A/N: Hi everyone! So this is the censored version of my next chapter. If you are of age and interested in reading the lemon, you can find the whole chapter at "A Single Spark" archive.

Special thanks go to CiraArana, Noacat and DaughterofAeris for beta and support!

Please Review!

Chapter 9: Come Undone

The campfire was crackling merrily while the small group of shard hunters sat around it and waited more or less patiently for their dinner to be ready. Kagome stirred the big pot of ramen with a wooden spoon, completely lost in her thoughts. The last week of her life had been hell and there was no hope of improvement anytime soon. Seven days and five hours ago, Sesshoumaru had ended her life in a very different way than she had feared before. Seven days and five hours ago he had efficiently spared her the trouble of finding a way to tell her friends how exactly she had come to be bonded to him. Seven days and five hours ago he had spoken the words, which were burned into her memory forever. She would be able to remember the exact nuance of his smooth, cool voice on each and every single day for the rest of her life. He had stood behind her in all his pristine glory, facing a very enraged Inuyasha, speaking as loudly and clearly as it was necessary for all of her friends to hear: "Your miko seems to have plans of her own, half-breed. She took care of my injuries, lay with me and now she is bonded to me, meaning that she can use her holy powers in my presence only." And it had taken him just one sentence…

Shock. Panic. Utter mortification. Above the roaring of her own blood in her ears, she had been able to hear the scandalized gasps of her friends. But Inuyasha hadn't believed Sesshoumaru's words, hadn't believed she had betrayed him and asked her if it was true. She had just been able to nod and her heart had broken as she had seen the expression of complete and utter betrayal on Inuyasha's face. She couldn't remember clearly how the conversation had continued from that point on, being fully consumed by guilt and desperation. Miroku, the only one except Sesshoumaru who had not been too shocked to think straight, somehow had convinced the taiyoukai to join forces with them until Naraku was dead. Obviously, after Rin's abduction, killing Naraku was one of Sesshoumaru's top priorities as he had finally agreed. His conditions were simple: He would aid them in their battles if Kagome promised to follow him everywhere he wanted if the bond still existed after Naraku's demise. How and if Miroku had managed to convince or overrule Inuyasha, she couldn't tell. Maybe the hanyou had given in to reason, as she was completely worthless without her ability to detect Shikon shards or he had simply resigned because the person he had trusted most had betrayed him in the worst way possible. Kikyo had never betrayed him like that, she had been tricked by Naraku. But Kagome had had a choice…

Inuyasha hated her. He hadn't spoken to her once since the incident and spent his time often away from their camp. The rest of her friends had taken the news surprisingly well, each of them in their own individual way. Sango was too much the distant and professional huntress to let it show if she hated Kagome for what she had done. Miroku, on the other hand, seemed to harbour some kind of understanding for her situation. And Shippo was simply too young to grasp the full impact of what had been revealed to them, while Kirara behaved as usually.

After their silent meal, Kagome practically ran over the meadow towards the small pond, eager to get away from the camp and all the misery she felt there. When she reached it, she placed the basket with their dirty pottery next to her on the ground and sat down heavily. A flash of red and white on the other side of the pond caught her eye.

"Inuyasha," she whispered in the darkness.

Hearing her hushed voice, the hanyou paused in his stride and overlooked the area. When he saw Kagome sitting by the waterside, gazing at him with her huge, pleading eyes, he quickly turned to leave.

"Inuyasha!" she called out loud this time.

As much as he wanted to, he was unable to leave. Refusing to turn towards her, he remained standing in the spot she had first seen him.

"What do you want, wench?" he snapped and Kagome's heart clenched. These were the first words he had spoken to her in a week and she could hear all his anger and frustration ringing in his harsh voice.

"Look at me, Inuyasha, please. I need to talk to you so badly. Please…" and before she could say anymore, he had moved to her side of the pond and came to stand in front of her. His movements had been too fast for her eyes and she gasped in shock as he emerged directly in her line of vision.

"And what do you want to tell me?" he snarled, "what it was like when he touched you? When he fucked you?"

Kagome couldn't breathe, his blatant anger was suffocating her. Her face was ashen as she stared at him with disbelief. She had expected him to be really mad at her, but not the plain hatred that shone from his sun-kissed eyes. Tears were prickling behind her eyes as she somehow managed to find her voice.

"Oh gods, Inuyasha, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. It means nothing to me! He means nothing to me. Believe me, if I had just one wish, I would wish that it had never happened," she pleaded despairingly.

"You," he hissed, pointing a clawed finger at her accusingly, "I trusted you. I always thought you were too pure to be touched, but…but you threw yourself at HIM like a whore!" His arm had begun to tremble so badly that he had to lower it slowly. Pain flashed over his handsome features as he desperately tried to grasp a reason for her betrayal.

"Inuyasha, please …" she began.

'Don't say these words, I know them all by heart.'

"You betrayed me…all of us! You are no better than the rest of them. You lied when you said it didn't matter to you what I was," he stated hollowly, ignoring her completely.

"I did not. I never lied to you!" she cried, realizing too late that she had indeed.

"No? But you took the first opportunity to throw yourself at my youkai half-brother. And if it hadn't been for him boasting about his spectacular conquest, you would have never told me, would you? Don't I even deserve your honesty?" he yelled.

Then he paused slightly, shaking his head, before he went on in a despairingly soft voice: "Is he so much better than me? Faster, stronger, yes, perhaps he is. But you, I never though you to be like this..."

Kagome's heart broke for him. His pain was unbearable for her, it made her heart ache and ripped the air from her body. She would sell her soul to put a stop to his misery. Never, never had she intended to hurt him. And just now the terrible truth of her nightmare came crashing down on her. His heart had been ripped out, but it was her who twisted it within bloody fingers.

Slowly, she got up to face him in a last attempt to save what had been sacred to her since meeting him three years ago, weeping silently as she did.

"Inuyasha," she whispered softly, looking straight into his eyes, "I swear he is nothing to me. I… I love you, I've always loved you…"

He moved before she could have finished her sentence. When she felt his hands close around her shoulders, claws digging into her flesh painfully, her body went rigid from shock. He had never hurt her before.

"Don't you dare playing with me, wench! I'm not as stupid as you think! You are a whore and a liar. I don't believe a single word you say!" he yelled and pushed her away from him. Kagome tumbled backwards and hit the ground hard. When she looked up again, the hanyou was gone.

"Inuyasha!" she sobbed brokenly, before she collapsed on the ground. Then she felt the tears welling up again. She cried, cried for his pain and her own, for his loss and for her own. How could she? How could she have ever betrayed him like that? And in this one terrible moment she had told him what she had never dared to reveal before. But it shouldn't have happened like this, with pure hatred shining from his eyes.

And he hadn't believed her. But how could he? How could he not know it was true, that she loved him unconditionally, always had? How could he have never noticed? How? It had shone from each word, each gesture, bright and true. She would die for him…

The pain was too much. It forced her flat on the ground, sobbing hysterically, hands clenching into the soft soil beneath her. She couldn't breath, couldn't think. And as she felt herself dissolving slowly, a despairing scream of hollow, throbbing agony was ripped from her throat. How long it lasted, she couldn't tell, and she didn't particularly care. Everything faded into blackness, when she felt her pieces scatter across the world, disappearing into the darkness of the night, never to come together again.

But, after what might have been an eternity, when she finally did come together again and consciousness returned, cold and alone in the night, she knew she had come together wrong.

Her mind and body felt numb and for a moment she held the hope that none of this had been real, but truth caught up with her brutally. Although sadness tried to overwhelm her again, she had no energy left to cry any more. For some time she just lay there, mind blank and unable to move. She never wanted to move again, there simply was no reason for doing so.

Eventually, she came to the decision that she didn't want to spend the rest of her days lying on the cold ground by this pond. Although she couldn't see them right now, there had to be some better alternatives. Steadily, she sat up and brushed the dry leaves from her hair and clothing. Then she pulled the basked with dirty pottery towards her and began to do what she had originally come for.

There was no way she could ever be happy again. Her life was over and she felt like nothing more than an empty shell. Hollow. She walked, ate, fought and slept, but she was empty, dead. There was no feeling except guilt and unbearable sadness. If she drowned in this pond now, she was sure that it would make no difference at all. It simply didn't matter anymore.

"Miko." The familiar voice sent a shiver down her spine and the last bowl escaped her grip, drifting towards the middle of the pond languidly.

Kagome cursed under her breath. He was really the last thing she needed now. She wanted Inuyasha, him and only him! And although she knew that she didn't deserve his love one bit, in the depths of her soul she wished nothing more than for him to come to her now, forgive her and comfort her.

"Please, leave me alone," she whispered quietly.

"No," was his stoic reply.

Signing, Kagome wiped her nose on a white handkerchief. "I beg you, Sesshoumaru, I really want to be alone," she said weakly.

"But I do not wish to leave," he stated and sat down next to her gracefully. Kagome wanted to purify him to Hell, but couldn't muster the energy to even try.

"Why do you always cry, miko?" he asked without any warning.

Kagome's train of thought was stopped efficiently. What an odd question. Turning her red-eyed face towards him, she gazed into his solemn one.

"Because I'm sad," she said simply.

"It is a stupid thing to do. It changes nothing," he said, voice void of emotion.

"Have you come to insult me? There is simply nothing else I could do except cry, so I stick to the only thing possible," she snapped, suddenly very annoyed with him. How was it possible that only a few words from him could make her feel even worse?

Sesshoumaru was completely unimpressed by her sudden flare of temper. "Most of the time there is nothing one can do about the things that happen. What is coming will come and we meet it when it does. That is karma. Regrets are futile as they can neither change the past nor influence the future."

For a moment, Kagome just stared at him. She hadn't suspected that he ever thought about such things. And probably he was even right. Regrets were futile, but she couldn't help to regret the loss of the love of her life. She would lament this loss forever because it hurt more than she had ever thought possible. She felt new tears welling up behind her eyes and tried desperately to will her thoughts away. But it was impossible. This large, black thing, the knowledge that Inuyasha hated her, would never love her after what had happened, was constantly tearing and clawing at her heart. And regret was the only thing that was left for her.

Then, before she could do anything about it, a heartbreaking sob escaped her slightly parted lips and she began to cry anew. The next thing she new was that she was weeping desperately into the demon lord's shoulder, not caring if she made a fool of herself again. And the tears simply wouldn't cease. She cried out all her mind-shattering agony and her small frame shook and trembled with the force of her emotion.

To say that Sesshoumaru was surprised by the odd human's behaviour was an understatement. It hadn't been his intention to make her cry more. He still hadn't really grasped the whole concept of weeping. Obviously, it was a human expression of sadness or of fear. But whatever it really meant, the habit was most annoying. Although he had to admit that it wasn't unpleasant to have her in his arms again.

After one week of denying his extreme, almost unbearable attraction to the miko, the demon lord had decided that enough was enough. If this cursed bond forced him, for a certain timeframe, to be attracted to a human, this was most annoying and humiliating, but in the end there was nothing he could do about it. Most likely the ningen wouldn't live long enough to tell the tale and if Naraku or one of his minions didn't manage to end her miserable existence, he still could see to it himself after repaying his debt.

After some long minutes, Kagome had calmed visibly. Most likely it was due to the influence of their bond, but being physically near to him made her feel better almost instantly. It was an odd thing and very disturbing. She had felt the physical pull towards him during the whole week, but had somehow managed to avoid him almost completely. Now she involuntarily felt how contentment was spreading through her whole body. The weeping had ebbed away and she sighed softly as she lifted her head to look at him. His face was blank, no friendly expression, no compassion and no understanding.

What was he to her? He made her feel better although he didn't understand her, didn't even try to. He was as far away as anybody could possibly be. He was youkai and she was human, a miko on top of that. He was made of the same stuff as the demons she destroyed with her holy powers. Still she was undeniably bonded to him. How could fate be so strange, so cruel?

The demon gazed down at her with his unreadable expression that showed neither happiness nor anger nor sadness. For a brief moment she wondered whether he felt such things at all.

"Do you hate me?" she asked suddenly. And although she had no idea where this question had come from or why it was important, she simply had to know.

Nothing in his expression changed as he replied simply, "No more than any other human."

Well, what had she expected him to say, anyway. Still she felt some relief. 'At least it is nothing personal,' she thought dryly.

Again she had no idea why his words mattered to her at all, as it wasn't important what he thought. He wasn't important to her in any way. All he was to her was a regrettable accident. But still…

"I'm sorry," she murmured uncertainly, trying to get a grip on herself, "I didn't mean to cry all over you again."

Sesshoumaru didn't reply and continued to just look at her. Again Kagome was fascinated with his eyes. In spite of the warm colour they appeared to be cold as ice, devoid of all emotional warmth. Just once she had seen the hard amber melting, and this had been a sight that had taken her breath away. A sudden stab of longing shot through her as she thought about this one night of passion, the accident. His physical nearness alone made her feel needy and muzzy. Although she tried very hard, there was no way to deny how much she was attracted to him.

She wanted, again she wanted with all her being. But she had none of the things she wanted. Nothing was like she wanted it to be. And Sesshoumaru was definitely not what she wanted. But he was here…

And for some unbelievable, odd reasons he seemed to want her. His hands had begun to move up and down her back and sides slowly and he bent his head into the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent. His warm breath ghosted over her skin sending a violent shiver down her spine. She was boneless against him, hot and still wanting. But this was wrong, wrong, wrong,WRONG!

And, for once, her mind overruled her instinct and magic driven body. With an inhuman effort she managed to push him a way.

Sesshoumaru looked up at her, slightly surprised. Gazing at him briefly, she almost felt bad for denying him. "We...I can't do that…" she stammered and added hastily, "sorry". Then she got up shakily. But the youkai lord caught her wrist and held her back.

"Why is it wrong?" he asked her stoically, studying her inquisitively. "You are but a simple human, you should feel honoured."

Kagome turned back towards him lividly. The nerve of him…She thought she would burst from sheer indignation and suddenly all passion was forgotten. 'How dare he, the presumptuous jerk?' she thought hotly.

"Yes, I'm human and yes, humans do not have youkai abilities, but that doesn't mean we are all inferior to you!" she snapped, shooting him a glare that rivalled one of his own. But it was completely lost on him as he just raised an elegant eyebrow and drawled,

"Is that so?"

"Yes!" she hissed, struggling against his iron grip unsuccessfully.

Sesshoumaru smirked. She looked pretty like this, for a human that was. Her eyes were blazing with fire and her holy powers were pulsating through her body. Her chin was raised proudly in defiance, her back rigid and tense. And to his own surprise he found that she was much more susceptible to him like this then she had been a few minutes ago.

With a swift movement of his wrist he pulled her back to the ground against him. She landed on her backside with an "eep" but promptly resumed her struggle with even more vigour.

"Let me go this instant!" she demanded shrilly.

"No", he replied firmly, "I thought you might tell me about the advantages of being human first."

That stopped Kagome's struggles efficiently. It was simply too much to process. He wanted her to do WHAT? Her dazed mind supplied two possibilities for his motivation to ask such a thing, one as unbelievable as the other. Either, he really wanted to hear her opinion about humans and demons or he was being playful with her!

'Stop the world, this can't be happening' she mused, before she turned her head to look at his face and gain some insight into his intentions. And she stopped dead in her move.

There were no words to describe the sight he made. It wasn't just for one creature to be so beautiful, so perfect. His expression was different from whenever she had looked at him before, but she couldn't name it. His mesmerizing eyes were softer and he was smirking at her lightly. The gentle moonlight highlighted his aristocratic features and gave his skin an ethereal glow.

Then he brought up his free hand and trailed his fingers over her cheek down her neck very carefully. Kagome shivered violently not from cold but from the pure need that shot through her unprepared body because of this simple touch. 'No fair', she thought dejectedly, as she felt all her resistance and good intentions crash around her. What had somebody who had gambled with his luck and had already lost everything left to loose anyway?

And that was that.

Sliding her arms around him and hiding her heated face in the crook of his neck, she pressed her body against his desperately, wanting. Sesshoumaru lost no time and wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her in his lap effortlessly. The sudden, full contact with his warm body made her feel light-headed and dizzy. His hands were roaming her body greedily, while he nudged her head back with his to gain access to her exposed throat. Licking and nipping his way down towards her collarbone, he delighted in the small noises of pleasure she made. But it wasn't nearly enough, he needed, wanted more and waiting any longer was unacceptable.

Kagome felt like in a dream, floating along without any connection to the world around her. All that mattered was him. He was perfect, beautiful, wanting her. And he felt so good against her. A sharp tug on her shirt followed by a ripping sound brought her out of her dazed state quickly. Looking down her body she saw that Sesshoumaru had disposed of said shirt very efficiently and was now slicing her bra with a sharp claw.

Kagome's mouth went dry and she gulped hollowly when he began to cup one breast roughly with his hand using the other to push her back on the ground. As soon as he was satisfied with her position, he pushed up her skirt and spread her thighs forcefully, coming to lie on top of her.

'Too fast', her dizzy mind supplied while she was wondering where all the pleasant feelings had gone so quickly. Suddenly she remembered the pain she had experienced when he had taken her the last time. Her body went rigid with fright and the dizziness began to vanish rapidly.

"No, don't…" she managed to croak out before he could start to shred the rest of her clothing to pieces.

The smell of her fear hit his senses heavily and although it was pleasing and exciting to his more primal half, he couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with the female. Her usually so pliant body had stiffened and she had ceased producing any sounds at all. With a growl he tore his mouth away from her delicious skin and raised his head to look at her face.

Relieve flooded her panicked mind when the youkai lord lifted his head and gazed at her. Although his eyes were scalding hot and he didn't appear to be very pleased at being interrupted.

"Please, I…we…not like this," she stammered, stumbling over her words, feeling nervous and embarrassed.

Sesshoumaru didn't comprehend what she was trying to communicate at all and he definitely wasn't in the mood for talking. His mind was still foggy with desire and need and so he lowered his head back to her torso and resumed lapping and nipping at her breasts not too gently, while he began to undo the fastenings of his hakamas with one hand.

Swearing colourfully in her mind, Kagome wondered how she always managed to get into such situations. Yes, she had enjoyed it very much a few minutes ago, and yes, she had provoked his actions. But damn it, what did he think he was doing now?

"Sesshoumaru, stop. It…it doesn't work like this," she said desperately and blushed a deep shade of red.

Sesshoumaru was at a loss. What was wrong with her? He had never talked to a female while laying with her, heck, he hardly talked to females at all. Besides, he was pretty sure that it would work like this…Still, he had never stooped so low as to take an unwilling woman and so, with an enormous effort, he took a deep breath and managed to control his urges. Again he stopped his ministrations and took a look at her.

"What is it that you want, girl?" he growled impatiently.

Flinching slightly, Kagome said the first thing that came to her mind: "You would have to be gentle with me." And if possible, she blushed even harder than before.

Despite the situation, Sesshoumaru couldn't help his curiosity. Never, in his long life, had he been asked such a thing. But she was different from all he knew and when he had had her that first time in the forest, it had been different from all he knew, too. And since then he dreamed of her and wanted her like he had never wanted any other before. Still, it wasn't in his nature to be gentle with anything and he was not sure to know what it was she demanded from him.

"How?" He asked huskily, still hovering above her.

'Oh gods,' Kagome groaned mentally. His apparent ignorance in the matter endeared him to her very much and the husky quality of his voice sent hot tingles through her body. But how should she of all people know how to have good sex? It wasn't as if she was an expert, really. Aside her first time with him, she knew not much more than the basic facts and some gossip from the other girls about their experiences. And besides, she had always assumed he knew…

Taking a deep breath to calm her fluttering heartbeat, she moved into a sitting position. Sesshoumaru let her, staring at her as he came to kneel in front of her. She was naked to the waist and he was definitely not staring at her face. A rush of heat shot through her body straight to her core at the desire she could see in his golden eyes and her embarrassment was forgotten.

Emboldened by his evident fascination with her body, she grasped his hand and placed it on her breast carefully. Hearing his sharp intake of breath her eyes flew up to his face and she graced him with a small smile. Entwining her fingers with his, she moved his hand over her upper body slowly. She enjoyed the touches much more than she had expected and after a short time the situation wasn't nearly as awkward as in the beginning.

Without removing his hand, the demon lord sat down and pulled her in his lap again with the other. Kagome's head rested comfortably on his shoulder as they continued the slow exploration of her body. Tracing the gentle sweep of her neck softly, their hands moved over her shoulder, down her arm and up again. Her skin was tingling pleasantly wherever he touched her. Sighing, she closed her eyes and leaned back into him. No longer guiding his movements, she sensed his feather light touches on her collarbone and down the valley of her breasts. His fingers felt hot against her cool skin and her palm.

Spreading his fingers, Sesshoumaru slowly traced her ribcage, marvelling at the softness of her skin. She sighed again when he began to move his hands over her flat stomach, languidly circling her navel with his index finger. She was boneless against him, completely relaxed. And Sesshoumaru couldn't help but wonder at the trust she placed in him, as he could have hurt her so easily.

She moaned quietly, soft lips parted against his neck, as he began to caress her side, her fingers still entwined with his own. Having never taken the time to look at a woman's body so closely, he enjoyed himself much more than he could have foreseen. Slowly, he slid his fingers over the exposed arch of her hipbone that stood in sharp contrast to her tiny waist.

Then he guided their hands up her body towards the swell of her breast. Her breath hitched in her throat as his hand slid back on her breasts and his fingers brushed a sensitive nipple. Halting their movement, Sesshoumaru repeated the action and Kagome moaned. Quickly, he brought up his free hand to cup her other breast carefully this time, while he continued to brush his thumb over the other one.

Kagome shifted in his lap restlessly as she moaned softly under his ministrations and Sesshoumaru was shocked when he finally became aware of his own need for her. The heady smell of her arousal had been invading his senses for sometime and he was intrigued by the little noises of delight she made.

When he lowered his head to her neck and began nibbling at her pulse point, Kagome couldn't help the loud moan that escaped her mouth. Sesshoumaru groaned. She smelled absolutely edible. Licking her neck gently, he found that she tasted even better than she smelled.

Suddenly desperate to touch his skin, Kagome let go of his hand and began to tug at his sash to undo his haori. It took him a moment to figure out what she wanted. And when he brought up his hands to help her, they were shaking almost as badly as her own. Finally they managed to undo the knots and she shoved the garment over his shoulders impatiently.

Without losing another second, she pressed her hands onto his chest. Trailing them over his well shaped body, she felt the heat radiating off his silken skin. His strong heart was beating madly beneath her palm and she could feel his muscles quiver under her touches, as she stroked her hands down his stomach. One of his hands had moved down to her hips and she could feel his grip tighten fractionally as she caressed his body. Encouraged by his reaction to her touches, she pressed a chaste kiss on his collarbone. He growled softly and Kagome continued to trace a path of butterfly kisses down his chest.

Insert lemon here :-)

When it was over, Sesshoumaru collapsed on top of her, panting heavily, skin covered with a thin sheen of sweat. His head rested against the crook of her neck and his eyes were closed while he slowly recovered from the strain.

Kagome felt vivid and absolutely exhausted at the same time. His warm breath was causing pleasant tingles on her sensitive skin and she sighed softly. For a short moment, she felt absolute bliss.

In her dreams it would have been like that, passionate, yet gentle, the eerie glow of the moonlight surrounding their heated bodies. But it was not him that she had wanted for so long and just like her dreams that were not meant to last longer than one night, the moment of happiness was gone.

Because sometimes, sorely, the greatest passion meant just desire, not love.