Sir, a master and commander fanfic

Sir

By Alone Dreaming

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. If I did, this would not be posted under fanfiction.

Author's Note: This story is AU, Movie-verse. It's a companion piece to my other two Four Things in Common and The Reckoning. It is AU because in this story, Padeen is a mute. It was due to a misunderstanding that he ended up a mute at all; both in this story and my last one. The fact is, he might as well be a mute. The only person he can communicate with is Stephen. Honestly, what sort of person only speaks an obscure form of Gaelic? Well, poor Padeen is a mute now because of his oddities. I apologize if it offends anyone.

I would like to thank everyone who read my last story. I would especially like to thank those who reviewed it: Squishy K, Misty Satin Dream, Frogorn, Kim Heggen, SilentTrainConductor, Thestral Dea, Gaeriel Palpatine, Boescribe and Reviewer. I would especially like to thank Boescribe for bringing up the point that Padeen is not a mute. To the Reviewer, I may write a story like you mentioned at some point but I'm not sure. It all depends on what muse bites me.

It may be a while before I post again. I want to write a longer fic for this section but I need to organize and research a bit. If anyone can send me some nice notes on book canon (important things only please) I would be utterly grateful. As an aforementioned warning, dearest Stephen shan't be a spy in my stories (frankly, it won't be relevant). I found the concept a bit too confusing. So, until next time, I love you all. Thank you for your support. I may put out a few smaller stories but the larger one shall be my baby. My email is alonewritersdreamyahoo.com

This is dedicated to Kayla who has been a great help both as a beta and as canon knowledge. I couldn't do much without you. Thank you very much. Here is your Padeen story.

I know you aren't awake, sir. In fact, I'd be very surprised if you were. Not that you sleep overmuch or anything, it's just you've been very tired as of late. I'd never hold that against you, of course, I just thought I would point it out. I didn't want you to think I was sitting here talking to you thinking you were awake. Besides, the Captain told me to watch you, sir, and so I'll do that. Talking to you just makes me feel better. It's awful quiet down here. It makes me feel frightened to a degree and sad. That's not your fault though, sir, so don't worry about it.

You are looking a bit better than you were before, sir, if it makes you feel any better. There's a bit more color in your face and your lips are quite as white as they were. It might just be because you were moving not to long ago, I'm not sure. I don't really understand medicine, and how one should look. All I know is that you look a bit more alive than you did before and that's a good thing. There is a lot of red with the color though, and I think that means your fever is up. I hope it's not up too high, sir. There's only so much the cold water I'm using can do.

Higgins is busy. I wish he wasn't so I could have him check up on you. He says he mustn't be disturbed because he's reading up on your books, see, and he says that'll help you a great deal. I won't dare disturb him. I want more than anything for you to get better, sir, so I'll make sure that Higgins has peace. The only person he's let near him is Killick, sir, because the Captain is having Killick tend to Higgins's needs. Killick's been a moanin' about it. I haven't really paid attention, you see, because I already know.

I'm sure you know as well, sir, that Higgins isn't really studying. He's drinking his brains out. I know that as well but I put a hope in him. I hope that he will actually study so I let him be. Maybe I'm wrong to do that but I can't take the chance that I will walk in on him when he is studying and throw off his concentration. Maybe I'm being too optimistic but it's the only thing I have right now, sir, with you so sick. I've only got the hope that you'll make it to land and that Higgins will be able to perform the operation.

I'm not dumb, sir, or half-witted. You know that, sir, and I love you for it. The crew knows it too, God love them. I'm not sure what I would do if everyone here thought I was stupid. Everyone at every port we go to considers me unintelligent, though, sir. I'm not though, sir. I am just as smart as any man on this ship. I just have a bit more hope in my heart because I know someone trusts in me and believes in me. Thank you for giving that to me, sir. I can't really express how much it means to me. Though you can see my actions, I can never tell you in words what you have done for me.

That might be why people think I'm stupid. In fact, I know it's why people think my brain is only half-developed. It's not true, sir, it's not. You know that! You saved me from the asylum I was in. You've told me that it's my vocal chords and that there is nothing I can do about it. It's not because my brain won't let me. Believe me, sir, I've tried to force out the sounds but it simply doesn't work. It's not my brain that's all wrong; it's something in my throat. I wish everyone could see that as you do.

You see a lot, sir, in everyone; not just in me. You mean a lot to this ship because of it. You fix us up, body and soul. Let me say thank you for the whole crew and ask you to live. If you left us, well, there would be too much of a hole here. Everyone would be so upset. It would be absolutely awful. I can't even think about it. It hurts far too much to express properly. It's not just me and the crew, sir. It's... well, it's the Captain as well.

I know you probably won't believe it. You told me how you were hurting right before the accident. I think it was the night before it happened. The days have sort of gone together since you were hurt. You told me how you felt so upset about the broken promise but you realized that the Captain had done the right thing. You even said you were going to go talk to him about it and apologize about your half. In fact, just now, you two were talking about it, I think. I'm not positive about it. I'm not even sure if the Captain got to say his part. He looked quite distressed.

That's right, he was here. You two were talking away for a while and then you fell back to sleep. He just left me with orders to watch you. He had to go to dinner or Killick would have had his head. I think he'll come back soon though, sir. He's right worried about you. He spent quite some time just sitting with you and taking care of you. He really does love you sir, if you don't mind me saying. I know you questioned it for a while but I know he loves you.

Why else would he turn around to go back to the Galapagos? Did you know that we were going back? I wonder if he told you. We've turned around and are a bit of travel away from there. He wants to make it up to you, sir. He knows he's hurt you and more than anything he wants things to be okay between the two of you again. I'm not sure why he finally decided to turn around but I have a strange suspicion that Mr. Pullings had something to do with it.

I think you are dreaming of something now, sir. Don't dream too hard and exhaust yourself. You need all your strength to survive. And, you really must stop sweating. You've sweat so much it won't be long before you are like the Christ; sweating your blood out because you have no more sweat in you. I really can't have that, sir. It would frighten me to death and it would probably give Higgins a panic attack. He's not even sure if he can give you the right tinctures to lower your fever much less stop you from sweating blood. It would be quite amusing to watch him run around yelling but I don't need you to go through that.

I think, once the Captain returns and relieves me of watching you, I'll go fetch some food. For you, sir, for I have already had my fill. You are starting to look right peaky. I can see your ribs. Now, when I say 'relieves' I don't mean to make you sound like a burden. You are most certainly not a burden. I just want to make sure I can get you something to eat if you decide to come 'round again. Food'll do you well, sir, and maybe even help you fight off your sickness.

Sir, I've said it before and I'll say it again; I'm scared. I'm afraid to lose you. I'm a makin' myself cry to admit it but it frightens me so. I couldn't bear to be here all alone. You are the person that takes care of me, sir. You brought me here, and you've done so much for me. You are my best friend, the one person who understands me. Even with those who are kind to me here, such as the Captain, I would not be able to stay on the ship. I would have to go back to the asylum again, I think; and by the time I reached it, I really would be insane.

I think you might be awakening, sir. I'd best wipe these tears away before I distress you. Mayhaps I should fetch Higgins so he can give you something for the pain. Wait- I cannot do that! Drat my luck, I promised the Captain I would care for you and I don't intend on breaking that promise. Oh well, maybe you shall be able to tell me what you need. With instructions, I could do anything. Your eyes are opening, sir and you are looking at me. Don't speak; conserve your energy....

"Padeen?" you say, your voice barely a whisper. "I had the strangest dream that Jack was here."

My eyes are bright as I nod. You have not forgotten, sir! But now I must convince you it was not a dream but it really happened. You see, sir, you must realize that he truly was here sitting at your side. I hold your hand tightly in one of mine and nod again. I try to motion with my other hand that Jack was indeed here.

"Was it not a dream?" you ask, looking slightly confused. "He was here?"

I am nodding, sir, and you are smiling now. That is well. You haven't been smiling as of late. I mean, you haven't had a reason to smile but all the same, I've missed it.

"So, he was here," you murmur as you start to drift back off. You look into my face and frown a bit. Don't frown, sir, especially not because of me. Just keep smiling for me. "Are you well Padeen? Don't tell me you've been crying....If you have, please say it wasn't for me."

I smile at you because it's the only thing I can do. I can't tell you that I was crying for you for it will distress you terribly. I can't tell you I was crying for something else because you'll ask for the whole story and that would drain you to listen to. Oh, and if I say that, sir, then I would be lying. I abhor lying, especially to you when you trust me so much. So, I pat your hand lovingly and wait for you to fall back to the world of dreams. But the truth is, sir, after all you've done for me-

I can't find a better reason to cry.

The End

Just a sweet little diddy from Padeen's point of view; I thought he deserved it, the poor, forgotten man. Please review. I love the reviews and they keep me writing.