Chapter 11.

When they all woke up they were in jail. Why? Because they were blocking pedestrian traffic by sleeping on the sidewalk! TSK TSK!!

"Let me out of here!" yelled Elrond, rattling the bars.

"Shut up!" yelled a random security guard, "This hurts me more than it hurts you!"

"No, it doesn't!" yelled Frodo.

"It most certainly does!" yelled random security guard, "I'll have you know that I am a huge LOTR fan!"

"What the hell is LOTR?" asked Aragorn. The security guard ran away crying.

"Good job, Aragorn." Said Gandalf, "You made another innocent child cry."

"He wasn't a child!" yelled Aragorn.

"Stop all this fighting!" yelled Sam, in tears.

A different random security guard walked in and stared them all down. "You have a visitor." He said.

"Really?" asked Frodo.

Someone came walking in. A very short, ugly, gangly someone whom they all recognized. He was carrying a multi-layered strawberry cake.

"Smeagol?! What are you doing here?" demanded Frodo.

"We brought youses all a caaaake!" said Gollum, "WINKSES!!"

"I hate cake!" shouted Sam.

"Shut up, Sam!" yelled Merry.

"Thank you!" said Aragorn, grabbing the cake, "I am sure we will all enjoy eating this cake! We won't do anything else with it, like take several nail files out of it and saw our way out of this cell!"

"Couldn't you just bail us out, Gollum?" asked Pippin.

"Well, we could've." Said Gollum, "If someone hadn't stolen our walletses!"

"My bad." Said Bilbo.

"Why are you helping us, Gollum?" asked Legolas.

"Let's just say that Smeagol knows what it's like to be trapped." Said Gollum, walking away.

Everyone dug their way into the cake, taking out several nail files.

"It'll take me weeks to get this icing out of my nails!" said Faramir, examining his hands.

"Shut up and start sawing!" said Elrond.

"Hi, Ho! Hi, Ho! It's off to work I go." Sang Gimli, sawing away merrily.

A random security guard walked in and they all immediately hid the saws behind their backs.

"What's all this suspicious sawing noise I hear?" asked random security guard.

"Um…it was...sort of like a woodpecker! Except it was a sawpecker! It flew out the window." Said Eomer.

"Not again!" yelled random security guard, and he promptly jumped out of the window.

They all immediately went back to sawing and soon they were free! They busted out of jail and ran down the street and took refuge in an alleyway.

"Well, now what do we do?" asked Frodo.

"I know what we'll do!" shouted Boromir, the ghost, who had just materialized out of nowhere.

"Boromir! You're back!" said Frodo. He tried to hug him but just fell through his ghost body.

"It's very dangerous for ghosts to be hanging out around New York City." Said Elrond.

"Why?" asked Boromir.

If there's something strange! In the neighborhood! Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!

"Dammit." Said Elrond.

Immediately the Ghostbusters came running into the alleyway. They trapped Boromir in one of their ghost box thingies and left. Before he left, Dr. Raymond Stantz looked at them all and said, "We're willing to believe you!"

"Poor Boromir." Said Gandalf.

"No time to laugh about it now!" said Elrond.

"Don't you mean cry?" asked Merry.

"Not really." Said Elrond.

"I wish there was somehow a really fast and simple way we could get back to Middle-Earth!!!!" shouted Frodo to the heavens.

"A deux ex machina is coming!" yelled Pippin gleefully.

A portal fell out of the sky and landed right in front of them. They all laughed and cried and hugged each other joyfully. Then the portal disappeared. They cried. And Sam died. And Gandalf sighed. And burgers were fried. And Faramir lied. And they didn't have a ride. And the score was tied.

"Just kidding!" said the portal, landing in front of them again.

"Yay!" said Frodo, jumping into the portal. One after one, they all jumped into the portal gleefully. They were trapped in the portal for a few hours before they were finally spat out into Frodo's living room.

"We're back!" said Frodo.

"Hmmm…" said Gandalf, "Look at all these teacups on the floor. It looks like we were sent back to right before you opened that letter, Frodo."

"Well, I know what to do this time." Said Frodo. He walked over to his pile of mail and threw it into the fireplace. Everyone congratulated him.

"There's still one thing I don't understand, though." Said Legolas.

"One thing?" asked Aragorn, incredulously.

"Who was Shindiglemindigleflammableporter Turner?" asked Legolas.

Just then, Saruman burst into the house with a gun. Everyone gasped.

"You're Shindiglemindigleflammableporter Turner!" said Gandalf.

"That's right." Said Saruman.

"So I didn't really win a vacation?" asked Frodo.

"No!" said Saruman, "That vacation was just a red herring!"

"What?!" asked Gimli, who was most perplexed and confused.

"So you're just going to go ahead and kill us?" asked Sam.

"Sure. Why not?" asked Saruman.

"I'll tell you why not." Said Sam. He pulled out a gun from his pocket and shot Saruman.

"Good shot, Gamgee!" said Saruman. Then he died. The second he died, the police came charging in.

"Alright, who dun' it?" asked the police chief.

"If you wanna know who killed Saruman" Said Sam, "I did, in the hall, with the revolver. Okay chief, take him away. I'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife!"

THE END