The characters from Dead or Alive belong to Team Ninja. All others are mine. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me.
Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me at
m452shakespeareyahoo.co.uk
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Got that lovin' feelin' - part 1
[Seventeen very bored and angry Dead or Alive competitors are sitting in an airport lounge, bags at their feet. Around them move civilians, but none come close to the dangerous-looking men and women.]
Zack: Great, man. The airport says they ain't gonna be openin' any time soon .....
Christie : If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill the stupid pilot who crashed!
Hitomi : Christie! That's a terrible thing to say!
Christie : So?? It's the truth! Thanks to him, we're stuck here till the runway's cleared and repaired, and we're all bored to death!
Bayman : They don't have any good engineers here. In Afghanistan, we would have the runway reopened in hours.
[He gets a few funny looks from the others.]
Christie : You don't look old enough for that.
Bayman : I never said I'd been there during the war. My father was, though.
Leifang : So what do we do while we're waiting? I'm so bored I want to go out and do something exciting, can't anyone think of anything we could all do??
Tina : Karaoke?
Brad Wong : The ladies engaging in a free-for-all nude mud-wrestling match while the men watch?
[Ayane kicks him in the groin. He collapses on the floor, groaning.]
Lisa : Way to go, girl! Seriously, any ideas anyone?
Hayate : An impromptu combat tournament?
Ryu : A soccer match?
Kasumi : Blind date?
Everyone else : Huh??
Kasumi : We go on blind dates. We put our names on paper, draw them at random, and we go out with whoever we get drawn with.
Bayman : That sounds like a recipe for disaster. There are combinations that really shouldn't happen. [He gives a sideways glance at Helena, who glares back at him.]
Helena : Quite. Some couples should be banned.
Gen Fu : [Says something in Chinese, but only Leifang, Jann Lee and Brad Wong understand him. Everyone else just looks bemused.]
Zack : Like, what did the ol' fella say? Hey, you three wanna translate for the rest of us?
Jann Lee : Master Gen Fu said that he would be too old for the games of the young, but would happily make the draw for us. He also said that, since a date didn't have to be one involving any romantic connotations, there was no reason to restrict the dates to pairing one man and one woman. A random draw would be more ..... entertaining.
[Fourteen voices cry 'EEEEWWWWW!!']
[Pause.]
Hayate : Wait a minute. There are sixteen of us other than Master Gen Fu, but only fourteen of us said 'ew' to the suggestion of male/male or female/female dates. Is there something that two of us would like to say at this point?
[Silence.]
Hayate : Anyone?
Ayane : Why the big interrogation scene? At least we're all adults here - well, sort of ..... ....
Everyone else apart from Gen Fu : AYANE?!?!
Ryu : I would never have thought it of you. I mean, I know you always act in a very masculine way, but even so ....
Ayane : Listen you, not every girl who doesn't simper and pout is a lesbian! And anyway, I'm not a lesbian -
Kasumi : Really? That's a relief.
Ayane : I'm bisexual.
[ Everyone edges away from her.]
Ayane : WHAT?!?! Why shouldn't I happen to enjoy looking at beautiful women as well as men?!
Helena : Mon dieu! So that's why you always followed me into the showers after a fight, even though I hate you!
Tina : And why you said my fighting gear was too conservative!
[Everyone else stares at Tina, then Ayane.]
Helena :But I could never countenance the idea of dating you! You killed my mother. You might try to kill me, if you got paid enough!
Ayane : I'd never kill you, you're too beautiful to kill. And I didn't kill your mother - Christie did that!
[Christie glares at her]
Christie : Thanks, you little bitch!
[Helena looks surprised]
Helena : But why you didn't say anything when we fought in DOA 2?
Ayane : I .... I wanted to get you to fight me!
Ryu : What on earth for?
[Ayane seems on the verge of tears]
Ayane : BECAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD THINK OF TO GET HER TO NOTICE ME!!
[The rest look at her in disbelief.]
Helena : You ..... got into a fight with me ... so I'd notice you??
Ayane : YES!
Bass : Has anyone ever told you you're a sick, twisted little bitch?
Ayane : ...... everyone.
Zack : I wonder why ......
Kasumi : Well, now that we know my sister's a pervert -
Ayane : Shut up, you bitch!
Kasumi : Isn't there a second person who needs to own up?
Leifang : Um, I'm not sure I really want to, now that I see what a fuss everyone's going to - oops, I think I just did, didn't I?
Jann Lee : Leifang? You too??
Leifang : O-okay, I have to admit it - I'm a lesbian! I don't like men!
Jann Lee : Not even me?
Leifang : No!
Jann Lee : But why not??
Tina : 'Cause you're an inflated ego'd, macho-posing, pompous jerk?
Leifang : Oh, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed.
Lisa : Believe me, every woman he's ever met has noticed that ......
Jann Lee : You're just jealous of my martial arts prowess! You women are a weak breed!
[Tina and Hitomi grab him and slam him into the wall, knocking him out.]
Hitomi : You were saying?
Kasumi : Well done. All right, we'll do it your way, Master Gen Fu. Since they don't have to be a romantic date, we'll draw names purely at random. A rule about the date - we've all got mobile phones, so switch them on so you can all be tracked. You have to spend at least one hour with your partner - and we 'll be checking on all of us! Agreed?
[Loud chorus of 'agreed'.]
Kasumi : And whoever gets drawn first gets to choose the location of the date, and pays for it. Right then, we'll use this for the draw..
[Kasumi pulls out a bowl from her bag, and tears a piece of paper into sixteen strips, then writes a name on each strip, before putting them into the bowl and passing it to Gen Fu.]
Leifang : Oh, I hope I get Hitomi.
[Brad has finally managed to stand upright]
Brad Wong : Ooh, got a thing for our little brunette cutie, huh?
[Hitomi smacks him in the mouth as Leifang knees him in the groin.]
[Bass shakes his head, as the rest of the men look nervously at the women]
Bass : Boy ain't too quick on the uptake ......
Leon : If he carries on like that, his date is going to kill him.
Lisa : And that's a problem?
Leon : Not really, no.
Hitomi : You like me, Lei?
Leifang : Why do you think I gave you that strawberry? You sucked my finger, remember? So it must have meant something to you!
Zack : Yeah, I saw that! It's one o' my favourite clips from the island - apart from the shower scenes, o' course .....
[He's buried under a pile of enraged women kicking and punching every exposed part of him they can reach, and is soon pummeled into unconsciousness.]
Hayate : Well, that's two of us men down. Damn, the women are vicious, aren't they?
Ryu : Actually, I would prefer not to answer that, for reasons of self-preservation.
Kasumi : Okay, first draw is ....... Bayman! Who'll be dating .......
----------------------------------------------------
Ta-daaa! Dramatic pause for effect, eh?
Okay, before anyone tells me they want certain relationships - you'll get what comes up randomly! Okay?? So, wait and see who goes out with who! I mean, even I don't know yet!
Right, each subsequent part will have the partners being announced, and the story of the 'date'. But they're all assumed to have happened at the same time.