A & D, and A & D, and A & D . . .
I do not own anybody in here except Griffin, Vannie, Jack, and anyone else I add.
Note: I have never played the game that Alucard is from, so if I get something totally wrong, I'm sorry. (The game is Castlevania: Symphony of the Night) Oh yeah, this Alucard is NOT the Hellsing Alucard . . .
D is riding through the desert. Again.
"What the crap, D? We've been riding around in this desert for ever! When were you planning on getting a bounty, anyway? I'm bored out of your palm."
D, naturally, doesn't answer. D's hand gets annoyed.
"This is so boring, and, I might add, risky. Remember when you got heat syndrome and Caroline nearly skewered you? Why the Hell won't you listen to me?!"
D doesn't even bat an eye. D's hand tries to look at him, but since D is gripping the reigns of his horse, it's a bit hard.
"Maybe you should just quit this whole bounty hunter business, it's such a sci-fi cliché. Whaddaya think? That's what I thought. You need a girl, you know that? I'm serious, it's been waaaaaaaaay too long. Actually, wait, you've never had a girl, what am I talking about? Oh yeah, and didn't you get a letter from your father the other day? Were you going to write him back? Are we visiting? About that girl, I think that a blonde would be nice. Bouncy, blue-eyed, long-legged . . . good cook, and she has reeeeeeeeaaaally big b—mmrph!"
D clenched his fist, essentially shutting the symbiote/parasite up. (Unenthusiastic applause from the people who find it annoying).
"Damn, it's getting really hot," D muttered to himself.
He looked ahead and saw a crumbling tower that's leaning severely. He made his way towards it.
"Stupid sun," D mumbled to himself.
The horse trotted towards the welcome shade, and nearly bumped into a coffin-thing.
"What the crap?!" exclaimed D.
"What?" his hand wondered, having just been released when D was surprised.
D stared at the coffin for a moment before . . .
"A vampire!" he realized.
"Where?" wondered D's hand, even more confused, since he couldn't see anything.
D leapt nimbly off of his horse and approached the coffin. He unbolted it.
"Why is it bolted?" D wondered aloud.
"How?" (A/N: you got it, left hand)
The coffin lid flew open, revealing a (super-hot . . . like D) death-pale man with long, white hair and archaic clothing. The stranger squints horribly and shades his eyes.
"What the crap?" he hissed.
"What the crap?" D said.
"Why?" said Left Hand.
"Who are you??" challenged the white-haired vampire, grimacing meanly, "Why'd you open my coffin? It's still freaking daytime! I'm trying to lock myself away for all eternity here!"
"Die, vampire!"
"When?"
Alucard flew out of his coffin in time to save himself from being impaled by D's sword.
"What is your problem?? I'm trying to do everyone a favor, here!" Alucard reached for his sword as a defence.
"What?" asked D, pausing a moment.
Alucard straighted his mussed hair before explaining, "I'm trying to freakin' eliminate my bloodline here, and then you go and wake me up. What's with you?"
Alucard transformed into a bat and attempted to fly away, but disappeared into a ball of fire when he touched the sunlight. He began to fly madly around D's head, squeaking.
D: sweat bead
"SQUEAK! SQUEAK!!!! CHEEP!! SQUEAK!! CHIRP!! EEK, EEK!!" (translation: crap! Total crap!! OWW, OWW!! HELP ME, YOU DIMWIT!! I'M ON FREAKIN' FIRE HERE!)
Alucard dodged the swipes from D's mega-long sword and continued to fly about wildly.
D's hand: ???????
Alucard flopped on the ground, reverted to his normal form and rolled over until he put the fire out. His once white hair had become grey . . .
D, since he had no idea what to make of this, decided to return to his normal strategy for handling strange vampires.
"Die, Vampire!"
Alucard again dodged a thrust from D's sword, and hid behind his coffin.
"I'm not even a vampire!" he protested, annoyed.
D paused, his sword point right over Alucard's head.
Alucard: sweat bead
"All right, then what are you?" D decided to give the white-and-ash haired vampire a chance.
"I'm a half-vampire, son of Dracula," grumbled Alucard sourly.
"Who?" piped up Left Hand, while the only thing that D could say was,
"………… a Dunpeal?" (a/n: or, if you prefer, Danpiru)
Alucard: ……………………
"Wow!" Left Hand chuckled, "Dracula must get around, 'cuz D here is also the son of Dracula."
D and Alucard looked at each other.
"What the crap?? I've got another brother?" D moaned.
"What the crap? I've got a brother?" Alucard wondered in disbelief.
"Go figure . . ." Left Hand shrugged . . . well, sort of, since he didn't have . . . SHOULDERS . . .
"I'm Alucard, if you're wondering," the white-haired Dunpeal . . . had calmed down and further straightened his hair by that time, and felt he should try to be civil.
"D."
"I'm his parasite."
Alucard finally noticed the other voice.
"What the crap?" he wondered, looking around for the source.
D showed Alucard his hand. Alucard got a sweat bead but decided not to ask.
"Nice to meet you," Left Hand grinned evilly, "D's a bounty hunter, he kills vampires."
Alucard: oo; …………….
D shook his head.
"I'm leaving," D turned to mount his horse.
"Wait! I wanna hunt vampires too!"
D: --; ………………
"At least I'd have someone new to talk to . . ." Left Hand tried to encourage D.