Author's Note: This picks up exactly where Raincoats and Recipes leaves
off. I'm not sure how far I'll take this and I'm not sure if this is going
to be a cohesive story or just vignettes, but it'll all come together
somehow. Thanks for your interest.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls it is the property of Amy Sherman- Palladino and the WB. Watch the Frog.
This section is inspired by Sarah McLachlan's song Fallen.
Though I've tried I've fallen I have sunk so low I have messed up Better I should know So don't you turn your head And tell me I told you so...
Lorelai took in the scene around her. Her daughter, her baby, was slumped in a ball in the middle of the front lawn sobbing uncontrollably. She had said she hated her. Rory had never said she hated Lorelai. Of course Lorelai had never felt such disappointment and disgust at her daughter's behavior either. Lorelai's first instinct was to run to Rory and throw her arms around her and tell her it would be okay. But somewhere deep in Lorelai's mind she knew it wouldn't be okay, at least not for Rory. Rory, the meticulous planner and level-headed teenager had suddenly become brass and impulsive. Rory had turned into Lorelai. Lorelai realized this and shuddered. If Rory had become her then Lorelai had become Emily. In a way she really had become Emily. She finally understood her mother's disapproval and disappointment of her when she was 16. Of course Rory was almost 20, but that fact didn't make reality sting any less. Rory Gilmore, her own daughter, was an adulteress.
Rory's sobbing had tapered off and she just sat staring into the darkness slowly rocking back and forth. She rocked so slowly in fact that Lorelai couldn't actually tell if she was moving at all. Finally Lorelai decided to break the silence.
"Rory, come inside," Lorelai said from the porch.
"Why? So you can judge me and wreak a perfectly beautiful night?" Rory shot back snidely.
At that comment Lorelai lost it. She was suddenly extremely happy that Babette and Morey were staying at the Dragonfly. She was happy no one was around to hear her berate her daughter in the middle of the front lawn. Lorelai marched off the porch and stomped over to Rory standing in front of her.
"A perfectly beautiful night? Tonight was beautiful to you and I'm wreaking it?" Lorelai stared down at her daughter sitting on the ground. She stared at her, but it was like she was looking at her for the first time. She didn't even recognize the girl sitting before her. "Oh, I'm so sorry that losing your virginity to a married man has so much meaning," Lorelai shot down at her.
"He loves me," Rory shouted standing up to look Lorelai in the eyes. "He loves me and I feel safe with him and it's about time."
"It's about time?" Lorelai questioned flabbergasted. "What do you mean it's about time? I've heard of a biological clock but I didn't know a timer actually went off!"
"You don't understand," Rory said lowering her voice slightly.
"You're right I don't Rory. I don't understand but I'd really like it if you could make me understand what the hell you were thinking. Are you and Dean planning to be together now?"
"I don't know," Rory admitted to Lorelai and to herself for the first time. "I don't know what the plan is. We didn't talk about it because you came home."
"Oh well sorry to have ruined your plans," Lorelai stated simply. "You're not the only one who had a beautiful evening wreaked you know." Lorelai thought back to the kiss with Luke on the porch of the Dragonfly. He kissed her and she kissed him and she thought that it probably would have gotten a lot more heated if Kirk hadn't run through the door naked. She thought about how it probably would have gotten a lot more heated if she had been able to go back to the Dragonfly, but it didn't seem likely right now. "What does that mean?" Rory asked.
"Nothing, forget it," Lorelai sighed. "We need to talk about this Rory. I feel like I'm not talking to my kid. I feel like I'm Britney Spears' mom begging her not to sleep with married men."
"This isn't a joke," Rory yelled turning on her mother. "I don't have to listen to this."
"You're right you don't," Lorelai said. "Leave whenever you want, but let me ask you this. Do you even love Dean?"
"You don't understand what it's like to be lonely," Rory said. "Everyone loves you. You're never alone," Rory conceded.
"So I didn't hear a 'yes I love Dean' anywhere in that response," Lorelai sighed as she walked over to the porch and sat on the steps. "What do you mean everyone loves me, I'm never alone?" Lorelai's mood seemed to have shifted and she more calm than before. Her calm demeanor forced Rory to settle down as well. Rory made her way over to the steps and sat a step down and a good 6 feet away from her mother.
"I don't know if I love Dean," Rory conceded. "He's Dean. He loves me and he's familiar. Do you have any idea what this year has been like for me? I had to drop a class and no one had any interest in me at Yale and Paris was dating Asher Fleming and Grandma and Grandpa are separated and he's just Dean," Rory let out.
"Oh Rory," Lorelai sighed, her heart breaking for her daughter. Lorelai was getting the impression that Rory's actions were just beginning to sink in. She inched closer to her daughter. "Why didn't you talk to me about all this? You're not alone. You always have me."
"It's not the same thing," Rory said. Her eyes were beginning to tear up again. Lorelai nodded in agreement. "I know. I know it's not the same thing, but we tell each other things and you never said you were lonely. You never told me you were scared about college and boys and Grandma and Grandpa. Why didn't you tell me any of this?"
Rory wiped the stray tear that was quickly making its way down her cheek. "You were busy with the inn and I didn't want, I didn't want..." she trailed off the realization finally hitting her. The realization of the fact that she had slept with Dean, a very married Dean, hit her like a punter's kick. Rory had been lonely and confused and she yearned for something, someone. It wasn't necessarily Dean she wanted, but he was there. He was there like the comfortable blanket that sits on the couch waiting to wrap it's warmth around another human being. Rory just wanted to feel that warmth again. "Oh my God Mom!" Rory exclaimed reaching for her mother.
Lorelai quickly rushed to her daughter's side and placed her arms firmly around her daughter, stroking her hair firmly with one hand. They sat for a moment. Lorelai just let Rory cry. She knew the realization would hit her. It was finally starting to sink in. Lorelai wasn't sure what to feel. There hadn't been a moment in Rory's life where Lorelai felt disillusioned. She came close when she missed her college graduation, but it was nothing compared to this. She knew she couldn't keep Rory a child forever, but for her to "grow up" like this was reminiscent of Lorelai herself. "Gilmore women sure have a way of making colossal mistakes," Lorelai thought as she held her daughter.
"You're right," Rory whispered. "I don't love Dean. I can't believe I did this," Rory said as she continued to weep into Lorelai's lap.
"Shh," Lorelai said stroking Rory's hair gently. "Everyone makes mistakes. This is one that can never happen again, but it happened and we'll deal with it," she added emphatically.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry," Rory said. "I know you are," Lorelai replied.
Rory had calmed down and her tears were beginning to cease. Her body had no more salt to give back to the earth. She sat up and wiped her eyes. Her face, red and blotchy from crying, looked like that of a five-year-old who had just been scolded. Lorelai looked into her daughter's face and she knew things would never be the same. She couldn't look at Rory with the same trust, the same faith, the same knowledge that she knew right from wrong. It was going to take some major healing for both of them to be the same again.
They walked into the house, Lorelai's arm around Rory's waist and Lorelai sighed. She knew she had to get back to the inn. Michel and Sookie could only handle so much and even though it was late and most people were in bed she didn't want Taylor filling out any more comment cards on the service.
"Rory," Lorelai said, "I have guests. I have to go back to the Dragonfly."
"I can't go there tonight Mom," Rory said.
"Okay," Lorelai agreed, on one hand she didn't really want Rory there with her, but on the other she didn't want her alone either. She thought Rory acknowledged her mistake with Dean, but Lorelai didn't know if she could trust her daughter not to call him back to the house while she was out. It was a horrible feeling. Lorelai had never distrusted Rory so much in her entire life. She wouldn't have believed it possible until now.
"I think you should call Lane over," Lorelai suggested.
"Why?" Rory asked not comprehending. But then suddenly Rory understood that her own mother didn't trust her to be alone, to not call Dean. It was a horrible feeling, almost as horrible as realizing she had slept with another woman's husband. "Oh I get it," Rory said rather spitefully. "You're afraid I'll call Dean."
"Do you blame me?" Lorelai asked plainly.
Rory looked at her for a moment and suddenly she was angry all over again. "Fine," she said as she stomped down the hall to her room.
The night had been one of many firsts for Lorelai. It was the first night she ran her own inn. It was the first night she kissed Luke. It was the first night she felt like not being around her only daughter. She let Rory throw her tantrum and waited for Lane to arrive before she left.
Rory slammed her bedroom door and turned to look at the mangled sheets she had been tangled in less than one hour ago. The sheets that held the secrets of the night. The sheets, mangled and wrinkled sheets, that held the story of her soul. She picked up the phone to call Lane. When she hung up she striped the sheets off the bed and made a mental note to throw them out the second her mother left the house.
Next up: Lorelai and Luke meet again.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls it is the property of Amy Sherman- Palladino and the WB. Watch the Frog.
This section is inspired by Sarah McLachlan's song Fallen.
Though I've tried I've fallen I have sunk so low I have messed up Better I should know So don't you turn your head And tell me I told you so...
Lorelai took in the scene around her. Her daughter, her baby, was slumped in a ball in the middle of the front lawn sobbing uncontrollably. She had said she hated her. Rory had never said she hated Lorelai. Of course Lorelai had never felt such disappointment and disgust at her daughter's behavior either. Lorelai's first instinct was to run to Rory and throw her arms around her and tell her it would be okay. But somewhere deep in Lorelai's mind she knew it wouldn't be okay, at least not for Rory. Rory, the meticulous planner and level-headed teenager had suddenly become brass and impulsive. Rory had turned into Lorelai. Lorelai realized this and shuddered. If Rory had become her then Lorelai had become Emily. In a way she really had become Emily. She finally understood her mother's disapproval and disappointment of her when she was 16. Of course Rory was almost 20, but that fact didn't make reality sting any less. Rory Gilmore, her own daughter, was an adulteress.
Rory's sobbing had tapered off and she just sat staring into the darkness slowly rocking back and forth. She rocked so slowly in fact that Lorelai couldn't actually tell if she was moving at all. Finally Lorelai decided to break the silence.
"Rory, come inside," Lorelai said from the porch.
"Why? So you can judge me and wreak a perfectly beautiful night?" Rory shot back snidely.
At that comment Lorelai lost it. She was suddenly extremely happy that Babette and Morey were staying at the Dragonfly. She was happy no one was around to hear her berate her daughter in the middle of the front lawn. Lorelai marched off the porch and stomped over to Rory standing in front of her.
"A perfectly beautiful night? Tonight was beautiful to you and I'm wreaking it?" Lorelai stared down at her daughter sitting on the ground. She stared at her, but it was like she was looking at her for the first time. She didn't even recognize the girl sitting before her. "Oh, I'm so sorry that losing your virginity to a married man has so much meaning," Lorelai shot down at her.
"He loves me," Rory shouted standing up to look Lorelai in the eyes. "He loves me and I feel safe with him and it's about time."
"It's about time?" Lorelai questioned flabbergasted. "What do you mean it's about time? I've heard of a biological clock but I didn't know a timer actually went off!"
"You don't understand," Rory said lowering her voice slightly.
"You're right I don't Rory. I don't understand but I'd really like it if you could make me understand what the hell you were thinking. Are you and Dean planning to be together now?"
"I don't know," Rory admitted to Lorelai and to herself for the first time. "I don't know what the plan is. We didn't talk about it because you came home."
"Oh well sorry to have ruined your plans," Lorelai stated simply. "You're not the only one who had a beautiful evening wreaked you know." Lorelai thought back to the kiss with Luke on the porch of the Dragonfly. He kissed her and she kissed him and she thought that it probably would have gotten a lot more heated if Kirk hadn't run through the door naked. She thought about how it probably would have gotten a lot more heated if she had been able to go back to the Dragonfly, but it didn't seem likely right now. "What does that mean?" Rory asked.
"Nothing, forget it," Lorelai sighed. "We need to talk about this Rory. I feel like I'm not talking to my kid. I feel like I'm Britney Spears' mom begging her not to sleep with married men."
"This isn't a joke," Rory yelled turning on her mother. "I don't have to listen to this."
"You're right you don't," Lorelai said. "Leave whenever you want, but let me ask you this. Do you even love Dean?"
"You don't understand what it's like to be lonely," Rory said. "Everyone loves you. You're never alone," Rory conceded.
"So I didn't hear a 'yes I love Dean' anywhere in that response," Lorelai sighed as she walked over to the porch and sat on the steps. "What do you mean everyone loves me, I'm never alone?" Lorelai's mood seemed to have shifted and she more calm than before. Her calm demeanor forced Rory to settle down as well. Rory made her way over to the steps and sat a step down and a good 6 feet away from her mother.
"I don't know if I love Dean," Rory conceded. "He's Dean. He loves me and he's familiar. Do you have any idea what this year has been like for me? I had to drop a class and no one had any interest in me at Yale and Paris was dating Asher Fleming and Grandma and Grandpa are separated and he's just Dean," Rory let out.
"Oh Rory," Lorelai sighed, her heart breaking for her daughter. Lorelai was getting the impression that Rory's actions were just beginning to sink in. She inched closer to her daughter. "Why didn't you talk to me about all this? You're not alone. You always have me."
"It's not the same thing," Rory said. Her eyes were beginning to tear up again. Lorelai nodded in agreement. "I know. I know it's not the same thing, but we tell each other things and you never said you were lonely. You never told me you were scared about college and boys and Grandma and Grandpa. Why didn't you tell me any of this?"
Rory wiped the stray tear that was quickly making its way down her cheek. "You were busy with the inn and I didn't want, I didn't want..." she trailed off the realization finally hitting her. The realization of the fact that she had slept with Dean, a very married Dean, hit her like a punter's kick. Rory had been lonely and confused and she yearned for something, someone. It wasn't necessarily Dean she wanted, but he was there. He was there like the comfortable blanket that sits on the couch waiting to wrap it's warmth around another human being. Rory just wanted to feel that warmth again. "Oh my God Mom!" Rory exclaimed reaching for her mother.
Lorelai quickly rushed to her daughter's side and placed her arms firmly around her daughter, stroking her hair firmly with one hand. They sat for a moment. Lorelai just let Rory cry. She knew the realization would hit her. It was finally starting to sink in. Lorelai wasn't sure what to feel. There hadn't been a moment in Rory's life where Lorelai felt disillusioned. She came close when she missed her college graduation, but it was nothing compared to this. She knew she couldn't keep Rory a child forever, but for her to "grow up" like this was reminiscent of Lorelai herself. "Gilmore women sure have a way of making colossal mistakes," Lorelai thought as she held her daughter.
"You're right," Rory whispered. "I don't love Dean. I can't believe I did this," Rory said as she continued to weep into Lorelai's lap.
"Shh," Lorelai said stroking Rory's hair gently. "Everyone makes mistakes. This is one that can never happen again, but it happened and we'll deal with it," she added emphatically.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry," Rory said. "I know you are," Lorelai replied.
Rory had calmed down and her tears were beginning to cease. Her body had no more salt to give back to the earth. She sat up and wiped her eyes. Her face, red and blotchy from crying, looked like that of a five-year-old who had just been scolded. Lorelai looked into her daughter's face and she knew things would never be the same. She couldn't look at Rory with the same trust, the same faith, the same knowledge that she knew right from wrong. It was going to take some major healing for both of them to be the same again.
They walked into the house, Lorelai's arm around Rory's waist and Lorelai sighed. She knew she had to get back to the inn. Michel and Sookie could only handle so much and even though it was late and most people were in bed she didn't want Taylor filling out any more comment cards on the service.
"Rory," Lorelai said, "I have guests. I have to go back to the Dragonfly."
"I can't go there tonight Mom," Rory said.
"Okay," Lorelai agreed, on one hand she didn't really want Rory there with her, but on the other she didn't want her alone either. She thought Rory acknowledged her mistake with Dean, but Lorelai didn't know if she could trust her daughter not to call him back to the house while she was out. It was a horrible feeling. Lorelai had never distrusted Rory so much in her entire life. She wouldn't have believed it possible until now.
"I think you should call Lane over," Lorelai suggested.
"Why?" Rory asked not comprehending. But then suddenly Rory understood that her own mother didn't trust her to be alone, to not call Dean. It was a horrible feeling, almost as horrible as realizing she had slept with another woman's husband. "Oh I get it," Rory said rather spitefully. "You're afraid I'll call Dean."
"Do you blame me?" Lorelai asked plainly.
Rory looked at her for a moment and suddenly she was angry all over again. "Fine," she said as she stomped down the hall to her room.
The night had been one of many firsts for Lorelai. It was the first night she ran her own inn. It was the first night she kissed Luke. It was the first night she felt like not being around her only daughter. She let Rory throw her tantrum and waited for Lane to arrive before she left.
Rory slammed her bedroom door and turned to look at the mangled sheets she had been tangled in less than one hour ago. The sheets that held the secrets of the night. The sheets, mangled and wrinkled sheets, that held the story of her soul. She picked up the phone to call Lane. When she hung up she striped the sheets off the bed and made a mental note to throw them out the second her mother left the house.
Next up: Lorelai and Luke meet again.