By: TheMischiefMakers

A/N: Lockhart is on the loose again. (a chorus of groans can be heard) We seem to keep writing about Lockhart, that's disturbing, oh well. (nope, no wells here….sorry) This is just the beginning of this story, being written by Lockhart after the failed Memory Charm. He just can't seem to get rid of the urge to write his thoughts down. There's more to come. Enjoy!

~Introduction and Dedication~

Dudley was talking to me the other day. Who's Dudley you might be asking? Well, he's this strange ivy plant I found a while back. Why is this plant so strange? Ivy is common everywhere after all. The strange and remarkable thing about Dudley is he doesn't seem to need water or soil or nourishment of any kind to continue to thrive. In fact, he's grown a lot since I found him. Strange huh? It is really strange, I mean, most plants die without these things, but not Dudley. He's going to be with me for a long time. We have a great friendship. He's just great.

You see I take all my inspiration from Dudley. Well, not all of it comes from Dudley some comes from the strange robed people that continue to visit me daily. They inspire stories about my new life here. What's this place called again, oh yes I remember, A Secure Section of Hogwarts. That's what the old man with the beard and moon-shaped glasses called it. Great sounding place huh? The best part of it is that there are no other people around to bother me. They were even nice enough to pad the floor and the walls as well. I really feel at home here and Dudley does too. It's great.

Again, I've decided to take up my quill, ink and parchment and put into words my thoughts about my life so far as I can remember it. That's the problem though, I don't remember much about the time or myself before A Secure Section of Hogwarts and Dudley. I'm sure there was a time when I knew everything or at least almost everything. People tell me I did, those strange people in robes, that occasionally mutter strange words. There's a lot of strange things here Dudley, these people, words, perhaps I'm strange too. No.

Gilderoy Lockhart those robed people call me. Who is this Gilderoy Lockhart I ask Dudley and myself. I don't know and if Dudley does he's keeping it to himself. Those people merely look at me pitifully, shake their heads and then leave. To tell you the truth it's a stupid name and I feel sorry for the stupid git that has to go by it.

I've strayed from my original intent here. I've decided to write down my thoughts while I'm here. They said I was an author before the accident. I don't remember any accident though, another strange thing. Anyway, those strange people even told me I wrote loads of books and even an autobiography called Magical Me. Of course, I tried to locate this book and I can't find a copy anywhere, I think it was never published. They insist it was published but can you really trust people that run around carrying wands and wearing robes. Sometimes I think, though, perhaps they are right. I do have this terrible urge to write down my thoughts. No matter how mundane or odd they may be.

So, I present to you for your reading pleasure. Magical……Who? My Life After. I dedicate this to Dudley who's been a patient plant during these writing spurts and has been encouraging me to continue. Dudley you're the greatest.

The rest is soon to come…….