Warnings: character death (in the beginning, shouldn't be too traumatising), shounen ai
Some minor details of this story follows my other PoT fic [Little Prince], but you don't need to know that story to read this one.
Feedback much appreciated. Enjoy.
=YS=
[Happiness]
Part One
Very few people would ever have the opportunity to find out what the crushing of human flesh and bones sounds like.
Those who do would give anything to forget that sound.
But as he watches blood seep out from under the chunk of concrete, it is not the sound of crushing human flesh and bones - he heard it, loud and clear, despite the impact noise of concrete to ground - that burns into his soul. It is the sound of heartbreak that does.
It sounds like this:
"YUUTA! YUUUTAAAA!!!"
"Hoi hoi! Let me introduce this month's special guests!" Kikumaru stands up, hitting the rim of his glass of tea with a chopstick to catch everyone's attention. "First of all, we have... oh, what's your name again?"
"Mizuki Hajime." Mizuki glares at Kikumaru, knowing that has been deliberate.
"Yes, we have our old friend from St. Rudolph: Mizuki-kun!" Kikumaru laughs, "Don't mind don't mind, Mizuki-kun, of course we remember you! Or at least Fujiko does!"
Mizuki looks to Fuji, who chuckles and says, "I don't hold grudges for that long."
"Nya! Also, we have another St. Rudolph friend, Yuuta-kun!"
Seated beside his brother, Fuji Yuuta habitually scratches the cross scar on his forehead and says something about Kikumaru being drunk already, which earns him a round of applause and an offer of a beer from Momoshirou. This is vetoed by Fuji Syusuke because neither Momoshirou nor Yuuta are of legal drinking age yet.
This is the Seigaku monthly gathering. After graduating from Seishun High School, Tezuka, Fuji, Inui, Ooishi and Kikumaru have set on different paths, to pursue their different futures: Ooishi and Kikumaru moved on directly to Seishun University; Inui left the elevator system to study elsewhere, and Tezuka and Fuji are now part-time students, training to become professional tennis players at different establishments. Despite their physical distances, friendship forged in the months of going through highs and lows together is strong, and once a month these old friends would meet at Kawamura Sushi, sometimes joined by friends from other schools. This is the day they all look forward to every month, for no amount of letters, phonecalls or emails can mean as much as seeing each other face to face.
It is a night of gossips and announcements - Tachibana An and Kamio have broken up and then gotten back together; Momo suspects that a female teacher at Seishun High fancies Echizen; Mizuki is actually gay (no one tries to stop Mizuki from strangling a hyper and babbling Kikumaru at that point); Inui has received special funding to research on sports supplements as part of his sports science degree; and Fuji has won second prize in an amateur photography competition he entered on a whim two months ago.
Tezuka stays silent most of the time. Nobody seems to mind or even notice this, since his regular attendance to the gathering is enough proof that he enjoys the event. He only speaks if he is spoken to, when he is offered food or tea, or when he declines another offer of sake from Fuji, who likes alcohol for the tickling warmth it gives to his throat and stomach, and has a tolerance for it that surpasses even his tolerance for spicy food and the infamous Inui Juice. Because of this, and Fuji's phenomenal tennis skills, Echizen asks if Fuji-senpai is actually human. After a lengthy discussion that involves also Mizuki and Yuuta, the party decides that Fuji most probably is a monster in a man's disguise. Fuji chuckles his way through the entire conversation.
When the meal is over and the tables cleared, Kikumaru stands up again, holding a soup spoon like a mic. "Would Captain please say a few words nya?"
They still refer to Tezuka as Captain, although it is now a more lovingly called nickname, just to annoy him.
Tezuka sighs. They just have to make him do this every month. He politely but firmly declines Kikumaru's offer of the spoon, and prepares to speak. At the table behind him, Momoshirou shouts out, imitating his voice, "Let's not get careless!", making everyone laugh. Tezuka immediately tells him to run laps, and Momoshirou obediently does so, getting up to run around his small table.
When the ruckus dies down, Tezuka begins. "The meal was very nice. Thank you, Kawamura."
As the party clap their hands, Kawamura bows his head, rubs the back of his neck, and gives a shy smile.
"And..." Tezuka looks about him. "My coach has helped me get a government sponsorship. I'm going to London for a year."
The response is an unanimous "Heh?", even though Fuji's reaction is faked since he had already heard about it two weeks ago.
Tezuka handles the bombardment of questions with ease: he will be leaving in ten days' time, yes it is that all expense-paid sponsorship for the country's best budding sportsmen, given only to five out of the thousands who apply, yes London is the place where they hold the Wimbledon tournaments but that has got nothing to do with his training, no he doesn't think he'll come back to visit within that year, and no, he doesn't want another sake, thank you.
"Let's do a toast." Fuji finally says, to save Tezuka from getting drowned by another round of questions. "To our Captain. All the best!"
"To Captain Tezuka!"
"Captain's going to be the best export England will ever get from Japan!"
"That's stupid. It's not a permanent relocation."
"What's your problem, Viper?"
"Fushuu..."
When the evening finally draws to a close, the party departs, and one by one they go home, by car or train, leaving only the Fuji brothers, Mizuki and Tezuka going to the bus stop.
"That was fun wasn't it, Yuuta?" Fuji smiles at his little brother, who unwillingly agrees. They walk side by side, Mizuki just a few steps behinds them, and Tezuka at the back.
Mizuki, tugging his hands into the pockets of his deep purple coat, grumbles something about a crazy Kikumaru Eiji. Suddenly something small but heavy hits his shoulder, then falls to the ground beside his feet. He stops and leans down to see what it is.
"Rocks? But where..."
Tezuka follows Mizuki's gaze and looks up. In that split second, a dull cracking noise sounds above them, and something breaks off from the ceiling of the pedestrian tunnel they are in.
It is over before either of them can move, or say a word, or even just comprehend what they are seeing.
Fuji screams in pain, knocked down and a leg pierced through by a thin, rusted reinforcement bar exposed in a small chuck of fallen concrete. And Yuuta...
Tezuka and Mizuki stand there, frozen in shock.
"Yuuta?" Suddenly, as if his leg doesn't hurt anymore, Fuji opens his eyes wide and tries to look around him. "What's going on? Where's Yuuta?"
They spring into action. Tezuka rushes to Fuji's side. Mizuki calls the emergency services.
"Tezuka, where's Yuuta?"
Tezuka crouches down, grabs Fuji's hand and squeezes it.
"Where's Yuuta!" Fuji glares at his friend, growling the words out.
And then Mizuki says the emergency operator told them to evacuate from the tunnel in case of further collapses. Tezuka replies with a firm "no", because it would be impossible for Fuji to move, and he could not leave him like this. He tells Mizuki to go. Mizuki struggles with himself for a moment, then decides to stay also. He walks to where Yuuta is, and falls to his knees. "Yuuta-kun..."
Finally, realisation dawns onto Fuji, and he looks to his side. A few feet away, under a large piece of concrete that buries his body completely except for an arm, Yuuta is silent.
How much Fuji can see under the concrete as he lays on the ground, Tezuka doesn't know. As he kneels down beside his fallen friend, he doesn't dare to peer under the concrete to see Yuuta's condition.
"YUUTA! YUUUTAAAA!!!"
Fuji's screams echo inside the tunnel, angry, desperate, hysterical. He tries to crawl to his younger brother, reaching for that arm, and Tezuka pins him down.
"GO AWAY! YUUTA NEEDS HELP!"
"Help is coming! You can't move around with your leg like that!"
"LET GO OF ME! YUUTA!"
Laying on the ground and pinned by the weight on his leg, Fuji fights Tezuka like a caged animal, scratching his hands with his nails, trying to pull himself free.
"LET GO OF ME!"
"Fuji! No!"
"YUUTA! ANIKI IS HERE! YUUTA!" Fuji screams again, his voice choking in tears of desperation. Tezuka bites his lips, his grip on Fuji loosening. Crushed under such a weight, Yuuta must...
He shakes his head. The only thing he can do now is stop Fuji from hurting himself further.
And then blood begins seeping out from where Yuuta is, pooling around the lifeless arm. Mizuki gasps, the sight of blood waking him from his trance, and he scrambles to his feet to get away from the blood. Then he sees Tezuka struggling to hold Fuji down, and the blood that is coming out from Fuji's wound soaking through his pants. The same blood that is bleeding out of Yuuta.
He undoes his belt and pulls it free, runs to Fuji and ties his thigh with it to restrain the bleeding. "Hold on, Fuji-kun!"
The minutes they spend waiting for help feel like hours. Eventually strength and will drain out of Fuji. He just lays still on the ground, staring at the weight that is on top of his brother.
"Aniki's here... Yuuta, aniki's here..."
There are no more tears in Fuji's voice, nor is he screaming anymore. He lets Tezuka drape his long coat over him, and doesn't complain when Mizuki sits down beside him, strategically blocking Yuuta from his view.
"Yuuta, aniki's here..."
Tezuka and Mizuki are escorted away from the scene when help arrived. In a way Tezuka is glad. He doesn't want to watch them lift that piece of concrete off Yuuta. He doesn't want to know what it looks like underneath.
They are taken to a hospital to be checked over. Tezuka's hands are cleaned and bandaged. They give accounts on what had happened, then they are told that they are free to go.
Tezuka and Mizuki exchange a look. Right now, neither of them know what to do, but they don't want to leave, even though they can't do anything by staying. The Fuji family is coming, and they have been told by the ambulance crew that Fuji Syusuke will be okay. There is nothing left for them to do.
Mizuki waits until Fuji's family arrives. He says a few quick words of condolences to them, surprising Tezuka with this side of his character, then he leaves, saying that he is very, very tired.
Tezuka stays with the family until doctors come to confirm that Fuji Syusuke's conditions are stable. Fuji's parents are too shocked to say or acknowledge anything, but his sister Yumiko bows to him when he leaves, and he bows back, both of them silent.
Yuuta's death had been instantaneous, but that is no consolation for anyone who knew him. His funeral is attended by many, many people, from his school and others. But his brother is absent; Fuji has to stay in the hospital. With the family's understanding, Tezuka goes to Fuji instead, and stays with him through the day.
"Tezuka."
"Hm?"
"Show me your hands."
With a sigh, Tezuka gives his hands to Fuji. Fuji runs his fingertips over the scalping scratch marks on the back of Tezuka's hands, frowning slightly.
"It doesn't hurt." Tezuka says, before Fuji can say anything.
"Did your parents say anything?
"I said it was from a cat."
Fuji chuckles softly. "You should've said it's from an abusive boyfriend."
They fall silent. Tezuka turns away, closing his eyes for a brief moment, sighing silently. Then he gets up, taking Fuji's water flask to wash and refill it. He comes back and sets the flask on the table beside Fuji's bed.
"Fuji - "
"Can I go visit you in London?" Fuji asks, with the usual smile pasted on his lips.
Tezuka ignores the question, fixing his eyes on Fuji's. "Will you be okay?" He knows Fuji's leg is going to be fine, because the doctors said so, but since that accident, he has not spoke once about Yuuta, and it is worrying everyone, including Tezuka.
"What time is your flight tomorrow? I'll call you, since I can't go to the airport."
"Answer me. Will you be okay?"
"I've always wanted to go to Europe. If you're there it gives me a good excuse."
"Don't shut it out, Fuji."
"London. That sounds so far away. How long does it take to get there? Thirteen, fourteen hours?"
"That's enough!" Tezuka growls and stands up abruptly, his chair falling back with a clatter. His eyes are fierce behind rimless glasses, but at the same time they are filled with a sadness that Fuji can see. "Yuuta is dead, but it's not the end of the world. He wouldn't want to see you like this."
Fuji's smile doesn't waver, nor does he flinch at the mention of his brother's name. "Don't be so angry, Captain. What do you want me to do? Scream? Cry? Kill myself?"
Tezuka rubs his forehead and tells himself to be patient. He sets his chair right and sits down again. For the next several minutes he does not move, his brown eyes fixed on Fuji's blue ones. He waits. Finally, Fuji looks away to the other side of the room, towards the window.
"Have you spoken to Mizuki since that time?" He whispers. "How's he?"
"He has trouble sleeping. He's seeing a doctor now, and getting better." Tezuka says matter-of-factly. "Which is what you need to do if it gets too much for you. I'm saying if. "
"I know." Fuji smiles again. Tezuka is treating him as a friend, not a patient, and for that he is grateful. "And you?"
"... I'm fine."
"That's good."
"Fuji, I can't leave Japan with you like this."
Fuji blinks several times, surprised. Then he laughs a little. "But you aren't supposed to be so nice to me, Tezuka, remember?" He studies Tezuka's face, seeing him look around again. "My flowers. They need a change of water." He suggests, pointing at the vase of freesias that his sister bought him.
Tezuka, not sure if he should be glad that Fuji just gave him an exit or not, gets up and tends to the flowers. When he gets back, Fuji grins at him with a look of mischief.
"So what do you want me to do, Tezuka?"
"Tell me you'll be okay." Tezuka says. He needs to know this before he leaves the country, otherwise he will always feel restless. He is not the type of man who can forget a friend's misery. "Promise me you'll talk to someone if things get on top of you."
"But Tezuka," Fuji laughs again, as if he is really amused by Tezuka's concern. "Of course I'll be okay. Have you ever seen me otherwise?" He says, finality in his voice, and Tezuka knows this is the best he will ever get from his friend. Of course he has seen Fuji at different states of distress, and they both know this, but now is not the time to bring up any of that...
... Particularly not the time Fuji clawed at him, demanding, begging him to let him go, screaming his brother's name, choking in his own tears.
That was what heartbreak sounds like. Tezuka will never forget everything he saw, heard, and felt, in those few minutes they spent waiting for help. It had been a stupid thing to do to stay in that tunnel, under the exact spot where the collapse happened, but it was the right thing to do. There was no way he could just leave Fuji alone there, at such a horrific scene.
"You should go home. Spend some time with your family... you're leaving tomorrow afterall."
Tezuka looks at the time. The funeral should be over now, and Fuji Yumiko said she'll come as soon as possible, so it should be fine. He gets up for the third and final time.
"Hey, you didn't say if I can go visit you or not."
Tezuka thinks for a moment. "Yes, you can."
A genuine smile breaks on Fuji's face, and his blue eyes brighten. "That's good. I'll go get a visa done and all."
"Hm. Take care."
This isn't the first time for Tezuka to live in a foreign country, but it has still taken him a long time to settle down into his new London home. London is altogether a much more confusing city than where he stayed in Germany a few years ago, and despite reading English novels everyday, his command of the language is still poor. Luckily tennis isn't a sport that requires much verbal instruction, and he manages well in his 4-days a week intensive training.
He goes home everyday to find his email inbox filled with messages. Most of them are from friends from Seigaku and his training establishment back in Japan, the rest are from his family. Kikumaru writes to fill him in with the gossips; Ooishi writes to give a more proper account of what's really going on; Echizen writes to complain about Momoshirou; Momoshirou writes with the latest sensei-loves-Echizen news; and Fuji writes to say that his leg is healing well, he can now walk without clutches, and he can start doing sports again soon. He has even received a message from Mizuki, just saying hello, and also Atobe Keigo, who asks for a match when he gets back to see if this London trip has done him any good.
Tezuka spends a good deal of time everyday reading these messages, although he seldom reply and even if he does, he writes only briefly.
On the sixth week of his arrival in London, Tezuka receives an email from Fuji Yumiko, asking if it is okay for her to call him. They arrange a time, and phone rings promptly.
"Hello, Tezuka-kun."
"Fuji-san."
"How're you doing in London? Have you settled down?"
"Everything is okay, thank you." Tezuka notices the slight hitch in Yumiko's voice. "How about you?"
"I..." Yumiko sighs heavily. "Let's cut straight to the point, Tezuka-kun. It's about Syusuke."
The Fuji family is one torn apart by grief.
The parents do not talk about Yuuta. They live as if he never existed, hiding all his pictures, putting his ashes away in his bedroom, erasing his presence from the house. His mother is seldom at home and even if she is, she is like an empty shell, unmotivated and uninterested in anything at all. Syusuke and Yumiko now run the house, cooking, doing housework. It is as if their mother has suddenly aged by several decades, unable to do anything by herself anymore. Their father spends longer hours at work then ever before, and he is helpless at the family's situation, nor is he willing to do anything about it.
The children are struggling to keep the family together. Syusuke does what he can, with his usual smile, and without a complaint. Yumiko tries to get off work early whenever she can to help him.
And Syusuke... Yumiko worries about him the most.
Syusuke doesn't speak anymore. For the last six weeks, Yumiko had not heard her brother say a single word.
Every night, when all the work is done, he sits in Yuuta's bedroom and stares into space, and nothing Yumiko says seems to get to him. Not knowing what she should do, Yumiko locked Yuuta's door. That night, when Syusuke put his hand on the doorknob and found that he couldn't turn it, he knelt on the floor and began to tremble and whimper, like he was in pain.
Yumiko arranged Syusuke to see a psychiatrist, but he has been skipping appointments. She tried to quit her job to take care of her family, but she is bound by contract and cannot afford the huge fine for breach of contract. She has asked Syusuke's close friends to spend more time with him, but with them scattered all about in Japan, there is only so much they can do. Right now she also has to deal with the civil lawsuit on the freak accident that killed her youngest brother, which is likely to drag on for months, if not years.
"This is a family's problem, Tezuka-kun, and I know I shouldn't burden you with it, I'm really sorry... but I just don't know what to do now... all I know is that Syusuke listens to you. He always does. He absolutely looks up to you and adores you. And you were with him when Yuuta died. Maybe if you give him a call..." Yumiko struggles to keep herself from crying. "Syusuke loves Yuuta so much. I know he'd rather be the one who died, and I can't watch my brother like this anymore..."
Tezuka is at a loss for words. He walks to his computer, and opens the email from Fuji just last night. His words were positive, not revealing anything that Yumiko has just described to him. And emails from Kikumaru and Ooishi said nothing about this either.
"Fuji-san, it's been a hard time for you." Sitting back, Tezuka closes his eyes. "I need to think about what I should do. Can I call you back in half an hour?"
When the phone cuts off, Tezuka opens all the emails he has got from Fuji, re-reading every one of them. Fuji wrote about many things, including the stray cat he saw the other day whose eyes, somehow, reminded him of Tezuka. He said he thinks of Yuuta everyday and burns incense for him, but he is moving on. He said he is recovering well, and he is looking forward to going to London. Would it be okay for him to come over during the Christmas holiday? He wants to see what a real Christmas is like, in a western country.
Tezuka calls Yumiko back.
Fuji taps his keyboard absently, his email to Tezuka half written.
He tries to motivate himself to do something, but his mind is blank.
He hears the front door opening. His sister is home, it is time to cook dinner. He leaves his room and pads down the stairs.
At the bottom of the stairs stands Tezuka.
And he says to him, "You're coming with me to London."
[to part two]