Hiya! My comp is finally virus-free (well actually it still fuck's up now and then –and still has an infected file, but ssssssh!)
Just for the record, I don't own the song 'My Immortal' it belongs to Evanescence!
I've been told that this fic was good –so I decided to put it back up –with IMPROVEMENTS!
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i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
Spinelli's dead, It happened just last week and I still can't get the image of her lifeless body from my mind. Spinelli's body, she was only Thirteen, and of course, as a story like this goes, it gets worse. The death of that beautiful young girl was my fault. If I hadn't chased her, she wouldn't be here now, I loved her, and not once did I tell her, not ONCE! And now I sit here at her funeral -tears falling from my eyes like a fucking tap. And yet, I still breathe the air and don't feel privileged –as for Spinelli, she will never breathe again.
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
========================FLASH BACK========================
"So Spin, what do ya wanna do?" I asked her casually "The rest of the gang are all busy with different things, so its just us"
"Cool! Uh, I don't know what I wanna do, I'm so bored"
"Me too, so uh –wanna play tag?"
"Yea, -YOU'RE IT!" she said hitting my shoulder and running away.
I ran after her, and soon her only option was to run onto the road, that's when I saw it –that double decker bus speeding towards her.
"SPIN!" I screamed, but I was too late, I was too slow. The bus collided with her body, she was dragged under the bus and appeared at the other side –crumpled like a piece of paper.
"NO! SPINELLI!" I screamed running towards her, after what felt like forever I reached her near lifeless body. I held her hand gently "Spin?"
"Teej, I, I lo-" but Spinelli finished her sentence her and fell limp. Tears pricked my eyes as realisation set in, she wasn't breathing –she was dead.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" I let out the scream that my soul held.
I felt someone taping my shoulder, I looked around to see the bus driver and a number of passengers and other people beginning to gather around.
"DOSE IT LOOK LIKE SHE'S OKAY?! SHE'S DEAD, D.E.A.D DEAD. YOU KILLED HER, I LOVED HER AND YOU KILLED HER!" as I said these words, realisation set in. The feelings captured in my heart began to rise to the surface, and more cowardly tears began to run down my cheeks.
"your right. I did. I chased her into the road. I killed her! She was only 13!" Those words brought the crushing realisation set in "I'll never play a game again"
I'm going to keep at that. I stole her life, the least I could do is sacrifice my enjoyment.
=========================END OF FLASHBACK============================
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
My thought's were interrupted by the end of Flo Spinelli's speech, she was the last speaker. She was also crying at the loss of her daughter, this is my fault –if I hadn't been so stupid, if I'd just stood back and thought –Spinelli would be alive now.
"I remember seeing you after the accident, the paramedic said you died on impact, my poor baby –your life has been stolen from you at such a young age. I love you my daughter and only hope we will be reunited in heaven."
Of course I
knew she survived just a short time longer than predicted then the paramedic. I
watched Spinelli's coffin being lowered into the ground, slowly people began to
walk away, but not me, I just cant leave my true love just yet.
By the time the coffin was covered rain was hammering down –I'm soaked but I
don't care.
"your going to catch a cold if you
stay there" said one of the Grave Diggers as he and his accomplice walked away.
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
"I'm sorry
Spinelli, for everything, its my fault you're here." I whispered the grief
strong in my voice. "I love you so much Spin, I'll never forget you, I'll never
forgive my self and I'm never going to be so stupid again"
I fell to my knee's and let my tears of grief flow.
"Hi" I looked around to see Gretchen,
holding a letter –the sadness spread across her face "Spin wanted me to give
you this before she –you know"
I accepted the letter Gretchen was holding and watched her walk away, she was
crying –I caused her this grief, as I did to so many people.
I stared at the folded piece of paper –the ink from the opposite side showing
through, I opened it and read slowly.
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
TJ,
You have been my friend forever, but now its time you know what's in my heart,
this may ruin our friendship but I cant hold my feelings anymore. I can no
longer hide behind my emotionless wall, I love you TJ, in so many ways, you may
never want to see me now –but always remember, I love you.
Love Spinelli
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
My body froze up, Spinelli loved me?! She had written a letter saying her feelings and this is how I repay her, With death.
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
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I Hope ya liked it –if ya did PLEASE review! And please be nice –constructive criticism is cool. Just don't flame please, coz 'if you cant say anything nice, don't day anything at all'