Disclaimer: I own nothing you may or may not recognize. J

Rating: PG13, just in case

Pairing: Travis/Lily eventually

Because I Know You

Chapter One: A Gentle Push

As he held her, he felt her pulse quicken and the flush rise in her cheek. Her statement seemed a contradiction. "We're just friends."

"Are you sure?"

Her eyes were impossibly wide as she whispered, "I… I don't know."

It wasn't exactly the answer he wanted to hear and yet he still wanted so badly to give in again, to brush his lips against hers. He wondered if he would have the strength to hold back. She was leaning in to him, intoxicating and tantalizing. He gently grasped her arms to hold her back so that he could speak without temptation.

"Wait, Lily." The look she gave him caused his stomach to lurch. He was going to cause her pain. Not only was that against his very nature but Lily was the one person on the planet that he would give anything to protect. He steeled his nerves and tried again.

"We can't do this."

Her defenses went up. She stepped back from him and crossed her arms. Her voice was cold but shaking. "You mean you don't want to."

"Lily, want is not a strong enough word, I want to, but I can't. We can't. This would hurt so many people, including me and you."

"Travis, how can this hurt me? It's all I can think about, you're all I can think about."

It amazed him how she could make him impossibly happy with that statement and yet he was going to push her away. He was ashamed of himself for not wanting to look at the big picture. He wanted to grasp at this chance with Lily and be selfish no matter what the consequences.

"Lily, that's just it. It's not a good thing that we aren't thinking of others at all." She dropped her gaze as if she'd been scolded, her face producing a small pout that made him waiver on the edge. He was so close to just pulling her to him to reassure her that her effect on him was just as profound, so she could feel the intensity he was trying so hard to hide from her.

He ducked his head into her line of vision. "Could you stand a little Haiku drivel?" She rolled her eyes but remained silent, which he took, as her permission to continue.

"South of India, people used to catch monkeys in a very special way." He smiled at her expression, her eyebrows rising with girlish attitude. "They would cut a small hole in a coconut, just large enough for a monkey to put its hand in, fill it with a sweet and then tie it to a tree. The monkey smells the sweet, squeezes its hand into the coconut and grabs the sweet. Now he has what he wanted but he is trapped because his fist will not go through the hole and he stubbornly will not let go of the sweet. Nature provides everything he needs, and yet now he is vulnerable and alone, caught by his attachment and selfishness."

She lets out a small huff and her posture softens. Attempting to lighten the mood a little she asks, "So am I the monkey or the nut?"

He smirks and takes her hand, rubbing his thumb softly across her knuckles. He wonders how he'll be able to let go. "Lily, you are the sweet. I do not have a problem being attracted to you, but this situation, at this time is the trap. We'd be trapped by all the anger and confusion. Right now we both need Robbie, RFR, and Ray. And…" he paused to be sure he had her full attention, "If we were ever to be together, I would want you to have no regrets. Do you understand?" He was desperate for her to realize his intention.

Understanding did not bring her any comfort. She had to step back across the line and define their friendship once again. She fell back on the old standby of humor as a defense, "So that makes you the monkey?" This brings the twinkle back to his eye, a bittersweet victory at best.

Again the tears sprang to her eyes and this time she lets them fall. She pulled her hand away, covering it with the other as if to preserve the lingering heat caused by his touch. She gathered her things and walked to the door, turning to him one last time as she asks, "Are you sure?"

He wasn't but he couldn't tell her that. His throat seemed impossibly constricted, he couldn't give voice to lie to her so directly, so he answered the only way he could, with a small nod and a sad smile.

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