Title: Queer Eye For The CSI

Author: ANNE (the insane one)
Rating: PG
Summary: Okay, this is TOTALLY Au because we know it would never happen in a million years. Catherine and Gil are living together and she is five-months pregnant. Greg finds out that Gil is going to propose to Catherine, and for a joke, he sends the Fab Five Gil's info, never expecting them to agree to it. But they do!

Disclaimer: The Fab Five belong to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Any other characters belong to CSI.

AN: If you have no idea who the Fab Five are, here's a link to their site:

Thanks to Heleen, Mel and Gomes for all their help

Greg loved gossip. That was his explanation for standing outside Gil Grissom's door. He had seen a jewelry box in Gil's possession, and nothing excited him more than the prospect of the Grissom marrying Cath. But when he heard Gil inside, he wondered if perhaps Mr Scientist needed a bit of help.

"Cath, I've loved you for as long as I can remember. No, that sounds like I have a memory problem. Cath, I've loved you since the beginning of time. No, we're both scientists. We both know that's not possible…"

Greg rolled his eyes and headed back to his lab, flicking on his Internet. Maybe there was something on the web that he could subtly send from Nick's email address into Grissom's inbox. No point in getting Grissom all pissed at him. His eyes lifted up as he saw the "Queer Eye For the Straight Guy" website. An evil grin covered his face as he started typing. It wasn't as if Grissom would ever get onto the show anyway….

~ Some Time In The Future~

"GREG SANDERS!!!" Gil bellowed, storming through the lab hallways, waving a letter in the air.

Catherine, an amused look on her face, followed behind him.

A subdued and frightened lab tech stuck his head out of the DNA lab. "Yes, sir?"

"What the hell did you do?" Gil cried, waving the letter some more.

By this time, Sara, Warrick and Nick had joined the group, and Catherine was trying not to laugh.

"Uh…I'm not sure…sir," Greg stammered.

Gil thrust the letter into his face. "Why am I scheduled to be on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy!!!???"

That was it. Catherine, Sara, Warrick and Nick burst into laughter. Gil glared at them then turned back to Greg.

"Um…well…sir…um…I kind of wrote in to them…because I heard you muttering some pathetic attempts at…er…something…and…I…um…wanted to help?" He cowered behind his desk. "Please don't hurt me."
"Hurt you? I'm going to kill you!"

"Gil, behave yourself," Catherine said, placing a hand on his arm.

"Behave myself? BEHAVE myself! Cath, do you know what he's done!?"
"Actually, I think it's a good idea," Nick said, trailing off when he saw Gil's thunderous face.

"Gil, we'll deal with it," Catherine told him, trying to keep him calm. "You don't want to get me all excited while I'm pregnant, do you?" Normally she hated for him to baby her, but perhaps this was the best way to calm him down.

It worked. Gil's whole body relaxed and he turned to her. "Are you doing okay? Is the baby okay?"
"Everything will be fine if you calm down," Catherine told him. "Now, how about you go and get me some peanut butter crackers from my purse, okay? I'll meet you in your office?"

He smiled softly at her. "Okay."

After he disappeared, Catherine turned to the kids. "Don't you guys have work to do? I need to talk with Greg."
Warrick, Nick and Sara quickly disappeared as well.

As Greg started to emerge from behind his desk, Catherine glared at him.

"I wouldn't come out just yet, Greg," she said.

He gulped and hid behind the desk again.

"What were you thinking? You know what a private guy Grissom is!"
"I didn't think they'd actually say yes!"
Catherine rolled her eyes. "You're such a child, Greg."

She walked closer to him, and Greg gulped, preparing for the worst.

Catherine bent down and whispered in his ear. "If you ever repeat this, I'll deny it. Then I'll kill you, and believe me, I know how to hide a body. As much as I love Gil, and believe me, I do, this might actually be good for him."

With that, she turned on her heel and left the room.

Expelling a huge sigh of relief, Greg slumped down into his chair. And grinned.

********************************

Catherine shut the door of Gil's office behind her.

"Catherine want a cracker?" Gil grinned, holding up the packet of peanut butter crackers.

Catherine raised an eyebrow. "Have you been drinking?"

Gil frowned. "No, I'm trying to do as you said, not to kill Greg."

"You better," Catherine said, smirking mischievously and accepting the crackers. "And as a matter of fact, Catherine does want a cracker."
Gil narrowed his eyes. "Are you in a conspiracy with Greg? Don't tell me you agree with him!"

"Gil Grissom, you should know that I love you more than anything in the world."

"Don't change the subject," Gil replied. He paused. "And I love you too."
"This was all Greg's idea," Catherine said. "The first I heard about it was when you got the letter."
Gil looked up at her. "Do you want me to do it?"
"I can't answer that," she smiled. "If you want to do it, that's great. If you don't want to do it, that's great too." She leaned over and took his face in her hands. "I love you, Gil, and it's your decision." Catherine kissed him hard on the lips. "Thanks for the crackers."

******************

Greg strode into the breakroom and found Warrick, Nick and Sara waiting for him.

"Boy have you got guts, man," Nick said, shaking his head in amusement.

"Way to go, Greg," Warrick murmured.

Greg grinned broadly. "What can I say? I'm the man!" He started doing a funny dance, and chanting. As he turned around, he saw Gil standing the doorway. Greg stopped.

Gil sent him a look, and then continued on his way.

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