Love Letters
My Dear Char,
This is the most difficult letter I have ever had to pen onto paper.
Oh Char… Words cannot describe how I feel for you. You are my best friend, my sole confidante. You are like a brother to me. Without you, I believe I would die. And so, please, please hear my plea. Don't let's ruin our friendship by wanting more. Don't let's let something so innocent and beautiful be spoiled.
To receive your last letter made me feel two things. I was at once immensely flattered and horribly guilt-ridden. I am not worthy to be the object of your desires, my friend. There are hundreds upon thousands of girls all over Kyrria who would die for a chance to love you. I beg of you, pick one of them. You would be happier with one of them. They can offer you love, while I have nothing to give but friendship.
It is my greatest hope that we can forget this sad event. I would like to continue to be friends, Char. To live without you is as impossible as living without air. At the thought of losing your friendship, my chest constricts until I can no longer feel my heartbeat. Please, Char, let us remain friends. Let us be as close as we always were.
Impatiently awaiting your reply,
Ella.
Three drafts blurred by tears, two more illegible due to the shaking of my wrist. Twenty drafts spoilt because I did not know what to write.
Finally, I came upon a draft that I thought passed my standards. I cleanly blocked off his feelings towards me, told him that I could never feel the same. I called him my brother, even. I put to rest any chance of us ever being together.
I could never allow myself to love him, yet I could never bear to lose him. And so this letter ventures across Kyrria and into Ayortha. I wonder what kind of response my letter will merit.
To the Lady Ella of Frell,
I am sorry. I feel like a fool. Prepositioning you like that, practically demanding that you love me, what was I thinking? Of course you don't feel that way for me. Why would you, after all? I cannot believe my stupidity.
Please rest assured, Lady, that I will no longer trouble you with my feelings. In fact, I will never speak or think of them again. I do not wish to be a hindrance to you. My only wish is to forget my love for you…
(Here an entire section was blacked out and made illegible. The letter continues much further down. The handwriting is still my beloved Char's round script, but it is much more frantic, much more hurried.)
Ella, Ella, Ella… I cannot do this. No matter how many times I tell myself that I will give you up, I know deep down that it is impossible. What would I do without your laughter, your kindness? How can I survive without your stubbornness, your insistent nature?
I have tried, Ella, I have tried to let you go. Never have I been so unsuccessful in any task. My love for you is too strong to be beaten down. I am sorry, but I know now that I will never forget you.
Rest assured, Ella, I will not force you to love me. To force you to do anything, I think, is an impossible task. Your very nature is too stubborn to be moved.
However, no matter where you are, or what you decide to do, know that I remain your humble servant. And if twenty years down the road you decide that you may return my love for you, know that I will be there, waiting.
Furthermore, I wish for us to remain friends also. To live without you in my life is unthinkable. However, you must give me time to nurse my wounds. I fear that for the time being at least we must end our correspondence. Give me a couple of months in Ayortha to settle, and I will return to Kyrria your friend once again.
Your faithful servant,
Char.
In the six months since my rejection of him, that is the only letter I have received from Char. My further attempts at correspondence have all gone unanswered.
Many times over the last six months I have wondered. Where is he? What is he doing? Is he thinking of me, like I am thinking of him? And then I come to my senses. I pull myself together and push all thoughts of Char out of my mind. I go to answer Hattie's impatient call.
Tomorrow is the first of Char's three homecoming balls. It is said that he will choose his future bride at these events. Has he forgotten about me so soon? My greatest fear is that Char has failed to remember his promise to remain my friend upon his return to Kyrria. I pray that when I see him at the ball tomorrow, all will return to what it once was. That is the best I can hope for.