Summary: A freak car accident leaves a girl stranded in the Saiyuki world.
Disclaimer: For the last time....I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING RELATED TO GENSOMADEN SAIYUKI!!!
Pairings: Ask me next chapter.
Rating: R, cuz little kids are insecure enough in the front seat of a car. Potty mouths, violence, and general creepiness.
AN: LOL. I just read this great fanfic...so I thought I'd try something like it. Nothing Japanese involved. Sorry. And to explain this, I'm a really big pyromaniac. My motto is as follows: (to the tune of Winter Wonderland) Let it burn, let it burn, let it buuurn! Mwoooohahahaha! Right. A lot of people don't understand pyros, so this fic is dedicated to each and every pyromaniac out there: I'm so with you my peeps! Who wants to burn the tree?
Pyrotechnics
Chapter 1:
Stranded
I feel so hot.....this hurts so much. Mum...why are you burning? Hurry up! We'll be late for my graduation...Mum? This hurts so much....What happened to the freeway? It looks so red.....Turn on the AC Mum....Mum? Are you listening? Wait! Don't leave me! Please! I don't want to be alone....Are you here for me? Wait...my dad always said....stay away from the light at the end of the tunnel.....I don't want to leave! No! Go away! Leave me alone!
"Sanzo? What's that red light?" Goku pointed up in the sky at a rapidly falling red orb.
Sanzo looked up from the Jeep. "I have no idea."
Goyjo squinted. "Wish I knew."
Hakkai hit the gas. "We'll find out soon enough!"
Mum? MUM! Where are you?!? I'm scared.....So cold...So cold here.....There's a shooting star! Make a wish!
Sanzo looked up. "Something alive is in that thing."
Goku popped up. "What makes you say that?"
"Shut up stupid monkey!" Sanzo hit Goku with the paper fan. "Just trust me!"
Mum? Is that you? Hello? Is anyone there? Can anyone hear me? Hello?
"OH SHUT UP YOU STUPID GIRL!" A vein on Sanzo's face popped out in his exasperation.
"Sanzo.....who are you talking to?" Goku tapped Sanzo on the shoulder.
"Give it a minute stupid monkey." Sanzo pointed his gun at the orb, which had sped up its already rapid descent.
You can hear me?
Sanzo shot the orb clean through the middle. "Now maybe you'll shut up-"
A female scream pierced through the still night, and the red orb broke. A young girl fell out of it, heading face first for the ground, 30 feet below.
Goyjo's eyes popped out. "You shot a woman!"
Hakkai hit the gas so hard even Sanzo's teeth rattled. "Hang on miss!"
The girl looked down, and screamed again.
"Damn sopranos." Sanzo gritted his teeth against the high pitched noise.
The girl held her arms to her side and tried to turn in mid air, leaving her falling stomach first.
Goyjo poked Goku. "Now would be a good time to save the woman."
Goku yawned. "Alright...I'm moving!" He stuck his pole in the ground and let it grow out so he could catch the girl. "Oof...You're light.."
The girl's wide blue eyes stared at him. "Is this Heaven? Or Hell? I know I deserve Hell...but can't it wait until I stop hurting?"
Sanzo pointed his gun at the girl. "If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
"But...I thought I was already dead....Do you know where Los Angeles is?"
Sanzo hit the hammer of his wonderful gun. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"That's where I died...didn't I?"
Hakkai wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. "Come on. We'll get you something warm to eat and drink so you can think straight."
The girl curled up in the back of the Jeep, the blanket around her burned clothing.
"I say she's crazy." Goyjo turned to Sanzo, expecting his agreement. Instead, he was hit with the paper fan.
"What she said has some basis. Girls don't light themselves on fire and walk away with only severely burned clothing. She's either dead, or she's playing a trick on us." Hakkai muttered as he climbed back in the Jeep.
The girl poked her head up. "Why would I lie? I don't even know who you people are. Look. Just take me to Los Angeles so I can graduate. Then I'll be out of your hair..."
"I thought I told you to shut up girl!" Sanzo pointed his gun at her.
She pushed it aside with surprising ease. "Nice boys don't shoot unarmed teenage girls."
Goyjo snorted. "What a great philosophy. Remind me to tell you mine someday."
Sanzo shot the air twice. "Oh look. I missed."
The girl smacked Sanzo's hand with his own fan. "Stop doing that! You're wasting bullets."
Goku, Goyjo, Hakkai, and even Sanzo stared at her. Sanzo rubbed his hand. "That actually hurt."
The girl snorted. "No shit Sherlock. Or did Watson have to help you?"
Sanzo kept staring at the girl as Hakkai hit the gas and headed for the closest accommodations.
-----Front gates.
"Uh....Blond?"
"What do you want girl?"
"Um....this is a monastery."
"I know that. Care to point out anything else that obvious?"
"Well.....monks don't let girls in monasteries."
"Your point?"
"I'm noticeably female."
Goyjo snorted. "A lovely sunrise of a female."
The girl turned around and delivered a perfect high kick to Goyjo's head, knocking him to the ground as she slowly folded her leg in and slowly pulled it in.
Hakkai whistled. "That's what I call control."
"How is that control? That hurt like hell!" Goyjo spit out blood onto the ground.
The girl pulled the blanket closer around her and visibly shivered, breaking her usually stoic atmosphere.
Sanzo snorted. "Cold are we?"
"Shut up stupid little boy."
Goku started laughing. "Sanzo a little boy! That's funny!"
Sanzo raised the fan to beat up the stupid monkey, and found a slippered foot in front of his face.
"Don't even think about it. I'll break your neck like a twig if you try." The girl held her scissor kick position in front of Sanzo's face.
"Believe her. With that kind of control, that girl could kill you with one hand." Hakkai handed Goyjo a clean cloth to wipe the blood from his mouth.
"Damn. Stupid girl." Sanzo turned away and began knocking on the monastery door.
The girl tucked her leg in, and tried to look as depressing as possible, brushing her blonde hair away from her face.
Shaking his head at her futile attempts, Hakkai handed her a cut onion. "Try this."
"Thanks." The girl held the onion under her nose for a few seconds, and then handed it back. "Can you save that for me?"
Hakkai smiled. "Of course."
"Good. I miss fried onion rings."
What the hell was a fried onion ring? Hakkai looked at the girl with is usual smile.
"You do have eggs and flour right?"
"Yes."
"Grease and a big pan?"
"Yes."
"Then I can make onion rings."
Goku poked his head in between the two. "How can such a smelly vegetable make good food?"
"How does an animal that rolls around in dirt make a really good pork roast?"
".....Don't you cook it?"
"Exactly."
"Will you shut up so I can negotiate for you to get in this place?" Sanzo threw a rock at the girl, who dodged it easily by folding in half. "Damn contortionist."
The girl stuck her tongue out at him. Stupid monk.
The heavy door opened, revealing a disgruntled old monk. "What do you want at this hour?" He looked and saw the girl. "Impossible! There is no way!"
The girl stepped back. "Grandpapa?"
"Oh! It is you! Oh my sweet grandchild! You are the very picture of your Grandmamma at that age."
The girl smiled, and pulled an elegant curtsy. "But I thought you died Grandpapa? You had a stroke."
The old monk chuckled. "Of course. Oh do come in!"
Sanzo and the group stared at her. "How the hell do you know that old geezer?" Goyjo walked past her, only to be throttled by her leg.
"But if you are here...this means....Oh my sweet child! Come here! Tell Grandpapa all about it."
"I was riding in the Astro van with Mum on the freeway....and she swerved to take the right shoulder....and we hit the guardrail....and the next thing I knew Mum was burning and it was scorching hot......I tried to turn, but then Mum was pulled out....and they left me behind.....and the next thing I knew, I was floating....trying to find Mum." The girl burrowed her head in her Grandpapa's chest.
"Poor dear. Who was the first person who heard you poppet?"
"The blonde." The girl pointed her finger at Sanzo.
The old monk ushered them all in. "Stay here. I'll be back in a tick."
The girl sat down on the cold floor. "If Grandpapa is here....then maybe this IS Heaven....."
Sanzo snorted. "I highly doubt it."
Goku tugged at the girl's blanket. "Hey....What's your name?"
The girl patted his head absently. "Vivi. Vivi Messer."
The old monk soon returned with the head of his order. "Viviane Messer, I give you the head of this monastery Father Pirore."
Vivi swept low to the ground in a curtsy, bending her knees so that her forehead touched the ground. "You honor me with your presence Father."
Father Pirore blinked. "This changes things. Tell me child....have you taken any vows?"
Vivi remained in her position. "I swore to follow the Covenant of Joan of Arc, like a proper Messer."
Vivi's Grandpapa smiled. "Only those who swear to defend those who need defending in the Messer family take up the role of the female warrior."
"True Grandpapa."
Father Pirore stepped back. "A woman's place is in the home, not in the battle. So says the great Buddha."
"I do not follow the great Buddha. I am French. We French follow the Catholic order."
Father Pirore snorted. "Nonsense. There is nothing but Buddha's word."
Vivi leaped up form her position, and grabbed one of the swords hung on the wall. "In the name of France on guard!"
Sanzo and the rest stepped back from Vivi, and Sanzo coolly noted how the girl made the sword look so light, when in fact it weighed several pounds.
Vivi's Grandpapa took up another, lighter sword. "As a monk of the monastery, I will not allow this disrespect! On guard!"
Vivi and her Grandpapa pulled their swords up in front of their faces, then away in a warrior's salute. Vivi lunged, and her Grandpapa barely blocked. The steel flashed and clanged in the air as the two.....fenced.
Father Pirore stepped away from the two. "Such violence! Really! This is not keeping with Buddha!"
Vivi's Grandpapa lunged and caught some sort of chain that hung on Vivi's neck. "Warrior maiden my foot! More like a warrior rose!" He ripped away the chain, and sent it spiraling off to Sanzo's feet.
"If you don't watch your back Grandpapa, someone might do this!" Vivi lashed forward and sliced off a fairly large chunk of her Grandpapa.
"I concede! I concede! You are the better of us two!" He dropped his sword and fell to the ground, Vivi's sword following his movements.
"I should run you through...But none the less, Grandpapa, you would have made a fine duelist. It is I who concedes to you." She handed her sword to him; handle first, with a short bow.
Father Pirore looked at them. "But you won...You clearly had the advantage!"
Sanzo stared at Vivi. "What the hell are you doing?"
Vivi's Grandpapa took up her sword and smacked her lightly on the cheeks. "Your footwork could use a bit of polishing Viviane. Bad form!"
Vivi curtseyed. "We we Grandpapa!"
Goyjo stared at them. "Are you two off your rockers?"
"No! That is how we French families act to each other."
"So...Los Angeles is in France?" Sanzo queried from the back of the room as he leaned down and picked up the chain that had been ripped from Vivi's neck.
Vivi laughed. "Paris, Marseilles, and La Havre are in Paris. New York, Boston, and Los Angeles are in the United States.....DROP IT! Drop it now!"
Sanzo looked around. "What, you mean this?" He held up the medallion.
Vivi strode over and snatched it from his hand. "Never ever touch a Frenchwoman's symbol of her order. Ever! Understand?"
Sanzo perked a brow. "No."
Vivi's Grandpapa laughed. "Oh you're in it now Viviane! Oh ho! Witnessed by an elder family member! Oh ho! Mon cheri! You are fated for the garland of flowers! Oh ho!"
"Be quiet! It isn't funny Grandpapa! You can't be serious! He...he...he isn't even French! Marques would be a better match! Mon cheri my foot! Have shame Grandpapa! Have shame!"
Sanzo looked from Frenchman to Frenchwoman. "I have no idea what you people are talking about. Father Pirore! I, Genjo Sanzo, request rooms for my party. Not sure if that includes the woman..."
Vivi and her Grandpapa had begun speaking in rapid French, much to the admiration of Goku. Vivi's Grandpapa reached out and slapped Vivi, and let off a stream of French. Vivi bowed her head and clutched her Grandpapa's robe, apparently pleading with him about something. The older man ripped his robe out her grip and let off another stream of French, resulting in Vivi turning white as a sheet, and begging from the floor.
Goku turned to Hakkai. "I wish I knew what they where saying-"
"If you wish to remain a member of the Messers, you will do this Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer!"
"Grandpapa! That ruins my honor!"
"It will be ruined even more if you do not! Not arguments! I am capable of striking you from the records of the Messers!"
Vivi let off a stream of apparent French curses. Finally, she turned to her Grandpapa. "We Grandpapa. You are right."
The older man stalked over to her and gave her two kisses on each cheek. "The next time I see you, you had better have my great-grandchildren with you!"
Vivi smiled. "We we Grandpapa. Now I could use a bath. Point me merci!"
Her grandfather smiled. "You'll find them in time. Off off!"
Vivi curtsied. She walked with as much grace as she could muster over to Sanzo's group.
Goku jumped in the air. "So you are staying with us? And what was all the Viviane de stuff?"
"My full title is Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer. In your language it means Viviane the lion of the lily of the Messer family. In other words, my birth name was Viviane de Lyons de Messer. Viviane the lion of the Messer family. When I became one of the Arc maids, I added de Fleur de Lis to my name, which means the lily flower. It was one of Joan of Arc's titles. Not so hard. You like French?"
Goku grimaced. "Not anymore."
"Ah! But it is a graceful language, good for insulting your opponents and wooing the maids. It's like wiping your ass with silk."
Goyjo looked at her. "Wooing the maids?"
"French term. Young women are called maids."
"Oh."
"We're here. Are these your largest rooms?" Sanzo cut through their discussion.
"Of course Lord Sanzo!" Father Pirore bowed and waved them in. "Have a nice stay Lady Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer and Lord Genjo Sanzo. I will send one of the acolytes for your toilette lady."
"You were doing very well until you said acolytes. I need no one for my toilette. And to be French right now....Lady in French is Mademoiselle. Useful term of address for someone of my station and rank we?"
Father Pirore bowed. "And how shall I introduce the mademoiselle to the other monks?"
"You may introduce me as Demoiselle Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer of the Order of Joan of Arc, the Warrior Maid. Got that?"
"Of course." Father Pirore bowed and retreated.
"Something's up for that snake to creep that low. Wonder what Grandpapa taught him French wise." She caught Sanzo staring at her and she bowed her head and took the largest room.
Goyjo pounded on her door. "Oy! Come on! Be reasonable!"
"I am being reasonable! A woman must be treated like a miniature goddess! So says your stupid Buddha!"
Goyjo looked at Sanzo. "Is that true?"
Sanzo snorted. "Actually, it is."
Goyjo stomped off into his room, the smallest one.
-----Vivi's room
The girl sighed. I love hot water. It removes so much of the day's toils. Now let's see....Today I died, met Goyjo, Goku, Hakkai, and Sanzo....... The girl blushed at the thought of Sanzo. He's actually really cute. She shivered. What am I some helpless maiden? Think straight girl! You are an Arcadian fighter! Think! Well lessee...Sanzo has a really sweet disposition.... She snorted. Yeah right. And I'm next in line for the throne....well after Cousin Guinevere...But Sanzo is really nice! He even had the decency to pick up my medallion...If only he knew what it means.....I wonder how I can get home....What am I saying! I'm dead for crying out loud! She sighed and soaked in her bath before a low chuckle interrupted, breaking her out of her reverie.
She leapt to her feet and grabbed her dagger.
"Nice view."
She stifled a scream and grabbed a towel, wrapping it tightly and quickly around her. She glanced around the room, trying to find the invader.
"Behind you love."
She whipped around, only to run headfirst into a strange woman.
"HOLY SHIT! SANZO!!!!!"
A heavy hand blocked her mouth. "Stop screaming! I picked you because you don't scream!"
"Put her down transvestite hag or I'll shoot you."
Vivi sighed. Her savior! Thank you God...wait a minute....Sanzo was a man...and her towel wrap wasn't that secure.....She gulped.
"Now now. You wouldn't want to shoot your own fiancé now would you?"
Vivi kicked the woman holding her as she watched Sanzo's expression turn to one of puzzlement.
"Oh now don't tell me your little French girl didn't tell you?"
Vivi shook her head and tried kicking the woman again.
"Then I'll tell him, how about that love? But I want to see your face when I do." The woman threw Vivi to the floor.
"Damn it hag! Just tell me what the fuck is going on!"
The woman smiled. "Oh by the way love, my name is Kanzeon. Feel free to name me in your prayers. By voluntarily picking up the medallion thrown at your feet by her grandfather, you just proclaimed yourself her fiancé."
Vivi's head hung low. "And since you don't have a patron saint medallion, I can't get out of it."
Sanzo's memory clicked. Her grandfather had said something about great- grandchildren.... "So...what was all that kissing for?"
"French custom. Says you bless the alliance. But the good news is: French couples seldom ever stay in the same room under these conditions!"
Sanzo lowered his gun. "So what was all the screaming for?"
Vivi blushed. "I thought it was a pervert..."
Kanzeon snorted. "I am not a pervert. I am merely making sure that your honor is maintained."
Vivi and Sanzo snorted. "Yeah right-" They stopped speaking and looked at each other.
Kanzeon cackled in her annoying way. "Look! You're alike as it is!"
Vivi stamped her foot. "I should challenge you for that, but as you can see, I am not properly attired for a duel."
Sanzo snorted and pointed his gun at the goddess. "Go away you transvestite hag!"
A vein on Kanzeon's face popped. "I am not a transvestite!"
Vivi laughed from her spot on the floor. "So you are a hag?"
"You little lesbian!"
Vivi's eyes got big. "You...you...you....PROCURESS!"
Kanzeon's face twitched. "I am not a procuress you little slut!"
"I'm still a virgin! You damn dyke!"
"Excuse me little girl. At least I can admit what I am bitch."
"Oh that's the best you can come up with! Wait a second.....You just admitted you're a lesbian...."
Kanzeon stepped back. "I did not!"
Vivi wagged her finger. "We we! You did! You admitted that you are a dyke. A dyke is a lesbian."
Kanzeon cursed under her breath. "I'm through with you."
Vivi watched in silence as the goddess walked past, then spat in front of her.
Sanzo grimaced. Bad idea. "Vivi...or whatever your name is....Kanzeon is the Goddess of Mercy."
Vivi smiled softly. "I...don't...give...a shit."
Kanzeon cursed and disappeared.
Sanzo leaned down in front of Vivi. "Are you all right?"
Vivi blushed. Damn it! Why the frick am I blushing....he is kind of cute though.... "I....I'm fine."
Sanzo had heard her thoughts, but he gave no mention of it. "As you will Vivi."
Vivi waited until Sanzo had left and firmly closed the door before leaping to her feet and trying to see what she could salvage from the burned remains of her clothing.
Hmm....Not much left. The shoes, pants, and even the shirt are wasted! Not even suitable for kittens....that leaves me with a bra...and a pair of underwear....not even socks! Mon dieu...
--------Sanzo's room
I wonder if I should help her? Sanzo smoked his cigarette as he listened to the French cursing from the other room. She probably had no more clothes left. Damn women. He listened to her thoughts. Yep. No more clothes left. Not even socks? What the hell is she thinking? He got up and wandered over to the window, and saw smoke coming from Vivi's room. Shit!
-------Vivi's room
Sanzo burst in, only to see Vivi in her underwear hanging out of the window, burning something.
"What the hell?!?!?!" Sanzo stood next to her, wondering what was wrong.
"Eep! Oh my god! SANZO? Why are you here?" Vivi grabbed a blanket and hurriedly covered herself.
"What's with all the smoke?"
"What, you mean my pyrotechnics?"
"Yes that. What's up?"
"I need clothes."
"I beg your pardon?" Sanzo leaned against the window, smoking another cigarette.
"Never mind. I'll find it myself."
Sanzo shrugged. "Just don't walk around in your...feminine....stuff."
Vivi gaped after him. "Feminine stuff? That's the best you could come up with? This mon cheri is called underwear."
Sanzo looked at her. "I don't care if it's a demon."
Vivi sighed, and then yawned. "Great. Adieu mon cheri. Adieu."
Sanzo shook his head and walked out of her room, closing the door firmly behind him.
-------Dinner
"So....she burns stuff." Goyjo chugged his beer.
Sanzo sighed. "Apparently."
Hakkai smiled. "It could be worse. She could be burning down the building."
"That I would never do mon cheri." Vivi came down the stairs, still in her undies, scratching her messed up blonde hair.
Goyjo leaned forward in his chair. "Hello."
Sanzo closed his eyes and listened to her footsteps. They stopped somewhere behind him. Sanzo opened his eyes and saw a long pale white arm reach in front of him and grab two beers. He felt a hand in his pocket, and heard the crinkle of his cigarette pack.
Vivi pulled out a cigarette with her mouth, and smacked the pack down in front of Sanzo. "Thanks mon cheri."
Sanzo held up his lighter.
"No thanks. I've got my own." Vivi leaned her head down to her hand, and flicked her thumb.
Sitting across the room, Goku saw a flame pop out over Vivi's thumb. "Cool! A thumb shaped lighter!"
Vivi looked at him as she sucked in the sweet cigarette. She waved her thumb around in the air until it went out. She then removed the cigarette from her mouth with two long, thin, pale fingers, and blew out a small cloud of smoke from her mouth. "Mon cheri, that was my thumb."
Goyjo whistled. "Nice."
"Die by fire, create fire." Kanzeon appeared out of the shadows. "Didn't think you would figure it out so fast girl."
"What did you expect from someone named after the Lady of the Lake? Waterworks?" Vivi snorted, and continued smoking.
"I could have sworn you didn't smoke. And yes I did expect waterworks as your talent." The goddess retorted.
"Things change." She popped of the beer cap with her teeth and leaned against the wall as she drunk.
"Could've sworn you didn't drink either. Don't force yourself Sister Viviane."
"Shut the fuck up dyke." Vivi polished off her first bottle pf beer and let it fall from limp fingers.
"Ah...but nuns and monks don't drink, smoke, swear, or go around indecently clad." The goddess walked over to Vivi.
"Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up dyke?" Vivi held her hand close to the goddess' head.
"Oh I'm so scared of the little bitty Firestarter nun. Oh look at me shiver." Kanzeon snorted.
"Burn dyke." Vivi snapped her fingers next to the goddess' hair, and smiled when a thin ring of fire started on the goddess' long black hair.
Sanzo stared at the goddess, and turned back to his beer.
Goyjo began paying very close attention to the stain on the table. He had learned a long time ago not to mess with two women when they fought.
Goku stared in wonder. "What's that awful smell?"
Vivi laughed and dumped her second beer over the goddess' burning hair, adding fuel to the fire. "That would be the smell of burning hair Goku."
Kanzeon disappeared.
Vivi laughed and started smoking again. "Oy. Anybody got a spare jacket or something?"
Sanzo snorted. "Oh you aren't comfortable enough?"
"Wanna burn monk?" Vivi clenched her fist and glared at the back of his head.
"Burn me and no more of these." Sanzo dangled his cigarettes behind his head.
Hakkai politely refrained from looking at Vivi. "I'll ask around for you."
"Thanks mon cheri." Vivi reached for another beer.
Sanzo got up and left.
Goku watched him leave. "Wonder what's up with him?"
Vivi lounged in his vacant chair, and drank her beer. "Maybe he's PMSing."
Hakkai and Goyjo started laughing.
Vivi smiled, but on the inside she started crying. He can't stand to be near me....I'm only doing this shit because he does.....
------Sanzo's room
What the hell is wrong with that girl? Is she so lonely she has to break her own vows? He clenched a bullet. But not just any bullet. The bullet he had shot her with that had fallen to the ground. He sighed and lit a cigarette. This is going to be a long day.
------Next morning in Vivi's room
"Miss Vivi? Are you feeling alright?" Hakkai knocked softly on the door, Goyjo and Goku listeneing in through the door.
"Go away you d-" A retching sound could be heard from within.
Goyjo snickered. "Guess the woman can't take her six beers."
Sanzo listened in from his door into her room. Maybe I should go help her...
Vivi sat up from the edge of her bed. "This is just sick." She rinsed her mouth out, with what else but beer. She had begun to take on a drunken look. She was drunk. Beer bottles littered her floor, along with cast off robes and pants. "Go away dyke!"
Kanzeon looked at her. "I told you to go easy on the beer. I can't even walk across this floor. How long have you been at this?"
Vivi gave her a glazed smile. "Nice wig. Five hours give or take."
Kanzeon quickly counted bottles. "That's forty empty and three more full. This is not a good way to deal with depression."
Vivi got up from her bed and pulled on a large robe, tying it up with a scrap of fabric so it formed a sort of kimono. "It works for me. I need more beer." She wrenched open her door, and left it open as she went to acquisition more beer from the kitchens.
Hakkai, Goku, and Goyjo poked their heads in her room.
Goyjo whistled. "For a nun she sure packs it away!"
Hakkai frowned. "This is what you call a religious person forcing themselves to take alcohol."
Goku tried counting bottles. "That's a lot of beer. Not even Sanzo can drink that much!"
Kanzeon frowned. "She's storing this up for something. Fuel maybe?"
Sanzo walked in the hallway, but paused when he saw all the beer bottles. "Where'd she go?"
"Right here." Vivi carried two large crates of beer on her shoulders as if it was nothing. "Move it or help."
Goyjo looked at the crates and whistled. "How much beer is in those?"
Vivi smiled her drunken smile. "Sixty per. Excuse me while I stockpile."
Sanzo blocked her path. "You're a nun right?"
Vivi snorted. "Yeah."
"You don't feel sick in the slightest?" Sanzo leaned against the doorway.
"Not for what I need it for. Check this out. Burn!" A pile of robes caught on fire, and blazed merrily until Vivi whistled. "Took six bottles that."
Kanzeon looked at her. "You're using beer instead of your will?"
Vivi looked at her. "You see more colors that way."
Kanzeon felt her forehead. "Colors? Like as in fire colors?"
Vivi closed her eyes. "Yeah."
"Drop the crates now. Don't touch anything." Kanzeon gave her a pointed look.
Vivi sighed. "Whatever." She let the crates slowly fall to the floor.
"Vomit." Kanzeon ordered.
"Excuse moi?" Vivi looked at the goddess.
Kanzeon kneed her in the stomach with all her godly power.
Vivi gagged, ran over to her window, and puked up a thin stream of blood. "What the fuck?"
Kanzeon handed her a small bag. "Eat that until your vomit turns regular. Anymore alcohol sprees like that and you could change. Trust me. That is not a good thing."
Vivi fell over to the floor, turning pale white.
"Damn! When did she start drinking alcohol?"
"Ten last night." Hakkai felt Vivi's wrist for a pulse and was surprised when she burned his fingers.
"That would be ten hours ago?"
Hakkai nodded and healed himself.
"Then it's up to her. If I were you, I would clean this place up and put her in a stone room. A room with nothing but stone. Metal will melt."
Goyjo looked at Hakkai. "How the hell do we do that?"
"Potholders." The goddess made her last remark before she faded away.
Goyjo looked at the empty air. "Potholders. Where do we get potholders?"
-----Stone room
Mum? Mum? Are you there? I feel so hot.....this hurts so much. Mum...why are you burning? Hurry up! We'll be late for my graduation...Mum? This hurts so much....What happened to the freeway? It looks so red.....Turn on the AC Mum....Mum? Are you listening? Wait! Don't leave me! Please! I don't want to be alone....Are you here for me? Wait...my dad always said....stay away from the light at the end of the tunnel.....I don't want to leave! No! Go away! Leave me alone! Mum? MUM! Where are you?!? I'm scared.....So cold...So cold here.....There's a shooting star! Make a wish! I wish...I wish...I wish... I wish that I could control fire.....and I wish....I wish... I wish I could stay with Sanzo forever. Sanzo? Sanzo? Are you there? Please come save me.....So cold.....so cold....All the pretty colors......I wonder what they mean.....I wonder if I could stay here forever? I wonder if Sanzo can see this......
Vivi lay on a cold stone table in the prayer room in the monastery. Her hair and clothes had already burned to cinders, leaving her a glowing naked body in an empty stone room. She hissed, drew in breath, and sat up.
With a weary groan, she tried speaking. "Sanzo? Sanzo? Sanzo...."
She fell down again, the room starting to be bathed with colorful fires.
------Sanzo's room
Sanzo hissed in his sleep. I can hear you...but can you hear me? Why the hell are you ranting on and on about fire? It's just fire. There's nothing special about it. It burns, kills, destroys. What good does fire have?
-----Stone room
Vivi smiled softly. Let me show you. Fire keeps you warm in the winter Sanzo saw a freezing child smile when his father lit a fire. It keeps away wild animals Sanzo saw a hunter wave a burning branch at a wild cat who apparently wanted to eat the hunter. It warms a woman's heart with her first child Sanzo saw a cold-hearted woman smile when she saw her baby. It gives us passion, life, and so many wonderful things in our lives. Sanzo saw every aspect of life he had taken for granted as everyday (i.e.: the making of beer). What is a cigarette without the fire to burn it? What is beer if it is not warm enough to become alcohol? What is a warm log cabin without the fire to warm it? Now do you see? Without Fire, Water, Metal, Wood, and Earth, man is nothing. We are nothing without the elements to make us what we are.....
Vivi sat up, soft fiery hair replacing her coarse blonde hair. Her blue eyes wheeled with the colors of all fire, and she was clothed in a bright red sixteenth century French dress. "Sanzo?"
--------Sanzo's room
Sanzo sat up on his bed, the temperature cold as ice. Yet he was sweating as he hauled himself down to the designated sort of living room.
He yawned before he opened the door, and was surprised to find a strange red, blue, brown, grey, and green tattoo going up his arm in five coiling dragons, leaving their tails on the back of his hand. As he stared, the dragons slid into a smaller bunch, leaving nothing visible outside of his sleeve. He snorted as he opened the door.
Vivi had walked in a blind state, unaware of where she was heading. Her fiery hair flowed out behind her, little tongues of flame tasting the still air. Her fire eyes wheeled as she ran straight into Sanzo.
Damn girl. Sanzo thought to himself.
Vivi heard his remark and began crying. I should just go home.....He's so mean...
Their emotions overlapped, Sanzo and Vivi feeling each other's contempt. They fell to the floor crying fire and salt water.
In that way, Hakkai found them later, curled up in Sanzo's open doorway like puppies. He smiled, and lifted Sanzo to his bed, then Vivi to hers (carefully avoiding the fire hair).
-------Next morning
"Sanzo! This is boring! I wanna go somewhere!" Goku whined as usual from his seat, rewarding him a smack with the fan.
Goyjo laughed. "I hate to admit it, but this is rather boring. Oy, what happened to that girl?"
Vivi came down the stairs softly and quietly. "Boo."
Goku and Goyjo jumped out of their chairs. Goyjo pointed a finger at her. "Make some sort of noise woman!"
Vivi smiled a ghost smile. "I did. I said boo."
Goyjo waved his finger around in her direction. "Drop a plate or something! Don't just pop up and say boo!"
Hakkai politely laughed in his chair. "I say we should move on."
Sanzo coughed. "Staying or coming woman?"
Vivi locked his eyes with her fire ones. Softly, as she did everything now, she whispered out her answer. "Coming."
Kanzeon popped into existence yet again. "Feeling better Viviane?"
"So that's what I forgot...."
Kanzeon looked at her. "You know you have fire for eyes and hair now right?"
Vivi gave another ghost smile. "Yes."
Goku touched her hair. "Hey! It doesn't burn!"
Vivi laughed softly. "Try now."
Goku put his hand two inches closer to her hair, and then drew it back. "It's hot!"
Kanzeon sighed. "That's what fire does. Burns."
Goku blew on his fingers. "But you didn't have to burn ME!"
Vivi gently examined Goku's fingers. "You're fine. Stop complaining."
Hakkai held a green-glowing hand over Goku's fingers. "There's nothing wrong with you except shock."
Kanzeon snorted. "There is a technical name for people like you Viviane."
Vivi regarded the goddess with cold, calculating eyes. "What?"
Kanzeon smiled wickedly. "Technically, Vivi...you're no longer a human. The gods call people like you...HUO LONGS!"
Sanzo snorted. "And we're supposed to care because...?"
Kanzeon cackled as she faded away. "Farewell, Lady Huo Long."
Vivi fell to the floor on her knees. "Hou Long? I'm a Hou Long?"
Hakkai patted her back. "Don't worry. It'll be alright in the end."
Goku scratched his head. "What's a Hou Long?"
Goyjo sighed. "Stupid monkey. Don't even know mythology."
Vivi looked at Goku. "Hou Long, Jin Long, Shui Long, Mu Long, and Tu Long. Fire dragon, metal dragon, water dragon, wood dragon, and earth dragon. The five principle dragon guardians of the elements. Each dragon controls their main element. They follow the principles of their key elements, and also follow the principles of Fung Shui. This means that fire beats metal, metal beats wood, wood beats earth, and water beats fire. Wood gives power to fire, fire to earth, earth to metal, metal to water, water to wood. Don't ask."
Hakkai golf-clapped. "Very good. You know your Chinese dragons very well."
Goyjo stood up. "If you're Hou Long, and I'm half kappa, will you die if I touch you?"
Vivi conjured a large fire ball. "Pervert!" She chucked it at him, a vein on her face popping out as he ran around the room, his butt on fire.
Goku laughed and pointed. "Hey look! The cockroach is dancing!"
Sanzo shot the ceiling four times. "Oh look. I missed."
Vivi rolled her eyes and mimicked his general attitude. She lounged on a couch, still mimicking Sanzo. At his glare, she stopped. "This is boring as hell. I say we go somewhere."
Sanzo pointed his gun at her. "Who the hell said you could come?"
Vivi suddenly jumped up from her languid position, and got a grip on the ceiling with her feet and hands. She hissed, her hair exploding in her sudden anger. "Who the hell said I couldn't come?"
Hakkai stopped smiling. "Sanzo, that isn't a good idea. This is a WOODEN room, and that thing up there, is a HUO LONG. This means she will survive, we will roast alive."
Goyjo finally doused his butt torch with a vase, flowers and all. "That doesn't sound appealing. There are no women! I need a woman around!"
Vivi conjured another fire ball from her overhead position. "You really are a pervert aren't you?"
Goyjo held his hand up in a submissive gesture. "I swear, I'm weaning myself off female dependence."
Vivi's vein popped out again. "That isn't much insurance."
Just before the girl could chuck the fire ball at Goyjo, the door creaked open to admit Father Pirore. "Mademoiselle, your grandfather wishes for a small audience with you. Now."
Vivi dropped off the ceiling and extinguished the fire ball. "Shit." She walked softly out of the room, for a private conference with her grandfather.
-----Three hours later, outside monastery
"Took a while for her to get back." Goyjo leaned out of the back of the Jeep, waiting for Vivi to hurry up and get in the damned Jeep.
"Sorry I took so long. French is not a fast language to discuss in." She hopped neatly into the back of the Jeep, forcing Goyjo to relinquish his prime spot.
Sanzo sighed. "Whatever. Are you done now?"
Vivi started playing with a small ball of fire. "Yeah." She made the ball of fire bigger, and kept playing.
Hakkai hit the gas, and stopped paying attention to his rear view mirror.
Goku and Goyjo set to fighting, and Vivi sat there, calm and collected as she kept amking the damn fire ball bigger.
Finally, she stood up and chucked it straight at the monastery, letting it catch on fire. "Adieu Grandpapa! God speed straight to hell!"
Sanzo caught her just as she fell backwards crying fire. He had a vague thought, but brushed it away. I think I like this girl....
Vivi sobbed regular tears into Sanzo's spacious robe, her hair falling away from her neck to show her medallion.
Sanzo absentmindedly stroked her hair, trying to calm her down.
Vivi held to her own thoughts. No matter how I live here, the only way I can go back home is to die of old age. I'm officially stranded here. I'm stranded with....Sanzo....
AN: This is the chapter that never ends.....and it goes on and on my friend. Actually, this just ended. Yes. That was the longest chapter known to man on FF.net, at 22 pages. 23 if you count the AN. And just think, this is not a one-shot. This means that there will be more chapters just like this! Huzzah!
Disclaimer: For the last time....I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING RELATED TO GENSOMADEN SAIYUKI!!!
Pairings: Ask me next chapter.
Rating: R, cuz little kids are insecure enough in the front seat of a car. Potty mouths, violence, and general creepiness.
AN: LOL. I just read this great fanfic...so I thought I'd try something like it. Nothing Japanese involved. Sorry. And to explain this, I'm a really big pyromaniac. My motto is as follows: (to the tune of Winter Wonderland) Let it burn, let it burn, let it buuurn! Mwoooohahahaha! Right. A lot of people don't understand pyros, so this fic is dedicated to each and every pyromaniac out there: I'm so with you my peeps! Who wants to burn the tree?
Pyrotechnics
Chapter 1:
Stranded
I feel so hot.....this hurts so much. Mum...why are you burning? Hurry up! We'll be late for my graduation...Mum? This hurts so much....What happened to the freeway? It looks so red.....Turn on the AC Mum....Mum? Are you listening? Wait! Don't leave me! Please! I don't want to be alone....Are you here for me? Wait...my dad always said....stay away from the light at the end of the tunnel.....I don't want to leave! No! Go away! Leave me alone!
"Sanzo? What's that red light?" Goku pointed up in the sky at a rapidly falling red orb.
Sanzo looked up from the Jeep. "I have no idea."
Goyjo squinted. "Wish I knew."
Hakkai hit the gas. "We'll find out soon enough!"
Mum? MUM! Where are you?!? I'm scared.....So cold...So cold here.....There's a shooting star! Make a wish!
Sanzo looked up. "Something alive is in that thing."
Goku popped up. "What makes you say that?"
"Shut up stupid monkey!" Sanzo hit Goku with the paper fan. "Just trust me!"
Mum? Is that you? Hello? Is anyone there? Can anyone hear me? Hello?
"OH SHUT UP YOU STUPID GIRL!" A vein on Sanzo's face popped out in his exasperation.
"Sanzo.....who are you talking to?" Goku tapped Sanzo on the shoulder.
"Give it a minute stupid monkey." Sanzo pointed his gun at the orb, which had sped up its already rapid descent.
You can hear me?
Sanzo shot the orb clean through the middle. "Now maybe you'll shut up-"
A female scream pierced through the still night, and the red orb broke. A young girl fell out of it, heading face first for the ground, 30 feet below.
Goyjo's eyes popped out. "You shot a woman!"
Hakkai hit the gas so hard even Sanzo's teeth rattled. "Hang on miss!"
The girl looked down, and screamed again.
"Damn sopranos." Sanzo gritted his teeth against the high pitched noise.
The girl held her arms to her side and tried to turn in mid air, leaving her falling stomach first.
Goyjo poked Goku. "Now would be a good time to save the woman."
Goku yawned. "Alright...I'm moving!" He stuck his pole in the ground and let it grow out so he could catch the girl. "Oof...You're light.."
The girl's wide blue eyes stared at him. "Is this Heaven? Or Hell? I know I deserve Hell...but can't it wait until I stop hurting?"
Sanzo pointed his gun at the girl. "If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
"But...I thought I was already dead....Do you know where Los Angeles is?"
Sanzo hit the hammer of his wonderful gun. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"That's where I died...didn't I?"
Hakkai wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. "Come on. We'll get you something warm to eat and drink so you can think straight."
The girl curled up in the back of the Jeep, the blanket around her burned clothing.
"I say she's crazy." Goyjo turned to Sanzo, expecting his agreement. Instead, he was hit with the paper fan.
"What she said has some basis. Girls don't light themselves on fire and walk away with only severely burned clothing. She's either dead, or she's playing a trick on us." Hakkai muttered as he climbed back in the Jeep.
The girl poked her head up. "Why would I lie? I don't even know who you people are. Look. Just take me to Los Angeles so I can graduate. Then I'll be out of your hair..."
"I thought I told you to shut up girl!" Sanzo pointed his gun at her.
She pushed it aside with surprising ease. "Nice boys don't shoot unarmed teenage girls."
Goyjo snorted. "What a great philosophy. Remind me to tell you mine someday."
Sanzo shot the air twice. "Oh look. I missed."
The girl smacked Sanzo's hand with his own fan. "Stop doing that! You're wasting bullets."
Goku, Goyjo, Hakkai, and even Sanzo stared at her. Sanzo rubbed his hand. "That actually hurt."
The girl snorted. "No shit Sherlock. Or did Watson have to help you?"
Sanzo kept staring at the girl as Hakkai hit the gas and headed for the closest accommodations.
-----Front gates.
"Uh....Blond?"
"What do you want girl?"
"Um....this is a monastery."
"I know that. Care to point out anything else that obvious?"
"Well.....monks don't let girls in monasteries."
"Your point?"
"I'm noticeably female."
Goyjo snorted. "A lovely sunrise of a female."
The girl turned around and delivered a perfect high kick to Goyjo's head, knocking him to the ground as she slowly folded her leg in and slowly pulled it in.
Hakkai whistled. "That's what I call control."
"How is that control? That hurt like hell!" Goyjo spit out blood onto the ground.
The girl pulled the blanket closer around her and visibly shivered, breaking her usually stoic atmosphere.
Sanzo snorted. "Cold are we?"
"Shut up stupid little boy."
Goku started laughing. "Sanzo a little boy! That's funny!"
Sanzo raised the fan to beat up the stupid monkey, and found a slippered foot in front of his face.
"Don't even think about it. I'll break your neck like a twig if you try." The girl held her scissor kick position in front of Sanzo's face.
"Believe her. With that kind of control, that girl could kill you with one hand." Hakkai handed Goyjo a clean cloth to wipe the blood from his mouth.
"Damn. Stupid girl." Sanzo turned away and began knocking on the monastery door.
The girl tucked her leg in, and tried to look as depressing as possible, brushing her blonde hair away from her face.
Shaking his head at her futile attempts, Hakkai handed her a cut onion. "Try this."
"Thanks." The girl held the onion under her nose for a few seconds, and then handed it back. "Can you save that for me?"
Hakkai smiled. "Of course."
"Good. I miss fried onion rings."
What the hell was a fried onion ring? Hakkai looked at the girl with is usual smile.
"You do have eggs and flour right?"
"Yes."
"Grease and a big pan?"
"Yes."
"Then I can make onion rings."
Goku poked his head in between the two. "How can such a smelly vegetable make good food?"
"How does an animal that rolls around in dirt make a really good pork roast?"
".....Don't you cook it?"
"Exactly."
"Will you shut up so I can negotiate for you to get in this place?" Sanzo threw a rock at the girl, who dodged it easily by folding in half. "Damn contortionist."
The girl stuck her tongue out at him. Stupid monk.
The heavy door opened, revealing a disgruntled old monk. "What do you want at this hour?" He looked and saw the girl. "Impossible! There is no way!"
The girl stepped back. "Grandpapa?"
"Oh! It is you! Oh my sweet grandchild! You are the very picture of your Grandmamma at that age."
The girl smiled, and pulled an elegant curtsy. "But I thought you died Grandpapa? You had a stroke."
The old monk chuckled. "Of course. Oh do come in!"
Sanzo and the group stared at her. "How the hell do you know that old geezer?" Goyjo walked past her, only to be throttled by her leg.
"But if you are here...this means....Oh my sweet child! Come here! Tell Grandpapa all about it."
"I was riding in the Astro van with Mum on the freeway....and she swerved to take the right shoulder....and we hit the guardrail....and the next thing I knew Mum was burning and it was scorching hot......I tried to turn, but then Mum was pulled out....and they left me behind.....and the next thing I knew, I was floating....trying to find Mum." The girl burrowed her head in her Grandpapa's chest.
"Poor dear. Who was the first person who heard you poppet?"
"The blonde." The girl pointed her finger at Sanzo.
The old monk ushered them all in. "Stay here. I'll be back in a tick."
The girl sat down on the cold floor. "If Grandpapa is here....then maybe this IS Heaven....."
Sanzo snorted. "I highly doubt it."
Goku tugged at the girl's blanket. "Hey....What's your name?"
The girl patted his head absently. "Vivi. Vivi Messer."
The old monk soon returned with the head of his order. "Viviane Messer, I give you the head of this monastery Father Pirore."
Vivi swept low to the ground in a curtsy, bending her knees so that her forehead touched the ground. "You honor me with your presence Father."
Father Pirore blinked. "This changes things. Tell me child....have you taken any vows?"
Vivi remained in her position. "I swore to follow the Covenant of Joan of Arc, like a proper Messer."
Vivi's Grandpapa smiled. "Only those who swear to defend those who need defending in the Messer family take up the role of the female warrior."
"True Grandpapa."
Father Pirore stepped back. "A woman's place is in the home, not in the battle. So says the great Buddha."
"I do not follow the great Buddha. I am French. We French follow the Catholic order."
Father Pirore snorted. "Nonsense. There is nothing but Buddha's word."
Vivi leaped up form her position, and grabbed one of the swords hung on the wall. "In the name of France on guard!"
Sanzo and the rest stepped back from Vivi, and Sanzo coolly noted how the girl made the sword look so light, when in fact it weighed several pounds.
Vivi's Grandpapa took up another, lighter sword. "As a monk of the monastery, I will not allow this disrespect! On guard!"
Vivi and her Grandpapa pulled their swords up in front of their faces, then away in a warrior's salute. Vivi lunged, and her Grandpapa barely blocked. The steel flashed and clanged in the air as the two.....fenced.
Father Pirore stepped away from the two. "Such violence! Really! This is not keeping with Buddha!"
Vivi's Grandpapa lunged and caught some sort of chain that hung on Vivi's neck. "Warrior maiden my foot! More like a warrior rose!" He ripped away the chain, and sent it spiraling off to Sanzo's feet.
"If you don't watch your back Grandpapa, someone might do this!" Vivi lashed forward and sliced off a fairly large chunk of her Grandpapa.
"I concede! I concede! You are the better of us two!" He dropped his sword and fell to the ground, Vivi's sword following his movements.
"I should run you through...But none the less, Grandpapa, you would have made a fine duelist. It is I who concedes to you." She handed her sword to him; handle first, with a short bow.
Father Pirore looked at them. "But you won...You clearly had the advantage!"
Sanzo stared at Vivi. "What the hell are you doing?"
Vivi's Grandpapa took up her sword and smacked her lightly on the cheeks. "Your footwork could use a bit of polishing Viviane. Bad form!"
Vivi curtseyed. "We we Grandpapa!"
Goyjo stared at them. "Are you two off your rockers?"
"No! That is how we French families act to each other."
"So...Los Angeles is in France?" Sanzo queried from the back of the room as he leaned down and picked up the chain that had been ripped from Vivi's neck.
Vivi laughed. "Paris, Marseilles, and La Havre are in Paris. New York, Boston, and Los Angeles are in the United States.....DROP IT! Drop it now!"
Sanzo looked around. "What, you mean this?" He held up the medallion.
Vivi strode over and snatched it from his hand. "Never ever touch a Frenchwoman's symbol of her order. Ever! Understand?"
Sanzo perked a brow. "No."
Vivi's Grandpapa laughed. "Oh you're in it now Viviane! Oh ho! Witnessed by an elder family member! Oh ho! Mon cheri! You are fated for the garland of flowers! Oh ho!"
"Be quiet! It isn't funny Grandpapa! You can't be serious! He...he...he isn't even French! Marques would be a better match! Mon cheri my foot! Have shame Grandpapa! Have shame!"
Sanzo looked from Frenchman to Frenchwoman. "I have no idea what you people are talking about. Father Pirore! I, Genjo Sanzo, request rooms for my party. Not sure if that includes the woman..."
Vivi and her Grandpapa had begun speaking in rapid French, much to the admiration of Goku. Vivi's Grandpapa reached out and slapped Vivi, and let off a stream of French. Vivi bowed her head and clutched her Grandpapa's robe, apparently pleading with him about something. The older man ripped his robe out her grip and let off another stream of French, resulting in Vivi turning white as a sheet, and begging from the floor.
Goku turned to Hakkai. "I wish I knew what they where saying-"
"If you wish to remain a member of the Messers, you will do this Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer!"
"Grandpapa! That ruins my honor!"
"It will be ruined even more if you do not! Not arguments! I am capable of striking you from the records of the Messers!"
Vivi let off a stream of apparent French curses. Finally, she turned to her Grandpapa. "We Grandpapa. You are right."
The older man stalked over to her and gave her two kisses on each cheek. "The next time I see you, you had better have my great-grandchildren with you!"
Vivi smiled. "We we Grandpapa. Now I could use a bath. Point me merci!"
Her grandfather smiled. "You'll find them in time. Off off!"
Vivi curtsied. She walked with as much grace as she could muster over to Sanzo's group.
Goku jumped in the air. "So you are staying with us? And what was all the Viviane de stuff?"
"My full title is Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer. In your language it means Viviane the lion of the lily of the Messer family. In other words, my birth name was Viviane de Lyons de Messer. Viviane the lion of the Messer family. When I became one of the Arc maids, I added de Fleur de Lis to my name, which means the lily flower. It was one of Joan of Arc's titles. Not so hard. You like French?"
Goku grimaced. "Not anymore."
"Ah! But it is a graceful language, good for insulting your opponents and wooing the maids. It's like wiping your ass with silk."
Goyjo looked at her. "Wooing the maids?"
"French term. Young women are called maids."
"Oh."
"We're here. Are these your largest rooms?" Sanzo cut through their discussion.
"Of course Lord Sanzo!" Father Pirore bowed and waved them in. "Have a nice stay Lady Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer and Lord Genjo Sanzo. I will send one of the acolytes for your toilette lady."
"You were doing very well until you said acolytes. I need no one for my toilette. And to be French right now....Lady in French is Mademoiselle. Useful term of address for someone of my station and rank we?"
Father Pirore bowed. "And how shall I introduce the mademoiselle to the other monks?"
"You may introduce me as Demoiselle Viviane de Lyons de Fleur de Lis de Messer of the Order of Joan of Arc, the Warrior Maid. Got that?"
"Of course." Father Pirore bowed and retreated.
"Something's up for that snake to creep that low. Wonder what Grandpapa taught him French wise." She caught Sanzo staring at her and she bowed her head and took the largest room.
Goyjo pounded on her door. "Oy! Come on! Be reasonable!"
"I am being reasonable! A woman must be treated like a miniature goddess! So says your stupid Buddha!"
Goyjo looked at Sanzo. "Is that true?"
Sanzo snorted. "Actually, it is."
Goyjo stomped off into his room, the smallest one.
-----Vivi's room
The girl sighed. I love hot water. It removes so much of the day's toils. Now let's see....Today I died, met Goyjo, Goku, Hakkai, and Sanzo....... The girl blushed at the thought of Sanzo. He's actually really cute. She shivered. What am I some helpless maiden? Think straight girl! You are an Arcadian fighter! Think! Well lessee...Sanzo has a really sweet disposition.... She snorted. Yeah right. And I'm next in line for the throne....well after Cousin Guinevere...But Sanzo is really nice! He even had the decency to pick up my medallion...If only he knew what it means.....I wonder how I can get home....What am I saying! I'm dead for crying out loud! She sighed and soaked in her bath before a low chuckle interrupted, breaking her out of her reverie.
She leapt to her feet and grabbed her dagger.
"Nice view."
She stifled a scream and grabbed a towel, wrapping it tightly and quickly around her. She glanced around the room, trying to find the invader.
"Behind you love."
She whipped around, only to run headfirst into a strange woman.
"HOLY SHIT! SANZO!!!!!"
A heavy hand blocked her mouth. "Stop screaming! I picked you because you don't scream!"
"Put her down transvestite hag or I'll shoot you."
Vivi sighed. Her savior! Thank you God...wait a minute....Sanzo was a man...and her towel wrap wasn't that secure.....She gulped.
"Now now. You wouldn't want to shoot your own fiancé now would you?"
Vivi kicked the woman holding her as she watched Sanzo's expression turn to one of puzzlement.
"Oh now don't tell me your little French girl didn't tell you?"
Vivi shook her head and tried kicking the woman again.
"Then I'll tell him, how about that love? But I want to see your face when I do." The woman threw Vivi to the floor.
"Damn it hag! Just tell me what the fuck is going on!"
The woman smiled. "Oh by the way love, my name is Kanzeon. Feel free to name me in your prayers. By voluntarily picking up the medallion thrown at your feet by her grandfather, you just proclaimed yourself her fiancé."
Vivi's head hung low. "And since you don't have a patron saint medallion, I can't get out of it."
Sanzo's memory clicked. Her grandfather had said something about great- grandchildren.... "So...what was all that kissing for?"
"French custom. Says you bless the alliance. But the good news is: French couples seldom ever stay in the same room under these conditions!"
Sanzo lowered his gun. "So what was all the screaming for?"
Vivi blushed. "I thought it was a pervert..."
Kanzeon snorted. "I am not a pervert. I am merely making sure that your honor is maintained."
Vivi and Sanzo snorted. "Yeah right-" They stopped speaking and looked at each other.
Kanzeon cackled in her annoying way. "Look! You're alike as it is!"
Vivi stamped her foot. "I should challenge you for that, but as you can see, I am not properly attired for a duel."
Sanzo snorted and pointed his gun at the goddess. "Go away you transvestite hag!"
A vein on Kanzeon's face popped. "I am not a transvestite!"
Vivi laughed from her spot on the floor. "So you are a hag?"
"You little lesbian!"
Vivi's eyes got big. "You...you...you....PROCURESS!"
Kanzeon's face twitched. "I am not a procuress you little slut!"
"I'm still a virgin! You damn dyke!"
"Excuse me little girl. At least I can admit what I am bitch."
"Oh that's the best you can come up with! Wait a second.....You just admitted you're a lesbian...."
Kanzeon stepped back. "I did not!"
Vivi wagged her finger. "We we! You did! You admitted that you are a dyke. A dyke is a lesbian."
Kanzeon cursed under her breath. "I'm through with you."
Vivi watched in silence as the goddess walked past, then spat in front of her.
Sanzo grimaced. Bad idea. "Vivi...or whatever your name is....Kanzeon is the Goddess of Mercy."
Vivi smiled softly. "I...don't...give...a shit."
Kanzeon cursed and disappeared.
Sanzo leaned down in front of Vivi. "Are you all right?"
Vivi blushed. Damn it! Why the frick am I blushing....he is kind of cute though.... "I....I'm fine."
Sanzo had heard her thoughts, but he gave no mention of it. "As you will Vivi."
Vivi waited until Sanzo had left and firmly closed the door before leaping to her feet and trying to see what she could salvage from the burned remains of her clothing.
Hmm....Not much left. The shoes, pants, and even the shirt are wasted! Not even suitable for kittens....that leaves me with a bra...and a pair of underwear....not even socks! Mon dieu...
--------Sanzo's room
I wonder if I should help her? Sanzo smoked his cigarette as he listened to the French cursing from the other room. She probably had no more clothes left. Damn women. He listened to her thoughts. Yep. No more clothes left. Not even socks? What the hell is she thinking? He got up and wandered over to the window, and saw smoke coming from Vivi's room. Shit!
-------Vivi's room
Sanzo burst in, only to see Vivi in her underwear hanging out of the window, burning something.
"What the hell?!?!?!" Sanzo stood next to her, wondering what was wrong.
"Eep! Oh my god! SANZO? Why are you here?" Vivi grabbed a blanket and hurriedly covered herself.
"What's with all the smoke?"
"What, you mean my pyrotechnics?"
"Yes that. What's up?"
"I need clothes."
"I beg your pardon?" Sanzo leaned against the window, smoking another cigarette.
"Never mind. I'll find it myself."
Sanzo shrugged. "Just don't walk around in your...feminine....stuff."
Vivi gaped after him. "Feminine stuff? That's the best you could come up with? This mon cheri is called underwear."
Sanzo looked at her. "I don't care if it's a demon."
Vivi sighed, and then yawned. "Great. Adieu mon cheri. Adieu."
Sanzo shook his head and walked out of her room, closing the door firmly behind him.
-------Dinner
"So....she burns stuff." Goyjo chugged his beer.
Sanzo sighed. "Apparently."
Hakkai smiled. "It could be worse. She could be burning down the building."
"That I would never do mon cheri." Vivi came down the stairs, still in her undies, scratching her messed up blonde hair.
Goyjo leaned forward in his chair. "Hello."
Sanzo closed his eyes and listened to her footsteps. They stopped somewhere behind him. Sanzo opened his eyes and saw a long pale white arm reach in front of him and grab two beers. He felt a hand in his pocket, and heard the crinkle of his cigarette pack.
Vivi pulled out a cigarette with her mouth, and smacked the pack down in front of Sanzo. "Thanks mon cheri."
Sanzo held up his lighter.
"No thanks. I've got my own." Vivi leaned her head down to her hand, and flicked her thumb.
Sitting across the room, Goku saw a flame pop out over Vivi's thumb. "Cool! A thumb shaped lighter!"
Vivi looked at him as she sucked in the sweet cigarette. She waved her thumb around in the air until it went out. She then removed the cigarette from her mouth with two long, thin, pale fingers, and blew out a small cloud of smoke from her mouth. "Mon cheri, that was my thumb."
Goyjo whistled. "Nice."
"Die by fire, create fire." Kanzeon appeared out of the shadows. "Didn't think you would figure it out so fast girl."
"What did you expect from someone named after the Lady of the Lake? Waterworks?" Vivi snorted, and continued smoking.
"I could have sworn you didn't smoke. And yes I did expect waterworks as your talent." The goddess retorted.
"Things change." She popped of the beer cap with her teeth and leaned against the wall as she drunk.
"Could've sworn you didn't drink either. Don't force yourself Sister Viviane."
"Shut the fuck up dyke." Vivi polished off her first bottle pf beer and let it fall from limp fingers.
"Ah...but nuns and monks don't drink, smoke, swear, or go around indecently clad." The goddess walked over to Vivi.
"Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up dyke?" Vivi held her hand close to the goddess' head.
"Oh I'm so scared of the little bitty Firestarter nun. Oh look at me shiver." Kanzeon snorted.
"Burn dyke." Vivi snapped her fingers next to the goddess' hair, and smiled when a thin ring of fire started on the goddess' long black hair.
Sanzo stared at the goddess, and turned back to his beer.
Goyjo began paying very close attention to the stain on the table. He had learned a long time ago not to mess with two women when they fought.
Goku stared in wonder. "What's that awful smell?"
Vivi laughed and dumped her second beer over the goddess' burning hair, adding fuel to the fire. "That would be the smell of burning hair Goku."
Kanzeon disappeared.
Vivi laughed and started smoking again. "Oy. Anybody got a spare jacket or something?"
Sanzo snorted. "Oh you aren't comfortable enough?"
"Wanna burn monk?" Vivi clenched her fist and glared at the back of his head.
"Burn me and no more of these." Sanzo dangled his cigarettes behind his head.
Hakkai politely refrained from looking at Vivi. "I'll ask around for you."
"Thanks mon cheri." Vivi reached for another beer.
Sanzo got up and left.
Goku watched him leave. "Wonder what's up with him?"
Vivi lounged in his vacant chair, and drank her beer. "Maybe he's PMSing."
Hakkai and Goyjo started laughing.
Vivi smiled, but on the inside she started crying. He can't stand to be near me....I'm only doing this shit because he does.....
------Sanzo's room
What the hell is wrong with that girl? Is she so lonely she has to break her own vows? He clenched a bullet. But not just any bullet. The bullet he had shot her with that had fallen to the ground. He sighed and lit a cigarette. This is going to be a long day.
------Next morning in Vivi's room
"Miss Vivi? Are you feeling alright?" Hakkai knocked softly on the door, Goyjo and Goku listeneing in through the door.
"Go away you d-" A retching sound could be heard from within.
Goyjo snickered. "Guess the woman can't take her six beers."
Sanzo listened in from his door into her room. Maybe I should go help her...
Vivi sat up from the edge of her bed. "This is just sick." She rinsed her mouth out, with what else but beer. She had begun to take on a drunken look. She was drunk. Beer bottles littered her floor, along with cast off robes and pants. "Go away dyke!"
Kanzeon looked at her. "I told you to go easy on the beer. I can't even walk across this floor. How long have you been at this?"
Vivi gave her a glazed smile. "Nice wig. Five hours give or take."
Kanzeon quickly counted bottles. "That's forty empty and three more full. This is not a good way to deal with depression."
Vivi got up from her bed and pulled on a large robe, tying it up with a scrap of fabric so it formed a sort of kimono. "It works for me. I need more beer." She wrenched open her door, and left it open as she went to acquisition more beer from the kitchens.
Hakkai, Goku, and Goyjo poked their heads in her room.
Goyjo whistled. "For a nun she sure packs it away!"
Hakkai frowned. "This is what you call a religious person forcing themselves to take alcohol."
Goku tried counting bottles. "That's a lot of beer. Not even Sanzo can drink that much!"
Kanzeon frowned. "She's storing this up for something. Fuel maybe?"
Sanzo walked in the hallway, but paused when he saw all the beer bottles. "Where'd she go?"
"Right here." Vivi carried two large crates of beer on her shoulders as if it was nothing. "Move it or help."
Goyjo looked at the crates and whistled. "How much beer is in those?"
Vivi smiled her drunken smile. "Sixty per. Excuse me while I stockpile."
Sanzo blocked her path. "You're a nun right?"
Vivi snorted. "Yeah."
"You don't feel sick in the slightest?" Sanzo leaned against the doorway.
"Not for what I need it for. Check this out. Burn!" A pile of robes caught on fire, and blazed merrily until Vivi whistled. "Took six bottles that."
Kanzeon looked at her. "You're using beer instead of your will?"
Vivi looked at her. "You see more colors that way."
Kanzeon felt her forehead. "Colors? Like as in fire colors?"
Vivi closed her eyes. "Yeah."
"Drop the crates now. Don't touch anything." Kanzeon gave her a pointed look.
Vivi sighed. "Whatever." She let the crates slowly fall to the floor.
"Vomit." Kanzeon ordered.
"Excuse moi?" Vivi looked at the goddess.
Kanzeon kneed her in the stomach with all her godly power.
Vivi gagged, ran over to her window, and puked up a thin stream of blood. "What the fuck?"
Kanzeon handed her a small bag. "Eat that until your vomit turns regular. Anymore alcohol sprees like that and you could change. Trust me. That is not a good thing."
Vivi fell over to the floor, turning pale white.
"Damn! When did she start drinking alcohol?"
"Ten last night." Hakkai felt Vivi's wrist for a pulse and was surprised when she burned his fingers.
"That would be ten hours ago?"
Hakkai nodded and healed himself.
"Then it's up to her. If I were you, I would clean this place up and put her in a stone room. A room with nothing but stone. Metal will melt."
Goyjo looked at Hakkai. "How the hell do we do that?"
"Potholders." The goddess made her last remark before she faded away.
Goyjo looked at the empty air. "Potholders. Where do we get potholders?"
-----Stone room
Mum? Mum? Are you there? I feel so hot.....this hurts so much. Mum...why are you burning? Hurry up! We'll be late for my graduation...Mum? This hurts so much....What happened to the freeway? It looks so red.....Turn on the AC Mum....Mum? Are you listening? Wait! Don't leave me! Please! I don't want to be alone....Are you here for me? Wait...my dad always said....stay away from the light at the end of the tunnel.....I don't want to leave! No! Go away! Leave me alone! Mum? MUM! Where are you?!? I'm scared.....So cold...So cold here.....There's a shooting star! Make a wish! I wish...I wish...I wish... I wish that I could control fire.....and I wish....I wish... I wish I could stay with Sanzo forever. Sanzo? Sanzo? Are you there? Please come save me.....So cold.....so cold....All the pretty colors......I wonder what they mean.....I wonder if I could stay here forever? I wonder if Sanzo can see this......
Vivi lay on a cold stone table in the prayer room in the monastery. Her hair and clothes had already burned to cinders, leaving her a glowing naked body in an empty stone room. She hissed, drew in breath, and sat up.
With a weary groan, she tried speaking. "Sanzo? Sanzo? Sanzo...."
She fell down again, the room starting to be bathed with colorful fires.
------Sanzo's room
Sanzo hissed in his sleep. I can hear you...but can you hear me? Why the hell are you ranting on and on about fire? It's just fire. There's nothing special about it. It burns, kills, destroys. What good does fire have?
-----Stone room
Vivi smiled softly. Let me show you. Fire keeps you warm in the winter Sanzo saw a freezing child smile when his father lit a fire. It keeps away wild animals Sanzo saw a hunter wave a burning branch at a wild cat who apparently wanted to eat the hunter. It warms a woman's heart with her first child Sanzo saw a cold-hearted woman smile when she saw her baby. It gives us passion, life, and so many wonderful things in our lives. Sanzo saw every aspect of life he had taken for granted as everyday (i.e.: the making of beer). What is a cigarette without the fire to burn it? What is beer if it is not warm enough to become alcohol? What is a warm log cabin without the fire to warm it? Now do you see? Without Fire, Water, Metal, Wood, and Earth, man is nothing. We are nothing without the elements to make us what we are.....
Vivi sat up, soft fiery hair replacing her coarse blonde hair. Her blue eyes wheeled with the colors of all fire, and she was clothed in a bright red sixteenth century French dress. "Sanzo?"
--------Sanzo's room
Sanzo sat up on his bed, the temperature cold as ice. Yet he was sweating as he hauled himself down to the designated sort of living room.
He yawned before he opened the door, and was surprised to find a strange red, blue, brown, grey, and green tattoo going up his arm in five coiling dragons, leaving their tails on the back of his hand. As he stared, the dragons slid into a smaller bunch, leaving nothing visible outside of his sleeve. He snorted as he opened the door.
Vivi had walked in a blind state, unaware of where she was heading. Her fiery hair flowed out behind her, little tongues of flame tasting the still air. Her fire eyes wheeled as she ran straight into Sanzo.
Damn girl. Sanzo thought to himself.
Vivi heard his remark and began crying. I should just go home.....He's so mean...
Their emotions overlapped, Sanzo and Vivi feeling each other's contempt. They fell to the floor crying fire and salt water.
In that way, Hakkai found them later, curled up in Sanzo's open doorway like puppies. He smiled, and lifted Sanzo to his bed, then Vivi to hers (carefully avoiding the fire hair).
-------Next morning
"Sanzo! This is boring! I wanna go somewhere!" Goku whined as usual from his seat, rewarding him a smack with the fan.
Goyjo laughed. "I hate to admit it, but this is rather boring. Oy, what happened to that girl?"
Vivi came down the stairs softly and quietly. "Boo."
Goku and Goyjo jumped out of their chairs. Goyjo pointed a finger at her. "Make some sort of noise woman!"
Vivi smiled a ghost smile. "I did. I said boo."
Goyjo waved his finger around in her direction. "Drop a plate or something! Don't just pop up and say boo!"
Hakkai politely laughed in his chair. "I say we should move on."
Sanzo coughed. "Staying or coming woman?"
Vivi locked his eyes with her fire ones. Softly, as she did everything now, she whispered out her answer. "Coming."
Kanzeon popped into existence yet again. "Feeling better Viviane?"
"So that's what I forgot...."
Kanzeon looked at her. "You know you have fire for eyes and hair now right?"
Vivi gave another ghost smile. "Yes."
Goku touched her hair. "Hey! It doesn't burn!"
Vivi laughed softly. "Try now."
Goku put his hand two inches closer to her hair, and then drew it back. "It's hot!"
Kanzeon sighed. "That's what fire does. Burns."
Goku blew on his fingers. "But you didn't have to burn ME!"
Vivi gently examined Goku's fingers. "You're fine. Stop complaining."
Hakkai held a green-glowing hand over Goku's fingers. "There's nothing wrong with you except shock."
Kanzeon snorted. "There is a technical name for people like you Viviane."
Vivi regarded the goddess with cold, calculating eyes. "What?"
Kanzeon smiled wickedly. "Technically, Vivi...you're no longer a human. The gods call people like you...HUO LONGS!"
Sanzo snorted. "And we're supposed to care because...?"
Kanzeon cackled as she faded away. "Farewell, Lady Huo Long."
Vivi fell to the floor on her knees. "Hou Long? I'm a Hou Long?"
Hakkai patted her back. "Don't worry. It'll be alright in the end."
Goku scratched his head. "What's a Hou Long?"
Goyjo sighed. "Stupid monkey. Don't even know mythology."
Vivi looked at Goku. "Hou Long, Jin Long, Shui Long, Mu Long, and Tu Long. Fire dragon, metal dragon, water dragon, wood dragon, and earth dragon. The five principle dragon guardians of the elements. Each dragon controls their main element. They follow the principles of their key elements, and also follow the principles of Fung Shui. This means that fire beats metal, metal beats wood, wood beats earth, and water beats fire. Wood gives power to fire, fire to earth, earth to metal, metal to water, water to wood. Don't ask."
Hakkai golf-clapped. "Very good. You know your Chinese dragons very well."
Goyjo stood up. "If you're Hou Long, and I'm half kappa, will you die if I touch you?"
Vivi conjured a large fire ball. "Pervert!" She chucked it at him, a vein on her face popping out as he ran around the room, his butt on fire.
Goku laughed and pointed. "Hey look! The cockroach is dancing!"
Sanzo shot the ceiling four times. "Oh look. I missed."
Vivi rolled her eyes and mimicked his general attitude. She lounged on a couch, still mimicking Sanzo. At his glare, she stopped. "This is boring as hell. I say we go somewhere."
Sanzo pointed his gun at her. "Who the hell said you could come?"
Vivi suddenly jumped up from her languid position, and got a grip on the ceiling with her feet and hands. She hissed, her hair exploding in her sudden anger. "Who the hell said I couldn't come?"
Hakkai stopped smiling. "Sanzo, that isn't a good idea. This is a WOODEN room, and that thing up there, is a HUO LONG. This means she will survive, we will roast alive."
Goyjo finally doused his butt torch with a vase, flowers and all. "That doesn't sound appealing. There are no women! I need a woman around!"
Vivi conjured another fire ball from her overhead position. "You really are a pervert aren't you?"
Goyjo held his hand up in a submissive gesture. "I swear, I'm weaning myself off female dependence."
Vivi's vein popped out again. "That isn't much insurance."
Just before the girl could chuck the fire ball at Goyjo, the door creaked open to admit Father Pirore. "Mademoiselle, your grandfather wishes for a small audience with you. Now."
Vivi dropped off the ceiling and extinguished the fire ball. "Shit." She walked softly out of the room, for a private conference with her grandfather.
-----Three hours later, outside monastery
"Took a while for her to get back." Goyjo leaned out of the back of the Jeep, waiting for Vivi to hurry up and get in the damned Jeep.
"Sorry I took so long. French is not a fast language to discuss in." She hopped neatly into the back of the Jeep, forcing Goyjo to relinquish his prime spot.
Sanzo sighed. "Whatever. Are you done now?"
Vivi started playing with a small ball of fire. "Yeah." She made the ball of fire bigger, and kept playing.
Hakkai hit the gas, and stopped paying attention to his rear view mirror.
Goku and Goyjo set to fighting, and Vivi sat there, calm and collected as she kept amking the damn fire ball bigger.
Finally, she stood up and chucked it straight at the monastery, letting it catch on fire. "Adieu Grandpapa! God speed straight to hell!"
Sanzo caught her just as she fell backwards crying fire. He had a vague thought, but brushed it away. I think I like this girl....
Vivi sobbed regular tears into Sanzo's spacious robe, her hair falling away from her neck to show her medallion.
Sanzo absentmindedly stroked her hair, trying to calm her down.
Vivi held to her own thoughts. No matter how I live here, the only way I can go back home is to die of old age. I'm officially stranded here. I'm stranded with....Sanzo....
AN: This is the chapter that never ends.....and it goes on and on my friend. Actually, this just ended. Yes. That was the longest chapter known to man on FF.net, at 22 pages. 23 if you count the AN. And just think, this is not a one-shot. This means that there will be more chapters just like this! Huzzah!