The Writer

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as J.K. Rowling's is hers I do not own them. Everything you don't recognize is mine, including the plot.

-Chapter Thirty One-

James peeked in the following morning to find that Lily had not yet returned from the infirmary and he took it to be a good sign, or at least he hoped that it was a good sign, he hoped that she was getting enough sleep for once. He wished there was more he could do but for once he was going to trust that Lily told the truth when she said that no one could help her fix whatever it was that was wrong with her. He got everything he needed for the day ready and then he headed to the great hall. It was a little early yet, but it would give him time to his thoughts, without worrying about giving something away to the others that he wasn't sure he wanted to give away. There was only a handful of student in the great hall when he arrived for breakfast, most were either Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs, Gryffindors and Slytherins tended to sleep later whenever given the opportunity and yes it was a generalization but an accurate one none the less.

With that in mind he was a little surprised when he entered to find that Lily was already sitting at the far end of the table, a mostly uneaten plate before her. She was curled up in her customary ball, feet up to her chest, arms locked tightly around them, with her head resting on her knees. Her eyes were closed but as James approached her she opened them and looked straight at them. He could read the tiredness in them before she masked it with a smile and he knew then that she didn't sleep as well as either of them had been hoping that she would. He came and sat opposite her and offered her a smile.

"Wasn't expecting to see you up." He confessed as a plate appeared before him and he loaded it up with the offerings on the table. She only shrugged her shoulder. "I take it that sleeping draught that Madame Anne offered you didn't do much good."

"I guess there are some things that even a dreamless potion can't completely block out." She confessed. "Still I did get a few hours of interrupted sleep and honestly that's good enough for now." Her unintended confession to just how little sleep she gets made him frown but he chose to let it go again. "How about you did you sleep well?"

If he was being honest he hadn't slept as well as he usually did. It hadn't taken long for him to become used to the fact that she was sleeping just across the hall from him again, like old times. Knowing she wasn't there and the reason for it had kept him up with worry a lot longer than he had hoped, and it had been a restless night from there on out. Of course he wasn't about to tell her all that, not since she was trying so hard not to make them worry too much about her so he grinned.

"Yeah, no problem falling asleep." He lied easily, still unsure of where the line in their friendship was, what he could and couldn't do. What was too much boyfriend territory versus best friend territory. It was hard to tell the difference most of the time.

She smiled, happy to hear the lie at least. "What are you doing up so early then?"

"Actually I need to finish my homework before next lesson. I meant to get it done last night, but honestly, it's a lot easier to put it aside than to actually do it. Way easier to find excuses to anyways." She chuckled, a genuine one and he grinned.

"What subject?"

"Charms."

Her best subject. "Want some help?"

"Definitely." He didn't even hesitate as he took out his notebook and the parchment that had what he had managed to complete of his homework the night before. He handed it over so that she could read it and did so, nodding as she came to the end.

"What you have so far looks good, how much more are you needing before you have enough." He measured and found that he was four inches shy of what he needed. "Add a paragraph about the contrasting charm and then an example of how it can be used in real life situations, Professor Hugo loves that kind of stuff."

It hadn't ever occurred to James to add a paragraph about the opposite charm that went with this one, but it certainly made since, and it would certainly help in the long run as far as his other homework assignments. She scooted the parchment back over and he quickly went to work finishing it up, only having to cross out a few things. Then after he signed his name at the bottom he handed it back over and she read it through all over again. She nodded when she finished and he grinned in triumph, pleased that at least this time he wouldn't get a mark off for not being able to manage the full amount of parchment that he was supposed to be using.

"It's good, I think you'll get a high enough grade on this one."

"Thanks Lily, that helped a lot."

"I just made a suggestion, you're the one that did most of the work."

"Still your suggestion just saved my grade in that class." He rolled up his homework and stuffed it back in his bag.

"Any other homework you needed help with."

"Nope just Charms, everything else I have under control. Well we do have a potions lab but there's no way to practice that since it will be random."

"You're not that bad at potions so I don't think it will be an issue."

"Aren't you friends supposed to be arriving soon?" he asked before the lack of talking could become awkward.

As with every time that her friends from the Hunt Organization were mentioned her face lighted up in the way that it used to before she had left. He had heard the others, particularly Meg, mention how it made them a little jealous, but James wasn't going to begrudge her any kind of happiness that she was able to find for herself these days.

"Yeah, they should be coming in the next couple of days. They didn't say the specific date and I figured by the time I sent an owl to them they would probably already have arrived. Besides it'll be like have a surprise present show up and who doesn't like surprise presents?"

James chuckled. "There aren't many people who don't. you've talked these people up so much I'm hoping they can live up to their reputations when I do finally meet them in the flesh."

"They will, I think the only one that anyone will have a problem with will be Hazel and once you get used to her I think you'll like her." She was a little hesitant when she said it because Hazel was special, she had the kind of personality that made you either like her or hate her, there was very little of a gray area with her.

"Considering how much you like them I'm sure we will as well." He assured her and was glad to see that she looked a little relived. It obviously meant a lot to her that they like them as much as she did, so he would do his best to do just that.

They talked of a few other things but by that time the great hall was beginning to fill up and the others soon trailed in. They joined them and James watched as Lily laughed and talked with them but slowly began to withdraw into herself as well. The others seemed not to notice though and soon they were heading to the next class.

Several days passed, with still no sign of Hazel, Erik, Gerald and Alex, and Lily was not doing so well. She had gone to Madame Anne again but the sleepless potion did less than it had the last time and she saw no need to continuing going when it wasn't going to help her. The others noticed that she began to grow more pale again and the shadows darker under her eyes and she began to excuse herself frequently now, unable to fake a cheerful attitude. The difference she soon discovered was that she kept expecting her other friends to show up and each day that they didn't she got a little worse. Her control was slipping and James was now not the only one to notice. Even though every evening before she went to sleep she used up as much of her wandless magic as she was able to she still awoke in the middle of the night sending out waves of it, shattering several things only to have to repair them a moment later.

It was just around lunch time, they were heading down to the great hall when Lily caught the level of noise and her chest seized in panic. Someone ran past them screaming at her friend and she was instantly transported back to that night, hearing another one's screams and before she could think she sat down hard, hand flying to her chest and eyes tightly closed.

"Lily!" Meg called in worry rushing over, they had gone a few steps ahead before they had noticed that she was no longer with them. Lily opened her eyes and seeing how close Meg was she quickly scrambled away breathing jagged as she fought to control the wandless magic that was threatening to come out. Meg reeled back a little, clearly hurt at Lily's reaction because she didn't understand where it was coming from, but James could see the blind panic in her eyes and he at least understood a little of what is going on.

"Just…give me a minute." Lily gasped out, her whole body shaking. Meg attempted to come closer. "No don't!" Lily said scrambling farther away.

Meg stood backing away, hurt and not knowing what to do. The others gathered as well, careful to keep her blocked from anyone who might look over and wonder what was going on. They watched as Lily struggled to control her breathing until she was finally able to take a deep breaths more regularly. Her entire body stopped shaking but as she slowly used the railing of the stairway to pull herself into a standing position they could see that her fingers were trembling.

"Are you okay? James asked quickly, still not stepping closer until she gave the all clear. She had, if possible gone even more pale with whatever attack had just struck her.

Slowly she nodded, but she wouldn't look them in the eye. "Sorry, I'm okay now." She stepped away and though she swayed slightly she managed to stand up right.

"Lily, what's going on? What just happened?" Sam asked softly.

"It's nothing, please don't worry about it." She couldn't tell them what was wrong, not without falling into the deep end once more. Not without surrendering to the darkness that was just beckoning to be released.

"Bullshit Lily." Meg snapped.

"Meg." Sirius said, placing a hand on her back.

"No, you always do this Lily, keep things bottled up instead of talking to us. Tell us what's wrong, maybe we can help." She insisted.

"You can't fix this Meg." Lily whispered, taking another step away from Meg, from all of them.

"Only because you won't let us try. What happened to you Lily? What happened in that final battle?" she demanded again.

Remus watched worried as Lily lost what little color she had remaining and her eyes widened and James notices that several of the things on the walls around them were beginning to shake a little.

"No!" Lily shouted and then ran past them, down the steps across the entrance hall just as the doors opened and up the other stairs, blindly heading to Madame Anne's in the hope that a calming serum could be used, could stop the oncoming swell of darkness that was hovering just on the horizon in an attempt to sweep over her. She heard the others shout at her to stop but she couldn't, she needed to get to Madame Anne's before she lost all control.

"Stop running away Lily." Meg yelled, but there was an answering yell and it was from James.

"Meg Shut Up!" James bellowed. This stopped the others and Meg wheeled at him, turning all her frustration and anger towards him instead.

"Shut up, shut up? Excuse me for wanting to know what happened to my friend to make her a ghostly image of herself. Excuse me for wanting to know what happened to hurt her so badly and why she has so many scars. Excuse me for trying to get her to talk to us so that we can help."

"Everything you said was all about you, how you can feel better around Lily. Did you ever stop to think she might have a perfect valid reason for not telling us yet? Have you ever once thought on what would be best for Lily instead of for yourself?" he demanded.

She blinked at him, they all did. "It's not like she Alice about to go down the rabbit hole. It's just the answer to a few questions, ones that might get the old Lily back."

Lily, who had almost reached the other end of the corridor stopped dead in her tracks, her vision becoming blurry, as a single word from what Meg had said reverberated in her skull. Alice…Alice…Alice. The five of them stopped glaring at each other when they noticed that the tiny hairs on their arms were beginning to stand up and there was a slight crackle in the air that felt like magic. Eyes wide James whirled to where Lily was standing to see her hair was slowly beginning to stand on its own, her whole body was shaking and her eyes, never before had he seen an expression like the ones in her eyes, even when she had awoken from the dream and realized she had hurt him. It was heartbreak and tragedy, rage and hatred, all rolled up into a ball of darkness.

"Lily?" he whispered taking a hesitant step towards her.

"No…NO…NOOOO!"

Like an explosion the magic released from her, it ripped through the hallway, every window and piece of glass shattering into a thousand tiny pieces. Screaming the five of them ducked only to be thrown violently back from the wave of wandless magic that hit them with all the force of a speeding truck. James rolled with it and quickly stood, though it seemed like he was facing a storm the magic was pushing him back so hard. Lily was at the center of it, curled up in a ball screaming, a sound so horrible that it seemed as if she was breaking into two. He tried to get to her, shouting her name, but he barely made it a few steps before the magic ripped through him once more.

"Lily!" three voice called to her and he turned in time to see two guys and girl shove their way through their group and batting the magic made progress to her inch by inch.

"Lily, sweetie, listen to my voice." The woman called out, getting closer. "It's Hazel Lily, I'm right here. You're at Hogwarts, I'm at Hogwarts, you're not in that forest anymore." Whatever she had said seemed to trigger something in her because the wind that had been called forth through her magic lessened just a bit. Hazel Erick and Gerald pushed through and finally reached her, all of them kneeling down.

"Lily, open your eyes and look at me." Hazel gently placed her hands over Lily own which had taken to covering her ears. "Look at me Lily, it's Hazel, when you open your eyes all you're going to see is me Erik and Gerald, nothing else I promise."

The wind lessened a bit more and slowly Lily cracked open her eyes only to find that she was indeed staring back at her.

"Too much blood…" she whispered eyes wide in an unseen horror. "…burning away at the flesh….too much blood…can't save her….can't…can't…." she began to hyperventilate and Gerald immediately gathered her up in her arms.

"Shh Lily, think of something else, tell me your favorite book, you're favorite scene in your favorite book, your favorite character. Tell me what they look like." He rubbed his arm on her back.

"Dead…she died…couldn't save her…." Lily whispered again, and then the last of the magic dropped completely as Lily began to sob and Gerald rose on his feet, still cradling Lily in his arms. As he stood the sleeves of his shirt rode up and they saw that he shared the same type of scars that Lily did, in fact, they all had some on them.

"I know Lily, I know." He walked her down the hallway, heading to the infirmary while Erick and Hazel watched, concerned. The minute they were out of sight Hazel whirled to face them and the look she gave them was nothing short of murderous.

"Hazel." Erik warned but it was too late. She stormed over until she was only a couple of feet away from them and though James, Sirius and Remus all stood taller than her, under the glare of her wrath they felt incredibly small.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" she hollered.

"Who are you?" Meg demanded, trying to put on a brave face though she was shaken by what she had witnessed.

"I'm the person who just saved you stupid asses, and the only reason I did that is because if Lily had hurt you she would have felt even worse and the last thing that girl needs is her fucking idiots of so called friends making her feel even worse." She spat at them.

"We were just trying to help." Sam said softly, coming to Meg's defense.

"No, you were trying to make yourselves feel better about this whole situation. You have no idea what she went through and yet you're going to try to force it out of her because suddenly you know enough in your seventeen years of life to figure it would be okay to ask questions about an event that has so clearly left her scarred."

They looked down and Erik, sighing, stepped in between Hazel and them. He gently turned her around in the direction of the infirmary. "Hazel go check on Lily."

"Why?"

"Because she's going to need you, if nothing else to help her change into comfortable sleep clothes before she passed out. Gerald isn't exactly up for a task like that." She scowled at him but he simply pushed her down the hallway and throwing curses at them all she stormed off. Erik waited until she was out of earshot before turning back to the cowed and slightly shame-faced group of five standing before him.

"Thank you." Sam spoke up.

"Don't get me wrong, the way Hazel phrased it was a little wrong, but what she said was right. You don't know what Lily had to go through that last week before she was able to come home. Even in your nightmares I don't think you'd be able to imagine it. God knows the amount of damage you've caused."

"I really didn't mean any harm." Meg whispered tearing up.

Erik smiled at her. "I know, you were just trying to help in the way you thought you could. Let me tell you something though, it's not that Lily doesn't want to tell you, she thinks the world of you all, talked about you all the time. It's that she can't talk to you about it, because she can't even face it herself yet. What you saw right now, was a small taste of what she is capable of doing when forced to confront some of those things she witnessed. Right now the best thing you can do for her is accept her as the shadow of the person she was, and slowly she'll get better, and slowly she will be able to talk to you about some of what she experienced when she was with us."

"Will she be okay?" Remus asked.

"Eventually yeah, but it's going to take time. That's the only thing that's going to work."

"Can we go see her?" Sirius asked.

"No, I'm sorry but I can't let you. Give her a day or so, let her rest in the infirmary. But I don't want you near her until then. I may be more understanding than Hazel but I'm still pretty pissed at you as well."

"Will you at least tell her we're sorry?" Meg asked.

"I'll pass it along." They nodded and began to file away but Erik called out to them. "Wait, messy haired boy, you stay, the rest of you can head to class."

Messy haired boy could only mean James and when he turned around he found that Erik was indeed staring at him. He nodded to the others then walked back to where Erik was standing. Erik didn't speak until the others were gone then glanced over at James.

"You're James right?" He nodded. "We heard you trying to get them to shut up."

"I came across Lily when she was having one of her nightmares." He began to explain but Erik nodded already understanding what must have happened. "Will she really be okay?"

"Yeah, it might take some time, but she really will be." He hesitated but forged on. "Look I'm telling you because you seem to have the best grasp on what's wrong with Lily and I don't want them asking too many questions which I don't think you will. There was a little girl involved, her name was Alice, she's the trigger for Lily. Try to see if you can get your friends not to say that name."

James remembered then, just before everything had gone to hell, Meg had mentioned Allice and the rabbit hole. He also remembered her whispered words that she was dead, that she hadn't been able to save her. He understood some of the implications now and Erik nodded, looking grim.

"She said you were smart and picked up on things quickly. Think you can handle that?"

"I'll see it taken care of."

"Good, then I'll see you later James." Then he nodded, waved his wand so that everything swept up and went to its rightful place and headed to the infirmary. James meanwhile turned the opposite direction, no matter how much he wanted to follow Erik, and realized that he had lost his appetite during all of this. As he came upon his friends at the bottom of the staircase he wondered just how he was going to tell them about the Alice thing without them asking too many questions.

Erik meanwhile walked in to find Gerald standing on the other side of some closed curtains and the quiet murmurs of Lily and Hazel from within them. He came and stood next to him and Gerald silently asked him if it was all taken care of and Erik nodded in confirmation. Some of the tension in Gerald lessoned and he turned back to the curtains just as they moved aside and they saw Lily sitting up in bed, Hazel having helped her change into comfortable clothes. Madame Anne dropped a potion next to the bed and told her to take it when she was ready and gave a strict warning to her three visitors that they were not to overdo it or she would kick them out whether they liked it or not. Madame Anne had not changed one bit since the time they had left till now and it was somewhat comforting to find that out.

"How are you feeling?" Gerald asked as they all took spots on the bed though it hardly seemed large enough to hold them all.

"Pretty shitty." She confessed, glancing down slightly in shame. Erik reached over and popped her chin lightly to where she looked up.

"One step at a time Lily, it's the best you can do, and it's all anyone can ask of you. We all have our breaking points and we all have ways we react to them so don't be ashamed that you reached yours today."

She nodded and smiled faintly. "When did you guys get here?"

"Actually we arrived just as you ran by, which is how we happened to be there all convenient like. Alex came about thirty minutes before you, I imagine he's either still with Dumbledore or he's checking up on his daughters."

"His daughters were so thrilled to hear that they were going to be able to see him." Lily said her smile widening just a bit.

"That will last until he embarrasses them and then they'll want him to leave." Hazel said

"And we all know Alex, it won't take him long to embarrass them." Gerald quipped and they all laughed in agreement. "No doubt he'll also be by later to check on you as well. He's been pretty worried about you lately, we all have." He added.

"I am doing a little better, you just happened to catch me on a bad day."

"Wouldn't have been a bad day if it hadn't been for you fucking idiot friends." Hazel said her face dropping into a fierce scowl.

"Hazel." Erik Gerald and Lily chorused at the same time.

"Hey I am not apologizing, especially when it's the truth."

Lily's little daydream that they would all get along, especially with Hazel was slowing going up in flames in her imagination. Still she was so glad to see all three of them that she decided that she would just deal with the inevitable tension that would arise between her two groups of friends.

"Are they okay?" she asked slowly.

"None of them were hurt." Erik assured her and she sagged in relief.

"Though it would serve them right."

"Hazel!" They all chorused again.

"Not apologizing."

"And what about how Lily would have felt if she knew she had hurt them."

Hazel glanced over at Lily then she shook her head. "That would suck, but they still would have deserved it."

Lily laughed, truly laughed, and shook her head at Hazel. "Oh Hazel I don't know why I expected you to have changed but you haven't one bit."

"Of course I haven't changed, I doubt I ever will."

"Still you managed to become friends with me even after you were determined not to, so you can change, just very, very slowly." Lily pointed out.

"Yeah well, you're special." She replied gruffly.

Lily beamed to hear that but thought it was enough teasing for now. "I really am glad to see you all." She said taking long hard looks at all three of them, already feeling better now that they were here. She doubled back to Erik and Gerald. "Did you ask your girlfriends?"

Erik and Gerald exchanged glances before Erik reached inside his robe and came out brandishing an elegant card. Grinning they handed over to Lily who received it with the proper amount of enthusiasm. When they had given Hazel hers she had simply shrugged and mumbled something about possibly making it. Opening it she found that they would be having a double wedding and they had already chosen a date in the middle of July in which they would be getting married. It was clear that their girlfriends were not going to be wasting any time and it was also clear that they had already been planning this for a while, long before the boys actually proposed.

"Congratulations! I will definitely be there. I look forward to meeting them."

"They want to meet you too, heard about you saving our lives a couple of times over. You're going to be one of the guest of honors, and you also will have the very important job of keeping Hazel in check because when she gets some firewhiskey in her she gets downright vulgar." Gerald said, expertly avoiding the smack that Hazel sent his way while Erik nodded his agreement with what he had said.

Lily laughed. "I can do that too. Where will you all be staying while you're here."

"Not sure, Dumbledore said he would have something set up for us, gosh knows the castle is big enough that it can spare a few rooms for us. Besides we won't all be here all the time." Erik explained.

"What do you mean?"

"There's still some paperwork and other things at the office that we need to stay on top of, not to mention Erik and I have some wedding plans that we'll unfortunately have to be a part of. So we'll be coming and going. Alex will be staying here the entire time and at least one of us will always be with him so you don't have to miss us too badly."

"Don't worry Lily, I'll volunteer to stay behind, they can do all my paperwork for me. It's a sacrifice, but one that I'm willing to make."

All three of them snorted. "Yeah right, we're not letting you get out of it that easily. I don't care if you stay here the entire time, but if you do I am definitely bringing your paperwork with me after I visit the office because I sure as hell am not doing your share." Erik said with a roll of his eyes.

"We'll see." Challenge clearly accepted.

Gerald glanced over to the clock and looked back at Lily. "We really need to go and check in with Dumbledore and Alex, see where we're going to be sleeping, and anything else we need to take care of. Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine, don't worry. Madame Anne knows what to do if anything goes wrong." She assured them.

They nodded and all stood. "We'll be back later, and so will Alex." Hazel said and leaned over giving her a hug, Erik and Gerald quickly giving her one as well before they filed out, saying goodbye to Madame Anne who watched them leave with her slight disapproving air that she always seemed to have.

Lily ignored the potion that was sitting beside her table, she didn't think it would do any good since the last time it hadn't, and besides that she felt empty, that last outburst seemed to have drained all the wandless magic she had in her, or at least she certainly hoped that it had. So she curled up on her side and wondered how her friends were, if they really were all right of if they had just told her that so she wouldn't feel any guiltier than she already did. She wondered what they thought of her now, now that they knew that she was losing control, that she was just a shattered mess and nothing like what she used to be. She could feel the tears begin to swell then angrily shook her head, she was finished with crying if she could help it, she had done more of her fair share lately and she was ready to stop. Of course that was easier said than done. Though she tried to fight it she found herself dozing off and her last conscious thought was more like a prayer that she would not have any dreams this time around, that she could at least get a little sleep.

She woke some time later to the sound of hushed talking and as she slowly became aware of her surrounding she was overwhelmingly relieved to realize that her prayer must have been answered for no nightmares had plagued her for however long she had fallen asleep. She slowly peeled open her eyes to see that Hazel, Erik, Gerald and now Alex were on a bed not far from her talking amongst themselves, clearly trying to keep the noise to minimum so as not to wake her from the rare sleep she was managing to get. Alex glanced over and smiled when he saw that she was awake. He broke off the conversation with the others and walked over to her bed. He sat down and brushed some stray hair behind her ears, very much the father figure.

"Hey sleepy, Madame Anne said you've been out for about five hours and not a single sign of nightmares."

"Hi Alex." She said her smile wider than even when she had been talking to the other three earlier. "It is a miracle." She agreed. "How did your daughters react when they saw you?" she asked as the others came over as well.

Alex's entire face brightened at the very mention of it. "They actually ran up and gave me a hug in front of everyone they knew. It was amazing." He laughed. "Of course it won't last but I am determined to enjoy it while it does."

"I don't know it might last longer than you think. They were pretty worried about you from what I saw when I first came back, and they're smart girls, they understand just how much danger your job really puts you in which makes the time they spend with you all the more precious."

"You sure do have a way of saying the right things at the right time." Alex complimented.

"I try."

"Well I certainly hope you're also right in this situation, it feels like ages since I've last seen my girls and I look forward to seeing them for several months before the next assignment comes across our desk and its back out in the field." He studied her with a slight frown. "So how are you really doing Lily?"

She could try to belittle everything she was going through with anyone else, but there was something about Alex that pretty much made it impossible. "I still am not sleeping all that well, I'm twitchy and still don't like loud noises, but I was able to say her name to Professor Dumbledore without completely losing myself, and every once in a while I get a good memory of her, though I don't have very many of them. So small steps, a tiny little progress." She admitted.

"Still that's better than a few weeks ago and that's a good thing. Baby steps are better than no steps at all. You're doing amazing."

She nodded, not sure she felt the same way, she would like to have made more progress, but she did have to admit it was a little bit of an improvement over the days she had spent in the hospital before coming back to Hogwarts. All four of them stayed and talked for a while until the light faded in the windows and Madame Anne came out of her office and shooed them away, determining that, despite her protests otherwise, Lily would remain in the hospital wing overnight. Of course once Madame Anne had made up her mind about something there would be no changing it so after goodnights were exchanged the four of them trudged out and left Lily alone to deal with a lecturing Madame Anne who let her know under no circumstances was she to overdo it in the next few days, and then proceeded to tell her exactly what she meant when she said overdoing it. Lily listened without complaint until Madame Anne was fully satisfied and when she finally returned to her office Lily pulled the covers up and slowly relaxed, feeling more calm than she had in a long time.

While Lily had spent the day in Madame Anne's James and the others had skipped their afternoon classes and gathered together in Meg and Sam's room. Sirius rubbed comforting circles on Meg's back who had remained upset even after the others had assured her that Lily was going to be okay. She wiped away a tear, and then glanced up at James. None of them had really spoken since they had trudged into the room, all of them lost in their own thoughts.

"You knew something was going on with Lily didn't you?" It wasn't an accusation, but she remembered the words he had said before Lily had lost control of her magic.

"I stumbled across her one day when she was inside resting. She was having a nightmare, whatever it was caused her to wake up screaming, and she instinctively lashed out with her wandless magic. I've known since then that something really bad had happened to her." He admitted, feeling better for finally telling someone, for finally not being the only one to know that something truly terrible had happened to Lily. Remus, being quick, put together his words with the day he had returned from picking up a book in his room looking more troubled than usual.

"Why didn't you tell us then?" Sam asked, again he could tell it wasn't an accusation, she was genuinely curious.

"Because she asked me not to. She knew how much we were worrying about her, and more importantly, she assured me that this was something that nobody could solve. It wasn't that type of a problem." He paused the continued. "I decided to trust Lily, because I haven't always done a good job of doing that in the past, and more than that when she looked at me that day there was such unimaginable panic in her eyes that I couldn't bring myself to cause her more pain, not when I could see just how much she was already in."

"There's really nothing that we can do then?" Remus asked.

"There has to be something right? She shouldn't have to do this on her own." Sirius added.

"I think the others will be able to help her more than we can at the moment. Whatever it is Lily went through those four were there as well. They're probably the only ones who know how to help, we can't because we were safe in the castle while they were fighting a war. There is one thing that we can do though."

"What?" Sam and Meg asked at the same time.

"Erik said she has a trigger, something that causes her to lash out, I guess as a way of preserving her mind. The trigger is the word Alice. There's something about that name that causes her pain, so no more mentioning it if we can help it, and maybe you could hide you Alice in Wonderland books in here."

"We can do that." Remus said aloud for all of them.

"And we can accept her, I won't push any more, I won't ask any more questions." Meg assured them quietly.

"When can we go see her?" Sam asked.

"They said to give her a day or so, let her have a little time to herself."

They nodded and they lapsed back into silence, lost in their thoughts once more. Sometime later James walked into his and Lily's dorm and glanced around, as if lost as to what to do next. He found himself heading to Lily's room, opening it and gently stepping inside. He greeted Ella and Harry then walked over to the bookshelf, skimming it, only to find that her own Alice in Wonderland copies were already missing from the shelf and he realized she must have done it some time ago. He headed to the living room and set up at a table there, deciding that he might as well try and get some of his homework done. He worked on it for a little while, until finally, curiosity getting the best of him he went into his room emerging moments later carrying the marauders map. Once opened he immediately located the infirmary and saw that Lily was there, her name surrounded by four others and he was glad to see that they at least were still with her, he didn't like the idea of her being on her own at the moment. He sat back down and attacked his homework once more, stopping every once in a while to check on the map.

He hadn't realized how much time had passed until he yawned so loudly that he actually heard his jaw pop just a bit. He winced, massaging it lightly then glanced out the window to see it completely dark. He stood and stretched and looked down at the map to see that it was now just Lily there, the other four names having moved to a set of rooms not too far from this one. He frowned and picked up the map, glancing at it just in time to see the small figure of Lily get up from her bed and move over to the window ledge and sit down. He frowned, thinking that she should at least be getting some sleep, but then putting together all the clues he had gathered throughout the day realized that sleeping was probably the worst thing for her. When you were awake you could control your thoughts to an extent, when you were dreaming you lost that control.

He glanced over to the stash of food that was always lying around in their room and more specifically to some of the chocolate that Lily loved so much. He shook his head, trying to dispel the thought that had popped up. He was told to give her time, sneaking up to give her chocolate was not giving her time. Besides that one encounter with Hazel had left him sure that if she caught him anywhere near her at the moment she would kick his ass and he could admit to himself at least that he would not be on the winning side if it came down to it. Hazel looked like the type of person who worked out a lot more consistently then he did and she also looked like the kind of person who played and fought dirty. Still before his rational mind could continue to list all the reasons why what he was thinking was stupid he found himself grabbing the chocolate, the map and his invisibility cloak and slipping out the door before he could think better of it.

It wasn't a challenge at all to slip through the hallways without being detected. He double checked as he neared the infirmary through to see that Lily was still sitting at the window ledge, Madame Anne was still in her small room that adjoined the infirmary and the four friends of Lily were still in their room on the other side of the castle. With all that information confirmed he finally made it to the infirmary and slipped inside quietly. He made sure to make just enough noise that Lily would hear him coming but not enough to draw out Madame Anne from her room. Having seen how quickly Lily reacted when startled it was the last thing that he wanted to do. She turned, having indeed heard the sound and frowned glancing around but not being able to see him since he was still underneath the invisibility cloak. James pulled it off and grinned at her surprised reaction.

"James, what are you going here?"

He held up the chocolate as he approached. "I saw that you were awake on the map and thought you might be able to use a bit of a pick me up, considering the crappy day you've had."

She smiled, whether at the chocolate or his lame attempt at a joke he didn't particularly care. "Thank you."

James came down and sat next to her on the window sill and handed over the chocolate. She opened it with a deep sniff, apparently it wasn't just the taste of chocolate she liked but the smell as well. She broke it in half and handed one of them to James and he readily took it for he realized it just then but he hadn't gotten down to the Great Hall for either lunch or dinner and he was in fact actually hungry. They ate in silence for a time, until the last of the chocolate was devoured then Lily tossed the trash away.

"It was delicious, definitely hits the spot."

"I noticed you tended to go towards chocolate when you were upset or stressed."

She nodded because it was true. "Are you and the others really okay?"

"None of us were hurt Lily, I promise. The others are a little shook up but nothing more than that."

"Meg must be really hurt."

"She was at the beginning but I think she finally gets it now, that you were never out to hurt her, that she needs to be patient which we both know for her is definitely not an easy task to accomplish." Lily chuckled in agreement. "We're on your side Lily. We may not always show it like we should but we are on your side."

"I still feel bad though."

"Well don't. I know you can't talk about what happened now and that okay because I don't need to know. I want to know, but I don't need to know. Therefore whenever you're ready I'll be ready to hear it, but until then you'll get no pressure from me."

"You really are a wonderful friend James. Thank you."

"Of course, it's what friends are for." He shifted getting into a more comfortable position. "So now that I've met them and have a face for who you've spoken about, why don't you tell me a few more stories about these new friends of yours, especially that Hazel. Tell me how to get into her good graces because honestly she scares the crap out of me."

Lily laughed, quickly muffling it with her hand after throwing a worried glance at Madame Anne's door, relieved when there was no sound from beyond it. So Lily happily obliged, telling him more stories, and sadly not being able to give him any hints on how to get on Hazel's good side since the only reason she had ever managed to do so was by saving the life of Erik. Still, she did mention the things that Hazel liked the most in case he just wanted to buy some of that and use it to bribe her at a later time. He was sure to mentally note the items she listed and hoped that in the morning he would still be able to remember.

James was telling her a story this time, about some prank or another they pulled while she was gone, he was pretty sure no one had told her this one before when he felt a light pressure on his side and glanced over to see that sometime during his tale Lily had fallen asleep and tipped over to where she was leaning on him. Smiling he summoned a blanket and gently laid it over her. He wasn't going to stay much longer, he just didn't want to risk moving too quickly and waking her, so he told himself he would only stay like that for a little bit but before he even realized it he had drifted off to sleep as well.

Hazel, Erik and Gerald walked in the following morning to see them still asleep on the window ledge. Lily had curled into James side sometime during the night, just like she had done when they used to take naps together during the happier times of their relationship. Sometime during the night James had wrapped an arm around her, unconsciously pulling her closer. At first, seeing him when she was still pissed Hazel swelled up, clearly ready to fight and even took two steps forward when she stopped abruptly, really getting a good look at Lily's face. It was calm and peaceful, and Hazel hadn't seen her look like that since before that night, before Alice. Even when Lily had been in the hospital afterwards and been asleep it seemed like there was always a part of her that was struggling inside, but right now, wrapped up in James's arms there was no sign of that struggle. Erik and Gerald seemed to notice it too for they exchanged surprised glances and wondered if they really should wake her up when she was sleeping that well.

Hazel whirled around and shoved them both out, quickly following them and closing the door behind her. Once they were a fair distance away she finally stopped shoving them.

"What's this, I was sure you were going to go over there and beat the crap out of that boy." Gerald said with a chuckle.

"Don't get me wrong I had every intention of doing that, I mean the nerve of that kid to sneak in there after what he and his stupid friends did." She fumed just thinking about it.

"So why didn't you."

"Didn't you see how well Lily was sleeping? I may not like the guy, though he seemed a shade better than the others, but I'm not going to deny Lily that peaceful of sleep. I'll just find a way to punish him later."

Erik shook his head. "You do that Hazel, and while you're coming up with those scenarios lets go get something to eat."

The three of them headed towards the great hall, all of them thinking back to the two kids sleeping in the infirmary, hoping beyond hope that James would continue to help Lily in any way that he was able to.

Hello one and all. Here's that update I do every once in a blue moon, when the voice of Lily starts bugging me like nothing else. She can be an incredible persistent voice, managing to haunt me in my dreams both when I'm asleep and when I'm awake. Still I don't mind because I like revisiting this story, it holds a special place in me. For any of you who are still reading I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I cannot tell you at all when I might get another chapter up, my history of doing so is spotty at best, but I do have an idea of where it's going to go so you never know, I may actually be able to get the next one up quicker (still don't hold your breath)

Love to everyone out there who still reads this!

Maddie.