Disclaimer: The ever-wonderful J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea.
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beta by: ilovethedotgame
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Chapter Eighteen: An Ending
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James Potter
Sirius Black
Remus Lupin
Peter Pettigrew
dragonflamz, if you're still out there reading this, way back, towards the end of "In This Journal", you said that when James asked Lily out there had to be candles and I said I'd work it into counterpart. Well - here you go.
So, after my brilliant revelation that Lily may fancy me, I got to wondering - how did I ever miss it?
It was only glaringly obvious. My friends knew, and I'm sure her friends knew; the only one who didn't know was me. Merlin, even Stephen Perks knew!
Am I really that dense? All of those hints the guys kept dropping – how did I not see it? Was I that busy holding a pity party for myself that I completely missed all those hints and clues?
I never thought Lily would ever see me as more than a close friend…I mean, I certainly hoped, but…I allowed my doubt to overshadow the signs.
Well it's about time that you woke up. And here I was thinking I was going to have to spell it out for you. Remember when we were at Lily's and I went up to her room with her?
How could I forget?
I lied when I said we talked about muggle music.
Then what did you talk about?
You.
Me?
Yes, you. And how she fancies you.
And?
She's just waiting for you to ask her out, mate.
Is she really?
Would I lie to you about Lily?
Any hints about how I'm supposed to go about asking her out?
Nope. You're supposed to figure it out yourself.
I'll have to think about this…It requires lots of thought and planning.
Make sure you have candles.
What?
Set the mood. Candles are supposed to be romantic.
I'll pass, thanks.
The start of term begins tomorrow, and I'm not going to deny that I'm nervous.
I'm Head Boy, and I have no prior prefect experience.
It's my last year, and we have N.E.W.T's coming up at the end of term.
Lily fancies me, and I have to think of a way to ask her out.
How in the name of all that is good and holy am I supposed to do that? I mean, I don't want to see her first thing and ask her out. I need to be 100 sure that she's going to say yes. But how do I hide that I know that she fancies me?
My life is so screwed up. Or maybe it's just me. Probably just me, screwing up my own life.
Oh, don't say things like that. You know it's not true. You like Lily, and Lily likes you; life should be good, right?
In theory.
Then what's the problem?
You're sure she likes me?
What happened to your confidence? You were sure she did yesterday. She does, Prongs. I swear on your first born child's life.
Why my first born? What's wrong with yours?
I'm not going to get married, let alone have kids. But we're getting off subject. I know for certain! I tricked her by telling her that Alice told me that she fancied you, and then she admitted it.
She admitted it?
Yes!
I'm going to be seeing Lily in less than two hours.
I think I'm going to be sick.
You are not going to be sick. Pull yourself together and act like a man. You're going to act normal. End of story.
I'm going to act normal. Nothing is different. I don't know anything that I shouldn't.
No, you should know, you just have to pretend that you don't know for awhile so you can figure out how to ask her out properly.
Okay. Be a man. I can do this. I can do this.
That's my boy.
Well, I lived through my first prefect meeting. I'm so glad it's over. I mean, it went smoothly and everything. It was just that initial meeting where everyone sees that I'm the new Head Boy and gets a first impression of how I'll do.
I think I managed to act normal when I saw Lily again. I offered to put her trunk away for her, which her father seemed to approve of. I really think he's warming up to me. I suppose it's only natural for him to be protective of his youngest daughter. If I had a daughter, I'd be protective of her if she came home with a bloke who used to stalk her.
But as I've said, I don't think that she knows that Iknow. I definitely need some time to think about this and assess the situation.
Congratulations, James! I knew you'd figure it out!
Someday.
Really though, about time, mate! Out of everyone I've ever met, including Lily and her denial of her feelings for you, you are the most in denial person that I have ever met.
What was Prongs in denial about?
About how Lily fancies him.
Oh. Right.
I'd forgotten! I'm not sure how, but I had! Oh, this is great; this is….wonderful beyond words!
Once a week, as part of my Head Boy duties, I get to patrol the hallways with Lily!
Fate has smiled upon James Potter at last!
I love hall patrols. Lily and I are able to roam about the school and just talk. Just talk about anything and everything. It's really helped to strengthen our friendship.
When are you going to ask her out?
I don't know! When I think of something brilliant, I suppose.
It'll be while then.
Yeah, probably…hey! Take that back!
I had an interesting conversation with Lily tonight during hall patrols. (No, I did not ask her out.)
We were talking about how I used to be such a mischief maker, and how it was ironic that I was now the one punishing the other students for being out of bed and then Lily asked if I still snuck out sometimes.
What was I going to do? Lie to her? I still sneak out every now and then. Granted, not as often as I used to, but I still do.
I was expecting some sort of rebuke for being a hypocritical Head Boy, but instead she asked if she could come with! And who was I to refuse her? So I told her Sirius and I would take her to the kitchens some time.
I'm still having trouble comprehending this…Lily Evans wants to break the rules.
I underestimated her.
"Lily likes me!"
Nice password. That's going to keep people out of your journal, all right.
This is a notebook!
N – o – t – e – b –o –o –k!
Two years.
It's been two years since I first asked Lily out.
If I had thought about it, I should have asked her out tonight as some sort of symbolic thing, but it's a little late for that now. I don't think she'd take kindly to a midnight visitor, no matter who it is.
I still can't believe what a prat I was then. I mean, I actually devoted spare time to wondering why she didn't like me. I couldn't comprehend how someone could find the thought of dating me repulsive.
I'm glad I got my act together, or I might be still acting like a prat, standing on tables and asking Lily out.
Is James avoiding Lily?
Not that I know of.
What do you mean avoiding her? Why would he be avoiding her?
He just never seems to be around anymore. When he's not in the common room she keeps looking for him.
Now that you mention it, Lily approached me the other day and asked if James still liked her.
Are you joking?
No, why?
She asked you that under the impression that you don't know about her feelings for James?
She didn't do it on purpose. In fact, she seemed a bit upset that she had let the secret slip.
What secret? Everyone knows that she fancies him.
I heard some younger students talking about them today in the halls. They think that Lily and James are secretly going out but don't want anyone to know because of their Head Boy and Head Girl Positions.
What does that have to do with anything?
They have to patrol the halls together…at night.
Oooh. So people think that they're not saying anything so the teachers won't know and they can snog in dark corners instead of patrolling?
Exactly.
But it's not true.
How do you know?
How do we know?
Because James would tell us if he asked Lily out. After two years of chasing her, he wouldn't be able to shut up about it.
Yeah, but still…
Think we should check it out?
Just what are you suggesting?
Follow them of course, using James's cloak.
Absolutely not! I have faith in James that he would tell us.
What are you writing in here? Remus, I need you to be taking notes so I can copy yours!
Nothing. You can borrow mine.
You aren't even taking notes!
But if I was you'd be more than welcome to copy them.
Some help you are.
You think that Lily and I are already dating? Come on, you guys, you know that you'll be the first to know when I ask her out.
Make sure there are candles.
Enough with the candles!
Sweet reassurance.
Lily still has more than platonic feelings for me.
Maybe I should explain. See, we were in Transfiguration and McGonagall had told us to practice the spell we were learning. Lily was having a bit of trouble, and since I'm fairly adept at Transfiguration, and her friend, she asked me for a bit of help.
Things were going smoothly; she was quickly mastering the spell, but then she ever so slightly mispronounced the "arr" sound at the end and caused a bunch of smoke to come out of her wand with a loud bang that sent her flying backwards.
Right into my arms. How convenient. I couldn't have planned it any better myself.
So I wrapped my arms around her and set her back on her feet. But I forgot (or not) to let go of her. Merlin, Lily has the most unique eyes I've ever seen. They're such a brilliant shade of green. Most people with green eyes have a deep, dull kind of color, but hers almost shine…
So there we stood, looking into each other eyes, and I could tell. It was there, just as plain as day. I'd always heard that the eyes were the windows into your soul, but I never believed it until today. Her eyes were saying "tell me that I'm yours".
Well, I plan to soon. Make no mistake about that. I just want to make sure it's something worthy of her.
Would anyone mind terribly if I showed Lily my invisibility cloak when we take her down to the kitchens?
Fine my me.
I have no problem with it.
Show your cloak to the Head Girl?
I'm the Head Boy.
Good point. I keep forgetting that you're Head Boy. It's hard to see you in a disciplinary role.
Dumbledore knows about my cloak. If he's not going to do anything about it who will? And besides, as my future girlfriend, Lily has a right to know about the cloak.
Are you going to show her the map too?
If you don't mind…
Not at all.
Go for it, mate.
Well, our excursion to the kitchen was fun. But I must say, the best part was seeing Lily's reaction to the map and my invisibility cloak.
I could almost see the wheels in her head turning as she figured out that back in fifth year the map was the reason I always knew where to find her no matter how hard she tried to hide from me.
Today in Charms it came to me how to ask Lily out! I'm more of an idiot than I thought! It doesn't have to be brilliant or super creative or some big to-do. It has to be simple and heartfelt. That's all she wants.
I don't have to plan some big event at all. I can just ask her while we're alone. That's it. That's all it's going to take. All I need to be is myself.
I'll ask her tonight while we're doing rounds.
Shouldn't they be back by now?
I don't know.
Everyone who's anyone knows that rounds do not last until one o'clock in the morning. Even on a busy night James is always back before midnight.
Yeah, but it's not every night that he asks Lily Evans out either.
I hope Prongs remembered candles.
Somehow, I think he'll manage without them.
But it was such a great idea! Girls love candlelight!
Maybe, but don't you think it would be a tad inconvenient for James to carry around a bunch of candles in his pockets? I mean, really, what's he going to do? Pull them out, set them on the ground in a circle, and tell Lily to sit in the middle? Then ask her out once he's lit all the candles? I think not.
Fair point. But it was still a great idea…Where's Wormtail?
Asleep. Like we should be.
He can't be. I can't hear his snoring.
That's because I put a silencing charm around his bed.
Good thinking.
Why are we writing in here, when you're in the bed across from me?
Because I like using these quills James invented. We're writing on separate sheets of parchment, but it's all ending up in James's journal.
I suppose they are rather handy.
Especially when we use them in class instead of – is that footsteps?
I haven't felt this elated since I made the quidditch team back in second year!
Lily Evans is my girlfriend. Life is more than good, more than great! Life is absolutely perfect!
We were walking along in companionable silence when I asked her something that I've been wondering for quite some time: why does she sign her letters "always, Lily Evans"?
She told me that she signs them that way because she says she'll always be Lily Evans. I told her that I wouldn't bet on it.
Naturally, she wanted to know why, so I told her that I assumed that she was going to get married at some point. I mean, that was a natural conclusion, wasn't it? Unless she was going to become a nun, which was quite unlikely since I highly doubt that she'd spend seven years in a magical school if she was destined for the abbey.
Of course, that's not what I said. The nun thing, I mean. I told her that I assumed that she was going to get married someday because the bloke that lets her get away is a complete idiot.
"What's so great about me?"
"What's not so great about you?"
So I told her how I admire her virtues and even her faults. Then I said "If the fact that I like the way you bite your fingernails when you're nervous or the way that you chew on the tips of your sugar quills instead of sucking on them or the way that you drum your fingernails on the desk when you're bored or the way that I forget all my troubles when I'm with you doesn't convince you of my feelings then…I give up."
That's right. I said "I give up." Not that I had any intention of doing so. I just said it to make sure I had her attention although I'm sure I had it.
Lily then told me that you can't help who you fall for and for a brief second I thought that she was going to admit her feelings right then and there, but she didn't. I should have known; Lily staunchly believes in the guy doing the confessing and asking. Not that I mind doing either.
So I realized that she was hinting at her feelings in the most subtle way she could, but I had something to say that had been a long time coming before I could ask her out.
I apologized (again) for my behavior in fifth year and thanked her for her patience and friendship. And I told her that this was the last time I was going to ask her out (because I knew I wouldn't have to in future). And then I said, "Lily, would you go out with me? I would like to be able to call you my girlfriend."
I expected a shy smile and a quiet yes, but instead I got a kiss. And not just a peck on the cheek, this was a full on the mouth kiss!
Obviously, I was a bit surprised since I've always been the one to instigate mistletoe kisses in the past, but I soon got over the initial shock and kissed her back.
It felt wonderful to be able to fully kiss her, pulling her close to me and having her run her hands through my hair.
After I pulled away, I asked her if the kiss meant yes, and she said, of course it did. Well, actually what she said was, "Of course it's a yes, you prat! I wouldn't kiss just anybody like that."
So I asked her if that was any way to treat her boyfriend, and we were both leaning in for another kiss when I heard someone behind me clear their throat.
I pulled out my wand and turned around, fully expecting to find Snape or someone from his group, but who I found was Professor Dumbledore.
Lily was blushing beet red, (making her look absolutely adorable) and I'm sure my face was also rather pink. I mean, we're the Head Boy and Head Girl; we were just caught on the brink of snogging in the hallways while we were supposed to be patrolling making sure that other students weren't doing exactly what we were doing!
Now, I know Dumbledore fairly well since he knows my parents and prior to this year, I spent a good deal of time in his office, but I still expected some sort of punishment and rebuke.
But it didn't come. He congratulated us! Dumbledore told us that he had just been saying to professor McGonagall that this was the year were going to start dating. Then he asked to talk to me in private for a second.
So I followed him, wondering what in the world he could possibly have to say to me. All I could think of was that he was going to reprimand me away from Lily to spare her the embarrassment.
Instead, he told me that he knew that I was aware that Lily is a wonderful girl and that it would be terrible to lose what I had found. He said that although he couldn't ensure the road will always be smooth, if I treated Lily as though she were more important than the air I breathe, that our love would prevail. He then congratulated me again and shook my hand.
Well, Dumbledore's advice won't be won't be too hard, seeing as Lily is more important than the air I breathe.
I love her.
I honestly, truly do. There is no other way to explain what I'm feeling. It's not just excitement that she's now my girlfriend or infatuation or lust. It's complicated, but in such a wonderful way. I admire her, and I respect her; she is my friend and my equal in all respects. I can't wait for the moment when I'll next see her and have her intense green eyes gazing at me. Or the way she smiles at me. I long for the conversations we have. Most of it might seem insignificant and trivial, but it means everything to me.
If that's not love, what is?
Of course, I can't tell her yet. I don't need to scare her off before we've even been together for twenty four hours. Besides, I'm sure she doesn't love me yet. I've had feelings for her much longer than she's had feelings for me, and I've had longer to think about how I'm feeling.
In any case, Lily and I returned to the common room and instead of going up to bed we talked for long while. I asked her how long she had had more than friendly feelings for me and it turns out that she's liked me since about Valentine's Day last year.
That long and I never knew! I was blinder than I had originally thought! Although it turns out that she was in denial until this summer. Good Merlin, that's a long time to be in denial. Maybe one day I'll ask her why she wouldn't admit it sooner.
After such a long time of disliking me, I asked Lily what finally changed her mind about me. I expected something along the lines of a certain event where she saw the real me for the first time, or something like that, but she said it was just me growing up that changed her mind.
We talked a bit more, but then because it was rather late (like one o'clock in the morning late) we decided to head up our respective dormitories and go to bed. I could really get used to goodnight kisses.
Naturally, the moment I got in the door, Sirius and Remus practically pounced on me wanting to know what had happened, so I related the whole story to them. So now I'm going to bed, because I have classes in the morning and Merlin knows that it's going to be hard enough to concentrate tomorrow as it is, without falling asleep every few minutes.
It's still hard to believe that you're dating Lily…
I'm still reeling from the shock myself.
Or from the kiss you got just before class.
Aren't the Head Boy and Head Girl supposed to discourage displays of public affection?
Probably.
Peter's right; we're going to have to keep on eye on you and Lily, make sure you aren't abusing your power.
Don't you dare! I will not having you following us around! I'll hide my cloak and the map.
The map is one fourth mine.
And mine.
And mine.
Remus! You're supposed to be on my side!
I am. The map is one fourth mine, and I say we leave James and Lily alone.
You're such a spoil sport, Moony.
It's my job.
Lily and I are going on our first official date tonight. We're sneaking out of the castle to the Three Broomsticks. It's not exactly original and far from creative, but options are limited.
I've got to thinking about it, and there really isn't a reason for me to write in here anymore. The guys and I use it to write notes in during class, but we can do that on ordinary parchment.
The whole idea of this notebook was to write about how to ask Lily Evans out, and now that I've done that, it seems pointless to continue writing.
So I guess that this is the end.
It's beenthree years since I've last written in this notebook and a lot of things have happened since then.
Lily and I dated all through seventh year and for one year after Hogwarts. Then, after I asked her father's permission and Lily said yes, we became engaged on the anniversary of the date we became a couple. (November 15th)
Tomorrow I'm going to marry Lily Evans. She'll become Mrs. Lily Potter, and we'll be together until death do us part. I'm more excited than words can properly express. Lily will be my wife, and we'll raise a family and grow old together.
I am the luckiest bloke on the face of the earth. Truly, I am. I don't deserve her. All I can do is make sure that I treat her right and am always there for her when she needs me, and even when she doesn't.
I'm entering a new stage in my life with Lily by my side. And there she'll stay.
"This place should have been cleaned out ages ago," Lily muttered to herself, brushing a strand of deep red hair out her eyes as she did so.
Shifting aside several large boxes, Lily pushed her way through the large attic of her home in Godric's Hollow, trying to decide what to throw away and what to save. Suddenly, something caught her eye.
There in the corner, underneath a bag of old clothing sat a worn, grimy cardboard box with a drawing of a lion on the side. Removing the bag of clothes, Lily found that something had been hastily scribbled on of the worn box flaps. "Hogwarts" it simply said in James' bold script.
Filled with curiosity, Lily reached for the box and pulled it gently towards her. Carefully pushing aside the cardboard flaps, Lily peered into the box to see what appeared to be a photo album. Opening it up, she was delighted to find pictures that spanned their Hogwarts years. In the beginning, the pictures were mostly of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, but as the years passed, Lily and her friends began to show up more and more frequently in the pictures.
Turning a page, she smiled and felt tears form in the corners of her eyes. It was of her and James: their first picture as a couple. They were sitting in the common room on the large couch in front of the fireplace, simply looking into one another's eyes, enjoying each other's presence.
Reaching into the box again, Lily pulled out several Zonko's product wrappers with dates written on them. "27 April 1975, used outside of the Transfiguration classroom at apx. 2:10 p.m. Received one night's detention." "This firework was used to blow up one of Filch's confiscated items box on 1 December 1976. Received two weeks worth of detentions."
Several more random items such as a broomstick servicing kit, James' quidditch arm guards, letters from his parents, and a few quills followed, but it was the book that caught Lily's attention. She hadn't seen it in years, not since James had shown it to her that December in sixth year. His journal, or notebook as he liked to call it, dedicated to figuring out ways to get her to go out with him.
Opening it slowly, Lily read the first paragraph out loud. "This is not a journal. It is an idea notebook. And in this notebook, I, James Potter, am going to write down ideas on how to ask Lily Evans out and then record the results."
Lily couldn't help herself. She laughed; she laughed until tears streamed down her face. It had been so ironic that both she and James had unknowingly kept journals about the other for two years. Of course, James had shown his to her in their sixth year, but she had never shown him hers. Maybe she would yet. Someday.
In the nursery, little Harry began to cry. Rushing to soothe his crying, she lifted him out of his crib and held her son close, stroking his silky black hair. Just like James' she thought with a small smile.
Returning to her room, she grabbed James's journal and took both it and Harry into the living room. Lily carefully set the little boy down in his playpen, where he instantly began chewing on one of his toys, and settled herself down on the couch. Tucking her feet underneath her, Lily began to read, allowing her to relive her time at Hogwarts.
James Potter entered the living room to find his son trying to escape his playpen and his wife asleep on the couch, a book in her hands.
"Whoa there, Harry," He picked up his son and tossed him gently in the air. "It's not nice to try and escape when Mummy's asleep!"
After setting Harry back in his playpen, James took a seat next to his sleeping wife and gently shook her by the shoulder. "Lily?"
"Hmm?" Lily began to stir. When she realized that she had fallen asleep, she sat up straight, a faint blush staining her cheeks as James saw what she was laying in her lap.
"I see you've found my old notebook," James commented lightly and took the book from her, thumbing through it.
"Admit it James," Lily teased as he read an entry in Sirius's handwriting. "It was a journal. James Potter, Quidditch extraordinaire, and maker of mischief kept a journal."
"All right, all right," James admitted as he pulled Lily close for a kiss, hazel eyes sparkling with mirth. "It was a journal."
Pulling away, Lily grinned. "Too bad Sirius wasn't around to hear you say that. He's been waiting for years for you to admit that it was a journal."
"I can admit it to you, you're my wife, but Sirius is…well, he's Sirius," James explained with a laugh. "And you never admit to Sirius that you're wrong over trivial matters. It's just not done. What?" James asked, noticing the way Lily's laughter had stopped and her eyes had softened as she looked at him.
"I was just thinking how much I love you," Lily admitted, resting her head on his chest, causing his heart to do a funny flip-flop.
"I love you too, my Lily," James leaned down and kissed the crown of Lily's head, her soft red curls like satin under his lips.
Wrapping their arms around each other, Lily and James sat comfortably enjoying one another's presence until Lily spoke again.
"I have something to show you later."
"Mhmm," James replied, his face buried in Lily's hair.
There was a long pause, then -
"Say it again."
"Say what? That I love you?"
Lily smiled softly. "No, but you're more than welcome to. I want to hear you admit that you kept a journal again."
James grinned widely, feeling for reasons he couldn't explain, an unrivaled happiness welling up in his chest.
"I, James Potter, kept a journal. Not an idea notebook, but a journal. And in it I explained how much I wanted a chance with a stubborn girl named Lily Evans. She finally gave me my chance, and now she's Lily Potter, my wife and the mother of my son. And I love her more than life itself."
Tears of happiness pooled in Lily's eyes. "I'm glad you kept that journal, James."
A tear escaped Lily's emerald eyes and James slowly leaned forward to kiss it away. "I am too, Lily. I am too."
The End
Review Responses:
avovisto: I liked that line too! Very Sirius.
NinitademiBrooke: I know what you mean. I want them together, but that means the story ends:-(
rainbowishprincess: Thanks! I'm glad that you chose to review now:-D
Totog: Eh, I know! I keep messing that word up! I think I've gotten better about it now; I had someone else point it out too once. Thanks for pointing it out though!
J.E.A.R.K.Potter: Thanks for reviewing all these chapters and all those ones in "In This Journal". You've been following this story and it's counterpart from nearly the very beginning and that has meant so much to me to see you review every chapter!
diamonte: Yeah, Peter is a bit slow. Thanks for the wonderful review!
Laughing Dragoness: :-D I know what you were trying to say. Thanks for all the nice reviews!
Auramistealia: Very true. I can't stand stories where she falls in love with him even though he's the biggest jerk. He had to have grown up first.
Queen Of Day Dreams: Thanks for always being so enthusiastic in your reviews! I really appreciate it!
DOJ: I do the same thing! I'll laugh out loud because of something I've read in one of my favorite fan fics and everyone looks at me like there's something wrong with me:-) Thanks for all the wonderful reviews!
aussiechick249: Well, yes, obviously, it has reached the end. Thanks for the review!
InuBecka: Thanks for the review!
AnneChristy: Sorry you didn't find out what had happened in the garden in the chapter, I already had stuff planned, so I'll just tell you here. Basically, she thanked Lily for helping James to grow up. She also said that she had always wanted a daughter, and maybe someday Lily would be something like a daughter to her. ;-) Thanks for all the great reviews!
Trapped Rabbit: James is pretty grown up now though, he's getting better at seeing the obvious. Thanks for all the reviews!
G Ann: Thank you!
erisedxdesire: I'm glad that you found my stories too:-D It's too bad this has to end just when you've found it, but I guess that's how it goes. Thanks for the review!
UNKNOWN3: Thank you so much:-D
illegiblewriter: hehe, that's a good way to put it! I did enjoy Book 6; it was very sad at the end, but overall, it was great! I hope you liked it too! Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews:-)
Abby: Well, now that you've read this chapter, you'll realize that there's no need for a sequel! There's really no where else for it to go. Thanks for the review!
Okay, just in case anybody didn't get what Lily was going to show James later, she was going to show him her journal from Hogwarts.
If you like my writing, check out my current story, "Just One of Those Things", an AU story about Lily and James and their struggle to be together despite all the obstacles in their way. And there are quite a few!
Thank you to all who have reviewed this story. Know that your reviews have meant so much to me; more than I can properly express with words. All I can say is thank you!