So yeah…it's been what, a couple years since I updated this fic I think? Well, it's 5:30 in the morning and I can't sleep, so here comes some closure! WOO!
I sigh for what seems like the millionth time in this fic. The realization has finally hit me that I hate animals and I don't want to come to work any more. I think about my poor Nintendo Wii sitting at home waiting for me to play it. But what can I do? I need the job. Spirit squawks softly on his perch nearby, and I wonder what kind of thoughts go running through his head every time I snap my fingers. My eyes begin to droop as I grow weary of writing in the present tense.
Suddenly, a smell strikes my nose that causes me to stand straight up. Smoke. My head whips around as I search for the source of the scent. Nothing in the shop catches my eye immediately, so I dash outside.
As I fly out the door I almost trip over Bandit Keith who is crouched near the entrance with a pile of cotton balls and a couple pieces of flint. He is muttering to himself.
"Er…can I help you sir?" I ask innocently while trying to inconspicuously kick the pile of cotton balls.
"Fire!" he shouts before quickly regaining his composure and smiling up at me. "No," he replies simply. I glare at him as he returns to attempting to light up the little white puffballs. Glancing up and down the street, I notice that nobody else seems to be around, which is good news for me. I grab Keith by the collar and shove him up against a wall.
"What're you doin' this for," he screeches, "you weren't this mean to any of the other characters!"
I stop to think for a moment, why was I holding him against a wall, and the better question, how? Not loosening my grip, I begin to take a quick tour of my psyche as to what exactly I am doing. It was then I discovered I'm simply doing it for plot's sake.
"It's a plot device," I explain, "just like that quick slip into past tense in the previous paragraph." Keith grunts in acknowledgement. "Anyway, the reason I brought you up here is to question you about your motives for attempting to burn down my place of employment. And before you ask, my more eloquent speech pattern is also a plot device!"
"Pegasus hired me to do it," he stutters, "said he wasn't happy with the way your bar does business."
I groan. "For the last time, this isn't a bar!"
"Oh. So then, will you let me down now?" I let go of his collar allowing him to slump to the ground. I lean against the wall for a moment, contemplating what just happened. Nope, still doesn't make any sense. A strange rushing noise begins to fill my head. For a second I think I'm going crazy, but then I realize you can't go where you already are and begin to look for where the noise is coming from. A shadow passes over my head and a helicopter with the Kaiba Corp. insignia lands softly in the middle of the road. Kaiba jumps out and rushes over to me.
"You gotta come with me right now!" he orders over the whirring of the helicopters blades. I look from him, to the store, to the helicopter, and back to him.
"I'm working."
"But we need you now!"
"Who's we?" I inquire looking around again, this time for the reason he used the first person plural.
"Everyone! Listen, there's some weird-ass tournament going down, and we have reason to believe that every Mary Sue in the Yu-Gi-Oh! ™ fandom will be there! It is therefore imperative to our survival that you go and win the tournament for us. That way, none of us will have to be there to meet all of our long lost sisters and secret future lovers."
"Fine." I ran with him back to the helicopter and we took off for some remote island in the Whatever Ocean.
Insert random crazy story about the protagonist kicking some Mary Sue booty, and returning...in the past tense!
"Whew," I gasped as we sped back to the pet shop, "that was some afternoon, I had no idea there were so many Mary Sues."
"I know!" replied Kaiba, "thank goodness only half of them actually new how to play." Something fell over next to Kaiba, we both glared at the spot where it ended up. "Show yourself," Kaiba yelled. Immediately a girl with long pink hair and a cat tail appeared and latched herself onto Kaiba. I quickly grabbed her and pushed her away from him.
"Kaiba-kun," she whined, "why don't you want to date me?"
"You're a freak!" Kaiba hurled back. The girl burst into tears and ran off. Sadly, because we were still in the helicopter she ran straight into the pilot, knocking him unconscious. The helicopter spun rapidly out of control.
"We're going to have to jump," I yelled. Kaiba nodded in agreement. As the helicopter continued its descent we leapt out of the passenger hold and rolled onto the ground. A loud explosion followed soon afterwards. I turned to see my poor little pet shop engulfed in flames. "Oh great," I moaned watching the flames lick higher into the sky.
"Well," said Kaiba, "you could always work for Kaiba Corp."
"Eh…I dunno."
And all the while, as we stood there watching the flames, Bandit Keith danced up and down at what he thought was his greatest accomplishment.
So yes, the epic story finally comes to a close. I know, it's sad for me too. I did not edit this, I didn't even really know what I was doing, but that's how it ends. Seriously. To anyone who actually reads this, thank you, it's been a great ride. This story was what got me writing in the first place. I'm a lot better now than I was when I started (although this chapter really doesn't show that).
Oh and don't worry, all of the animals are OK, I used magic to get them out of the store before it exploded.