Share my Thoughts

By Misanagi

Rated: PG13

Archive: Gundanium Line

Warnings: angst, language.

Pairings: 3x4, 1x2, 5xS

Summary: Quatre seems different and the other pilots would do anything to find out what happened to him.

Timeline: After the Endless Waltz.

Notes: This is my first GW fanfic. I rewrote it and I'll be posting the chapters as soon as they are done. If you read this before (which I doubt), the plot is still the same, I just changed some style things.

Dedication: To Anne, for her patience. Thanks a lot for beta reading this, twice. gives her some chocolate to feed her addiction and some carrots to feed her bunnies

Chapter V

Heero didn't have a high opinion of Sheara Winner to begin with so he was not surprised that, after reading her project, his opinion of her fell even more. Sheara should count her blessings and be grateful that it was he and not Quatre who had read her project. Did she really think that Quatre wouldn't see right through all the lies and schemes she had dared called the L4364XV project?

Without any business training, Heero had no idea which was the best way to balance a budget or what were the right investments, but that file he had just read was so transparent that even a child would scream "fraud" after reading only a few lines. Heero didn't even want to think what Quatre would do with it.

Heero had been present at some of Quatre's meetings, and watched him in action. Quatre spoke with the confidence of someone who had been raised to lead, keeping always the polite smile but being ruthless when it was needed. He could be blunt and direct if the occasion called for it, which left his business associates glaring at him with open mouths, knowing that there wasn't anything left for them to do.

Sheara's project wasn't only insulting; it also smelled like a conspiracy waiting to happen. The Gundam pilot part of Heero took over. No one was entitled to take advantage of his friends, and though he knew they were perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, Heero was still going to protect them. One thing didn't cancel the other.

According to the project, Sheara was planning on hiring a contracting company called "REA" to do all the modifications that were needed on the satellite, supposedly to turn it into a more efficient aluminum producing factory. Heero didn't believe it. WEI Aluminum factories already were the most prolific ones and satisfied the costumers' demands without a single problem. Besides, Quatre would never expand a branch of WEI unnecessarily because it could monopolize that market, and that was something Quatre wasn't interested in. If the Aluminum factory on L4364XV expanded, it would violate WEI policies.

Heero wasn't exactly sure what Sheara was planning but he knew it couldn't be anything good. He opened his laptop and started searching for more information on "REA". The first files he found appeared to be legitimate. The company had a nice front and anyone who just wanted to do a routine check would be satisfied by what he or she saw. However, Heero wasn't easily fooled and he planned to dig as deeper as possible.

After some time of reading, hacking, digging and analyzing data, Heero gathered enough information to at least have a starting point.

A soft knock was heard at the door.

"Come in, Quatre," said Heero, immediately recognizing Quatre's movements and the way he knocked.

The door opened slowly and the Quatre entered. He was tired; Heero could see it in his eyes. He had probably spent the last hours catching up with work. Heero had thought that if there was a good thing about this mess it was that it forced Quatre to stay home, but judging from Quatre's appearance, he was still burying himself under paper work, only this time, he was doing it from home.

The rest of the pilots worked with the Preventers. They were an elite team sent to the most important missions, and they were involved with the planning and developing of many of the Preventers' operations. They did have the occasional exhausting missions but even that was better than what Quatre was doing. All those long hours and stress of taking care of the company were slowly draining Quatre's strength. Quatre was also listed as a non active Preventer but, when a situation required his expertise, he always helped.

At first Heero had thought that Quatre's sporadic work with the Preventers wasn't a very good idea and that it could be more stressful for him. However, Trowa had explained how those little moments when Quatre could break his routine were the very thing that kept him going. Quatre was a Gundam pilot and an ordinary life wasn't something he could get easily used to.

"You should rest. You are under a lot of stress already," said Heero.

"I know that, Heero, but there's always work to be done." The helpless look on Quatre's face made Heero swallow hard.

"Not always by you," Heero pointed out.

Quatre sighed. "Sometimes, most of the time, that's not true."

Heero gave his friend a serious look. "The fate of the world doesn't always rest on your shoulders, Quatre. You taught me that in the war; try to remember it."

There was no reply.

"I guess you came for this," said Heero and handed Quatre the file.

Quatre nodded and took it. He opened it, read a few lines and looked back at Heero. "Did you read this?"

Heero nodded.

"Is it as bad as it appears to be?"

Another nod.

"I don't like this." Quatre's eyes narrowed. "I'm sure Sheara is planning something."

"And Andrés Rea is helping her somehow," stated Heero.

Quatre returned his eyes to the file and quickly read over the information. "Is he the owner of REA's industries?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes. The information on Rea is far too secure; he has something to hide."

"Have you found anything interesting about him yet?" asked Quatre, still looking at the file.

"Not yet," answered Heero, but it was only a matter of time before he did.

"I'll check this myself to see if I can find anything more about it. Meanwhile, I think I'll avoid Sheara for a little longer. I want to let her think that she still has a chance to get that money." He was almost out the door when he stopped and added, "by the way, dinner is ready."

Heero closed his laptop and followed his friend downstairs. Just before they arrived at the dining room, Heero put a hand on Quatre's arm, stopping their progress. "Quatre, does Sheara know you were a Gundam pilot?"

Quatre blinked, took a deep breath and then said a simple "yes."

Duo sat on one of the living room love seats with Heero at his side. Trowa was sitting on a chair to Quatre's left and Wufei was using the other love seat. Dinner was over and everyone was getting ready for another hypnosis session. Sally had said that she was feeling very comfortable since she already knew what was going to happen and wouldn't be scared half to death when everyone fell unconscious for no apparent reason.

Quatre lay again on the sofa and Sally sat on a chair beside him, but this time, she positioned it in so she was able to see all the occupants of the room at the same time.

"Remember what I told you earlier, Quatre. You need to keep you mind open or this won't work." Sally turned and looked at the rest of them. "This goes for you too. I need you to pay attention to my voice and relax your minds. I don't know exactly how Quatre's empathy works but I do know that you need to trust us, him and me, for this to work. Can you do that?"

Sally received five nods in return and that was all she was waiting for.

"Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and relax with each breath that you take. In just a moment I am going to have you open your eyes and look at me. I will then count from three down to one. On the count of one your eyes will close again and your whole body will feel loose and limp. Now, I want you to open your eyes and try to keep them open until I reach the number one."

"Three, your eyes are feeling heavy, try to hold them open."

"Two, almost there, on the count of one they may close and feel wonderful."

"One, eyes closing and sleep."

"You are no longer here, where are you?"

Duo felt dizzy for a moment. The last time they had done this, he had felt dizzy too, but at least now he knew what was going on.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

The first thing he noticed was that it was dark. He was standing in the corner of a room. Everything was quiet and peaceful, except for the uneven breaths he could hear coming from the bed. It took only a moment before Duo's eyes adjusted to the darkness and he was able to look at his surroundings.

It was a big and elegant room, decorated with a few paintings and with only three pieces of furniture: a bookshelf, a night stand and a big bed.

As Duo suspected, the bed had only one occupant: Quatre.

He looked a little older that in the last memory but not by much. His blond hair was a little longer and his eyes were shut tightly as he thrashed around in bed. He was having a nightmare.

Duo knew a nightmare when he saw one; he was an expert. Actually, all of them had their share of nightmares. The wars and previous events had condemned them to unpleasant nights for the rest of their lives. Sometimes, it was worst than others and there were those precious and peaceful nights when they had meaningless dreams.

Quatre's breathing was getting faster and more irregular by the minute and then he started to convulse.

Without thinking about it, Duo rushed to the bed. He tried to put his arms on Quatre's shoulders and hold him, but Duo's hands passed right through Quatre's skin.

"Shit!" he cussed loudly, as he was forced to do nothing but watch his best friend having a really bad episode, without anyone to help him.

The attack finally stopped and Quatre slowly opened his eyes. He took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. The boy was covered in sweat and completely exhausted after the convulsions.

He hadn't managed to even his breathing when the door opened and Sheara walked in. Duo glared at the woman the moment he saw her. Nothing good could come from her, he already knew that. Sheara should pray that she would never meet Duo Maxwell; he didn't know how much of his control he could keep if he was ever in her presence.

"Bitch!" he said to her, knowing that he wouldn't be heard.

Sheara closed the door behind her and walked straight towards Quatre's bed. "Don't you know that there are more people living in this house? Do you think that four in the morning is an hour to be playing around?"

Duo's attention had left Sheara before she even began speaking. He had glanced at Quatre and he had noticed that the boy's breathing was quieter, his eyes were closed tightly and his hands were clenching against his chest. He was obviously in some sort of pain and apparently trying to keep it under control.

"Are you ignoring me? How dare you! It is all a game to you, isn't it? You have to learn responsibility."

"I…" Quatre's voice sounded weak and tired. "I'm a disgrace to the Winner name." That last part was said in such a sad voice that Duo could feel his eyes watering. This was not Quatre; he would never say something like that about himself.

The blond shook his head once, opened his eyes and looked straight into Sheara's, his hands still grasping his chest. "You really hate me," he said, in a voice a bit louder than before. "You are not just angry at me. You hate me."

Sheara was quiet. For a moment she just looked at Quatre, anger filling her eyes. "Of course I hate you!" she said finally. "You are not worthy of all you have, you don't deserve it."

Quatre blinked once and directed his eyes to the far wall of the room, looking right through where Duo was standing. Duo had never seen such an agonizing look on Quatre's face before. The boy looked broken.

"Hate is such a horrible feeling," Quatre said. "I had never felt something like this before. It's torture." He looked back at his sister. "How do you live with this? How can you stand feeling something so awful each minute of the day?" His hands were holding his chest more tightly with every word he spoke. "I'm sorry."

"You what?" yelled Duo. He was completely ignored by the other two occupants of the room. Duo had known Quatre for a long time and he considered the blond ex pilot more than his friend, he thought of him as a brother. He knew the way Quatre's brain worked and he knew he was more compassionate than everyone he had ever met, but this was ridiculous. How could he feel sorry for a woman that had just said that he hated him? A person who had obviously made his life hell?

Duo's thoughts were interrupted by Sheara's voice, and she was not happy. "You do not pity me! You are worthless; you don't have the right to feel sorry for me!" The woman took a step towards Quatre, getting ready to hit him. Duo closed his fists and gritted his teeth, he felt helpless and that wasn't a feeling he liked.

Sheara stopped the blow when she heard footsteps coming. She quickly took a step back and lowered her hand.

The door opened and a tall man wearing an elegant silk robe walked in.

"Father," said Sheara as she bowed her head in a silent greeting.

"What's going on here?" asked the man standing at the door.

"Quatre woke me up," said Sheara. "He was making noise."

"Quatre, is that what happened?"

The blond blinked a couple of times and then his eyes were fixed on his father. He was looking at him as if he was seeing him for the first time. The sadness, that had been the most noticeable thing on Quatre's eyes a moment before, was almost gone, and Duo could see a new feeling there… hope.

"I was having a nightmare, Father." said Quatre. "I'm sorry I disturbed you."

"Do you think you can sleep now?" asked the man.

"Yes, Father."

"Very well. Have a good night," said Quatre's father, and he left the room.

Sheara glared at Quatre before walking to the door. "Stop looking so proud of yourself," she said. "You have nothing to be proud of."

"I do," said Quatre, keeping his eyes on Sheara and losing the tight grip on his chest. "He does love me."

Sheara ignored her brother and left the room, closing the door behind her. Quatre smiled once before lying in bed and closing his eyes, his breathing even and peaceful.

Duo opened his eyes. He was soon met with the dark blue eyes of Heero Yuy. "Good morning. Sleep well?" he asked his lover, and managed to get a smirk out of him.

"I had disturbing dreams," answered Heero.

Duo sighed. "That's an understatement," he said.

After taking a moment to accommodate himself on his seat, Duo looked around. Wufei was on his seat, Sally was still on her chair and Quatre was rising from his lying position on the couch to make room for Trowa.

"So, did it work?" asked Sally.

"I would say so," said Duo. The other three just nodded.

"Quatre, are you feeling okay?" Sally took Quatre's wrist in her hand to check his pulse.

"Yeah, just a little tired."

"That's normal," she replied and gave him a small smile. "So, did you see something useful?" she asked the others.

Duo crossed his legs on the chair and looked at Quatre. "Was that what I think it was?"

Quatre gave a small nod and looked at the hand Sally had held. "Yes, that was the first time."

"What was it?" Sally asked, obviously curious. "What did you see?"

"That was the first time his empathy manifested," answered Trowa. "And the first alien emotions he felt were Sheara's."

Duo couldn't sleep. His eyes were open and fixed on the closed window in front of him. His head was resting on his pillow and his arms were crossed beneath it. The blanket was half way down his back, only covering the lower part of his body. He heard Heero move but stayed still. Soon he felt soft fingers making circular patterns on his back and Heero's breath on his neck.

"You are worried," said Heero softly.

Duo sighed. "I just don't like this. I don't like this at all."

The fingers kept moving, this time applying a little more pressure. "Quatre is strong. Have faith in him."

"I do." Duo turned around and found himself face to face with Heero. "But, there are so many questions," he sighed. "They're driving me crazy!"

Heero remained silent, his hands now caressing Duo's chest.

"I don't understand why someone would want to block something like Quatre's empathy." Duo continued. "It doesn't make sense; he has talked about his empathy before so that is obviously not the issue. It's something else that happened that night, but what?"

"I don't know," answered Heero, and his fingers suddenly stopped. "But everything is pointing to Sheara so far."

"I swear, the day I find that bitch—"

"Stop!" said Heero, putting a hand above Duo's face. "Don't say something you would regret. Remember. You never lie."

Duo kissed Heero's hand and then gently moved it away from his mouth. "I'm just so angry…"

"I know; we all are." Heero gave him a kiss. "Try to sleep now. Tomorrow is going to be another long day."

Duo closed his eyes and rested his head on Heero's chest, hoping to have a one of those wonderful meaningless dreams.

TBC

Notes:

1I stole this. I completely stole this hypnosis technique from here: http/ Go and have a look. All the hypnosis techniques are coming from there from now on.