Their Fault

Sooo sorry for not updating in a long time! School and stuff got in the way, but Im back! Although I totally forgot where I was heading with this story

"God damn it!" I said for the fourth time in under five minutes.

"Cut your self again?" Wendy asked while she picked up more movies from the floor.

"Mmhmmm"

I sucked on my bleeding finger as I picked up more broken glass from the floor.

Wendy and I had gotten to my house around six this morning to start cleaning the damage the intruder had left behind. My aunt wouldn't be home for a few more days, and I still had to replace picture frames, plates and other things.

"I cant work in silence, how about you?" I asked her.

"I was just thinking that." Wendy grinned.

I walked over to my aunts CD player and turned it on.

"What the hell? Its not playing."

"Maybe the volumes off." Wendy suggested.

I twisted the knob but no noise came out.

"Oh fuck me." I said as I started to press all kinds of buttons.

"Whats wrong?"
"Its broken! Im gonna be in so much trouble! I cant replace this thing, I don't have that much money." I said in a voice of despair.

Wendy walked over to it.

"Maybe its unplugged..."

She checked the wall, but it was plugged in.

"That really sucks."

"No shit."

I walked back over to my garbage bag and continued to throw broken glass into it. I was being careless, and this time when I cut myself, I did it deep. I didn't yell out in pain. Instead I punched the wall. Half in frustration and the other half in anger.

"Mattie!" Wendy yelled. She ran over to me. "What the hell was that for?!"

"I-I don't know! Im so goddamn frustrated! I cant handle anything right now!"

"Theres no need to punch the wall! That's just one more thing we have to fix! And look, you got blood all over it."

"Ugggh I ALWAYS complicate things for myself!!!" I yelled, but not at Wendy.

I sat down against the wall and put my uninjured hand up to my head.

"Whats wrong?"

"My eyes are hurting again..." I said, while rubbing my forhead.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Wendy offered.

She walked down the hall way towards the door and opened it.

"Oh...hi...Wendy." Stan said

"Hi Stan."

Stan peered in through the door.

"Is, uh... is Mattie here?"

"Yeah, but...shes not in a good mood." Wendy warned him.

"Oh. Well...Kyle told me what happened and I just thought I'd...ya know, talk to her."
"Hmmm....yeah well, like I said, shes not in a good mood."
"Wendy? I cant feel my hand...." I called from my place on the floor.

Wendy turned her head and said "Starting to regret that little move, arnt you?"

"What'd she do?" Stan asked, curiously.

"She punched the wall." Wendy sighed.

"What? Why?? Is she ok?" he asked in a worried voice.

"What do you care? She told me about your stupid fight and what you said! You told her you didn't want to be her friend, so why are you here Stan?"

Stan looked at her and then at the floor.

"I...I don't know. When Kyle told me about her house, I got worried, ok? Im allowed to get worried. At least I have feelings, unlike her."

"Stan! That's a horrible thing to say!" Wendy gasped. "You know very well she cares a lot about all of you guys!"

"Yeah, well not lately." He muttered.

"That's not true. Its you guys who havnt been caring about HER lately. Goodbye Stan"

Wendy closed the door.

"Who was it?" I asked.

"No one important, that's for sure." She said in a pissed voice.

I looked at her in a funny way.

"Seems like my bad mood is rubbing off on you."

Wendy laughed.

"Yeah, you never know. It could have. Lets go wrap your hand in something. It looks swollen."

Wendy left around 2 which gave me enough time to go the store to buy some picture frames and plates.

By the time I got home it was six o'clock. I put the pictures without frames into their new ones, and cleaned the new plates and bowls and put them away in the cabinet. They were similar to our old ones, so I think my aunt might notice. I'll just tell her I broke some and bought new ones.

I trudged up the stairs to my room so I could take a relaxing shower.

The hot water felt good against my tired and aching body and I let out a sigh. It was a long day and I couldn't wait to go to sleep.

I started to wonder how unhealthy it was for me to sleep as much as I do. Why am I so tired all the time? And grouchy?

And lately, why do I feel like there's no reason for living? Nothing feels the same anymore, nothing seems right to me. Life is annoying and so are the people in mine.

I know the answers though. Life is annoying because of HER. That BITCH. That INSECT. And because he's gone.

My eyes started to water, and I couldn't tell which water came from my eyes and which came from the shower anymore.

I unwrapped the gauze that Wendy had wrapped to my hand and let it fall to the bottom of the tub. My hand was ugly again. I remembered the days when I was lucky that my hand DIDN'T look like this. I tried to move my purple blueish fingers. It hurt. And my hand sort of felt like it was asleep but with out the pins and needles part. As odd as that sounds.

I shut the shower off and wrapped a towel around me before walking into my room.

I changed into my pajamas and flopped down on my bed, my unbrushed wet hair clung to my face.

I clung to my pillow and cried.

Was this how Kenny felt? Was it worth it to kill myself like he did?

I started to think of all the good times me and Kenny had had together, and I cried even harder.

"Why'd you leave me Kenny?" I whispered to myself. "Why did you leave me here, alone?"

I shut my eyes and rolled over, letting the last of my tears roll down my face.I lay like that for about ten minutes before I got up and lifted my mattress up a bit.

But the thing I was looking for wasn't there.

I threw my mattress off my bed. Nothing.

I pulled my bed away from the wall, thinking that SOMEHOW, it had fallen when I put it away last time.

But it wasn't there.

"No..." I said to myself. "Why?!"

I sat against my bed and cried again.

My journal, the only thing that had kept me the least bit sane these past few months, was gone. Everything I felt, everything I knew, was in that small book. Everything from over a year ago was gone.

And suddenly I realized how serious my situation was. I wrote EVERYTHING in that journal. EVERYTHING. Who ever has it...knows everything. If they show it to just one person, especially an adult, I'd most likely be sent away to some crazy house. Because my writings sounded a bit suicidal. And murderous.

I continued to tear my room apart searching for my jounal.

"Holy shit, please tell me that I misplaced it! Holy shit...holy shit...holy shit..."

My hands were shaking. My injured hand was killing me, but I had to move things with it. And while in my closet, I had a bunch of crap fall on my head. I knew it wasn't in here. But maybe I was starting to loose my memory and I DID put it in here.

It wasnt there.

It wasn't anywhere.

My stomach was turning and I ran into the bathroom just in time. I got even more scared. Not because of the food I threw up. Because of the blood I had thrown up.

I slowly trudged over to the sink and washed my mouth out. I picked my head up and looked into the mirror. I looked like shit.

I saw a bottle on the counter. My eye ache pills...

I took the bottle into my hand and thought for a minute.

I put it back on the sink.

I didn't want to go as far as Kenny.

Yet.

My aunt came home early. Sunday morning actually. Around six.

I was asleep on my mattress. I had cleaned my room after the bathroom incident and had fallen asleep on top of the covers. I heard her come in my room, but I didn't say anything to her.

After she closed my door, I sat up and rubbed my head. I was nervous about a lot of things. I hoped she wouldn't notice the plates and picture frames, or the new plants or everything else I had to buy. And what about the stereo...

I lay back down on my pillows until nine o'clock.

I went downstairs but my aunt wasn't there. She was probably sleeping in her room. I opened the freezer to find something to eat. But then I realized that I wasn't hungry, so I closed it.

I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, but I didn't turn on the T.V. I just sat there and stared at it. I was bored already. But there was no where I could go.

Well...I could go visit some people.

I walked back up to my room and changed my clothes before writing my aunt a quick note and put it on the kitchen table. Then I left.

I stood in Babyland.

In other words, the part of the cemetery where children and infants are buried.

Technically, Kenny was considered a child since he was only 15 when he died. I stared down at his grave for a long time before I sat down in front of it.

"Hey Kenny."

I waited for a response"

"How's heaven?"

I paused for a minute.

"Oh, that's good. Everythings down the shitter for me, but you could probably see all that from where you are, huh?"

I stopped.

I was fucking crazy.

I stood up quickly and looked at his grave.

"Later, Kenny..." I whispered.

I walked through the rows of graves in the South Park cemetery until I found the row I was looking for.

I sat down again but I didn't start talking to the Mr. Joshua Bond.

There was a weed growing on the side of my dad's grave. I gave it a yank and it came out.

Hmm sry for the short chapter. I was actually gonna end it at the bathroom scene but that was only 3 pages

So yeah! Hahahaaaa I laugh at Mattie's situations

She and Victoria need to have arguments soon or something. I dunno. Anyone wanna give me some ideas on what should happen next? Unless I can come up with something my self lol