I can't believe I just finished this fic, after more than two years! I didn't think I would, so I'm sorry it took me a year just to write the last chapter.

In case anyone is actually still reading this, which I highly doubt, I would like to say thank you for the wonderful reviews. I hope you enjoyed this story.

"But where will you go to school?"

"I won't. There are a bunch of virtual study programs I could get access to, but that's nothing for me. I'll just do whatever work needs to be done on that land and see where that gets me. It's a rural area, there should be plenty of things to do, even if there are hardly any people around. I don't know. I won't stay there forever. When my dad- I mean…if my dad's alright again after some of that rehabilitation therapy the doctor suggested, we'll move back in with him…I'll make sure Matt goes to school, of course" he added quickly, noticing her disapproval.

"And after that? What are your plans for the future?"

Ethan shrugged and attempted a nonchalant smile. "There's always enough work to be done, you only need to find it. Maybe I will start to travel after all. I'm not a child, I can take care of myself" he stated with a smile that was ever so slight, and yet purposeful in a way that left no room for doubt as to its meaning.

Deanna was going to formulate as sensible a response as she could think of, when a shrill "Ethan!" cut through the noise of the crowd. The addressed one sighed, obviously annoyed.

"Eeethan! Oh, there you are!" A short, freckled boy seized him by the arm. His expression was full of excitement at the prospect of the journey they would embark on.

"Why on earth were you yelling for me across the whole room?"

"'Cause we're leaving. Ariana was looking for you, you know. Let's go!"

"Matt, the shuttle isn't going to leave without us, alright? We have a few minutes left."

"I think your brother is right, Ethan, it looks as if they are about ready to start. You should get on a shuttle."

"Yeah…right…" A hint of disappointment flickered across his features, but he recovered quickly, stretching out his hand full of self-confidence. "Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome." She shook his hand with a smile and did the same with his little brother's. "And good luck with everything."

"Thanks. Well…bye then."

"Goodbye."

"Come on, let's go!" Matt seized his brother by the hand and they were quick to vanish in the crowd of people, who were all trying to get on the first transport. A modern Titan shuttle could take up to twenty people, although it didn't look like it from the outside. They had enough such shuttles on board to evacuate the crew if necessary. The last thing she saw of Ethan was a short smile, which was quickly averted when he noticed she was still looking.

Deanna watched it fill up, and soon, an awfully large amount of people were forced back so the gates could be opened for it to leave. There was a general, dissatisfied murmur among those who were left behind, although they were repeatedly assured that everyone would get on a transport today.

She walked around the shuttle bay and tried to soothe the heated tempers, but little could be done by her, and little would they listen. These people had been through too much in the past few days, and most of them were still more or less in a state of shock over losing not "only" relatives and friends, but their home, an entire planet. They were brought to the next starbase, which was only a few hours' travel away, and from there, the lucky ones would be able to move on to friends or relatives elsewhere, who would help them settle down. As for the rest, they would have to make up their mind on a new direction, a new place where they would start a new life, or at least try.

Deanna knew that, for many of them, it would be impossible to move on, that they would be haunted by their memories for a long time, possibly for the rest of their lives. She wished she could have done more for them, but for now, all that she could hope for was adequate support from the starbase staff, and later, those who were dear to them. On top of everything, war created too many homeless migrants, civilians and fighters alike, people who had lost their roots and had no perspective. It wasn't fair.

At some point after the departure of the third shuttle, Will came to find her. "Hey."

"Is everything going as planned?"

"Yeah. I think people are starting to get used to the routine of it."

Deanna took a deep breath and smiled half-heartedly. "How many more?"

"Six, maybe seven."

She shook her head, still stunned. "Ten shuttles, Will…a whole planet."

"I know" he replied quietly. "We came too late…but hey, we've been on duty for days, more or less without a break. I think everything's under control here. Let's get some sleep before the party tonight."

"Right, the party…" She had entirely forgotten about that. It seemed absurd to be thinking of parties at this moment.

"Do you still want to go?"

"Well, I suppose we ought to. For a while, at least." Or rather, he should, as the captain.

Will's expression grew serious. "Strange, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Life goes on."

"Yes. It does." It always did, somehow. She knew exactly what he meant. It was that feeling, that feeling that everything was suddenly so bizarre, such a joke in itself, like flowers in a battlefield, dancing during war time. One didn't have to acknowledge it, she thought, but life always went on, whether one participated or not. "Will, we need to talk. Not later, not later again, but now."

"Yes, you were going to say something-"

"Not here."

He nodded. "All right."

They left the shuttle bay and headed off in the direction of their quarters. "That boy" Will started after a while, "that kid approached you a lot."

"He needed counselling" she explained innocently, already guessing what he was getting at.

"Sure he did" he replied with a smirk. "How convenient."

"William Riker, you are not suggesting that this boy found me attractive in any way?" She had to try hard to keep a straight face.

"Oh no, how would I get that idea?"

She shook her head with a slight smile. "I'm way too old for this."

He chuckled. "Come on, you know you feel flattered."

"Well, I'm only human."

"That's a new one."

These were the moments, she thought, the ones she had missed. Although it was merely light-hearted banter, it belonged into her daily routine. It gave things a sense of normality even during troubled times.

Deanna was beginning to feel the fatigue, now that they had come to some sort of resolution with regard to the fugitives, a natural reaction to her permanent alertness over the past few days. She could sense the same weariness in Will, the wish to just sleep and forget, to be lulled into a sense of warmth and protection. She was tired. She was frustrated. She was disgusted at what she had seen. All that she wanted was to go home and spend time with her daughter, who had been shamefully neglected lately, and her husband. Maybe talk to her mother and catch up with some old friends. Time for herself. Just a bit of time that was not filled with discussions, protocol, and helping others. Was that too much to ask? And still…she needed to talk about this right now.

They entered the empty quarters in silence. Lily was still at school – they could officially call it "school", now that she had moved up a level. Will dropped onto the sofa with one arm on the back, rubbing his eyes. "Okay, shoot."

"Shoot?"

"I mean…tell me what's going on."

Deanna sat down next to him on the edge, preparing herself carefully for what she was about to say. Something about this felt wrong. It was not the way she had pictured it. She was supposed to enjoy this, to be happy, gleaming with joy from the inside, or to look like it anyway. This was supposed to be one of the happiest moments in her entire life, but it felt wrong, and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. "I'm pregnant."

There. It was out. Too direct? Probably. Will merely stared at her blankly as if she had spoken some foreign language he didn't understand. It was hard to read his emotions, there wasn't really all too much there, and what she could sense was just a conflicting turmoil of everything. "Oh."

Oh?! "I know we weren't planning on it" she continued calmly. "We never even talked about it properly. I know this is not the perfect time – it's a very bad time, actually. I know it may be difficult. But I think we could-"

His jaw dropped as if he were about to say something, but he closed his mouth again quickly.

"I want this child, and I think we could manage. So…what do you say?"

"This is…surprising" he mumbled huskily, still void of all feeling in a way that hurt her.

"Yes."

"But we took the inhibitors. Both of us. How…I mean…"

"There is no absolute protection, you can never be a hundred percent sure."

He shook his head, still baffled. "We took the inhibitors…"

"I know we did!" she exclaimed angrily. How could he be so cold? "Is that the only thing you have to say?"

"No…no, Deanna, it's just…this is surprising."

"I know! Do you think this is easy for me?"

"Well, from the looks of it, you've had a few days to get used to the thought" he replied sourly.

She averted her gaze, looking down at her own hands. This was not right. She had wanted to be happy, had wanted him to be happy about this. What had she expected? Sure, it was surreal, in a way…but why could they not embrace it? Was this hurting the baby? She didn't want that, she wanted a happy, loved child, but all she could feel was Will's confusion and her own disappointment.

"I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry, look, I'm tired, I didn't mean-"

"We all are. We need a break."

"I know. Just…" She could see him shake his head in disbelief out of the corner of her eye, and slowly, very slowly, his puzzlement was partly replaced by something else – joy. A bewildered, incredulous kind of joy, but still joy.

She looked back at him, although she had sensed his smile before it actually appeared.

"My God" he muttered, full of astonishment. "That means that we, that you and me…we're going to have a baby."

At that point, she couldn't help smiling back. "That is usually the consequence."

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"Shore leave?" Jay'Cel asked, surprised at the remark.

"Yes, I think all of us deserve a couple of days off and not many starbases are close to such a beautiful planet. Or is there anything that speaks against it?" He kept a straight face, but there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "If you have a medical objection to it, we will most certainly not take a break."

"I most certainly do not object to it, Captain." he smiled.

Deanna was not listening to their conversation very attentively, since she had seen Commander Davenport enter the "New World", looking around for a place to sit or an acquaintance to talk to. It was quite strange to see her in other clothes than her uniform, with her hair down. There was a touch of plain elegance in her appearance; she was wearing a nice, crimson shirt and black trousers. She looked like she was unsure of where to go, nobody seemed to be waiting for her. A few people acknowledged her presence with a polite greeting, but they moved on quickly. With a slight nod and a friendly "hello", she passed their table, most seats had already been taken.

Deanna decided to take the initiative. "Ashley, would you care to join us?"

The commander hesitated. "As long as I'm not…intruding…"

"Of course you're not." Will pointed to a vacant chair. "As long as you don't want to discuss warp theory, at least."

She smiled and sat down, a bit stiffly. It was rather obvious that she was not used to spending much time at parties.

The doctor shook his head incredulously. "Can you believe that we've been here for two years already? It feels to me like we just arrived."

"Yes, it's strange how fast time goes by."

"I remember my first day here, it seems like yesterday that Captain Stale told us about the 'true rules of the Neutral Zone'."

"The true rules?" Deanna asked.

The doctor laughed heartily. "Well, his speech was a bit unconventional and the vocabulary that he used to explain our job quite…colloquial." Davenport and Jay'Cel exchanged a smile, the way one smiles when sharing the memory of a brief moment that could not be half as special, were it to be explained to a third person.

A new song was being played, a cheerful, light one, harmonized by various instruments. "Would you like to dance?" Jay asked gallantly.

Ashley smiled doubtfully. "Me? I'm afraid I'm not a very accomplished dancer."

"Neither am I" he chuckled, "not with this kind of dancing at least. We could just pretend and hope that no one will notice."

"Why not…" They approached the dance floor together, a little hesitant, but with a sort of timid joy reflected in their expressions.

"Wouldn't they make a nice couple?" Deanna commented, looking after them.

"Those two? That's not going to happen, they're too different. Their personalities don't match."

"Who knows? Differences can be very attractive."

"Not in that case. And she said 'why not' –not a good thing."

"An expert on the matter, are you?" she teased him.

"I refuse to answer that one." he replied with a grin. "Would you like to dance?"

Deanna smirked. "I thought you'd never ask. Why not?" While taking his hand, she cast a quick glance at Lily and was satisfied to find her still sitting at another table with two children, a girl of six or seven and a boy around the age of five. They appeared to have a sort of competition that consisted of blowing as many bubbles as possible into their "Cherry Treat", or whatever the disgustingly sweet beverage was called. Of course it was not a display of good manners, but in this case, Deanna chose to overlook it. At least they were not getting bored, with most of the guests being much older. And she was glad that Lily was beginning to befriend other children, or at least approaching them at all.

The ship's anniversary feast was quite an event, as they had only come to find out a few days before. For one evening, everyone celebrated together in a relaxed atmosphere that disregarded rank and delayed every task for a few hours. It reminded them that they were all "in the same boat" (or rather, ship), and strengthened their sense of belonging.

They started to dance to the fast music, which proved to be quite a task. She didn't know what precisely they were doing, if there was a name to it or anything of the sort. If moving and turning in the rhythm of the music counted as good dancing, then their interpretation of the music was correct. It felt great, liberating, in a way, to just indulge in something as trivial as a party. How long had they not done that?

The music changed as the song was replaced by a slower, less spectacular one. The lights were dimmed a bit, which caused the reflection of the colours off the ceiling to cast mysterious shadows on the floor. Will drew her closer and they stepped from one foot to the other, turning slowly.

"Glad we came after all?"

"Hmm." She nodded contentedly, looking up at his smiling face.

It felt good to be so close again, warm and somewhat giddy, like falling in love, but at the same time, comfortable, established, safe. Whether these were her feelings or his, she couldn't really tell anymore, nor did she want to. She moved a bit closer still, and his arm slid around her further. She could almost feel his breathing. They were barely moving anymore, but rather shifting their weight from one foot to the other, fixed in the moment.

"How do you think Lily is going to take it?"

"I'm not sure what her reaction will be tomorrow, to be honest" she answered quietly. "But I think she'll be fine, and maybe even happy about a sibling. As long as she knows that it makes no difference…"

"Yeah."

She followed his gaze, which was now fixed on their daughter, who was running around the room with the other two children, avoiding the dancefloor. "Time for her to go to bed soon."

He frowned, but nodded at the same time. "Not right now."

She smiled. "No, not right now."

Deanna averted her gaze from the little girl again, looking at nothing in particular, just enjoying the dance. Just feeling. Lily would be all right, they would all be fine. Or at least that was what she hoped. There was no certainty, of course, no one could guarantee that they wouldn't get blown up by the Keionians the next day. They weren't safe. And at the same time, she believed that the three of them- no, the four of them would be all right, had to make herself believe that. They couldn't live in fear, they never had been able to. It was so easy to forget what really mattered over it. You couldn't live without having a life. But was it fair to their children, to expose them to that danger? She had no idea.

She simply didn't know.

The Beginning