by Gary D. Snyder

Part 1:

"Hey, Jimmy! Over here!"

Jimmy Neutron waved in response to the greeting and headed over to his friends Carl Wheezer and Sheen Estevez. It was a warm Saturday morning and although Carl and Sheen were usually occupied with television and video games Jimmy had arranged the night before to meet with them to demonstrate his latest invention. At first the two were reluctant to participate, but after repeated assurances that the new device would not be explosive, radioactive, nor capable of altering the laws of time and space Carl and Sheen had eventually agreed to meet Jimmy in the park.

"Hey, guys," Jimmy said. "Thanks for coming. I guarantee that you won't regret it."

"No problem, Jimmy," Sheen replied easily. "It isn't every day that you treat us to anything we want at the Candy Bar."

"And today is no exception," was Jimmy's annoyed response. "I never said that I'd treat you to anything at the Candy Bar."

Sheen looked crestfallen. "Oh. I guess that was just something I dreamt about last night. I don't suppose that Libby was elected Miss Retroville and won a free trip around the world with the companion of her choice, was she?"

"I don't think so," Carl answered. "Why?"

"No reason," Sheen said, somewhat uncomfortably, "but I think I'd better cancel an order I made with the Flower Bower this morning."

"What did you have to show us, Jimmy?" Carl wanted to know.

"Only the greatest invention in the history of boy-girl relationships since the 2-for-1 movie pass." Jimmy had been rummaging through some items in his backpack and now held up one of them. "Behold the Neutron Velociball!"

Sheen and Carl stared at the oval object with a mixture of curiosity and apathy. "It looks like a football," Carl finally offered.

"It is a football – "Jimmy began but was interrupted by Sheen.

"Uh, no offense, Jim," Sheen said, "but I think girls are more into things like jewelry…"

"…and clothes…" Carl added.

"…and candy…"

"…and llamas…"

"…and –" Sheen broke off suddenly to glare at Carl. "What do you mean, llamas?" he demanded.

"Well," answered Carl weakly, "they're cute, and cuddly, and non-threatening, and other things like that that girls like."

Sheen considered it. "Yeah, I guess maybe you're right. If they played instruments and sang they'd probably make a good boy band." A thought suddenly hit him. "What am I saying? Boy bands don't sing or play instruments. All they have to do is lip synch. Do llamas have lips?"

"Well – " Carl began.

Jimmy had enough. "Guys, focus!" he said impatiently. "We were talking about the Neutron Velociball."

"Actually, we were talking about girls and football," Sheen pointed out. "You were talking about the Neutron Volleyball."

"Velociball," corrected Jimmy. "And it's not just a football. It's the greatest football ever."

"How so, Jimmy?" Carl asked.

"Okay," Jimmy said. "You know that Retroville Days are coming up, right?"

"Of course," Sheen replied.

"Well, this year there's going to be a dance. But the girls have to ask the guys. Right?"

"Yeah," said Carl with a snorting laugh. "But only if they can find us."

"Well, the thing is that no matter how humiliating it is for someone to ask us to the dance, it would be even more humiliating if no one did. Right?"

Sheen nodded. "Okay, I see your point. But what's with the football?"

"Velociball," Jimmy corrected again. "Look, who do girls really go for?"

"Older Hispanic types?" suggested Sheen, preening.

"Non-threatening sensitive boys?" Carl said hopefully.

Jimmy shook his head. "No. They go for athletes, like football players."

"I get it!" cried Sheen. "So you're going to give your ball to some football players if they'll get some of their girlfriends to ask us to the dance! Right?"

Jimmy stood there silently, a look of stunned amazement on his face. "No," he said finally. "We're going to use this ball to impress girls with our athletic ability."

Sheen's delighted expression slowly faded and he fidgeted uncomfortably. "Actually, Jimmy, I don't know if you remember, but I have no hand-eye coordination, my depth perception is shot -"

"And I still have that old scapula injury from baseball," added Carl, rubbing his lower back.

"Relax, guys," Jimmy reassured them. "With the Neutron Velociball there's absolutely no chance of failure. My special design makes this ball perfectly balanced and guarantees pinpoint accuracy. And in addition, I've put in a special feature – the transphasal generator." He stopped, beaming in triumph.

"Wait for it," Sheen whispered to Carl. Carl nodded.

"The transphasal generator creates a field that causes anything in front of it to temporarily phase into another dimension. It creates a virtual void that eliminates air resistance in front of the velociball, kind of like when cyclists or migrating ducks do when they draft for each other. It at least triples whatever distance someone can throw a regular football."

"O-ka-a-ay," said Sheen slowly. "What's the catch?"

"There is no catch," Jimmy shot back, impatiently. "We just need to toss the velociball back and forth in front of some girls and they'll be sure to be impressed. We just need –" He broke off suddenly. "Look!" he whispered, pointing. "Test subjects!"

Sheen and Carl looked. "It's Cindy and Libby," Carl observed.

"True," whispered Jimmy. "But I guess they'll do until some real girls show up. Hey, Carl!" he called loudly. "Go long! Sheen, try to intercept!"

"Go along where?" Carl asked in confusion.

"Just run that way!" Jimmy retorted, pointing.

Confused and skeptical, Carl and Sheen ran down the imaginary field while Jimmy waited to unload the long bomb that he planned to throw. Cindy and Libby, who had heard Jimmy's shout, watched in mild anticipation. "What do you think they're up to now, Cindy?" asked Libby.

"Probably trying to impress somebody with their pseudo-athletic antics," she guessed.

"Think we should ignore them?"

Cindy shook her head. "No. This should be good for a laugh," she said, folding her arms and waiting.

A couple hundred feet away near the fountain Carl and Sheen gradually slowed to a halt, gasping from exertion. "For the love of humanity, Jimmy!" Sheen panted. "Throw the ball!"

"Okay! Here it comes, Carl!" Jimmy called back. He drew back his arm and hurled it as hard as he could towards his friends. For the first few seconds all went as planned and the humming velociball spun towards Carl and Sheen in a high arc. Carl, seeing that the ball would be going over his head, climbed onto the edge of the fountain and held his arms out in expectant apprehension. Sheen, who was taller than Carl, judged the incoming flight of the velociball and leaped up to intercept it.

"Gotcha!" he cried out in victory as his hands closed on the spinning object. "Now I – hey!" His cry of exuberance was cut short as the ball transferred its spin to him, whirling off his feet, whipping him helplessly around, and carrying the hapless boy straight into Carl. The end result was for both of them to topple unceremoniously into the fountain.

"Scapula," Carl cried weakly from inside.

Libby and Cindy were helpless with laughter. "Uh…good hustle guys," Jimmy called feebly in a futile attempt to salvage the situation.

"You were right, Cindy," Libby said breathlessly, wiping tears from her eyes. "It was good for a laugh."

"I don't know, Libs," Cindy laughed just loud enough for Jimmy to hear as the girls walked away. "Do you think football is ready for the Three Stooges of the Apocalypse?"

"Sorry about that, guys," Jimmy apologized as Carl and Sheen, drenched to the skin, walked up. "I guess maybe I need to re-evaluate some of my calculations. The next time –"

"You know what, Jimmy?" Sheen interrupted as he wrung out his Ultra Lord shirt. "I think maybe I'll just take my chances on whether someone is going to ask me to the dance or not."

"Me too," agreed Carl, as he departed with Sheen. "With my bad scapula I don't think I could go to the dance anyway."

Jimmy sadly walked over to the fountain and retrieved the velociball from the water. "What's the use?" he muttered to himself as he sat on a nearby bench to assess possible damage from its unexpected dunking. "It's not like anyone would ever want to ask a boy genius like me out even if I were a great athlete." So intent was he on his inspection and introspection that he was startled by a voice from behind.

"Sounds like you have issues," the voice said.

End of Part 1

Author's Notes:

One very faithful reader has asked whether the stories I write are chronological in nature and by inference leading up to something between Jimmy and Cindy as events unfold. That's a very good question, as it's hard to determine at times just how chronological the TV episodes are.

The long answer is they do follow an order and my later stories can be assumed to occur after my earlier stories. Since I don't want anyone to feel like they're missing anything if they haven't read any of the earlier stories or read them out of order I don't make many obvious references to my other stories. On the other hand, I don't own the copyright or any other rights to Jimmy Neutron et. al. so that the only "official" stories are the ones that air on Nickelodeon. I want to keep development of the characters in line with what happens in the show (although I try to adhere to the spirit of the characters rather than just what they've said or done), and that limits how far I feel I can take things. In addition, while I do feel there is chemistry between Jimmy and Cindy that will eventually bring them together, once that happens a lot of the magic between them will fade. Most or all of these stories end with Jimmy and Cindy almost together and in the next they are almost back to Square One. Considering that they are about 11 or 12 years old it makes sense to me that they aren't yet ready for a long-term relationship, and that much of their relationship consists of discovering just how deeply their feelings for each other really run. That discovery, like many other discoveries, can be both exciting and confusing and take some unexpected turns and would justify any temporary backsliding.

The short answer is that this story definitely happens after an earlier story, "The Devil and Jimmy Neutron". But I expect that most long-time readers will have already suspected that.