A/N: This is a collaberation piece between myself and a friend who will also be posting this under her own FF.net ID (Crescent Lovegood) although it might be a different title. It is something we will work on taking place in the trio's 5th year, somewhat coinciding with OotP. It promises to be very funny and we intend to do what we promises. Isn't that right precious? I hope you all like reading it, and we would love to hear from you as well! Check out some of our other stuff as well (both of ours) if you haven't already!
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the characters, otherwise my roommate and I would be makin' the big bucks, but seeing as we are of humble living status... you get the point.
Chapter 1- The Girls' Bathroom
[The girls' bathroom; The Gryffindor girls are getting ready for another day at Hogwarts. Lavender and Parvati are crowned in curlers, discussing make-up tips. Alica has a towel wrapped around her head, waiting for Angelina to finish with the Sleakeazy hair gel. Ginny is sharing a sink with Hermione, trying to wash her face and avoid Hermione's toothpaste. Harry, Ron, Neville and Dean ender under the invisibility cloak.]
N: (Averting his eyes) I can't believe you guys talked me into this…
D: Lighten up and stop being such a wanky fruit.
H: Did you just call him a 'wanky fruit'?
N: (a little louder) I am not!
R: Shh! You are ruining the mood! (The boys walk over toward Angelina and Alica)
Al: Hurry up, you don't need to take so long!
An: My hair is thicker than yours.
Al: (under her breath) Your head is thicker.
An: What?
Al: Nothing. Just hurry.
An: My hair is mostly dry so I'll go get my shirt on. (Neville moves shyly to secretly look over Harry's shoulder. The boys move toward Hermione and Ginny, Ron leading.)
Her: So where were you last night?
G: Hanging out.
Her: With who?
G: Michael Corner.
Her: Did you go to his common room then?
G: No we met in the Room of Requirement.
Her: Really?
G: Yeah, and apparently he required a bed. (Ron's ears turn red. All the boys' jaws drop. Dean and Harry look at each other.)
Her: Again?
R: Again?!
Her: I swear if any boy tried that on me I would slap him so hard, he wouldn't even have realized I had left!
H: (leaning toward Ron) Mental note to you…
D: Good luck with that one, mate.
G: Yeah, well (takes off her PJ shirt to change, causing further jaw dropping)
D: (checking Ginny out) Wow, Ron… your sister is…
R: (glaring at Dean) What about my sister?
H: (not taking his eyes off Ginny) Dean… not now…
N: Harry are you alright?
H: Sure.
N: 'Cause you look kinda sick.
H: Sure.
N: Aren't you with Cho?
H: Sure. I mean… Cho? I mean… what?
N: Yeah… sure.
G: I noticed you got an owl this morning.
Her: Yeah it was from Viktor.
R: ACK?!
G: What was that? (Boys hold and gag Ron who is madly trying to scream)
Her: (not listening) He said he misses me. He said he wants me to go to Bulgaria for the summer.
R: (Biting Neville's hand) NO!
Her: (to Ginny) No? Why not?
G: Huh? I didn't say anything. (The boys back away, pulling Ron in another direction. They lightly bump into the table that Lavender and Parvati are using.)
P: Lavender! Don't bump the table when I'm putting on lipstick. You know how vital that is.
L: You know if you want Harry to really notice them you could use a darker lip liner.
H: Huh?!?!?!
P: (Trying not to move her mouth) I howpe this works. (smacks lips together) because Lord knows I have tried everything else. I'm starting to think Harry's hopeless.
D: He is, but I'm not.
P: I tried the subtle bumps into him, and then bending down to pick up my books…
H: (covers ears) I'm not hearing this! I am not hearing this!
P: I've tried leaving a button loose on my blouse, even worked my magic with a sugar quill.
H: That's what that was?
R: I saw that; there was nothing magical about that.
H: More like a seizure.
P: I mean if he was right here (moves towards where the boys are) I'd say (voice deepens into a "sexy alto") Hi Harry. Hogsmeade is coming up… I thought we could spend some time in the shrieking shack… what do you say? (Harry shakes his head furiously) you…me…maybe a couple of butterbeers…alone…
H: I say no! I say no! Walking away now. (Being pushed by Harry, the boys are placed into a corner. Katie Bell enters in nothing but boxer shorts and a sports bra)
N: Whoa! Um, uh, er-
K: What are you slags up to?
An: Well I'm ready. See you tonight at practice. [exits]
Al: Oh Katie, I was needing to tell you something. I went up behind Fred the other day to pinch his arse and when he turned around he was wearing a big 'G' on his jumper.
K: Why was he wearing George's jumper?
Al: He wasn't: George was.
K: Oh, that must have been embarrassing.
Al: Thanks.
K: It's alright. I've done the same thing a few times myself. I don't think they mind.
Al: They probably switch jumpers just for the kicks. (they laugh)
K: You mean pinches. (they laugh even harder as Harry overhears another conversation)
P: Do you remember the time that I "accidentally" dropped an enlarging potion down my shirt?
L: Who said that's what Harry likes? I mean, look at Cho.
P: Do you know what that Ravenclaw witch did the other day?
Her: Well I'm going to change now. (grabs her clothes)
G: Little miss modest.
Her: So I use the changing rooms; that's what they're there for.
R: Wai ..what no! Please? Come on guys!
D: Why? Katie is giving us a show right here.
R: Come on guys!
H: Wait, I want to know what Cho did.
R: Harry, Hermione is changing… you owe me!
H: (tugs on the invisibility cloak) No I don't! I want to know about Cho!
R: (tugs back) Hermione!
N: Uh oh
D: I have a bad feeling about this.
H: Cho!
N: Oh no.
R: Hermione!
(The invisibility cloak is pulled off of Harry, Ron and Dean, leaving Neville under it by himself.)
G: Ron!
K: Dean!
P: (Seductively) Harry…
L: Get out!!!
[There are many screams and the three boys are pushed out of the bathroom. They wait at the door for Neville. After several minutes Neville exits the bathroom and takes off the cloak, handing it to Harry. Neville is grinning wildly.]
R: What happened? What did you see? Did you see Hermione? You better not have…
N: (to Harry) Thanks. (He walks past the boys, stops and turns) Who's the wanky fruit now, eh?