Title: Realisations (1/1)
Rating: M
Summary: Christian before WrestleMania XX. [Prequel to 'Only Human']
Type of fic: Vignette
Disclaimer: All known entities are not mine. Most, if not all, will
probably belong to Vince McMahon, WWE, and whoever else has rights to them.
Distribution: FF.net and Random Thoughts and Tarnished Silver (if she wants
it!)
***
Realisations
What I've realised about this business – there is no such thing as loyalty. Not even when it comes to blood. Main example: the McMahon family has fractured and reformed way too many times to even bother counting.
What I've realised instead about this business – it all comes down to personal desires. You want power, you go for it. You want gold, you claw your way to the top. You use and abuse people, whoever they may be. You do absolutely whatever it takes.
You want loyalty? Get out. Now.
When I first started, I vowed that I would never become like everybody else. My brother and I had made a pact. To always stick together, always stay true to the other. "Trust" was to be our foundation.
Of course such promises and vows are always made before anyone really gets a taste of what they're getting into. I was the first to break our pledge. And I lost my brother. The most painful price I've ever had to pay.
Everything else I've done after that is nothing compared to losing my only family. Every time I do something that my earlier self would shudder in disgust at...it all becomes easier the more times I do it. Whatever it takes. Like using my friend to get the girl.
I used Chris to get Trish.
I wanted her. I watched as he fell for her, and she for him. Watched as she became disappointed and disenchanted by his changing personality as the weeks passed. Watched closely as she began to distance herself from him. Chris didn't even notice, so intent was he on proving to her that he was the man for her. Chris had become the perfect gentleman. But Trish...
Trish turned to me. She wanted me to talk to Chris, to make him open his eyes. To stop dreaming fantasy and start seeing reality. Chris remained clueless.
But through Chris I got to know Trish. Who she was, her many selves. My want became need. That need became desire.
Desire grew into-
No. I won't say it.
I tried hard to keep feeling the way I did. And she tried hard to keep feeling the way she did. She continued to see Chris. But neither of us could pretend anymore.
I wanted Trish, so I took her.
The small part of me that somehow continues to remain faithful to my ideal self was sick with guilt at the thought of deceiving Chris. Not even Trish's assurance that Chris (in his new role as Mr Knight In Shining Armour) had never progressed past a chaste first kiss could ease the self- reproach. I tried to warn Chris, to make him realise that Trish was not who he wanted her to be. He didn't want to see.
I tired of it all. Of watching her pretend that she talked of Chris and "never having felt this way about anyone before". Of listening to him speak of how great Trish was, how they would make the perfect couple.
I told her that I hated watching them play their little "budding romance" game. The flirting, the shy smiles, the "girl talks" with Lita. She told me she was tired of always playing the wilting flower.
And so we planned. We plotted. I lost a little more of myself in my betrayal of Chris. But it becomes easier, begins to hurt less.
I can't wait to have Trish all to myself.
I can't wait for Wrestlemania.
end.
***
Realisations
What I've realised about this business – there is no such thing as loyalty. Not even when it comes to blood. Main example: the McMahon family has fractured and reformed way too many times to even bother counting.
What I've realised instead about this business – it all comes down to personal desires. You want power, you go for it. You want gold, you claw your way to the top. You use and abuse people, whoever they may be. You do absolutely whatever it takes.
You want loyalty? Get out. Now.
When I first started, I vowed that I would never become like everybody else. My brother and I had made a pact. To always stick together, always stay true to the other. "Trust" was to be our foundation.
Of course such promises and vows are always made before anyone really gets a taste of what they're getting into. I was the first to break our pledge. And I lost my brother. The most painful price I've ever had to pay.
Everything else I've done after that is nothing compared to losing my only family. Every time I do something that my earlier self would shudder in disgust at...it all becomes easier the more times I do it. Whatever it takes. Like using my friend to get the girl.
I used Chris to get Trish.
I wanted her. I watched as he fell for her, and she for him. Watched as she became disappointed and disenchanted by his changing personality as the weeks passed. Watched closely as she began to distance herself from him. Chris didn't even notice, so intent was he on proving to her that he was the man for her. Chris had become the perfect gentleman. But Trish...
Trish turned to me. She wanted me to talk to Chris, to make him open his eyes. To stop dreaming fantasy and start seeing reality. Chris remained clueless.
But through Chris I got to know Trish. Who she was, her many selves. My want became need. That need became desire.
Desire grew into-
No. I won't say it.
I tried hard to keep feeling the way I did. And she tried hard to keep feeling the way she did. She continued to see Chris. But neither of us could pretend anymore.
I wanted Trish, so I took her.
The small part of me that somehow continues to remain faithful to my ideal self was sick with guilt at the thought of deceiving Chris. Not even Trish's assurance that Chris (in his new role as Mr Knight In Shining Armour) had never progressed past a chaste first kiss could ease the self- reproach. I tried to warn Chris, to make him realise that Trish was not who he wanted her to be. He didn't want to see.
I tired of it all. Of watching her pretend that she talked of Chris and "never having felt this way about anyone before". Of listening to him speak of how great Trish was, how they would make the perfect couple.
I told her that I hated watching them play their little "budding romance" game. The flirting, the shy smiles, the "girl talks" with Lita. She told me she was tired of always playing the wilting flower.
And so we planned. We plotted. I lost a little more of myself in my betrayal of Chris. But it becomes easier, begins to hurt less.
I can't wait to have Trish all to myself.
I can't wait for Wrestlemania.
end.