Redwall Defense Guide,
Aka, How to Save the Blinkin' Abbey…AGAIN!!

Now, it has come to my attention that you abbey dwellers are seriously lacking in the "strategy" department of interior defense. After about sixteen or so breaches of the abbey in Redwall history, you'd think that you'd learn something after while, wot? Time after time again, the common vermin has the ability to walk straight up to the main gates and give his bally well "statement" about "magic swords" or other pretty baubles that Redwall just happens to be legendary for.

Therefore, I have written a guide in which all abbey dwellers should memorize in Abbey School. It should be referenced to each time you encounter foebeasts.

NOTE:

DO NOT, under any circumstances, keep this guide in the guide in the Gatehouse, dormitories, or typical book-keeping place.

You Redwallers have a tendency to lose those areas of the abbey quite quickly. Instead, keep this in Cavern Hole or the cellars. Better yet, carve this guide into the floor of Cavern Hole. This way, you need not worry about the common rat destroying this helpful guide. If carved, have the decency to make sure it is readable and will stay that way; you Redwallers also have the tendency to forget things seasons later.

Now, with that taken care of, let's get down to the basics, shall we?

Lesson One: Always Have Weapons On Hand

I do not care if you are peaceful abbey creatures. I do not care if all you have are disabled bunny rabbits and sugar high dibbuns. I do not care if you lot do not know which end of Martin's Sword is the sharp one.

ALWAYS STORE WEAPONS!!!

(Preferably in the cellar, which you are best able to defend.)

In practically every single Redwall breach, you have a lack of weapons and have to resort to stones, rubble, spoons, and kitchen knives.

This is unacceptable.

If you are going to be peacefully abbey dwellers, you had better be able to keep it that way. And how, may I ask, can you keep it that way if all you have to protect it are a bunch of stones? Yes, stones are adequate for your slings, but do not underestimate the power of Sharp Pointy Objects. They are much more effective and the common vermin respects them. Round, Solid Objects, he does not; he simply gets really mad and even more determined to slice and dice you.

In this case, always have bows and arrows stored someplace (preferably in the cellar). Other weapons, such as lances, javelins, swords and the like may also (and should) be stored, but the bow and arrow are the most versatile and effective at telling the common vermin off. They have the most reach and have a Sharp Pointy Object attached to one end.

Also, you abbey dwellers should be able to USE the weapons. At least have a couple. And do not have the ones adept in weapons also be the ones most likely to wander, as then you will have no one to teach you when the vermin come (which always happens). Otters, shrews, and hares, all good, trained beasts in fighting, have the mysterious "luck" to always be out fishing/roaming/sailing/gathering/eating in the most inopportune times. Therefore, the Abbey Cook, Gatekeeper, or somebeast who is going to STAY in the abbey know how to use weapons, and you will not have to worry about the lack of expertise. (The Abbot or Abbess, the most likely to stay, is an unlikely choice for expertise in weapons, as they are supposed to be peaceful to the end. However, do not underestimate the morale the Abbot or Abbess will bring if they can fight.)

Once the weapons are stored, make sure they are in working order at all times. It does you no good if the bow is broken, the javelin dull, and the swords rusted to the core. Yes, Martin's Sword does not rust, but I do not see tons of Martin's Swords lying about, do you? And besides, you abbey dwellers usually lack an Abbey Warrior at the worst times, only emerging in the last stages of the fight. Therefore, make sure that the weapons are kept in shape and that no dibbun decides to use them for play.

I understand that you abbey dwellers like to use the unusual, such as pepper bombs, garbage, honey, window poles, or other strange things. This is all well and good, but weapons should be supplemented, not replaced, with these forms of defense. Yes, it certainly is amusing to see yon vermin yell about bees stinging him or being bonked, but it is even more amusing and useful to see yon vermin dead or far, far, far away from the abbey.

* * * * *

Now, what have we learned today?

That's right, always have a couple of weapons and beasts who know how to use them on hand. Make sure said beasts do not wander, and make sure said weapons stay that way and not lumps of metal.

~LoneWolf16, Recorder of Redwall Defense in Mossflower Country