Disclaimer: I don't own them. I didn't create them. I don't profit from them. But I sure would love to have coffee with George.
Thanks to my beta Brianna for the input and encouragement.
"Sara, you don't want to do this." Nick tried to soothe as he held a death grip around her waist to prevent her from climbing back up onto the railing that ringed the roof of the lab.
"Don't tell me what I want, Nick. What the hell do you care anyway?" Sara was nearly hysterical.
"I do care. There are a lot of people that care about you." His voice was soft but inside he was petrified. How he had not noticed that things had gotten this bad for her he didn't know. Well maybe he did know. He had been so preoccupied with trying to get that promotion that every time he'd seen a warning sign, he passed it off thinking someone else would be there; someone else would say something.
"No you don't. No one here gives a shit about me." Sara was crying freely.
"You're wrong, Sara. I do care. You're right that I've been too self-centered lately to notice that something was bothering you, but I'm here now. Please don't do this." Nick was pleading with her.
"It hurts too much." Sara cried as she finally let go of the railing and let Nick pull her away from it to safety.
"Tell me, Sara. Tell me what hurts." He figured if he could just keep her talking that he could distract her from her hell bent self destruction for the moment.
"Everything." Her voice was a whisper.
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It had started innocuously enough; a drink here or there after a particularly tough case. No one really thought much of it. They had all had bad cases and had needed some way to blow off steam. For Sara though, it became different; different because she started drinking after every shift; different because she was drinking alone; different because she couldn't seem to sleep anymore unless she drank first; and most of all, different because she couldn't seem to stop any more until she was drunk.
Brass had been the first one that had actually said something to her. She flatly denied that she had a problem. For her to admit that there was a problem would be to admit that she'd lost control, and that was something she wouldn't admit to anyone, not even herself.
Nick had noticed her popping cough drops and had been suspicious that she was trying to cover up her breath, but he didn't say anything about it on that early morning roll out. They had a case to work and he was vying for a promotion. He figured he'd mention it to her later, or so he thought, but there just never seemed to be the right time.
Well the time had come crashing in on them. Nick, Sara, and Warrick had gone out for a few beers to celebrate Nick getting the promotion; well, at least being recommended for it before the budget was cut. They all went their separate ways to go home and get some rest.
The next thing Sara knew, she was being pulled over and Grissom had been called to pick her up at the police station. The look of disappointment on his face just about crushed what she had left of a spirit inside of her.
Sara had a hollow expression on her face when she had shown up at the lab the next night. No one really paid much attention to it. They had all gotten used to her being withdrawn of late. Grissom didn't even look at her during the briefing and maybe it was that combined with the expression in her eyes that got Nick's attention. He and she were going to work a home invasion and as they got up from the table in the conference room, she'd glanced back at him and mumbled. "I've got to do something first."
Maybe it was the way she said it, or maybe it was the desperate look in her eye, in any case, Nick didn't think she was just going to the locker room to get her coat so he followed her. When she went up to the roof, he felt his heart beating faster and as he watched her go for the railing and climb on top of it, looking down at he sidewalk below, he knew she wasn't ok.
"Sara." Nick called out. There was fear in his voice.
Sara gripped the railing. "Leave me alone, Nick." Her voice wavered but she didn't look back at him. She just continued to look two stories down at the parking lot. Warrick and Catherine were bantering back and forth as they made their way to Warrick's Denali. Grissom trailed behind them, heading for his own vehicle.
"Sara." Nick was edging closer. He didn't want to do anything to make her jump, but at the same time, he wanted to get her off of that railing safe and in one piece as quickly as possible.
His voice must have carried, because at that instant, Sara saw Warrick glance up and a flicker of recognition wash over his face as he put his hand on Catherine's arm and spun her around. Grissom stopped in his tracks and turned and followed Warrick's gaze. The three of them just stood there gape jawed and stared in disbelief.
Nick edged a little closer. "Sara, please." There was a hitch in his voice.
Something in the way he said 'please' finally penetrated her mind. "Nick, no."
In two more swift steps he grabbed her around the waist and held onto her with all he was worth. "Sara, you don't want to do this."
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Warrick, Catherine, and Grissom just stood there helplessly watching this little drama unfold on the roof. None of them said a word until they saw Nick pull Sara off the railing.
"What the hell is going on?" Catherine whispered; her voice full of concern.
Warrick was visibly upset. He couldn't seem to speak.
"I need to go take care of this." Grissom looked numb. He had reasoned that once Sara had slept off her intoxication she would be fine. As much as the others, he had been in denial that she had a problem.
None of them could ignore it now.
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Nick held onto Sara as she cried on the rooftop. He had sunk down onto the surface of the roof and let her melt against him as sobs consumed her. He rubbed her back and made shushing noises. Guilt assailed him as he thought back to the myriad of signs that Sara was becoming troubled.
Hank. After Sara had found out the truth about him, her demeanor had seemed to change. She had become almost even more withdrawn than she was naturally. Nick felt guilty that he'd suggested that Sara get out more. Hank had been the result of that and he'd broken what precious little faith Sara had in most men.
Grissom. The man had become almost an obsession for Sara. She'd placed him so high on a pedestal that her image of him was nothing like the real man. And perhaps that had been somewhat intentional. If she fixated on someone who wasn't attainable, then there was no danger of being hurt, but she had been hurt. She'd asked him out and he'd turned her down without hesitation. He was married to his career and didn't have room for anyone; or rather he was too afraid to risk being hurt so he lived his life in his mind and kept people at arms length.
Catherine. After Sara had investigated Eddie's death, she and Catherine had been at odds. Catherine had felt that Sara hadn't done all she could, but Sara knew better and the tension that had always existed between them seemed to flare up.
The promotion. Nick had been awarded the promotion, even though the funds for it were pulled. That was a blow to Sara. She had worked hard, had a great solve rate. In short, she was used to being the best and the brightest. All that seemed to be slipping away.
"I'm here, Sara. Go ahead and cry, it's gonna be ok." Nick continued to soothe, rocking back and forth as her sobs finally tapered off. Tears slipped down his cheeks.
She lifted her head and winced as she met his concerned gaze. "I can't do this."
"Yes, you can. You're one of the strongest people I know. You can do anything." Nick insisted.
She shook her head. "No, I can't. That's just it. I'm not strong. I'm a failure. Everything I've worked for my entire life is slipping away." She sniffled.
"That's no reason to try and kill yourself, Sara. You're one of the most amazing women I know." Nick kept his grip on her in case she tried for an encore of perching on the railing.
"I have nothing. I have no one. What's my life worth?" She looked so sad as she looked him in the eye.
"Your life is priceless, Sara, and if you don't feel that, just believe me because I feel it." He was desperate to get her to cling to some ounce of hope.
"I don't know if I can." Whether she realized it or not, she was beginning to take some of his words to heart.
"Give it a chance." He whispered. "Please, give it a chance. If not for yourself, will you do it for me?"
"Has any woman ever turned you down?" There was a hint of teasing in her voice as the faintest smile began to curl her lips.
Nick tried to smile. "None that I can think of."
"Well, I suppose I can't ruin your reputation." She sniffled.
Nick hugged her closer trying to hold back his tears which continued to fall. "You can do it, Sara. I'm here for you."