A/N: Well, welcome to all new readers we've picked up in our expansion to the Lord of the Rings category. We felt that this would be appropriate since most of the members are from Middle Earth. If you have a problem with this, please send us a nice little review, and we'll move it immediately. For those of you who may not know, Dalamar is an evil elven mage from Dragon Lance, where this was originally.

Disclaimer: Neither Petalwing nor Dally owns any of the characters here, we're just helping them. If anyone knows an elf in need of counseling, please tell us, and hopefully at least one of us will have heard of them. Ideas for speakers are also accepted. Flames will be answered with a meeting with whichever character you're giving a hard time.

Petalwing: Actually we've got spells of protection and our own water-elemental. Flaming will be useless, but when you are really creative we give you the role of a sidekick in our show...

Dally: By the way, the rating will be going up next chapter due to slightly 'risqué' content. Hope you look for us again anyway! Now that I'm done dithering, you may read. Enjoy!

In Palanthas, there is a very small inn called the Copper Kettle. So small, in fact, that many do not even know that it's there. This night, however, a steady stream of customers came creeping in. It was an odd bunch, though most didn't look too threatening. Finally, the trickle inward ceased. The people in the group were the only patrons.

Dalamar looked around, taking count. Yes, this was everyone. "Greetings. I am Dalamar Nightson, called Dalamar the Dark, and it is I who called all of you here."

The innkeeper looked up in surprise. The group, though motley, didn't look like the type that would be summoned by a dark mage. In one corner was a group of several elves, all in white. Sitting alone in the shadows in another corner was what the innkeeper could only assume to be another elf, yet this one was of a type never before seen on Krynn. This elf had dark skin and palest hair, as well as the signature ears.

Another hooded customer sat in the shadows, and this one too looked like no elf the innkeeper had ever seen. He actually looked more like an Irda, but that too seemed wrong. This one had blue skin that looked somehow stony to go with his ears.

The last sat in the center of the room, obviously liking to be the center of attention. He was much smaller then the rest of the group and on first sight one would likely have taken him for a kender. But the way he moved was unlike a kender, his hands had only four fingers each, which seemed quite natural for his kind, and his strange style of clothing showed that he came from far, far away. Just like the dark-skinned warrior in the corner, his hair was of a silvery white. His large blue eyes sparkled in mischief and a huge white wolf lay at his feet, half hidden under the table. The big white wolf scratched at something beneath her and if somebody had bothered to take a closer look, he would maybe have spotted the sad remains of a wooden sign. Some letters had formerly been painted on it. What was left of the text could probably be identified as "No Do s n here al wed!" Dalamar Nightson raised an eyebrow since pets or, in his little guest's case, riding animals, had not been invited. The rumors he had heard proved right. Wolfriders never went anywhere without their wolffriends. The silver-haired elf grinned brightly.

"Timmain will be quiet. You won't notice her."

"I hope so."

Then, Dalamar turned his attention to the rest of the group.

At Dalamar's introduction, the large group of elves in white looked apprehensive. The three men with golden hair looked towards a beautiful, wise looking woman, and the two young men with dark hair looked to an older one who might've been their father. The two leaders looked at each other, neither wanting to speak. Finally the woman did.

"Lord Dalamar, we came here under the impression that you were merely Moriquendi, an elf who never saw the light of the trees of the Valar. Not that you were actually evil." She lifted one elegant eyebrow.

A short snort could be heard out of a corner where the Elf with the dark skin sat.

"Him... a dark elf?" he snickered dryly. "Mr. Velvet-Robe doesn't look like he has ever seen the horrors of the underdark. Don't you have any real Drow in this world that people like you have to fill in the role of the prodigal race?"

While Dalamar put on a polite smile, his eyes narrowed at the obvious insult.

"At least I don't need black make-up to prove my evil attitude to the world," he snapped back, still smiling politely. Since he was not inclined to participate in any fight over ranks at this point, he didn't give the dark man any chance to answer. Instead, in a graceful manner, he turned to the woman, bowing politely.

"Forgive me Madame, for this deception." Dalamar's response was as elegant as her question had been. "However, I deemed it necessary, as you likely wouldn't have come otherwise. I ask you all, though, to forget your differences temporarily, so that we may have a chance to vent our anger. Yes, if you didn't know already, this is a support group for under-appreciated elves who are given outrageous caricatures by fanfiction authors.

"I thought a good way to start would be to introduce yourself, say what world you're from, and what your most frequent problems are. As the one who called this meeting, I will start.

"As I've already said, my name is Dalamar Nightson, and I live here on Krynn. I am frequently portrayed as gay; due to the fact I live in the same Tower as my master Raistlin, to whom I am a devoted apprentice. In those stories, I'm usually quite feminine, for no reason I can divine. I am also frequently shown as a nymphomaniac, likely due to an affair I had with Raistlin's sister." At his statement, there were sighs of pity from the other elves.

The elven woman in white was next to speak, and she led her group closer to the center of the room where Dalamar was seated, breaking a little of the tension. "I am Galadriel, Lady of Lothlorien in Middle-Earth. My most frequent problems are being portrayed as evil, conniving, cruel, and a puppet master.And if I am not evil and cruel, I am the greatest matchmaker for gay couples between Mordor and the Shire. I already contemplated a change of profession. You don't know how awkward it feels to have to tell my comrades about the "true feelings" they have for each other and then have to stalk and bug them until they commit to each other just out of sheer annoyance "

Next was one of the other golden-haired elves. "My name is Haldir, also from Middle-Earth, and I'm frequently portrayed as her sex toy." He smiled slightly, and motioned to Galadriel.

"That is, when I haven't already driven him into Legolas' arms." Galadriel added, patting Haldir's shoulder.

Dalamar saw this would become a long evening. He ordered a round of strong elven wine for everybody. Not all of his guests appreciated the expensive drink at first. The silver-haired wolfrider mumbled something about "dreamberries" and the blue-skinned refused the wine but asked for a strange drink called "coffee" instead. In the meantime the attention of the group turned to the elf sitting next to Haldir.

He was another from Middle-Earth. "My name is Glorfindel, and I'm usually arrogant, too self-conscious, and sometimes paired with Legolas."

"At least you are granted the privilege of arrogance," the blue skinned one muttered between two sips of coffee. "If you had to go through what I have, you would see it as a grace."

Dalamar frowned. He also didn't want too many independent arguments about who had it worse at that point. At least as long as not everybody had given his name to the assembled group. With a single gesture Dalamar cut off the blue-one's next comment and also Glorfindel's possible answer.

Instead, Dalamar motioned to a young elf next to him, who spoke. "I'm Legolas Prince of Mirkwood, and have problems with being paired with my friend Gimli the Dwarf, Glorfindel, the King of Rohan – which in fact makes me an adulterer - endless Mary-Sues, rabid fangirls, and almost everyone else imaginable.I truly fear the day that somebody will pair me up with Gollum. I started to be sexually frustrated. I can't take it anymore!" He sighed. The rest of his group patted him in sympathy. The young Legolas was by far the worst off from their group.

Next went the older dark haired elf. "I'm Elrond, Lord of Rivendell, and according to many authors am bossy, self-centered, and a bad father. And worst of all, I still weep over my old secret love Isildur. It's true, we were in the army together, and maybe we even shared a tent once or twice but I swear: There was nothing going on between us. Nothing!" Elrond put his head in his hands. "I swear..." they heard him mumble through his palms "

The two younger elves went together, obviously twins. "I'm Elladan,"

"And I'm Elrohir, and we're Elrond's sons. Who, incidentally, is a bad father." He stuck out his tongue at his father.

At this, Elrond cut in, turning colors from his anger. "Just because I grounded you for changing all of the locks in Rivendell? I felt three months was lenient for that, especially seeing as time has no meaning for us!"

"Gentlemen?" Dalamar softly called them to attention. "We're supposed to be venting about authors, not each other. And not all of us are blessed with immortality. Though I am working on it... Anyway, can we continue with the introductions?"

The twins continued. "We're subject to many slash pairings. Not together usually. But we're also good for threesomes, sometimes... am I right, Leggy-poo, dear?"

Legolas rolled his eyes at one of his least favorite nicknames. "Apparently, because we often are shown as having them." Legolas' voice was dry as he answered.

At this point, Dalamar and the dark-skinned elf ordered a new round of wine nearly simultaneously. Both shared a glance of mutual understanding. The elves from Middle Earth had gotten it really tough and they all would need a lot of wine before they could face the current frustrations

The handsome elf near the center of the room spoke next. "I'm Skywise from the world of two moons. I'm portrayed as a nympho as well. But I'm not! I swear!Still I don't know why you are against threesomes. I really had some of my best experiences with Cutter, my best friend and his wife Leetah. No, don't look at me like that. It was not bad."

The other elves stared at their short-sized relative, astonished.

"You meant the fan-fiction writers made you participate in demonstrations of blunt, irritating promiscuity?" Elrond tried hesitantly.

Skywise blinked twice, obviously having a hard time to decipher Elrond's formulation. "No." he said finally, a broad smile on his lips. "That was canon. My only problem with fanfiction is that writers always pair me up with my chief and best friend. That fits the general preference for male parings, but that's also not really my point. I could live with that. What I cannot forgive is that they make him my only true love."

Elrond and Dalamar nodded in sympathy. The Lord of Rivendell had a depressed smile on his lips. "Yes, I know what you mean."

Skywise smiled back. "And they ignore the fact that I've bedded every available female, apart from trolls maybe, to prove I'm straight, goddammit!"

Dalamar chuckled darkly. "Forget it. That method doesn't work. I know, since in that respect the Kitiara-affair was totally useless. They keep saying you only like females as an excuse because you hide your real inner feelings. Especially because the female in question and my master were related. I should have asked Laurana instead."

Galadriel had just taken a sip from her elegant silver chalice. She put it down. "Hey, that is my line. Remember, I am the one who makes people admit their true feelings."

Odd looks were shot around the room, and then the blue one spoke. "My name is Zelgadis, and my party calls themselves "The Slayers". I'm not really an elf, but rather a chimera of undefined race, but I have pointed ears as well and can I please stay? I need the help and support. Though I'm not subject to endless Mary-Sues as some of you are, I'm mainly a victim of Slash pairings. I can run and hide, but the freaking demonic priest with the eternal grin will always hunt me down and than we... we..."

He couldn't speak further. It seemed to embarrassing to verbalize what happened afterwards. Logically the elves didn't need explanations. From their own experiences they could imagine the nature of Zelgadis' problem. The non-elf was so pitiful that the glances thrown about were unanimously kind.

"The sex-toy-stereotype again?" Dalamar asked, pouring wine into the chimera's empty coffee-mug.

"Exactly. It traumatizes me."

"I know." Dalamar answered gravely. "We're all traumatized, that's why we're here. But we won't go into details before everybody is introduced yet." He had to admit he had nearly forgotten the last participant. No wonder, since the man had chosen the most shadowy corner of the room to sit in and his dark skin and dark clothing would have made him blend with the dusky wooden wall behind him, if it hadn't been for his white hair. The overall attention focused on the foreign fighter.

Then he spoke. "I'm Drizzt Do'Urden, descendant of the house Do'Urden. And for those of you who don't know, I'm a Drow from Menzoberranzan, and I too have a major Mary-Sue and slash problem." he said shortly. "And regardless of my race's reputation I'm not evil." He gave Dalamar a quick glance.

By now, all of the elves had gathered around one large table in the center of the room, and were companionably drinking wine. Dalamar's head spun a little from the wine and finally the dark elf was in the right mood to announce the group's plan for the meeting tonight...

"Now that we've established everyone's problems, we need to think of ways to solve them. I had in mind bringing in some guest speakers, torturing a Mary-Sue, and venting in general. I'm open to all other ideas."