Chapter 1
"lalalalalaaaaaa!"
"Mr. Frodo do you hear something?"
"lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
"Nope."
"It sounds like horribly bad singing."
"LALALALALAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"
"Now that you mention it, Sam, I do hear something."
"I wonder what it could be, Mr. Frodo?"
"Probably Pippin in the shower."
"Why would Pippin be taking a shower at three in the morning?"
"Why are we out in my garden talking at three in the morning?"
"Good point."
"LALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAALAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"You know what Sam, I'm going to go see who's making that racket."
"Okay, Mr. Frodo, I'll just try to keep Bilbo company."
"You do that, Sam."
Frodo walked closer and closer to the source of the noise and then decided, "I think I'll read a book for no apparent reason."
Meanwhile, Sam was trying to talk to Bilbo.
"Could you tell me one of those stories of yours, Mr. Bilbo?" asked Sam.
Bilbo was too busy pacing and fingering something in his pocket.
"Uh, Mr. Bilbo?"
"Go away, Samwise!" yelled Bilbo. "It is MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUSSSSssssss..." then he coughed and wheezed and sat down in a chair.
Sam squealed and ran away.
Meanwhile Frodo was reading his book called Why Hobbits Don't Shave Their Armpits when he heard the bad singing again. He chose to ignore it.
Gandalf, in his cart, was the source of all the bad singing. When Frodo didn't come rushing at his singing, he cleared his throat and began again.
"LLLLLLAAAAAAAALAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAALLLAAAAAALLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he sang, sure that would get Frodo's attention.
Frodo pretended he didn't hear a thing.
Gandalf, tired and out of patience, yelled, "FRODO BAGGINS, WHEN I 'LALALALAAAAA' AT YOU I EXPECT YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT!!!!!"
Frodo sighed, closed his book, then ran to Gandalf. "You're late," he commented.
"Late?" asked Gandalf. "LATE??? IT IS THREE IN THE MORNING FRODO BAGGINS HOW CAN I POSSIBLY BE LATE?????"
"I told you to come at two-sixty."
"Two-sixty... you stupid hobbit, that IS three o clock!"
"No, it's two-sixty."
"GAH!"
"Don't you 'gah' at me, you old wizard," said Frodo, then jumped on Gandalf. "It's wonderful to see you, Gandalf!"
Gandalf muttered something and pushed Frodo off of him and pulled on the reins.
"What was that?" asked Frodo.
Gandalf muttered again.
"I did too put deodorant on this morning," said Frodo. "Just not the strong stuff."
"Well I think you need it, lad," said Gandalf.
Frodo pursed his lips and didn't say anything.
After five minutes he said,
"Did you know you've been officially labeled a disturber of the peace in the Shire?"
"Why?" asked Gandalf. "Because of the incident with the dragon? I was barely involved! All I did was give your uncle a little nudge out the door."
"He's not my uncle," said Frodo.
"Well, then first cousin second - I mean second cousin twice -"
"First and second cousin, once removed either way," said Frodo smartly.
"First and second cousin, once removed either way," mocked Gandalf in a high nasal voice.
Frodo rolled his eyes and then said, "Hey, throw some bombs at those little kids!"
"MWAHAHAHA!" said Gandalf and maniacly threw them at the little kids. Unfortunately for him, they turned out to be fireworks.
"Curse those undetailed labels on the packaging," muttered Gandalf.
"It's been fun, Gandalf," said Frodo, "but I must get back to reading my book for no apparent reason."
And he hopped off the wagon.
"Yes," muttered Gandalf. "He's gone!"
Gandalf took out his Magic Cheese and took a bite out of it.
"Mmm," said Gandalf as he watched the part he had bitten off of grow back. "Magic Cheese. Grows back and never gets old and moldy," then he added, "like Elrond."
Walking up to the door of Bag End, he muttered, "But one wonders how the cheese achieves this. It is a marvel."
He was about to knock on the door, but then decided instead to eat more cheese.
"And it never gets smelly," he said with his mouth full.
The door to Bag End opened and out stepped a very irritated Bilbo Baggins.
"Gandalf, will you stop babbling to yourself and get in here???"
Gandalf put the Magic Cheese back in his pocket and walked inside.
"Right," said Gandalf. "Now, Bilbo, I must interrogate you about your Cheese."
"What about my Cheese?" asked Bilbo suspiciously, fingering the Cheese in his pocket.
"I have reason to believe that Magic Cheese has done something to you," said Gandalf, looking Bilbo over carefully.
"Nonsense, Gandalf, I think you've had one too many drinks -"
"Have you been feeling thin lately?" asked Gandalf.
"Gandalf, this Cheese has not made me anorexic..."
"Bilbo?"
"Fine," muttered Bilbo. "Yes, I have been feeling thin. And sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread."
"Do you need a holiday?" asked Gandalf.
"Heavens, no!" said Bilbo. "Why on earth would I need a -"
Gandalf began waving a pocketwatch in front of Bilbo's face.
"You are getting sleepy," said Gandalf, "You are falling into a deep sleep..."
Bilbo's eyes snapped shut and he began snoring.
"When I wake you up," said Gandalf, "You will need a holiday. A LONG holiday."
Gandalf snapped his fingers and Bilbo woke up.
"I need a holiday," he announced. "A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return."
Gandalf grinned and patted him on the back.
"Good doggie," he said. "Now go fetch."
"I beg your pardon?"
"MWAHAHAHA!" laughed Gandalf, and he left Bag End.
"lalalalalaaaaaa!"
"Mr. Frodo do you hear something?"
"lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
"Nope."
"It sounds like horribly bad singing."
"LALALALALAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"
"Now that you mention it, Sam, I do hear something."
"I wonder what it could be, Mr. Frodo?"
"Probably Pippin in the shower."
"Why would Pippin be taking a shower at three in the morning?"
"Why are we out in my garden talking at three in the morning?"
"Good point."
"LALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAALAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"You know what Sam, I'm going to go see who's making that racket."
"Okay, Mr. Frodo, I'll just try to keep Bilbo company."
"You do that, Sam."
Frodo walked closer and closer to the source of the noise and then decided, "I think I'll read a book for no apparent reason."
Meanwhile, Sam was trying to talk to Bilbo.
"Could you tell me one of those stories of yours, Mr. Bilbo?" asked Sam.
Bilbo was too busy pacing and fingering something in his pocket.
"Uh, Mr. Bilbo?"
"Go away, Samwise!" yelled Bilbo. "It is MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUSSSSssssss..." then he coughed and wheezed and sat down in a chair.
Sam squealed and ran away.
Meanwhile Frodo was reading his book called Why Hobbits Don't Shave Their Armpits when he heard the bad singing again. He chose to ignore it.
Gandalf, in his cart, was the source of all the bad singing. When Frodo didn't come rushing at his singing, he cleared his throat and began again.
"LLLLLLAAAAAAAALAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAALLLAAAAAALLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he sang, sure that would get Frodo's attention.
Frodo pretended he didn't hear a thing.
Gandalf, tired and out of patience, yelled, "FRODO BAGGINS, WHEN I 'LALALALAAAAA' AT YOU I EXPECT YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT!!!!!"
Frodo sighed, closed his book, then ran to Gandalf. "You're late," he commented.
"Late?" asked Gandalf. "LATE??? IT IS THREE IN THE MORNING FRODO BAGGINS HOW CAN I POSSIBLY BE LATE?????"
"I told you to come at two-sixty."
"Two-sixty... you stupid hobbit, that IS three o clock!"
"No, it's two-sixty."
"GAH!"
"Don't you 'gah' at me, you old wizard," said Frodo, then jumped on Gandalf. "It's wonderful to see you, Gandalf!"
Gandalf muttered something and pushed Frodo off of him and pulled on the reins.
"What was that?" asked Frodo.
Gandalf muttered again.
"I did too put deodorant on this morning," said Frodo. "Just not the strong stuff."
"Well I think you need it, lad," said Gandalf.
Frodo pursed his lips and didn't say anything.
After five minutes he said,
"Did you know you've been officially labeled a disturber of the peace in the Shire?"
"Why?" asked Gandalf. "Because of the incident with the dragon? I was barely involved! All I did was give your uncle a little nudge out the door."
"He's not my uncle," said Frodo.
"Well, then first cousin second - I mean second cousin twice -"
"First and second cousin, once removed either way," said Frodo smartly.
"First and second cousin, once removed either way," mocked Gandalf in a high nasal voice.
Frodo rolled his eyes and then said, "Hey, throw some bombs at those little kids!"
"MWAHAHAHA!" said Gandalf and maniacly threw them at the little kids. Unfortunately for him, they turned out to be fireworks.
"Curse those undetailed labels on the packaging," muttered Gandalf.
"It's been fun, Gandalf," said Frodo, "but I must get back to reading my book for no apparent reason."
And he hopped off the wagon.
"Yes," muttered Gandalf. "He's gone!"
Gandalf took out his Magic Cheese and took a bite out of it.
"Mmm," said Gandalf as he watched the part he had bitten off of grow back. "Magic Cheese. Grows back and never gets old and moldy," then he added, "like Elrond."
Walking up to the door of Bag End, he muttered, "But one wonders how the cheese achieves this. It is a marvel."
He was about to knock on the door, but then decided instead to eat more cheese.
"And it never gets smelly," he said with his mouth full.
The door to Bag End opened and out stepped a very irritated Bilbo Baggins.
"Gandalf, will you stop babbling to yourself and get in here???"
Gandalf put the Magic Cheese back in his pocket and walked inside.
"Right," said Gandalf. "Now, Bilbo, I must interrogate you about your Cheese."
"What about my Cheese?" asked Bilbo suspiciously, fingering the Cheese in his pocket.
"I have reason to believe that Magic Cheese has done something to you," said Gandalf, looking Bilbo over carefully.
"Nonsense, Gandalf, I think you've had one too many drinks -"
"Have you been feeling thin lately?" asked Gandalf.
"Gandalf, this Cheese has not made me anorexic..."
"Bilbo?"
"Fine," muttered Bilbo. "Yes, I have been feeling thin. And sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread."
"Do you need a holiday?" asked Gandalf.
"Heavens, no!" said Bilbo. "Why on earth would I need a -"
Gandalf began waving a pocketwatch in front of Bilbo's face.
"You are getting sleepy," said Gandalf, "You are falling into a deep sleep..."
Bilbo's eyes snapped shut and he began snoring.
"When I wake you up," said Gandalf, "You will need a holiday. A LONG holiday."
Gandalf snapped his fingers and Bilbo woke up.
"I need a holiday," he announced. "A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return."
Gandalf grinned and patted him on the back.
"Good doggie," he said. "Now go fetch."
"I beg your pardon?"
"MWAHAHAHA!" laughed Gandalf, and he left Bag End.