"Not Even If You Were the Last Man on Earth!!"

By: Kali Edoscope

Genre: 95%Humor/5%Romance

Rating: PG-13 for swearing, and slight homosexuality

Warnings: Shonen-ai between Seto and Joey...but not for a LONG, LONG (agonizing) time, door abuse, and frequent references to hyenas.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Yu-Gi-Oh; they belong to whatever the guy's name is who created it. I cannot spell his name correctly, so I will not disgrace the genius by spelling his name wrong. No money whatsoever is being made from this fan fiction. The end.

a/n = author's note

a/c = author's comment

Chapter 1: The Second Best Day of the Year

It was the best day of the entire year. Well, actually, the second best. Christmas is always the best day of the year, hands down. But today...today was the last day of school. The day of freedom, the day of relaxation, the day where you played pranks on your least favorite teacher in revenge for all they've done to you for the past school year, and not have to worry about detention. Yes, today there was much rejoicing at Domino High. (a/c: Monty Python Yay!)

Joey Wheeler was one of these rejoicers, and also one of those who rejoiced the loudest. It was the last period of the day, and he had finally cooled down enough to have a decent conversation with his friends.

"So, Joey, what are you planning on doing this summer?" Yugi asked casually.

"Meh, nothin' much, really. Hang out wit' you guys, of course, but maybe I'll get a shudder job or somethin'," Joey responded.

"Aw, that's boring," Téa interjected, "You should find love!"

Joey burst out laughing, "Oh, yeah right!! Me? LOVE?! Dat's a riot!" The teen proceeded to then pound on his desk in uncontrollable laughter.

Téa pouted, but continued, "Who knows? I mean, it could even be Seto Kaiba!"

Joey choked back on his laughter, glancing over at the said millionaire who sat a few desks away from them, reading a thick book written in Latin. "You have GOT tah be kidding me! Me and Kaiba, a couple?!?!? Dat's just...unimaginable! We absolutely can't STAND each other! I wouldn't fall in love wit' him, even if he was da last man on Earth! And, also, I'M NOT GAY!" The New York accented teen argued.

"Suuure you're not," Grinned Tristan.

The poofy-haired blonde's eyes narrowed, "Hey, just because you guys are all gay, doesn't mean I have tah be." It was true, all of his friends were gay, including Téa. Heck, even his little sister was a lesbian! Not that it mattered to him, of course, but sometimes he wondered if he was the last straight man that he knew.

"Ah, but Joey, life becomes more fun on the gay side," Tristan snickered, imitating Darth Vader (a/n: Of which I do not own.).

"Yes, Joey...become one of us," Ryou joined in.

"One of us, Joey!" Yugi encouraged in a demonic tone. The gang backed Joey into a corner, chanting, "One of us! One of us!"

"AAAAHHHH!!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!!" Joey pleaded to the air, hands protecting his face from the staring eyes of his friends.

"Oh, relax, Joey, you know we're only kidding," Yugi chuckled, pulling back slightly and no longer acting like a demonic creature.

Joey let out a breath he was holding in, and smiled, "Oh, I know. But still, you guys were creepin' me out!" He shivered slightly at the recent memory. He shrugged it off, and asked, "Hey, Yugi, whatcha gonna do dis summer?"

"Hmm...well, nothing too much I think. Wait, never mind," The tri-colored haired teen grinned, "I actually AM doing something cool this summer!!"

"Really, what?" Joey inquired, rather interested.

"I'm going to that cool new water park that opened up five miles from town!"

"WOW!!!! DAT'S SO COOL!!!!" The blonde exclaimed excitedly, "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TAH GO DERE!!"

"Man, I wish I could go, but I don't have enough money for the tickets," A dejected Tristan interjected.

The other members of the little gang sighed, being in the same situation. Then, Yugi grinned as wide as a Cheshire cat, "Hang on guys, there's a catch!" The group looked up, rather confused. "I got you guys tickets too!!!"

"WOW!!!!!" Exclaimed Tristan.

"YUGI, THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU'RE THE EPITOME OF TRUE FRIENDSHIP!!" Téa shouted above Tristan.

"Oh, that's splendid, Yugi! Thank you!" Spoke a soft-spoken Ryou Bakura.

And, the one that roared loudest of them all was Joey, who boomed, "YUGI, MAN, YOU ROCK!!!"

The short, but generous teen blushed slightly at all the attention, and kept mumbling that it was no big deal. But soon, a plan was arranged for when they would meet.

"Alright then, Joey, we'll call you tomorrow when everyone's ready, since we all know that we can't rely on you to pay attention to your alarm clock," Yugi concluded.

"Sounds good, Yug'," The blonde grinned, holding up a victory sign. At that moment, the last bell rang throughout the school, signaling the freedom of the students and the start of summer. The mass of students began to stampede towards the single, lonely door of the classroom that had to somehow let them all out without losing its hinges...which seemed rather impossible; that poor, pitiful door. But right as Joey Wheeler passed through the threshold to freedom, he heard his archenemy smirk from behind him. Yes, that's right, he could HEAR him smirk, it was that loud!

He froze, and slowly turned his head back and glared at the President of KaibaCorp., "Yeah, what do YOU want, Kaiba?"

"Oh, nothing," Kaiba smirked as he walked by, briefcase in hand, "I just find it rather amusing that you come when called, just like the obedient dog you are, Wheeler."

"Bastard," Joey muttered, "YOU BE GLAD I'M IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY!" He shook his fist angrily at the teenage CEO who was walking out the front doors of the high school. The blonde paused for a moment, thinking, "Aw, man, he was listenin' tah my conversation wit' da gang! I hope he wasn't listenin' too closely, otherwise he'd pester me for weeks on end! Well, whatevah, I'm goin' tah dat cool new water park tahmorrah!" With all concerned thoughts pushed out of his mind and instead filled with thoughts of water park fun, Joey Wheeler walked home a happy man.