A/N: Bet you a cookie nobody will read this. I've been obsessing over RK for awhile now, and to me it's surprising that this wasn't my first fic for this pen name. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: This disclaimer should pertain to the whole fic, so I shall say it once. I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, or anything relating to it.

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If she could, she'd run. Run far away, far from the tragic scene in front of her. What I'll do won't be running away… But… her thoughts became malicious thoughts, filled with hate, directed only at herself, and not at the people who shared their love so outwardly.

I could... I could have had a chance... If I weren't so stupid... If I had told him! She screamed, her mental voice carrying out to all corners of her mind. She had her chance at happiness, and she knew without a doubt that it could never be achieved. Stupid Tanuki-chan... that's all that I am, isn't it? Letting the Kitsune get what she deserves...

Though it was a twisted turn of events, for everyone was sure it'd be Kaoru he were to marry, no one was protesting. All around were cheers, suggestions of celebration. So full of the joy in the room, Kaoru had to leave, and she did, unnoticed.

Packing her things she knew she'd have to leave the house and dojo. Not forever, she told herself, only until I can find myself. Only when I know I can survive without him. She thought about asking Sanosuke to accompany her, but it may lead to things she dare not think. She would never love another, that she was certain, because as the saying goes, "First loves never die." Though... It may have been best she asked he come along, for after all, he did love Megumi. But no, she'd cope with this alone, as will Sano.

Two kimonos, all her training gear, and her trusty bokken was all Kaoru needed. She would be heading to Kyoto, knowing she'd be welcome there. Having confided with Misao during her last trip there, she was told she would always be given a spot there, should something like this happen. Kaoru was glad, for if she couldn't go there... she'd do what her rurouni- Not mine, she scolded herself, she'd do what Kenshin did, and wander for awhile. Maybe she, herself, would find somewhere like he did.

Going into her safe box hidden under a floorboard, she took out all her savings. She smiled sadly, hoping the boys would get along without her. They don't need me she reminded herself, they've got Megumi don't they? She can cook too... She can make money... What am I but a pitiful excuse for a female?

Shaking her head to get rid of those thoughts, she looked around her room. Is there anything left? Staring at what has always been her's, she couldn't help but shed a few tears, knowing it would be awhile before she could come back.

A letter... She pulled out a piece of parchment, and her ink well. Dipping the fine brush into it, she began to write.

Yahiko,

As the person I trust most, I will write to you. Sadly, I am leaving. By the time you find this, I shall be gone, but of course you'd have noticed that. Why? You know why. I've told you many secrets, because you in essence are my little brother. You knew how much I cared for him, heck, everyone did! As a coward, I will not face the wedding, as I should. The announcement of the engagement alone sent me over the edge. I will not tell you where I am headed, which is foolish because should you use your resources, you will find me very quick. I don't want you to. But... should you know where I am... please... I beg of you... Do not let the other's know. I will make another letter, one which you are to present to them once you finish reading this one.

I will keep in contact with you, and you alone. For it is dangerous to talk to Tae or even Gensai-sensei, information could leak. A pigeon will be sent, for every seven days, until my return. I wish you the best of luck in training.

All my love,

Kaoru

She re-read it, making sure there were no mistakes, and nothing else she needed to add. Then, on a separate piece of parchment she wrote the other letter.

Once satisfied, she left both on her clean futon, ready to leave. Listening for any sounds outside, much of them loud seeing as the celebrating was still on, she crept out her window. Shutting it softly behind her, she walked onwards to the train station. From there she would send a telegram to Misao, which should reach her halfway through the trip.

I know what I'm doing. Kaoru told herself.

---

The next morning, all was chaos inside the Kamiya household. Sake bottles and bits of food were strewn everywhere, in every nook and cranny. Kenshin, passed out on the table, Megumi next to him on the floor. Sano, snoring loudly, was collapsed over Yahiko, who at the moment was finding it difficult to breathe.

Damn adults! You'd think one of them would have the sense to stay sober! But no! It's ME who does it, only because I'm under aged! His thoughts raged until he realized, Hey, where's busu?

Pushing Zanza off of him, which proved to be a difficult task, Yahiko crept to Kaoru's room, knocking on the shoji carefully. "Oi, Busu? You awake? You should be! You didn't drink a thing! Come to think of it, you didn't come out at all!" He waited for a response, but when it was apparent he wasn't going to get one, he knocked louder. "Wake up! You ugly hag, you don't need beauty sleep! It's already too late for that!" He waited, and once again, nothing. Grr.. You better not get mad at me for walking in on you! He swore and slid the shoji open. "Oi Bu-!" His cry for her to wake up became a cry of desperation as he saw the room clean, and tidy. But also empty. "B... Busu? Are you there?" Looking around, he noticed two letters left on the futon.

Opening the first, his eyes began to fill with tears, which he fought not to let through. She left... She left! But why?! Doesn't she know I need her here!? Using his sleeve, he wiped the tears that were to get through. Stuffing the first letter inside his gi, he picked up the second one, and read through it, which was more formal than the one addressed to him.

Reading through it, he began frowning, not liking what he'd have to show the others.

By the end of the letter, his frowned had deepened into a near scowl. She said that my resources would find her. Getting up, he refolded the letter. Walking back into the hall, he slid her shoji shut, and leaned against it. Kaoru... he sighed.

---

She stepped off the platform, exhausted, when a huge 5 foot nothing rushed and knocked her over. "Oomph!" She cried, surprised at the sudden added weight.

"Kaoru! What happened? Is it true? That evil doctor and Kenshin are gonna get hitched?! Grr! Why that little.. I ought to kick his ass all the way to kingdom come and back again! Stupid…" She ranted, not letting go of Kaoru, and causing attention to be drawn to them.

"Mi-Misao! Let go! People are watching! And I promise to tell you everything once I gather my stuff, and we're at the Aoiya, agreed?" Kaoru compromised, removing herself from Misao's grip.

"Alright… But once I see him again, Himura is gonna get it big time!" She vowed, helping Kaoru carry her stuff.

Kaoru sighed, "It's so much more than you realize… So much more…"

Deep regret laced Kaoru's voice, and Misao didn't miss it. She knew Kenshin had been planning on proposing to Kaoru, Aoshi-sama told her! But where did it go wrong?

Thinking it would be best to entertain those thoughts after Kaoru filled her in, they dragged the stuff to the carriage awaiting their arrival, to take them to the Aoiya.

---

"She did what?!" Sano yelled, his voice awakening the slumbering bodies of Kenshin and Megumi.

"I knew it, I knew it, we should've told her it was a hoax or something.. Now she's gone and done thing! Stupid, stupid, stupid girl!" He screamed, obviously frustrated with the way Kenshin had proposed to Megumi. It's was true of course, but maybe Kaoru wouldn't have left! And then they would've had enough sense to have died her down by the wedding day!

"Who did what Sano…" Kenshin mumbled, his head aching with the beginnings of a hangover.

"I hate you!" Sano yelled once again, pointing at both Megumi and Kenshin. His Jou-chan, his practical sister, his mother, his female influence LEFT! All because Kenshin couldn't find the guts to tell her how he felt, and did the next best thing! Which was the worst thing! He went to the woman who "loved" him openly! Idiot, idiot, idiot!

Yahiko, once again the adult, was able to snatch the letter away before Sano crushed it in his rage. He shook his head knowing that if Sano had found it first, he would be doing the exact thing. Instead of telling him to calm down, he turned and glared at Kenshin.

"Read it. Memorize it. Realize that you and that whore," He hissed at Megumi, "Broke our family apart. Get out of here when you can Kenshin, you aren't needed here. After all, you're marrying Kitsune here, aren't you? Live with her." He spat, then calmed Sanosuke down, telling him they'd need to keep the house clean for when Kaoru was to return. If she was to return, he added silently to himself.

Kenshin blinked in confusion, wondering what everyone was having fit about. Looking at the letter in his hands, he realized that he better read it to understand what was going on.

Whilst Kenshin read, Megumi became furious. "Now wait just a minute, you were partying just as hard as we were last night! You can't possibly place all the blame on us, could you?!" She threw at Sano, who stared at her with a deep hatred in his eyes, which contrasted greatly to his usual look of longing.

"You don't get it do you? Alcohol, that's my life. I use it to rid of the pain I have. You couldn't possibly understand what I went through last night. Sure, it seemed as if I was happy, but you don't listen to rumors do you? And now that you've gone and chased Jou-chan away, let's just say that you aren't my favorite person anymore." He turned away in disgust, and continued cleaning with Yahiko, who listened intently to the conversation.

"No…" Kenshin dropped the Kenshin to the floor, his bangs covering his eyes, as he whispered the word again. "No…"

"Ken-san? Ken-san what's wrong? Is it that Tanuki again? Should I go and talk to her? What's wrong?" Wordlessly, he pointed to the forgotten letter on the floor. Then, he buried his head in his hands and began chanting, "No." His hangover forgotten.

Upset with all the drama going around, Megumi bent and picked the letter from the floor. Scanning it, her eyes grew wider, tears forming themselves inside them. As she reached the end, she let the tears fall, not caring who saw, and what they thought. Then, she too let the letter flutter to the ground, as she began to cry over what she'd done. How she'd let her feelings get in the way of her friendship, albeit a weird one, with Kaoru.

---

Somewhere in Kyoto, at the Aoiya, Kaoru sneezed four times in succession. I'm guessing they all read the letter, and aren't pleased at all…

---

Dear Reader,

I'm assuming that you are wondering where I am, and are growing worried as you begin to read this. First and foremost, I will tell you now, do not look for me. That is the only warning I will give you.

Why? Why indeed… Why do I not want to be found? Why did I leave? Why am I doing this? Why didn't I tell you? Why. Interesting questions, I shall answer them.

First, why did I leave? That should be obvious. If you said what I felt was so apparent, then why I left should be the same.

Why don't I want to be found? Because I cannot face what is to come. I admit, it is cowardly of me, but it is my decision.

Why am I doing this? I need to. I need to find some peace to deal with what is to come. I may return, I may not. I refuse to disclose that information to you.

Why didn't I tell you? This too is obvious. Because you would have stopped me.

Should I decide to send you a letter… which isn't smart if I do say so myself, will not contain any information as to where I am. However, if you do find where I've stationed myself I will leave.

I won't have you finding me, I hope you've realized that now.

I'm sorry to not have been able to attend your wedding, Kenshin and Megumi-san. Personal reasons, you know.

Sanosuke, I'm sorry you'll have to deal with these things alone, talk to Yahiko. I'm sure he'll give you some information.

Yahiko… I've said all I could say to you already. Tell Sano only the barest of things, please.

I'm sorry, should I not return. Death may be the reason, or my reluctance to return. But remember, I've always loved you all. Never doubt that.

This letter is long enough minna, so good luck, and best wishes.

Kaoru

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AN: So, how was it? I'm a bit rusty, I know, but please, comments are appreciated. However, flames are not. Thank you. Please excuse any grammatical errors, this hasn't been beta read yet.