I'm back! Here's a little one-shot for all of you romantics out there! This is dedicated to all of you.
Girls often wonder how much men love them right? They need words to make them feel loved. But what if the man is having a hard time telling and expressing himself?...well, let's just let Syaoran figure out a way to make Sakura realize how much he loves her...
I was kinda bored so I did this. caution: this is really mushy!
-for those of you who will like this, don't forget to check out my other story ok?
disclaimer: by now, you should know that I don't own anything
here it is
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Just How Much
---
As they walked the streets of Tomeda, Syaoran and Sakura, with joined hands are talking and joking. They just came home from a restaurant where they had dinner.
Syaoran is walking her home, playing with her hand while he held it tight against his own as he listens to her high-pitched voice, telling all sorts of stories.
"Well anyway, did you have fun today, Syaoran?" Sakura asked him sweetly as they neared the Kinomoto residence.
"Of course... I spent it with you, didn't I?" Syaoran smirked, causing Sakura to giggle.
They finally reached her gate and they stopped their walking as they both faced each other.
"Thank you" Sakura softly whispered, gazing at Syaoran's handsome face.
"For what?"
"Well, I don't know... I just like saying thank you after every date that we go on. Maybe because I always have fun" she replied, her cheeks turning red.
Then before she knew it, Syaoran's lips pressed on hers and she gladly kissed him back, smiling.
But then, after the kiss and as they looked at each other, Sakura's face turned to a frown.
An awkward silence took over the place as Sakura cooked up the courage to speak up and talk to Syaoran about something she had been wishing to discuss.
"Syaoran? Can I ask you something?..." Sakura started, sounding
"Go ahead" he responded, just looking at Sakura with his right hand caressing her cheeks.
Sakura took a deep breath...
"Do you love me?..."
Syaoran was taken a back.
"What kind of question is that?" Syaoran laughed, thinking that it's a joke. Because, of course he does! Sakura should know that by now.
Sakura took another deep breath.
"Well, it's just that I don't often hear you say it... and I don't mean to be mushy and all but nights like this when you just kiss me makes me want to ask that question"
Syaoran stared at Sakura as his hand dropped from touching her cheek. What's wrong with him? He's making a big deal out of this little question. Why can't he just answer the question?
"Of course I do..." Syaoran muttered lowly.
"Every time I say I love you, you don't say anything and just kiss me" Sakura sadly explained.
"Sakura...are you doubting me?" Syaoran asked her with serious and obviously hurt eyes.
"Oh no, no! I just want to know if you do and...how much" Sakura quickly mumbled, scared of the fact that Syaoran might think that she is in doubt.
"I was just wondering because...I— you know what? Forget about it. It's nothing"
Then she faked a smile. But Syaoran, knowing her and going out with her for almost a year now, saw right through that smile. She's troubled inside.
"So, you'll pick me up at two so we can go at the beach tomorrow?" Sakura cheerfully inquired, her hand entwining itself against his...
Syaoran nodded his head, still preoccupied because of Sakura's words.
"Syaoran! Come on... forget about what I said. I know that you love me" Sakura said lightly, trying to sound bubbly.
He gave her one of his best smiles and just wrapped his arms around her waist and closed the gap between them.
He kissed her gently and delicately, all his feelings out onto that kiss. He wants her to know that he does love her...more than anything...
Sakura broke the kiss and just stared at Syaoran's deep amber eyes. She then smiled and just whispered an 'I love you' and started walking on the little trail that will lead her to their doorstep.
"Goodnight, Sakura... sweet dreams" Syaoran spoke.
"Goodnight to you too, Syaoran... see you tomorrow" she responded.
Then she opened her door and closed it, leaving Syaoran on the gate, all by himself.
He started walking down the streets again as the moon shone brightly on the sky. It's so beautiful that Sakura insisted on walking rather than using his car when he called her earlier that evening.
He looked at his watch,... it's 9:00. It's pretty late but he doesn't feel tired at all...actually, he feels different. Why? Because Sakura's question made an effect on him. A harder impact that anyone can expect.
Syaoran can't help but think about that question. Funny how a simple question can throw him to fritz... but Sakura was right. Every time she does say I love you, he just smile, look at her eyes and kiss her softly.
He does love her...he loves her so much. There's only one problem. He can't say it. He's having complications saying that three-letter-word.
Maybe because all his life, he was so cold to everyone. Maybe because all his life, he never found a girl that he truly loves and worth saying 'I love you' to. But this is Sakura we are talking about...so he should be able to say it already. But somehow, he can't...
It hurts that Sakura is in doubt when it comes to his love for her. He always show it, right? He always try to act nice and romantic so that she'll know that he's crazy for her...but is it enough?
Syaoran knows that girls need words... they need confirmations that men love them. Probably, Sakura is just wondering. It's painful that she's thinking twice about him but Syaoran can't help but feel guilty. He hasn't told Sakura that he loves her for so long when every night, Sakura always whisper those sweet words.
'What's wrong with me?' Syaoran asked himself as he walked towards his house.
He slowly opened his door and immediately changed his clothes. He collapsed on the bed and started thinking again.
'How much do I love Sakura?" he tried and questioned himself.
And his mind flooded with all thoughts that he haven't had in such a long time. He doesn't like feeling emotional, thinking that being emotional is a sign of weakness. But now is really the time to think, for Sakura's trust is on the line.
'I love Sakura more than I love any girl that entered my life...'
Syaoran closed his eyes and just whispered to himself.
"I always want to be near her, I want to always touch her soft skin, kiss her red lips and just spend everyday with her... but why can't I say that I love her personally?"
Syaoran is not the type of person who is very expressive and says those poetic love verses that all girls will swoon for. He's not the type of person who will proclaim his love for the woman that he adores.
But for Sakura, he is willing to change. Question is: How?
'Maybe Sakura is hurting because for every time she says she loves me, I don't give any reply. That can cause any girl to get confused and troubled'
Syaoran then recalled that Sakura just whispered tonight that she loves him. But did he say anything? No...
She means everything to him. She's taking over his world and every time they are together, his heart keeps on pounding hard that it's hard to stop it. Every time she's around, a smile can always appear on his face although he doesn't know it. He will give her anything just to see her happy and just to hear her laugh...
She's everything that he had been hoping for. But why is it so hard to tell her?... nervousness? Afraid of being called hopeless romantic? Or is it because of pride?
"Maybe I can tell her tomorrow..."
And he tried to fall asleep...but failed. And he ends up wondering how in the world a simple question such as that can make him all worked up.
---
Sakura is on her bed, thinking too. She's blaming herself as to why did she had to ask that stupid question that threw Syaoran off. She can tell that she got Syaoran thinking and worried that she's doubting him.
She just wanted to hear it... any girl would like to hear their boyfriends say 'I love you'... and she just asked Syaoran if he does love her. That's so easy to answer...he'll just have to say 'yeah, I love you, Sakura' but then he didn't.
Why can't he say it...?
But Sakura shook herself. She doesn't really need those requirements, does she? She can feel it. But she let her pride win her over... it's like she was asking Syaoran to claim her.
'I have to apologize to Syaoran tomorrow' she concluded, humbling herself down.
Still, he can't help but get hurt. All she wanted to happen was to hear those sweet words that she had been hoping for since she was younger. She just envies those girls who always hear it.
She gave out a sigh and just hope that everything will turn out fine tomorrow. And like Syaoran, she can't help but feel silly just because of a dumb question.
---
Sakura was humming on the bathroom, shampooing her hair. She soon rinsed herself off and picked an outfit for the beach that she and Syaoran are going to.
She patiently waited for Syaoran to honk in front of her house.
She opened the door and plastered on a smile to greet him.
"Hello, Syaoran" she smiled.
"Hello, Sakura" he greeted back.
And Sakura went up to him just to give him a little peck. Surprisingly, Syaoran deepened it and she just kissed him back. His arms found her little waist and he kissed her like there's no tomorrow.
Syaoran soon broke the lip lock and just gazed at Sakura's eyes before opening the door on the other side to let her in.
'The kiss sure was heavenly but what the heck?' Sakura wondered to herself. She can't help but feel weird about it.
Then she just shook her head, thinking that she's turning paranoid...
Once the tires of the car hit the sandy parking lot of the beach, she can't help but squeal... she hasn't been on a beach for quite a long time now. She can't wait to hit the salty water.
They fixed their little place on the sand in silence, slightly awkward with each other.
Syaoran thinks that this sucks. One question and Sakura and him are barely talking to each other. They will just have to end it sooner or later. And Syaoran's plan is to talk to her...but can he?
"Alright, everything is fixed" Syaoran proudly announced. "You can go and have a dip now, Sakura" he warmly said as Sakura put on her sunscreen.
"But Syaoran...I want to go with you..." she pouted, causing Syaoran to laugh.
"Fine...let me just take off my shirt"
And Sakura watched and blushed...as in blushed so hard as Syaoran slowly took off his shirt, revealing his tanned and fine-toned chest.
"Come on, let's go"
"O-okay" Sakura shyly agreed as Syaoran's hands grasped hers.
They ran all the way to the shore where the waters hit the sand and when Sakura felt the waters, she shivered and stepped back.
"Whoa... it's cold!" she stated.
"It's only cold because your whole body is not wet yet" Syaoran informed her.
"I don't think I want to go—" she said shaking hear head but she was cut off as Syaoran carried her out of nowhere, clutching her waist and jumped on the cold water.
She surfaced her face, laughing. "Syaoran! What did you do that for?"
Syaoran then started splashing water on her face and tickling her sides underwater.
The waves soon came and they totally enjoyed themselves as they let the waves carry them back and forth on the water.
Hours passed and Sakura felt tired. So she went to the shore and positioned herself to lie down.
"You alright?" Syaoran questioned her.
"Of course. I just want to lay down. I'm tired of swimming. We have been swimming for two hours straight" she lazily blabbered.
She lied down on the wet sand and minutes later, Syaoran noticed that she dozed off.
A small smile tugged on his lips as he watched the fragile form of Sakura, her chest going up and down as she breathed.
Syaoran then decided to bring her back on their little spot where the umbrella's erected. That way, they won't be burned by the violent rays of the summer sun.
As Syaoran carried Sakura's little body on their blanket, he can't help but have the beating of his heart quickened as he gazed at her face.
'She's perfect' he fondly thought to himself.
He gently laid her down under the protection of the umbrella.
As Sakura's in a deep nap, Syaoran continued staring at her face with his hand touching her cheeks.
He then started whispering...
"You're so beautiful. I don't know why I can't tell you this, but I love you so much, Sakura"
"I love you more than you could ever see... I love you more than I can ever express... let's just hope that you can feel that"
With that, he leaned down to give Sakura a small kiss. He then brushed off strands of her auburn hair.
And on her ears he said, "I love you..."
He too laid down on the blanket beside her and drifted off.
---
Sakura squirmed on her position, feeling so comfortable. She raised her eyes only to see that she's resting her head on Syaoran's bare chest. Red tints started dominating her cheek color as she sees Syaoran's handsome face, peacefully sleeping. She then raised herself up halfway and just looked at him, studying his features that she knows more than anybody.
"You are the weirdest boyfriend..." she muttered, with a grin on her face.
"Why is it so hard for you to say that you love me..." she murmured, touching his cheek. "But you know what? I don't think I care anymore... I just want to stay like this"
She then just fell asleep, her head on Syaoran's neck.
After a few more minutes, Syaoran woke up, feeling extremely warm and really hot. When he opened his eyes, he expected the shade that the umbrella will provide. But then he found himself squinting because of the sun's rays.
The umbrella was somehow blown over by the wind, leaving him and Sakura totally exposed on the beach without anything to cover themselves up against sunburn.
He tried to move but felt Sakura's head on his body, making his eyes soften. He slowly woke her up.
"Sakura...? Sakura. Wake up"
"Huh?" was all she managed.
"What time is it" she asked drowsily.
"5:15" was his reply. "You want to eat?"
Sakura eagerly nodded her head and started preparing their sandwiches.
Syaoran put back the umbrella and started munching on his food.
Moments later and the place turned from yellow to orange. The two looked at the sky only to find the sun setting.
Syaoran heard Sakura gave out a gasp...
"It's so beautiful..."
"I know. You want to go closer on the shore with me?" Syaoran invited her.
"Sure! I'd love to"
Then Syaoran held her hand against his as they walked towards the water.
Silence took over as Sakura's eyes were fixed on the somewhat shy sun, slowly saying goodbye to the land.
She felt Syaoran moved behind her and wrapped his arms on her tiny waist.
"Sakura?..."
"Hmm?"
"You're not mad at me because of last night, are you?" he cutely inquired.
"Of course not" she giggled.
"Look at the sunset, Syaoran" she sighed.
"I am"
Then Sakura started laughing. "It's so amazing how it goes down in the evening and goes back up in the morning"
"I agree with that... nature is sure amazing"
He held her tighter and closer, having the scent of her hair enter his nostrils.
Does he love her? He'll surrender anything for her...
How much he loves her? He'd die of age searching for the words that will describe his emotions for her...
How can he express it?... he's being romantic... isn't that enough? Especially when being romantic is not really his thing?
"Sakura?..."
"Yes?" she asked back
"I—I..."
"You what, Syaoran?" she spoke out as she continued to stare at the almost disappearing sun.
"Well...I--- you kno...I— never mind" he finally blurted out.
"Just so you know... you mean a lot to me, Sakura" he continued speaking just when the sun disappeared.
"You mean so much to me too, Syaoran" she sweetly responded, facing him.
She loves him more than anything...she really does
"I love you, Syaoran" and with that, she reached for his lips and kissed him passionately, not missing an opportunity to let out her love.
Syaoran kissed her back but feeling so guilty about himself. Why can't he do the same thing?...
They pulled back and just smiled at each other.
"We should get going" Syaoran commented, looking around.
"You're right. Let's go" and once again, hand on hand, they walked towards their blanket and packed everything back in the car.
The ride home was really quiet as Sakura just looked out the window, welcoming the soft breeze to blow her hair away.
Syaoran will once in awhile take a glance at her and see that she has a small, cute smile on her face. She's probably recalling the events of this day...
Syaoran pulled to stop in front of Sakura's house and helped her put everything inside the house before they go out and have their 'goodbye' for the night.
"You had fun, right?" Syaoran unsurely asked.
"Of course...I spent it with you" Sakura joked.
Syaoran laughed appreciatively and grabbed Sakura's hands and started playing with it while he pulled her closer.
Sakura felt ridiculous. She has been going out with Syaoran for almost a year now. But his every move, every touch and every kiss surprises her. He can still give her the chills.
"Syaoran?"
"Yeah?"
"I can tell that something's wrong with you today... you seem preoccupied" she observed.
"Really?"
"Yeah. All throughout this day, you just looked at me and smile. I love it when you smile but is something the matter?" she worriedly questioned him.
Syaoran just gazed at her green eyes. She's so amazing...
After what seemed like hours, he finally cleared his throat and pulled Sakura even more closer as they both stood on the gate.
"Sakura...I—"he started.
She patiently waited for something to come out. Seconds later... she just heard a somewhat defeated sigh.
"Sakura... I'm so sorry but I'm not the kind of man who will kneel in front of you and proclaim his love..." he then finally burst out.
Sakura sighed. 'So it does have something to do with what happened last night...'
She laughed. "Come on now, Syaoran. You are still not thinking about what I asked you last night, are you?"
"I am. And I'm seriously attached to that thought"
"But you don't have to! I was just wondering. Don't feel obligated to say it..." she teased.
"But Sakura... you mean everything to me and I want to do every single thing that can please you..."
And her eyes softened as she heard these words. "Oh, Syaoran"
She then gave him a big hug with a huge smile on her face.
"Sakura... I do love you...so much that it can sometimes drive me crazy" Syaoran whispered on her ears.
"I may not be a poet that will read you those love verses that they make. I also may not be good with words...but I just hope that even though I don't say anything, you know deep in your heart that there's only one girl in my life...and that's you"
Sakura's eyes watered as she refrained herself from crying over something really small.
"Besides, if I do tell you how much I love you... I don't think that any word will do. I'm afraid that words are not enough..."
She just let out a small gasp as she felt his lips touch hers and give her the softest, sweetest and most romantic kiss that she never had before.
'I will somehow always remember this'
As his lips played against hers, she can't help but feel silly.
Why did she doubt Syaoran if he loves her or not?
Why did she let the absence of that three letter word make her feel all worried if Syaoran does love her? Words are just words. People can live without them...
Girls have this weird desire for someone to tell them how beautiful they are, how gorgeous they look and how much a man can love them.
But for Sakura... she feels right now, as Syaoran's kissing her that she doesn't need any words to hear and satisfy her needs. It was a mistake that she had to ask Syaoran.
Syaoran was right. He may not be a poet that will blow me away with love poems and verses.
He may not be so good with words and he may not be so good at expressing himself.
But the warmness of his presence when he's with me tells it all. The way he plays with my hand and the way he touches and caresses my cheeks pretty much sum it all.
The way he runs his hands through my hair and the way he talks to me on that low but sweet voice already shouts out how much I mean to him.
And his eyes...his deep amber eyes. They tell me how much he cares. The way he looks at me already informs me how much he loves me...
Why do I need words when everything about him says it all?
So how much he loves me, I ask?
His presence, his hugs, his kisses, his smiles and his looks...they tell me just how much.