Reminiscent Onus
By Andrea Sinisterra
Rated PG-13
Angst
Standard Disclaimers Apply
Author's Notes: I've finally gotten around to finishing this. This is, by far, the deepest story I've ever written and the only one that has made me cry. It was really soothing to write this story, and try to sort out the complex feelings of a person who's lost someone dear; it was really therapeutic.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this conclusion to this story.
I dedicate this to Tomorrow; I hope you understand and cope with the role you'll have to endure. I love you, sweetie, and I wish you the best of lucks.
Part 2
The room was somber, the blinds shutting out the blazing sunlight. Her body was covered in blankets as she shook, trembling lightly as the coldness bit at her skin. Her lips were parched, dried from long sessions of chemo and relentless after effects.
Her hair had fallen off completely, along with the rosy color of her cheeks. Heero could only close his eyes, trying to keep the image of her as he had always known it: Radiant and cheerful; hopeful and beautiful.
Then she opened her eyes, rousing from that painful drug-induced sleep. Her eyes were still shockingly blue, perhaps even more so; they sparkled as she smiled at him, if a little weakly.
"Hey there." His voice broke. He reached and took her hand in his, squeezing gently. "How are you feeling?"
She tried to sit up but her arms were too weak to support her weight. She released a deep breath. "I've been better. Where's Adrian?"
Heero brought the back of her hand to his lips, letting them linger against her skin before he responded. "He's at Duo and Hilde's. Today's Johan's birthday party."
Her eyes filled with tears and she reached with her free hand to brush them away. "That's good. That's good. He needs to have some fun."
Heero smiled sadly at her. He cleared the tears that had suddenly risen in his throat, swallowing heavily. "Are you feeling nauseous?"
Relena shook her head and then reached with her free hand, the IV needle stuck to the back of it, to touch the side of his face. She pulled it back and patted the bed beside her. "Come here."
He left the plastic chair and sat beside her on the hospital bed, the mattress sinking lightly under his weight. He leaned down and hid his face in the crook of her neck, laying a soft kiss on the cold skin. He felt her fingers thread through his hair, her breath on his ear, her pulse against his lips. He needed this; the reassurance that she was still here with him, still breathing and living. To know that his main reason for living had not yet vanished.
He felt her press a kiss on his temple, her arms coming around him completely just before she started to shake uncontrollably. He tried whispering soothing words to her, kissing her, hugging her, but her sobs didn't stop or diminish, and before long, he was crying there with her, their tears mingling and becoming one.
He sat staring at nothing in particular, pen in hand. The city was buzzing behind the large bay windows of his office, 32 floors off the ground. He had a million things to do, several dozens of papers to sign, over 6 portfolios to go over, and one mind to do it. And that mind was busy thinking something else.
He sighed, dropping the pen back over the heavy portfolio before him. Going back to work was what he needed, something in which he could lose himself and help him get back in track. But how could he get back in track when an important step of his life was missing? How could he carry on 'normally' when the single thing that made his life normal was gone?
His eyes were trained on the clock, fervently urging it to hit the hour when he could finally leave and go pick Adrian at school.
He wondered how his son was doing; will he accept this new life without... her? Heero tried picturing himself sitting at school meetings and such. He was never one to socialize. And he never did get involved in Adrian's schooling; not because he wasn't interested, far from the truth, it was more because Relena usually took care of it herself... She took care of almost everything.
Heero sighed when the phone rang, startling him from his thoughts.
"Mr. Yuy, I'm sorry to disturb you," Came his secretary's nervous voice.
Relena always used to say he needed to be friendlier and smile more often; it didn't do good to go upsetting and scaring people. He smiled. "That's okay, Janice. What is it?"
Janice stuttered a bit before replying. "Mr. Swanson called in to confirm the meeting. He said he understands if you wish to postpone it."
Heero sighed. Truth was, he had completely forgotten he was to meet with the man tomorrow at lunch. "That's okay. Tomorrow at 12:15 at La Fontanella, right?"
He sighed in defeat as he slumped back on his chair, throwing the pen on his desk as he finished signing one of the thousands of files on his desk. That's what happens when you get back from a three week vacation, he thought.
He looked at the clock in agony wishing it would hit lunch time so he could run home and spend some time with his family before he had to get back at the office again.
It wasn't fair that his wife and son were happily enjoying their free time at home, doing God knows what, while he was stuck here working.
He sighed; he was just bored.
His phone rang and he frowned as Janice's voice trembled. "Mr. Yuy? I'm so sorry to interrupt you but your wife is on line 2."
"Thanks, Janice." He switched lines, a smile on his lips. "What's for lunch?"
"Food." Her voice was caught up in her laughter. "Sandwich or burgers. I didn't have time; Adrian cut his hand a while ago and he made such a fuss I couldn't get around to it."
"Is it deep? What happened?"
Relena sighed. "He's okay; I guess he just got scared. We were painting; you know how he likes to copy everything we do. I had to cut a canvas for him-"
"And he cut himself with the chisel."
Relena laughed. "Exactly. But it's superficial."
"That boy... He's going to be a handful when he grows older."
"I know; I'll need some back-up." There was a short silence. "I got the results from my tests this morning."
A hand seized his heart. "And?"
He heard her sniff just before she sighed again. "It's not good."
"Dad? Are you okay?" Adrian asked once he had fastened his seatbelt.
Heero shook his head, clearing it. "I'm fine. How was your first day?"
Adrian shrugged, eyes trained forward. "It was okay."
Heero frowned slightly, glancing at his son before he put the car in gear and pulled out into Main Street. "Nothing in particular you might want to share?"
Adrian turned his head to regard his father. His gaze was heavy, and it made Heero a little uneasy. "No."
"Might want to explain that bruise you got there?"
Unconsciously, Adrian's hand flew to his eyebrow right were the skin was cut and already swelling. "I don't want to talk about it."
Heero let out a frustrated breath. "Well, I do want to talk about it. What happened?"
His son crossed his arms defiantly, a small pout pursing his lips. "These stupid kids were making fun of me. Mom always said fighting doesn't solve anything, but I couldn't- I hit one of them."
Heero nodded in understanding. "How many were they?"
"Three."
"When did this happen?"
Adrian frowned as he tightened his arms across his chest. "Just now. They had been bothering me all day; they were waiting for me outside... I think I broke his nose."
It took Heero by surprise and he couldn't help himself as he chuckled. "You broke his nose."
Adrian's head jerked to his father, surprise in his features. "It's not funny, Dad! They'll come after me!"
"What did they do after you hit one of them?"
"Well, Albert fell to the ground and then Frank- Frank's Albert's brother- threw a book at me."
Heero couldn't help it this time; he burst out laughing. "What did he do after he threw that book at you?"
Adrian glared at his father. "Well, it hurt! It hit me right in the head! When I looked up they were gone."
"I believe you. That's a pretty nasty cut." Heero said as he glanced at his son. "I don't think they'll come after you, Adrian. I think you scared them off."
Adrian's eyes widened in surprise. "You think?"
Heero nodded. "Yes, I think so."
There was a very comfortable silence between them, until Adrian broke it, his voice papery and quiet. "I miss her, too, Dad."
Heero's hands tightened on the steering wheel.
They didn't say anything further as they reached home.
By the time Heero made it to his room, shutting the door firmly behind him, his chest was already constricted painfully as he fought to keep his feelings at bay.
It's been almost a month since Relena passed away, but today, today of all days, he had been swamped with memories. From the very first moment he opened his eyes that morning, till just now.
It was a very fine line between letting go, and embracing the facts. He needed to learn how to do it; just like, apparently, Adrian has. How could he sit there so calmly and speak of her without shedding a tear, when Heero himself couldn't keep his tears in every time her name was even mentioned?
He got angry at himself all over again; he hated how he couldn't think of her, of her beauty and radiance without feeling the pain further breaking his heart. Why couldn't he remember her with a smile? Albeit wistful, but a smile nonetheless. Why couldn't he feel happy and pleased of having had spent her last days cherishing and loving her?
He needed to 'embrace the facts'. He needed to accept that fact that she was gone and was not coming back, and deal with it- with her memory in his head and her smile in his heart.
He laid back on the bed, his chest rising and falling with his deep breaths. He suddenly felt the bed tilt lightly as Adrian climbed onto it, resting his head on his father's shoulder. Heero draped his arm around his son, bringing him further into his embrace, laying a kiss on the crown of his ash-blond hair.
"If you don't want me to talk about her, I won't. I don't want to upset you."
Heero swallowed the rising sensation of tears in his throat. "I'm not upset. I want you to remember her, Adrian."
How cruel was life. In a few years, all Adrian will have left of his mother will be pictures and flashes of memories. It will all disappear; like childhood memories and the people you once met.
"She will always be here, you know?"
Adrian frowned. "How?"
Heero cleared his throat again; her laughing voice ringing through his head. "Every time you think of her, she will come. She will live with us forever."
"Do you think of her?"
Heero smiled. "I think about her every single moment. I can sometimes remember her laugh or her eyes... Or I can just look at you and be able to see her. The same eyes, same hair, same smile."
Adrian smiled, pleased, the skin around his mouth creasing, pronouncing his dimples. Then his smile faded into a frown. "Did it hurt?"
Heero's smile was wistful. "She was always smiling."
Adrian nodded against his father, a content smile on his lips. "That's good." He turned on his side and put an arm across Heero's chest, embracing his father tightly.
Heero was surprised by the action, raising his head to look down at his son. There were small tears at the corners of his tightly shut eyes and his embrace was urgent and needy.
Heero pulled him on top of him, sweeping him into both his arms.
Adrian felt his father's lips on his forehead. "I love you, Dad."
Heero's eyes filled with tears. Relena's laughter continued to echo in his mind, her eyes blinking up at him. "I love you, too, son." He patted his son gently on the back, pushing him up. "Let's go take care of that cut."
Adrian stood up, gingerly touching his left eyebrow, wincing as the bruise throbbed painfully. "It was a really big book." He said defensively.
Heero laughed as he and his son made their way to the bathroom in search of the first aid kit. "I'm sure it was."
"It was!" Things were finally starting to fall into place; they just needed to stick together. And as Adrian reached for his father's hand, and Heero's larger hand closed around his son's, they realized everything else didn't seem so challenging anymore so long as they faced it together.
The End