Author's note:

Hello to all of you who take time to read this. This is my third story out here. It's a Literati (what else is new) and doens't contain any spoilers. Just something I wrote some time ago, and now I'm sufficiently encouraged by the success of my other stories to upload this one as well. Hope you enjoy! Reviews are welcome!

Let the games begin.

Jess' POV

"Jess," she mumbles softly in her sleep and I can't help but smile and cry at the same time. All of pure happiness. Here she is, my precious angel, curled up in my arms. I can't believe it and my guess is I never will. But it happened, just now. It happened, we happened. To get together, for real.

She asked me how I felt, right after we lost ourselves into each other. But I couldn't answer. Couldn't find the words, wasn't able to form coherent sentences in my own mind. Now that everything turns quiet, except for her regular breathing next to me, I might be able to explain how I feel.

I feel…nope, I was wrong. I can't explain. Us normal human beings have never been granted enough words in our vocabulary to describe this. Words that exceed 'wonderful', 'fantastic', 'amazing' and other words that just don't cut it. Not with her, with my Rory.

I can't even say she exceeded every expectation I had for our first night together, for I never allowed myself to have any expectations at all. Not when it comes to love, anyway. Or making love. Which I had never done before. I mean, sure I had sex. More than my fair share, if I'm totally honest. But love? The one word that turns it all upside down? Nope, never before. The difference you ask? Simple, that one I can explain: Sex is what you end up with when you're looking for love in the wrong places. Sex is what's supposed to keep you satisfied until you find that love. And the sad part is that most of us never do find it, even if they think they already have. The glorious part: I did.

So since this is all new to me, I have no idea as to how I'm supposed to feel. It's so much more…just so much MORE.

Rory stirs in my arms and moans softly. A magnificent sound. Just now, hearing her moan, cry, plead, it was enough to drive me over the edge. Knowing she felt pleasure beyond her grasp, knowing it was me, my hands, my lips that produced this unknown new feelings deep inside her body…I guess I've never felt more proud of anything I have done. Or more guilty.

Sleep still doesn't come to claim me, but frankly, I'm glad of it. For my time with her is precious, too precious to waste away. Because it's also limited. I can feel it, even if I'm not quite ready to admit it. I mean, let's get real here: how many times can one person get blessed in his life? I've been blessed tonight in a way I never figured possible for me. Therefore, I feel I've already taken more of my fair share than I ever deserved. And I certainly never deserved her, even if she still thinks the opposite.

So, with or without her denial, I know the time will come, soon enough, that she'll see me for who I am. When it comes, she'll realize she's been wasting her time with me. That she can do much better, with a guy who's both capable and willing to love her the way she deserves to be loved. That guy simply isn't me. She doesn't need to worry, I'll be gone way before that'll happen.

Beauty is wasted on me, it always was. Not because I didn't like it, but because I didn't think it was there for me. I was the kind of kid who could spend his entire afternoon at the mall, taking in the beautiful things they offered anyone but me. Toys, books, even candy I could never afford. The only thing I could afford was to look. Look and dream, knowing at the same time that there was simply no way I could let them come true. And that I should never try; I didn't do anything to deserve it.

So I don't deserve Rory. I feel like I finally stepped into such a wonderful luxurious store and simply took the priced piece of the collection. Just took it. Abused it. And like candy, once you've eaten it, you can't put it back, but you can't have any more either. Still, the taste will linger forever, making you crazy with want.

I'm crazy with want now. I know I could wake her, tell her, show her and she would willingly comply. I can't. Like I said, I had more than my share. So I know what to do.

For the first time in my conscious life I find myself crying openly when I slip from underneath the still warm, damp covers. Rory stirs again and her moan sounds disappointed when her search for human warmth remains un rewarded. Thank the Lord she doesn't wake up. I can't answer her question when she asks it. She wouldn't understand. I don't understand. I just know.

As silently as possible I get dressed. Carefully I open her window and slide out of it. Before I close I steal one more glance at her sleeping form, drinking in her beauty for the very last time. She smiles. 'I'm sorry," I hear myself mumble, before I disappear into the night like the thief I am.

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