawn there was the kiss she left on Dan's forehead. She had a front row seat to what really went on in his mind. Insightful, intriguing, moving; she was seeing how beautiful and painful the world was through his eyes.

She flipped to the last page, reading the last line aloud, "There are only four questions of value in life. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love."

"It has to be you, Jiraiya. Managing to write porn with a philosophical edge to it that somehow against all odds seems to make sense," she wiped a tear from her face. Had she been crying?

"Did you enjoy it?" His voice was smooth and calm, absent of any anger.

She jumped, startled. He stood across from her, leaning against a nearby fir. He wore his reclaimed sandals and jacket which he left open; exposing the fit torso and tight abs he always kept hidden under layers of clothes.

"I haven't decided on a title yet, maybe something comical to offset the content a little. What do you think?" he asked, his tone suave with a hint of amusement.

"How long have you been here?" She closed the novel style manga, setting it back where she had found it and rose to stand.

"Always." He half laughed and smiled at her. If she didn't know before, then she had to know that he wanted more than friendship from her.

"I saw you chase after my clone." She frowned, puzzled by his answer.

"You mean the clone that kept playing with his hair and had the same come back lines as you?" He moved from the tree, walking towards his hazel eyed princess. "Right, I misunderstood you then. I've been here since page fifty-seven, where Ray tells Stan that if he ever makes Sundae-chan cry, he'll break both his legs."

"The manga… the character from your work…Is Sundae-cha and Stan..I mean are you. Is this what I think it is?" She wasn't sure how to ask. This with him was new to her, this feeling left her confused and weak-kneed and angry and open and then before she could finish thinking he was there beside her and kissing her.

His hands were on either side of her cheeks, delicately cupping her face. His nose lightly brushed hers and she could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips. His mouth was petal soft, pressing onto her own and his tongue was softer yet, lightly tracing her lips. Her mouth parted, his velvet tongue danced over hers, marauding her kisses like a fictional Don Juan. Her belly was afire with a thousand restless butterflies, their fluttering wings fanning the warmth from his kisses all the way to the tips of her toes. Jiraiya deepened the kiss, his tongue swirled around hers slowing to dizzying circles. He pulled away placing one final butterfly peck on her lips. His hands released her face, his thumb lingered sweeping from one corner to the other of her smile and trailing down her arms to her fingers.

He bent his head towards her ear, whispering his secret, "It means Ray's head over heels in love with Sundae-chan."

Tsunade's mind was a whirlwind of emotions. What did she feel towards Jiraiya? Could she reciprocate these feelings? And Dan? What about Dan? Dan was everything she thought she wanted in a companion, while Jiraiya was…he was Jiraiya. She was confused that she was even considering him and angry that he dared to spring this on her now like this. It was too much to take in at once.

"You selfish jerk!" she exploded, shoving him hard; he stumbled back only slightly loosing his footing. "You, me, us, we had this perfect symbiotic friendship. You're not allowed to fall in love with me!"

"But I did and now you know." He sincerely answered, devoid of all the silliness she had come to expect from him.

"I need time to think about this, Jiraiya." She turned away him. It was all too much to absorb, she needed to think and assess what he was suddenly proposing.

He saw the conflict etched on her face. Jiraiya grabbed Tsunade's slender wrist and pulled her into his chest. "You can't tell me that you don't feel anything for me. I know you do; I could feel it when I kissed you." He spoke anxiously in her ear, his voice somewhere between an urgent whisper and lover's smooth bedroom voice.

"Damn it, Jiraiya!" she attempted to unsuccessfully pull away from him. "I'm with Dan now. There can't be an us outside of the team. We can't because…cause" she tripped over her words, "I'm with Dan now."

"That doesn't make me love you any less." He took her chin in his fingers. His dark eyes searched hers, seeing the inner conflict in her clear hazel eyes.

"I'm with Dan now." She softly said again.

His face inched dangerously closer to hers. Jiraiya pressed his lips to hers again in a chaste kiss.

"I'm with Dan now." Tsunade repeated the mantra, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself than Jiraiya.

End

- challenge made by Croaky, use this line in a Jira/Tsu fanfic: "It has to be you, Jiraiya. Managing to write porn with a philosophical edge to it that somehow against all odds seems to make sense."

- line borrowed from the 1995 movie Don Juan Demarco starring Johnny Depp

A/N: I tried to make this in character, which is very OOC for me . There are several assumptions on my part regarding Jiraiya's personality & the Icha Icha Paradise storyline. I truly believe Icha Icha Paradise is this well written, beautifully drawn, eloquent manga that happens to have a nice dose of smut. Also, I admit that the last episode of Naruto I watched was 80-something, though I am caught up on the manga.