Disclaimer - I don't own 'Hey Arnold!' or bands, song titles or CD titles.
Author's Note - Thank you all for the reviews!!!
Passing Entity thank you very much for your review, I am happy you enjoy it, even though sometimes I don't.
Demile I am glad you like the dog touch. - Yeah, I started reading some of your stories, I just never get around to review, I am sorry, I will do it soon, promise. Lol.
Inferna Goodness, you always have questions! It's not a bad thing, it's just when people asks questions I end up ruining things. Like, "What did you get me for Christmas?" And I tell them! It's terrible. . you're just gonna have to read. It'll be interesting…Well I hope it will be.
Golden Lunar Eclipse Ahh, don't worry about it, when you get to this chapter, you will see this…but take your time, no need to rush. Thanks for taking the time to review.
DarthRoden (Carl) I will be sure to take some time sometimes soon and review some of your work. I like reading other fics but I just have been so preoccupied, but I have two weeks off now, so I will have time to review a story or two of yours. And you will just have to keep up and see how everything goes. o.o;
Pointy Objects! One of my favorite reviewers. I would like to apologize right now, I am sorry for not reviewing some of your stories, I have really caught up in school, so my condolences, I will try in these next two weeks to read yours. Lol, yeah, I try to keep the mood in the story…uh…different, I try to keep it moving. But I am sure toward the middle or the end it was probably be one mood. Thanks for the review!
Chapter Eight: Good To Know If I Ever Need Attention, All I Have To Do Is Die
I didn't want to go, I didn't want to look into that casket and see her lying there so peaceful and remember what she looked like when I first saw her, I don't think I would be mentally okay afterwards, but I was doing okay right now, wasn't I? I didn't want to be the only one there with my depressed father. Who else would show up? No one knows. I didn't want to look over at Dad and see him finally lose it, like had almost done the other night. Shit, I really didn't want to go. I bit my lip and limped to the vanity mirror, staring at my reflection. God, it hurt to stand. The cuts had gotten worse, they were puffy and practically glowing pink with pus dripping out. Horrible pain. It was a horrible sight to wake up to yesterday morning and find this out. I hoped I would manage, after all if worse came to worse, I could always go to that terrible building called the hospital, nah, I'd really rather not.
I leaned against a the chair that sat in front of the vanity and was disgusted with what I saw. I looked like a wanna-be goth. Dressed in all black from head to toe, but I don't think it would be very respectful to show up in bright 'happy' colors. Black represents mourning, but if it was just going to be me and Bob, then would it really matter? I had on a button down black silk shirt, my best one and I hated it, the rest of the black shirts I had, had writing all over them or were shot and I used for painting. I wore black fading jeans that reminded me of a bad eighties movie, and black sneakers, probably the most uncomfortable shoes I have. All in all, my outfit looked like crap. My blonde hair was tied high out of my face with black ribbon curling through the stands, it was probably the best looking part of me. I sighed and took a seat in the chair, it felt so good, too good. I didn't want to have to get up to call Dad at work and remind him (like he would forget), or to walk to the church, or to take the damned dog for a walk before I had to leave.
The funeral was in one hour, if I walked the dog now and walked to the church, I could get there on time with minimal amounts of pain. Sounded like a good idea to me. I smooched loudly for Walter to rush over here. He was sitting next to me, panting at my feet before I could even make a sound. He was a really smart dog. I guess I should give Dad props on picking out animals. I grunted and stood up, using the vanity to steady myself. I walked out of my room and Walter followed, running down the stairs ahead of me as I limped my way down the stairs, when I finally got down the stairs, I felt like I needed to rest. Fourteen and feeling like an old lady, this wasn't going to be the best summer, I knew it. Walter hopped up the front step with the leash in his mouth, I took it and hooked it to his collar and headed for the door. Dad would receive his call when I got to church.
I wanted to laugh in triumph, I had my keys this time. They had fallen behind my bed, I took the time yesterday to look for them. I locked the door and we walked to the church, slowly, and it seemed to hurt even more than I thought it would, maybe I should just get a wheel chair. Yeah, no walking and that would be lovely. Walter took a lot of pit stops, no even to do his business, just to smell if that was where he wanted to do his business. Stupid dog.
Walter and I stopped a block before the church and I thought I had taken the wrong turn, that that couldn't have been the building. People were flooding from the building, walking down the street to the building and at that moment I wanted to scream and kill Arnold. This was his doing, it had to be, no one else knew! I looked at my watch, ten minutes, long enough to hide his damned body after I killed him brutally. I walked quickly, ignoring the pain that was shooting through me and rushed to the church, Walter trailed behind me, I was dragging him and didn't notice until he stopped and wouldn't budge. I looked back realized that I had to stop. He sniffed the side of the building and marked his territory and began walking again. As long as it was alright with him.
Arnold was waiting by the door of the church and smiled when he saw me, but it faltered quickly when he saw my expression. "Helga, it was great that you invited all these people." He said, but his voice wasn't so excited, it was questioning, unsure of his own comment.
Walter barked and pawed his leg and I pulled him back slowly. "Whatever, Arnold. I am not stupid. You invited all these people, why?" I wanted to yell but I couldn't, I couldn't make a scene. Maybe it was the fact that he was confused, or maybe it was the because of the pain I was finally beginning to feel but I just couldn't yell at him. "You couldn't just keep one personal thing about me to yourself, could you?" I let out a bitter barking laugh, maybe it would classify as a scoff. "To think I could trust to tell you anything. Thanks for setting me straight." I smiled small and not happy.
Arnold looked down at the dog that was nuzzling my ankle then looked back up at me. "Helga, I did keep this to myself. You know I wouldn't do something like this, no offense, but not for you. I know you, Helga. I know you wouldn't appreciate it and I know you would kill me if I ever did pull something like this," He stopped in thought and said, "But I think I may know why the whole town knew about this." He offered.
Did I want to hear this? I did. "Why?" I asked suspiciously, almost forcefully, arching a brow. I figured I would hear something I hadn't even thought of, something that was so absolutely obvious that I would feel like a moron.
I did. "Was she in the Obituaries for her death?" He asked. I stared at him like a complete idiot, speechless, I didn't have an answer to that, because I didn't know the correct answer to that. Bob could have put a memorial in the paper, but for some reason I was doubting it, but then again, who else would? I shrugged in response and looked at the ground. "You okay?"
I nodded. "I'm coo'." I answered with a smirk, but inside I wasn't. I felt sick all of the sudden, like I ate something bad, or maybe I was just dying from starvation. I had an apple yesterday. Weighed myself this morning. In four days I lost twelve pounds. I don't think that is very good. I hadn't drank anything since the restaurant. Dehydration? I felt dizzy, but maybe it was the sadness or maybe it was the heat and dressing in all black, but looking around, everyone else seemed fine as they walked into the church. I felt this way when my grandmother died, but that was also because I had some bad potato salad before I left. I took in a deep breath and plopped down on the warm cement and was breathing hard.
"You don't seem okay, Helga." My eyes were closed, I wasn't sure how close he was, but he sounded like he was whispering in my ear. No, go away! I opened my eyes and ended up looking right into his eyes. Why was he here and why was he spinning? "I will be right back, I am going to get you water." He rushed off, leaving me on the ground, feeling like I was going to throw up, leaving me feeling like I was going to die.
Walter hopped on my lap and licked my hand, catching my attention. I looked down at him amd he was spinning around too. I just stared down at him, trying to blink my vision back to normal. It wasn't working and I knew if I tried to stand up, I wouldn't be able to balance myself. The dog yapped and nipped at my fingers, pulling me. I looked down. My hands were empty and his leash was in five different places.
"Helga, here." Arnold shoved a paper cup into my hands and I took it. You would think with all the people that were walking into the church, someone would stop to ask what was wrong. If I was okay. But who would stop to talk to someone who was having difficulty breathing, who was dizzy, who was sitting on the ground feeling sick to her stomach? I wish my best friend would have, instead Arnold was caring for me. I brought the cup up to my lips, my hand was shaking badly, the water was practically spilling all over the place, a hand enveloped mine, steadying my hand and I thought nothing of it. It was when the water was gone, when I felt a little cooler, when I was less dizzy that I suddenly felt my face heat up in sudden shock and embarrassment, his hand stuck to mine and didn't move, he just stared at me, studying me face. "Feeling any better?" He finally asked. His voice was bland, no emotion.
Nodding, I pulled my hand away and looked over at Walter. He was staring at us like it was a show. "What time is it, has the funeral begun, is my dad here?" I hurried to get up, but I was still a tad dizzy and practically fell. I looked around, no one was outside, it was just Walter, Arnold, and me. Arnold's hands held my elbows, balancing me.
"I haven't seen him yet, but I am sure he will be here." Arnold said, staring at me, brown eyes intense. I almost forgot that I needed to go inside, that there was a funeral for my mother going on. I pulled myself violently away from him, I wouldn't let myself fall for someone I wasn't meant for, I refused to make that mistake again. I leaned down, legs straight, and grabbed Walter's leash, mumbling an apology to the dog and tied to him to a bar outside the church. I rushed inside, looking around, hoping to see Bob. A voice was booming over the intercom, it had already started and I missed the introduction. I sat down in the back, trying to peek over the heads, hoping to see Bob but I saw no one that even resembled my father.
A soft rumble disturbed my thoughts and I looked over. Arnold. He was always there. Always. And if I had to be completely honest. It was really . . . Well, nice. I smiled faintly at him, and was relieved that he wasn't looking at me when I did it. I turned my attention back to the front. The pastor was preaching about how good my mother was, how she was always there for her family, how she loved everyone and was a good wife, mother, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, volunteer and I felt an urge to laugh. To laugh hysterically but I caught myself and stood up, to pull myself away from being a terrible person, from being a terrible daughter. I needed Dad here.
I waddled out of the room and caught Arnold watching me walking my way painfully between the tight pews. I hurried as quickly as I could to the phone and dialed his work number. I tapped my fingers impatiently as the phone rang. No one answered. I frowned down at the floor and listened to the ringing, still no one answered. And that is when I froze and hung up the phone idly, everything, all sound in the church faded and all I could hear was sirens rushing down the street. No, I was thinking negatively, for the worst. I picked up the phone and dialed the number again. No one answered. I called home, hoping to God that he would just be at home, resting. No one answered. I slammed down the phone, harder than I intended and it echoed. I rushed out of the church and silently prayed forgiveness to my mother for leaving her funeral.
Author's Note: So, I would like to apologize for this chapter being so late, since it is short. I have been trying to update CSI: Hillwood and a bunch of other stories for Fictionpress and not paying attention to this one. I am not a very good author. Tear. I am sorry. I will try to update sooner. Please review, thank you.