Disclaimer: I dont own Harry Potter. Nuff said.
Well, this is my attempt at being funny. Read, please!
September 1st
Hogwarts Express
Before I start writing in this, let me clear this up.
THIS IS NOT A DIARY.
It's actually a documentation notebook, in which I record my experiences with Evans.
I realized that I like Evans over this past summer, the summer after 4th year. That means I'm a fifth year, just in case you're daft. I've promised myself that I will make her mine.
Of course, she probably already does like me. But she's playing hard to get. Yes, I bet that she'll be throwing her knickers at me any day now. It's a matter of time. I mean, who could resist me? I'm incredibly good looking, witty, intelligent... the list could go on.
Ah, here's the object of my affections right now! She was probably lonely in her compartment without me, so she had to come see me.
"Alright there, Evans?"
She glared at me. I love it when she does that. She reminds me of a tiger when she glares at me, which is incredibly sexy. Grr.
"How was your summer?"
More glaring. Ah, I forgot. I made her summer hell. Well, actually, she probably loved it, but is too scared to admit her feelings. What with sending her letters everyday, so her parents thought I was her boyfriend. Incredibly smart, if you ask me. Because when we do start dating, her parents will already know me!
I figured she wasn't going to respond, as she was too stunned by my features to reply. So I just popped the question so that I could put her out of her embarrassment. She's probably humiliated, not being able to talk properly in front of me. Ah, that's okay. I still like her.
"Go out with me, Evans?"
This seemed to get her out of her trance.
"No" she said, and walked out.
Well that went horribly. I was expecting her to squeal out of delight, and then jump on my lap and start snogging me senseless.
Sirius is laughing at me. I almost forgot they (being Sirius, Remus, and Peter) were in the compartment with me.
"Shut up." I said. I should win the award for witty comebacks (sarcasm).
Sirius chose to ignore me. "What are you writing the novel about, anyways?" he asked as he grabbed my documentation notebook (not diary) out of my hand.
He screeched like a girl. "JAMESIE HAS A DIARY!"
Peter and Remus start laughing rather loudly. Peter sort of giggles. I didn't notice this before, but it's true. I'll save this for blackmail later. Or find a way to turn it into some kind of blackmail.
I, of course, don't find this funny, as it says clearly that it is not a diary. I try to explain this to them.
"But it's not a diary. It even says that, are you that daft Sirius? It's a documentation notebook, in which I record my experiences and feelings for Evans."
They all start laughing harder. Remus now speaks. "Sounds an awful lot like a diary to me, James. Documentation notebook? Rubbish. It's a diary, mate."
I then start turning red. Peter mentions this to me, although I am fully aware of it. I then threaten to hex them.
"Tell anyone about this and you will wish you hadn't been born," I warn, whilst grabbing my documentation notebook back.
Sirius, however, summons it back to him and starts reading it aloud.
Note to self: Hex them in their sleep, and look up protection spells to put on Notebook.
Still September 1st
Common Room (after feast)
8:46 pm
What is it with girls?
Same Date, Same Place.
8:49 pm
I tried being nice to her. During the feast, I even complimented her!
"You look lovely today, Evans. Of course, you do every day." I say slyly.
I swear she blushed right here. Then, I continued. Remus says that this is where I messed it up.
"Go out with me?"
She then threw her slice of cake at me and dumped her goblet of pumpkin juice on my head.
I tell the rest of the marauders that Evans is playing hard to get. Peter and Sirius laugh, while Remus lets out a sigh.
I ask him what he sighed for.
He replied, "You know, James, for someone so smart, you're a prat when it comes to girls."
I let out a snort. "Of course I'm not." I say, and then proceed eating my 4th slice of cake.
September 2nd
History of Magic
Why isn't Evans looking at me? That reminds me. I need a code name for Evans, in case she or someone else reads this Documentation Notebook.
I ask Sirius for suggestions.
He snorts. So much for that. I then decide to ask someone more intelligible, someone whom goes by the name of Remus J. Lupin.
"REMUS!" I yell to get his attention. Professor Binns doesn't even look up. Bugger. I was hoping to get some sort of detention. That would put me in the lead, as Sirius and I have decided to have detention wars this year (to see who can get the most detentions).
Although Remus is sitting right next to me, he doesn't look up.
I decide to ask him the question. So I do.
"Remus, I need a code name for Evans."
He looked at me oddly and said, "I fear for your sanity, mate."
"I fear for my own too. But really, I need a code name."
He thoroughly thinks about this. Or he at least does a good job of making it look like he is. I can tell he was faking it when he just shrugs and goes back to work.
"How about 'Pineapple'?" Peter suggests. I don't even know how he heard the conversation, seeing as it wasn't directed towards him.
"You're off your rocker. Pineapple?"
"Well I thought it would make sense as it doesn't have anything to do with her, so people would never guess."
His reasoning made enough sense to me. I also didn't feel like thinking for a better name, so Pineapple it is!
Still September 2nd
Transfiguration
McGonagall chose Pineapple and I as partners today. I nearly wet myself in excitement, while Pineapple looked furious. She's such a good actress, I would believe her acting skills if I didn't know that she was head over heels in love with me. Unfortunately for her, I do know she loves me, so she's wasting away her acting skills.
Anyways, we had a decent conversation. It started like this.
"Hello, Evans."
"Potter."
"What are you doing this weekend? It's a Hogsmeade weekend, you know."
"Not going out with you."
"Oh. Well what about the next?"
"No. Never."
I say, that was a good conversation. She didn't even pour something atop my head!
September 2nd... still.
Common Room
9:04 pm
I went to the Library today, and looked up a Charm to make my notebook password protected.
No one will be able to read it now.
September 2nd, common room, 9:17 pm
James, I kindly advise you to change your password. 'I love Lily' is all too easy to guess.
One word. PINEAPPLE?!?!
-Your dearest, most charming, smartest, best looking mate, Sirius.
September 2nd
Common Room
9:21 pm
I go to the bathroom for 5 minutes, and come back to this. I think Pineapple is a brilliant code name. And yes, I'm changing my password.
Anyways, discussed prank with Sirius to pull on the Slytherins.
It consists of a Charm that enables us to control what they say. We've already made a list of what we'll make them say.
1. Gryffindors are the best!
2. I love Muggles!
3. I need to wash my hair (For Snape only)!
4. Slytherin Stinks!
We are geniuses.
September 3rd
Dormitories
1:14 am
Jamesie Wamesie- I saw you writing in this before sleep so I thought I'd break into it again while you were sleeping.
Changing password from 'I love Lily' to 'I love Lily Evans' wasn't the best idea.
And yes, we are geniuses. But I still think Pineapple is an odd name.
- Sirius
September 3rd
Great Hall
8:24 am
Sod off Sirius. I had to change my password again.
September 3rd
Great Hall
8:25 am
I suggest you don't change your password in front of me. Prat.
Sirius
September 3rd
Potions
Okay Sirius, I give up. You, Peter, and Remus are free to look at my notebook whenever. Just don't go around shouting my password to everyone you see.
Will you guys, being my bestest mates in the whole entire world, help me come up with ideas to win Ev- I mean, Pineapple over?
Professor Watts is coming over. The git must have figured out that it was us that put that potion in his goblet. Mind you, that was a brilliant one. That makeup didn't come off for a week.
Better put Documentation Notebook away.
So, whaddya think? Stupid? Funny at all? Should I continue? I tried... please review! Thanks =)