Integration

By: Bane's Desire

Part 19 - Life Is Good

With a hat covering his blond hair and sunglasses hiding his recognizable eyes, Quatre Winner waited at the shuttle terminal, gate seventeen, where the ship arriving from Earth was in the process of docking. He stood virtually unnoticed in the faded jeans and t-shirt Duo had bought for him several months earlier with the rest of the people awaiting for the arrival of the shuttle's disembarking passengers.

His excitement equally matched his anxiety as the first of the passengers began to trickle through the doorway. He waited several minutes, ignoring the happy reunions occurring around him, his eyes fixed on the portal. His breath hitched as he caught sight of Duo, carrying his travel bag slung over his shoulder and walking lethargically into the brightly-lit room.

Quatre pushed through the crowd to get closer, his heart beating wildly within his chest as he saw and felt Duo's anguish. "Gray," he called out, using the name he always used in public when addressing his lover.

Duo turned his way and his sorrowful eyes rose to meet his own. Those eyes, whether happy, sad, filled with passion or tears as they were right now, could command anything of him and he would do all in his power to see it done. Rushing forward, Quatre felt almost desperate to touch the other devastated young man.

Rashid had called him two days ago and informed him that Duo had returned to his home, his heart crushed by Heero's refusal. Duo had asked the fatherly Maguanac to contact him to see if it was alright for him to come back to L-4. Rashid had put him on the first available flight.

Finally reaching the bleached blond, Quatre didn't hesitate to pull him into his arms and hold Duo as close to him as he possibly could. If he had his way, he would never let go of him again. His own emotions at their reunion were strong and varied, similar to those of the man in his arms. His heart ached for Duo's hurt and disappointment but he couldn't help but count himself the luckiest man in the colonies, for the person he'd fallen in love with so completely the moment he'd touched him a few short months ago had returned to him.

"I know it hurts, Duo, and I'm so sorry for it, for everything. Are you ready to go home?"

Duo's head nodded against his shoulder. Gently turning him and placing an arm over his shoulders, Quatre guided his returned lover towards the terminal's exit doors. He could feel from the simple touch that in the two weeks he'd been gone Duo had lost weight and he vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to help the other man be happy once again.

Exiting the building, they approached the black sedan parked just to the left of the building's entrance. Amir stood guard, leaning casually against the shiny black surface with his arms crossed over his impressively large chest. In seeing the two approach, he quickly straightened, opened the car door and held it until both young men were safely inside, then promptly shut it. With the dark-tinted windows and the partition between the passenger seat and the front of the car in place, the two young men found themselves alone.

Once the car began to move Duo turned his body around to bury his face in the blond's neck. "Oh God, Quat," he choked out, his barely suppressed emotions no longer willing to stay in check.

"Shh," Quatre whispered as he wrapped his arms around Duo's slender body and held him firmly while gently rocking him. "It's going to be alright, Duo. I promise. I know just how you feel, and I also know that it does get better over time." He then placed a kiss on top of the white-haired head.

"Hurts so bad," Duo said, sounding lost. "Ya know, in the short time I spent with him, he didn't even ask me my name. I told him about our past together and what he meant to me, and he wasn't even curious enough to ask for my name."

"I so sorry, Duo." Though he knew his replies were not really helping, the blond didn't know what else to say or do to ease the other man's pain. "When you're up to it and if you want to, I'd like you to tell me what happened." Rashid was unable to fill him in on what had happened to Duo while he was in Sanq, other than the fact that he successfully met with Kai Ozuka then came back to his home an emotional wreck.

Duo nodded, then sniffed back the tears that had refused to stop falling from the moment he'd left Heero's room.

The two men who had both lost the men they'd loved almost beyond reason remained in a tight embrace, one seeking comfort and the other trying to give it. As the city streets they passed by went unnoticed, it was Quatre who finally broke the silence between them. With one hand rubbing Duo's back and the other combing through his white hair, he knew he needed to say what had been in his heart from the moment he'd gotten the phone call that Duo was coming home. Taking a deep breath, he put his heart in his hands, prepared to offer it to the man in his arms.

"I know I'm not the lover of your heart, Duo," he began trying not to show how nervous he felt, "nor your first love, but if you'll allow me, I'd like to be the person to love you for the rest of your life. Maybe we're not what you would call soul mates, but I love you from the depths of my soul and I know that to some extent you love me, too. I'm willing to be patient and wait for as long as it takes for you can fall in love with me. And even if you don't, just knowing you love me in some small way now is enough for me to what to be your lover, your safety net and your friend. I promise you, Duo, that I'll never leave you, that I'll do everything in my power to make you happy and never intentionally hurt you. I want to be everything to you Duo, just as you are to me. If you're willing to give me a chance, I'd like to give us a try."

Duo pulled back his head and slowly lifted his red, watery eyes, and Quatre saw the lingering traces of his sorrow in those blue-violet depths. "I know I'm not the love of your life either, Quat," he answered in a broken voice. "And that I'm probably not your best choice of a companion, considering my past, but I do love you. Maybe not like I love Heero, but look where that's gotten me." He sniffed and accepted the handkerchief the blond pulled from his jacket pocket and handed him.

"Maybe love that burns the hottest and brightest isn't meant to last," Quatre said solemnly, thinking of the love he'd once had for Trowa and how hard it had been to let him go.

"Do you think what we feel for each other will last?" Duo looked unsure of himself, almost fearful of the other's answer.

A soft smile graced Quatre's handsome face as his hand reached up to stroke his lover's cheek. "I do. In fact, I'm determined to see it last. It was hard enough to say goodbye to you once, I don't ever want to do that again. We've both loved and lost, and I think that experience will make the both of us a bit wiser this time around. I know it's going to take time for you to heal, Duo, but if you'll let me, I'll be here for you every step of the way."

Duo's eyes searched the other man's, looking for proof that his words were true. Then seeing that... something in the blue-green orbs, he leaned forward and brought his lips to Quatre's pliant, accepting ones. The kiss they shared was sweet and tender and somehow different from the more passionate, playful and even desperate ones they'd exchanged before. This one was more like a first kiss, one that signified a beginning.

Pulling back, Quatre watched a slow, heart-melting smile grow on Duo's lips even though the hurt in his eyes was still present and tears rolled unchecked down his cheeks. The expression caused the blond man's heart to constrict painfully in his chest as he brought his hand up to gently wipe away the tracks of Duo's tears. Following his intuition and knowing the other man quite well by now, he knew what Duo's fears were and that he needed to address them. With all sincerity he said, "I swear to you that I'll never hurt or leave you, Duo. You'll never be left behind again."

Duo reacted to his vow by pressing himself snugly against him, calming somewhat but still holding tightly with a needy grip. They sat there for a few moments, each lost in thoughts of the future and the past. Quatre thought that maybe they should start talking about the future to help Duo take another step away from his painful past. "So what would you like to do tonight?" he asked as he rested his cheek on the top of Duo's white-haired head. "Anything special?"

There was a pause before the other man answered, his words coming out slow and thoughtful. "Hmm. How about we... go for a swim, order in some food and then talk about redecorating the living room."

A sudden feeling of happiness filled the blond, causing a radiant smile to form on his face. He closed his eyes as he rubbed his cheek against Duo's bleached hair, feeling unspeakably happy. The other man's suggestion was as good as Duo saying that he'd accepted his offer. He clearly recalled a past conversation where his lover had commented that if he was going to stay with him for any length of time, they'd have to change the harem-like decor. Duo was going to stay, and in that delirious moment of happiness, he vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to make him the happiest man in the solar system. And now that he had the prospect of having Duo as his own, he'd make sure that the other man would never have a reason to leave him again. "We'll have our happily ever after yet, Duo," he said, earning a hopeful smile from his lover as the car pulled up in front of the familiar apartment building that was their home.

EIGHTEEN MONTHS LATER

Identical packages arrived at the separate residences of Debra Davis and Duane Hannible. Later that evening, after both people arrived at their homes, located in different areas of Chicago's suburbs, they carefully opened their identical packages that were post marked Saudi Arabia. Peeling back the protective brown wrapper they each found a book titled, Memoirs of a Street Rat turned God of Death, that had been the hottest topic, only in literary circles, but in all areas of the press. The book, having made headlines when the Sanq government had gotten word of its existence and that a major publishing company was in the process of printing it, tried to have it legally blocked from distribution. They lost their bid in court as the judge declared the contents of the book did nothing to subvert the strictures of the Integration process and the laws of secrecy attached to it since the events described within its pages occurred before the Integration of the individual known only as the Pilot of the gundam Deathscythe, or Pilot 02. Printed on the back cover of the book was the publisher's pledge that the profits gained from the sale of the book would be donated to the L-2 Orphan's Fund since the author was unaware of his former identity under the Integration.

Many excerpts of the book had been printed on the Internet and were endlessly hashed over by television and talk radio hosts, so much so that almost every person on the planet and in the colonies knew many of the private thoughts and deeds of the boy terrorist. The book gained sympathy from many and condemnation from others. Regardless, it broke all retail records as the pilot who'd written it had gained notoriety from his tragedy-filled life on the streets of L-2, his being found by the engineer of Deathscythe and then his coming to Earth as the God of Death. The written account, reportedly sent to the boy's friend for publishing and distribution at a later date, was frank, open and outraged many with the confessions of the fifteen year old boy's love affair with another pilot.

Both Chicagoans knew some parts of the story, and that the author could be no one other than the young man they'd once helped. Each recipient opened the front cover of the book to see identical handwritten messages penned in blue ink.

'Even though things don't always go as planned, life is wonderful. Thank you for everything. I'll never forget your kindness.'

Though it wasn't signed, both of them knew who had written it and that they didn't need to worry about him any longer.

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Kai Ozuka sat cross legged on the right side of the large bed. A soft blue sheet that needed to go to the laundry was loosely draped over his nakedness as he went through the Sunday paper. He held up the several-page section that was titled Colony News and his eyes were drawn to the bold printed caption on the front page, but it was the sharp-focused, color picture beneath it that had captured his attention completely. 'QUATRE WINNER JOINED IN A LEGAL UNION TO CO-WORKER,' the title of the article declared. Heero stared at the faces of the two men in the picture, with his attention drawn to one in particular; a brunet with thick, straight and shoulder-length hair. The angle of the picture offered only a side profile shot of the fortunate young man as he gazed lovingly up at the taller and recognizable blond man at his side. Kai recognized that profile instantly, even though the young man's appearance had changed somewhat. The man he could only remember meeting once before wore small, tinted glasses that brought the eye away from the slight, turned-up nose and no doubt helped to hide the color of his unforgettable eyes. He was certain that he was looking at the missing gundam pilot, the highly attractive young man he'd found in his bedroom, the one he'd made love to and then turned away.

His life had never been the same after that one-time encounter. Shortly after that night, he'd gone to his cousin and his lover, both of them high-ranking officers in Preventers organization. Even though he was taking a risk, he confessed to them about the mark behind his ear, needing someone to confide in. He was shocked to learn from that disclosure that they also bore the same mark, having discovered it on each other early in their relationship. They knew what the marks meant; that they were three of the five people that had been Integrated in Sanq; that they had been former gundam pilots.

Kai was surprised to learn that even with that revelation, nothing had changed in the lives of other two men. Chen, his so-called 'cousin', and his lover, Milliardo, had been more or less content with their lives, being dedicated Preventers, so they simply acknowledged to each other that they weren't exactly what they had formerly believed, and left it at that. Kai, however, hadn't felt the same level of acceptance as they had. He experienced an indomitable need to know if all of his surprise guest's accusations had been correct, that Relena had harmed the other former pilot because of her greedy desire to be with him.

Having wrestled with what he should do, he again approached his two confidants. He withheld from them the fact that the missing and presumed dead pilot had come to visit him, that he was alive, but he did urge them to find out more about their past lives. The two men, with access to many inaccessible Preventer files, took their private, covert investigation further to discover who they had been before the Integration.

Together, the three met at Milliardo and Chen's home, going over the temporarily pilfered files. Kai had learned that he had formerly been known as Heero Yuy, pilot of Wing and Wing Zero, originally from L-1, just as Duo had said. He also learned that Duo Maxwell, pilot 02 of the gundam Deathscythe, had come from colony L-2 and had been captured by OZ several times during the war. His cousin, Chen, who really wasn't related to him at all, was Wufei Chang, pilot 05 from the destroyed colony L-5, and his lover, Milliardo Peacecraft, had been known by that name as well as by Zech Marquis, an officer in OZ under the tutelage of Treize Kushrenada, and then again by his own name as he took up the reins as the short-term leader of the colonies' militant rebels known as White Fang. Quatre Winner, billionaire business man and reported playboy from L-4, had formerly been known as the pilot of gundam 04, a.k.a. Sandrock, and was the engineer of Wing Zero and the unsurpassed weapons system known as Zero. And lastly, there was Trowa Barton, pilot 03, a child mercenary who had gladly gone to live with the circus amongst a group of people who had sheltered him during the war. Out of the six of them, the reports stated that five of the former pilots were doing well in their Integrated lives; it was the one who hadn't fared as well and was thought to be deceased that had haunted Heero's waking thoughts.

As the three men carefully read over the limited information on the former gundam pilots and the reports of their Integrated lives, Chen's face darkened with a look guilt and remorse. He confessed to them in a quiet voice, filled with remorse, that he'd been the one to oversee the placement of the Integrated pilot known as 02. He'd been unaware at that time that the re-integrated young man had been a former comrade, nor did he know of the particulars of his re-Integration other than he'd somehow gotten his memories back. With a heavy conscience, he claimed responsibility for the atrocious treatment the Integrated man received, something he'd learned about only after his agent's death. He blamed himself for personally selecting the Japanese Preventer who had a good record, volunteered and was more than qualified for the job. He said he'd selected that particular officer for the post in light of the fact that he had no family ties and was eager to take the long-term assignment to be the young man's overseer.

Agent Yannoshi, a.k.a. Scott Mercer, was given the task of befriending subject Phillips, to be a mentor to him while seeing to it that he didn't have an opportunity to regain his memory back. Chen had, under Director Une's recommendation, urged the doctors to add several mental triggers that would keep the Integrated criminal docile and unable to tap into his natural violent tendencies, alluded to on his information sheet.

After Agent Yannoshi had been murdered and the investigation into his death had begun, Chen received a report from the doctor who had been assigned to treat the young Integrated man. He stated the shocking facts of the abuse the Integrated man suffered from the hands of his assigned, long-term guardian. Chen had been sickened by the documented injuries accounted for by the doctor as well as the frequency of beatings and rapes the young man endured, unable to defend himself or run because of the mental blocks that had been put in place. From the doctor's descriptions of Jason Phillips' submissive personality, it was clear that the Integrated man was incapable of murdering Mercer or the other man found in the gay club unless he'd regained his memories back. Chen confessed to the them that he didn't prolong the search for Jason Phillips in the wake of Mercer's death. He'd hoped the young man, so cruelly and unjustly treated, had lived and escaped the clutches of the law. It appeared that there had never been an Integration that was so badly managed.

Similar to Chen, Kai felt an instinctive need to protect the mysterious man that had first told him of his past, and to help keep him from being captured. Duo, as he now knew the man's name to be, had been right. On the long nights that had passed since his visit, he'd recounted their conversation over and over in his mind as well as every detail of their lovemaking. He couldn't deny that his heart had ached at the thought that he'd hurt the other man who'd so openly confessed his love to him and broke down when he was turned away. Yet in his heart, he still felt that turning Duo Maxwell away had been the best decision.

His mind turned to the book written by Gundam Pilot 02. Kai remembered very well Relena's reaction to the news that such a work was in the process of being printed. She'd led the fight against the publishing house from releasing of the books, using the Sanq government as her cover. She even managed to halt its release for a couple of weeks while the judge over the case reviewed the facts presented by both sets of lawyers. She threw a royal temper tantrum when she got the news that she'd lost the case and that the book would be released immediately. She turned to him and forbade him to buy or read the book or to have it in their home. Of course, knowing that the book would probably fill in the gaping holes of his past as a gundam pilot, he'd purchased the best-selling book and along with Chen and Milliardo, read it on the weekends spent at their home.

The story of the orphan boy from L-2 was heartbreaking, as was his re-telling of the burning of the Maxwell Church and orphanage. The boy had lost everything again and wrote of it with such agonizing honesty. But out of the ashes of his grief and despair rose Shinigami when the very young boy was found and by a man called G, who took him under his wing, educated and trained him to pilot the gundam Deathscythe for a mission that what was originally called Operation Meteor.

In the two hundred, twenty-three page book, the gundam pilots remained nameless and were referred to by the numbers OZ had labeled them. Their physical descriptions were sketchy at best, unlike the teen's description of their gundams. Kai thought it was a fascinating insight to the war and from perspective and voice that shed new light on the reasons for it and the repercussions on the young men that fought for the colonies and for peace. Parts of the story were hard for him to read, as he guessed it would be. It had been one thing to hear a quick version of the love 02 had for him during that one night they'd spent together, but reading about it in heartbreaking detail made it real, and he knew many nights of painful regret and sorrow after having learned the full story.

The person laying in the bed next to him moaned slightly as he began waking, breaking him out of his reverie, and he looked down to watch the other man turned over from his stomach to his back, his long black hair falling into his face.

"Morning," Kai greeted him pleasantly.

The other grumbled a similar greeting, then looked around the room. "Where's Mill?" he asked in a gravelly voice.

"Shower."

"What are you doing?" Chen slowly leaned up on his elbows, propped behind him and glanced at the newspaper, the sheet and blanket sliding off his bronze, beautifully-toned body, displaying his naked state under them.

"Reading the paper. Quatre Winner got hitched."

"Really?" The Chinese man took a closer look at the article and the picture. "He hooked up with a guy?" he asked, amused. "Guess the rumors were true after all," he said, peering more closely at the photo. "Hum..., from what I can see, they're both good looking men, aren't they?"

"Yes," Kai answered, his tone neutral as his eyes gazed over the article, stating that the enviable man's name was Grayson Williams, Winner's assistant.

"Well, I'm happy for him," Chen said. "That means the five of us Integrated are happily settled into our lives with only one lost. That's fairly good, statistically speaking."

"One lost," Kai repeated quietly, his memory reverting back to that one night, remembering clearly the person he'd found in his room, the look on his face as he spoke of their past, his expression in the midst of passion. That night had been unforgettable; he had been unforgettable, and a part of him regretted the choice he'd made to let the man go after the other passionately declared that they were soul mates. Hell, he hadn't let him go, he'd told him to go. In the few hours that he'd had to think about the stranger's confession and offer, he thought long and hard about it and in the end, found no rational reason to give up his life, his work and home and not to mention his child for a life on the run. He might groan and complain about his life being less than ideal, but he lived in the lap of luxury and genuinely liked his occupation. They weren't things that were easily given up on a whim and a chance. That decision to stay, including living daily the lie that he and Relena portrayed of the picture-perfect couple, having an ideal marriage, and the long, lonely nights that followed, had led him to approach his so-called cousin with his problem, looking for help, confessing his false relationship with Relena and the need for a discrete outlet for his... needs. Chen's solution came as a surprise.

As for Relena, she had her job, which had become her life. He'd been disappointed in her when, just days after she'd given birth to their daughter, Sarah, she'd hired a nanny and went back to her office. No doubt his growing estrangement from her led his wife to seek out her own happiness and she found it in her work.

Relena sensed him withdrawing further from her and had tried to get him to talk about the reason for it, but what could he say that wouldn't compromise Pilot 02's anonymity? He'd put the other man in danger if he told her that he now knew who he was and what she'd done to the both of them for her own selfish reasons. All he could think to do was to distance himself from her and make do with a bad situation.

The one shining light in the mess that was his home life was Sarah. Kai loved his daughter, but, unfortunately, she spent most of her time in the care of the nanny who dutifully bathed and tucked into bed before he returned home in the evening. It was sad, he thought on many occasions, that he'd told Duo he had chosen a life with his daughter over love only to learn that his daughter was destined to be raised by hired strangers and whisked away to boarding schools when she turned ten, a tradition in Relena's family.

Unlike Relena, who seemed to accept their odd marriage and his cool indifference towards her, his loneliness became too much to bear, the nights were too long and the future gaped before him like a large black hole where there seemed to be no hope for happiness in sight.

After telling Chen and Milliardo of his problems, they convinced him to join them on the weekends in their spacious, high-security home whenever he could break free from his wife and duties. They had argued, convincingly, that it would be a beneficial arrangement to the three of them if he would join them in their very large bed whereby his loneliness and need for a safe sexual outlet would be satisfied; and he had to admit that it had been. Not only was the sex great, but the other two men truly cared for him, were discrete, above suspicion by the press because of Mill and Chen's established relationship and the public belief of the false information that Chen was his cousin.

Looking up from the newspaper, he watched as Milliardo stepped out of the bathroom, a pristine white towel wrapped loosely around his trim hips while he rubbed another towel against his wet hair. "Shower's free," he announced in a deep voice that was incredibly sexy. Then walking toward the bed, the blond stopped next to Kai and bent at the waist to kiss him, his mint flavored tongue dominating the smaller man's mouth. He pulled back and smiled wickedly before leaning over Kai's legs and gave his lover an equally passionate kiss that lasted just a tad longer.

The Japanese man pulled the newspaper out from under Milliardo's body as the two men continued their morning greeting. His eyes lingered on the picture, specifically the profile of the handsome man he could have spent his life with. He felt a great deal of relief that the L-2 pilot had landed on his feet so well. Quatre Winner was not only wealthy and influential, but from the gossip circulated in the newspapers it was reported that he was genuinely kind and generous to a fault.

He momentarily wondered if Winner had his memories back. He knew from reading the reports that Pilot 04 had a partial Integration, that his family wanted him to carry on as heir to the family empire, and in order to do that he needed to know who he was other than being a gundam pilot. It didn't matter to him whether Quatre Winner had gained his memories back or not, but it was a little more than suspect that two former gundam pilots would end up together.

He mentally laughed at himself for that thought; wasn't he involved with two former comrades himself?

Turning his attention once again to the picture in the paper, he ran a finger down the photographed face of the brunet, remembering how it felt under his fingertips. Goodbye, Duo Maxwell, he whispered to himself, I wish you the best. He then quickly folded that section of the newspaper and tucked it under his pillow. He'd hide it from the other two because he didn't want to take the chance that they'd study it and possibly recognize the other pilot and feel duty bound to arrest him. If there was nothing else he could do to make up for the hurt he'd caused Duo Maxwell, he could keep his secret of who he was and where he'd gone.

With a playful grin on his face and a wicked gleam in his eyes, he reached out and abruptly pulled the towel off Milliardo's waist and enthusiastically joined the other two men for a pleasant Sunday afternoon romp, which he'd hoped would help him to forget, if even for a little while, that one pivotal night and the face that had haunted him ever since.

The End

Author blurb. Okay, I know I ticked off some of you die-hard 1x2 people with the ending of this story. I really did begin this with a 1x2 reunion in mind but as the story progressed it took on a life of its own. In the end, it just didn't make sense for Heero to accept Duo, a complete stranger, and live his life on the lam when he didn't know who Duo was (although he certainly appreciated the package.). To placate the disgruntled, I'm working on another multi-part story, and I promise a 1x2, okay? But I'm still in the process of finishing it, so I'll post it when I can and maybe put up a couple of one shots until then. Thanks for the reviews and support. You guys have been great!