HARRY'S POTION
Chapter 15: Harry Potter and His Sweet (and Wet...) Revenge and Uncontrollable Angsty Attitude on a Certain Potions Master (Don't worry, the fic is not as long as the title)
The moment they got out of Lavender and Parvati's range of 'perkiness', Hermione emitted a sigh of relief. Ron and Harry all seemed to be pleased about leaving the common room for now... that is until Hermione suggested using the rest of their Potions period for studying.
"Why don't we take this time to study for our N.E.W.T.s? After all, it is getting near. Only four months away! Can you believe how fast time is going?" Hermione was exclaiming wildly, dragging both Harry and Ron to the library even before the two could think of getting away. After passing Madam Pince (who, by the way, has now two stubby horns protruding from her hair), they settled in Hermione's usual corner with a pile of books concerning different subjects. As Hermione concentrated on a particular book, Harry and Ron were staring on the same spot for ten minutes already. Harry heaved a sigh as he read the word water over and over again. But as he read that word for the 89th time, he remembered the revenge he was supposed to take on Hermione. Then out of the blue, he recalled the time when Dudley did that trick to him on April fools day that caused him to be banished to his room by his uncle. Grinning evilly, his mind wheels were in motion. He starts on lunch time... (Insert suspense music)
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"C'mon mate, I'm starving!" Ron was complaining. Harry and Hermione rushed after Ron to the Great Hall after an exhausting Herbology class. They were about to enter the Hall when Draco Malfoy caught up with Harry by running towards him (puts moment in slow mo and inserts 'in love' music).
"Mya, Baby cakes! I haven't caught up with you this morning!" Draco greeted heartily ('in love' music ends with a screech) as he put his arm around Harry's waist who tried to hide his groan with a small cough. Although Ron was too busy sniffing the food that was wafting around the room to notice that his best mate is being tortured again.
"Hello, Draco, dear!" Harry played along sarcastically with his teeth clenched and Hermione supervising him to make sure he doesn't give out. "What a wonderful time to brighten up my day!" He would have been telling the truth if 'brighten up' meant adding something else more annoying to his day of looking forward to a month's worth of detention with Professor Snot...I mean Snape. Draco smiled and gave Harry a wet one before parting to their respective tables. Harry was seething while Hermione tried to hold him back from jumping on Draco and pounding him to the size of a banana loaf.
"Harry! No you can't! You'll give me away!
"...and I'll replace his spinal cord with a weenie, oh yes I will..."
After struggling against with his own body strength, Harry finally settled down. During his meal, he began to plant his revenge. While Hermione and Ron were conversing with each other, Harry slipped out a small vial from his robes of the Sleeping Draught he sneaked from the Potions dungeon. Whispering 'Wingardium Leviosa', he levitated the open vial then banished it to the teacher's table, right above Snape's goblet, who was busy talking to Professor McGonagall. Harry gave his wand a little jerk and the contents of the vial spilled on Snape's drink. He then joined his best friend in their conversation as though nothing happened.
As soon Snape finished his lunch, he stood up, swaying a little as he staggered back to his office. Harry smiled as he eyed the Potions Master looking droopy and rather sleepy. He disappeared to the dungeons, yawning and rubbing his black eyes. Harry waited for a few minutes before pretending that he forgot something in the Common room and excused himself from the table. He looked around cautiously before stalking silently to Snape's office. When he was outside the office, he pressed his ear to the wooden door and listened. He heard snores coming from his potions master. Again, he waited before he entered the cold room. Twisting the knob, he peeked inside. There Professor Snape was sleeping on his table, face down, one arm outstretched and the other under his head.
"This will be the best one yet!" Harry muttered as he pulled a jar of water from his pocket. Grinning evilly, he unscrewed the lid, laid the bottle on the desk and replaced the lid back inside his pocket. He slowly and carefully lifted Snape's outstretched hand and placed it inside the jar of water, soaking his claw like fingers. Then, to add the icing on the cake, he displayed a yellow card on front of the jar with neat cursive writings on it before snickering as he tiptoed out of the cold, damp room.
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Harry, Hermione, and Ron emerged grinning from the greenhouses covered in head to toe with dirt and reeking of fertilizer. Their "little fight" during classes each earned an additional pile of homework. The trios were laughing all the way up to the common room to wash up before a familiar Hufflepuff boy ran towards them, panting and looking quite worried.
"What's up, Ernie?" Hermione said.
"I-It's Professor Snape," Ernie McMillan panted. "He looks like...like...like he's ready to kill!" The three raised their eyebrows. "Yeah, and word has it on the hallways that he's looking..." he turned his horrific glance to Harry, "...for you!" Ron and Hermione turned their confused attention to Harry who pretended to look just as confused as they were. At that very exact moment, a familiar chilling voice hissed throughout the hallway, nearly wetting Ron and a few other boys that were present.
"Granger!!!!"
Everyone froze on their tracks as Professor Snape came charging straight to Harry. He towered lividly over Harry who remained calm, then bowed his head to examine his "work" and sniggered. Snape has the image of a person who just had a "little accident".
"Do you know what you have done, Granger!?" Snape snarled in Harry's face, his long greasy hair jerking around his face. He was waving a familiar yellow card around.
"Um, killed your poodle, sir?" Harry said politely as possible.
"Oh really!? Then what is this!?" Snape shoved the card he was holding to Harry's eyes who backed away to read the text. Harry read aloud:
Happiness
is like peeing in your pants, Good day,
Everyone can see it,
But only you
can feel its warmth.
HG
The people present at the very corridor tried to control them from bursting themselves up as the Potions Master shook violently as his fists were curled tightly into a ball. His face began to tighten like a balloon and his eyes were slowly bulging. Snape reminded Harry very much of Uncle Vernon, except that Snape does not have the figure of a pig.
"First we have Potter here! Now Granger!? What is this? Embarrass-the-professor-to-hell day!?" Being the multitalented teacher, he was able to spray and say it at the same time. Harry knew that he was mentally stating different punishments such as cleaning out every cauldron in the castle, being hanged by the thumbs, being fed to a herd of skrewts and lock her inside a room full pink bunnies, cotton candy clouds and little elves singing happy songs. The worst were scrubbing the castle squeaky clean with a teaspoon and using his homework as toilet paper. Fortunately, he was interrupted by professor McGonagall before he can think of anymore dastardly sick punishments he could give out.
"Severus, enough! What is going on here?" the strict Transfiguration teacher snapped. "And my goodness, why are your pants wet?" Snape made a noise that indicated exasperation before stomping off to his office, taking away house points left and right. McGonagall shook her head and looked around the corridor, barking;
"Everyone, back to your classes now! Classes just started three minutes ago!" Everyone scurried of to different directions, not wanting to be around a snappish McGonagall.
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"Hermione, that was brilliant! You rock!" were just some of the few words that were said by their fellow schoolmates. Harry received hand shakes, pats on the back and a heavy glare from the real Hermione.
"You do realize that I am going to get detention for this, right?" she muttered angrily as Harry shook yet another hand.
"Look at the bright side! Now were both even!" Harry happily stated. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out so she fumed silently, muttering incoherent things every five seconds. The trio were about to enter their classroom when Seamus approached them.
"Hey Harry, Ron! Don't forget our trip to Hogsmeade! We'll meet you at the Three Broomstick's!" He left Harry looking sheepish and Hermione looking confused.
"What Hogsmeade trip? Is there something you didn't tell me, Harry?" Hermione asked, puzzled. Harry groaned, he had forgotten about the boy's outing. And since he's in Hermione's body...
"Hey Harry, Ron! Over
here!" Seamus waved at them as they entered the familiar pub.
Hermione walked towards them tentatively, keeping a close pace with
Ron. She had told Ron nervously to stay close to her for this was a
boy's outing and she would feel so awkward with them even though they
were her friends. They were about to sit down when Ron was jerked
off his seat.
"Won-won! Come sit here instead!" Hermione watched helplessly as Ron was being dragged off to a table containing Parvati and surprisingly, Harry who had a look of pure torture. Hermione shot Ron as he sat down next to Lavender, shooting a desperate look that said; 'don't leave me alone here!'
"Here you are, Harry." Seamus passed a bottle of butterbeer to Hermione and to others. Hermione looked around the table; she was sitting next to Seamus and Neville. Across her were Dean and a guy she knew as Terry Boot. Ernie Macmillan opened his bottle and gulped a portion of it.
"So Ernie," Dean asked. "How're you and Jessica doing?" Ernie shook his head.
"Dunno, I can't figure her out if she fancies me back or..."
Hermione had an hour to endure of boys' talk and bottles of butterbeer which compromised mostly about Quidditch, ("...then the Woollongong Warriors chaser's had the Woollongong Shimmy on and then--Wham! The Moose Jaw Meteorites were goners!") , love lives ("I keep dropping her hints but she still flirts with that Corner guy..."), off-color jokes ("The dragon was Jewish, right?"), laugh-trips ("Snort, I wished you would've seen it when I jinxed Zabini that spell that made him say 'piggy' every five seconds!") And let's not forget... girls.
"I dunno," Terry said. "What if Kathy'll laugh at me? I mean she is really good looking but her best friend--Amy, y'know her right?--will get hurt if I tell her." Others nodded in approval while Hermione drank in a mouthful of her fourth bottle of butterbeer and nodded. It has been interesting to listen to a guy's point of view on female problems.
"Hey Harry," Neville suddenly piped up. "You've been quiet. What's on your mind?" Everyone stopped talking and looked at Hermione.
"Nothing, he's just thinking of Ginny!" Seamus teased. Everyone else laughed and heckled Hermione who tried vainly to cover up her mistake of being to quiet. Well, if she was the only girl who was inside a guy's body, it wasn't that hard not to be quiet and feel out of place. They were about to squeeze information out of Harry when thankfully Ernie asked loudly;
"Hey guys! Did you hear about the one when a pixie, a hippogriff, and a banshee all walk into a bar..."
They all, except Hermione, burst into hysterical laughter.
On Harry's side, he had to endure the torture Parvati and Lavender was giving him. They kept bugging him, both wanting to know details of their relationship with Draco. Harry was seriously getting annoyed at the questions they were asking like, "How many times have you snogged him?" or "What did he think of that dress you wore the other day?" or even "Boxers of briefs?"
It was at dusk when most of the students decided it was time to go back up to the castle, including Hermione and the boys. Although it seemed that Hermione had a slightly fun time, they walked out still laughing their heads off. Hermione had a funny sensation of being really cheerful and laughed boisterously with the others. They staggered up to the castle, singing (more like screaming in the middle of October) "Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad! Prospero Ano Y Felisidad!" Once they got to the school, they burst into the Great Hall singing with matching choreographed dance steps and outstretched arms. As they finished singing the last part which was, "I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, from the bottom of my heart!!!" Neville collapsed on to the floor and started snoring. The only persons who clapped for them were Dumbledore and the Creevy brothers.
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And that, ladies and gentlemen, would be the effect of too much drinks, second would be the urge to go the bathroom! Believe me, this has happened to me and my sister, and it was just iced tea!
Lockhart: And if ever you get high--(gets squashed by a fish)