By Oregano
Hey kids. I found the
beginning of this screenplay while I was snooping around in my files. I realised how much I
missed writing in this format and decided to give it a go and continue it.
This would be set circa Season Two, before Jess and Rory got together and Jess
broke our hearts. Think of it as a throwback piece. A tribute to
"back in the day" when it was all good. Hope you like it. I'm also
in a screenplay-reformatting rampage, so check out the old ones if you have the
chance. I've currently updated two. Thanks. --Ugly Author
FADE IN.
EXT. STREET – DAY
LORELAI and RORY GILMORE are crossing the street, on their way to LUKE'S DINER.
Lorelai catches a glimpse of her forearm and her eyebrows furrow with worry.
She grabs Rory's arm and stops her.
LORELAI
Oh, my God.
RORY
What? What's wrong with your arm?
LORELAI
I think my wrist is withered.
RORY
Withered.
LORELAI
My wrist is.
RORY
Withered.
LORELAI
Yes!
Lorelai shoves her wrist at Rory's face.
RORY
Your wrist is fine.
LORELAI
No, don't you see it?
Lorelai raises her arm in front of her to examine it like a doctor would with an
x-ray.
RORY
Hoo, boy.
LORELAI
It's… thinner… on one part. You know when you squeeze one of those long party
balloons and it shrinks in one side?
RORY
I wouldn't know. I'm not a balloon squeezer.
LORELAI
Maybe it's my watch acting as a wrist girdle.
RORY
Maybe.
LORELAI
Or it could be—
RORY
Mom.
LORELAI
Hey, this could be a serious condition.
RORY
Like the phantom arm sticking out of your neck last year?
LORELAI
Why would you bring forth so many bad memories? Why?
RORY
To make you forget your withered wrist and possibly get some coffee while I've
still got hair. That, or to get you to cross the other side of the road,
therefore insuring my lifespan for at least one more minute.
LORELAI
(raises her eyebrow)
Those are very self-serving reasons, if I may say so. You're not secretly
plotting to take over the tri-county area by turning into a politician, are you?
RORY
Come on, Chicken, cross the blasted road!
Lorelai gives her daughter a pretentious look and
dances to the other side of the road. Rory follows.
INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY (CONTINUOUS)
Luke's isn't very busy today, just a few customers scattered about the Diner.
Lorelai and Rory take their seats on a nearby table.
LUKE DANES comes out from the KITCHEN and walks over to them.
He pulls out an order pad and starts writing before Lorelai can speak.
She opens her mouth, but he cuts her off.
LUKE
Burgers with fries and pie.
Luke turns to Rory.
LUKE
Cheeseburger, chili fries.
Rory and Lorelai share a look and then look up and smile expectantly at Luke.
Luke sighs.
LUKE
AND, coffee.
Lorelai's smile grows wider.
LORELAI
You know us so well. You should move in with us. We can stay up all
night...
RORY
...braid each other's hair...
Or, you can just wear a thong outside your pants, dance around in sweat and be a slave for us.
LUKE
As tempting as that sounds, I don't think I have the hair to become your personal Britney Spears. I'll be right back with your death wish in a mug.
Luke exits.
LORELAI
(calls after Luke)
How about a denim skirt that barely covers your ass and mud-wrestling in a dirty pit?!
(turns to Rory)
Now, back to my sickness.
RORY
The one concerning your mind?
LORELAI
IT'S WITHERED!
Lorelai starts to wave her arm around.
RORY
Stop that!
LORELAI
It's like the tree bark on a sequoia! An old lady's skirt! An old, crumpled newspaper!
Rory sighs and rests her arm on the table to hold her face up.
RORY
Fine, on with the Affliction Forum.
LORELAI
Great. So, as I was saying, maybe it could be the way I sleep…
INT. LUKE'S APARTMENT - DAY
Luke enters the apartment. It seems empty, so he looks around with a
questioning look on his face.
LUKE
Jess? Where the hell are you? It's your shift
and if you don't get out there, I'll... stop talking now because you obviously
are not in the freaking apartment.
He turns and almost runs into JESS MARIANO.
JESS
Talking to yourself again, Lucas? I distinctly
remember putting the number for the local loony bin on a post-it and posting it
on the fridge, if you're interested.
LUKE
Where have you been? You're
late for your shift.
JESS
I had something to take care of.
LUKE
I'm
not going to get another one of those love letters from your principal, am I?
JESS
Well, if you're going to keep that burning passion buried deep inside, I
wouldn't be so eager for Kirk to pass by.
LUKE
Jess.
JESS
Relax, Mr. Danes, it's nothing.
LUKE
I don't believe you.
JESS
And
that is one of the main reasons our relationship can't work.
He smirks at Luke, takes his jacket off, and exits towards the diner.
INT.
GILMORE RESIDENCE - DAY
Lorelai sits leans on the counter, reading the
newspaper when Rory enters. Lorelai puts the paper down quickly and does a
pose for Rory.
LORELAI
Child.
RORY
Mother.
LORELAI
Do I look smashing?
RORY
This isn't going to be our regular greeting pattern in the morning, is it?
Because only one Austin Powers reference a month until
Mike Myers teams up with Dana Carvey again will be manageable for me.
Especially in the mornings.
LORELAI
Nah, I have a client coming over. She's getting married
and wants to hijack the inn for all her matrimonial glory.
RORY
You've faced clients in jeans and a Fugazi t-shirt. Why
do you need to dress up now?
LORELAI
First of all, that t-shirt is very presentable. The boob window brings out
my eyes. Second,
it's one of my mother's minions. Judy Harlow. She's finally managed
to get her claws on a man. When she heard I had an inn, thanks to your
grandmother's wonderful mouth, she thought of coming over to spy at me and see
how I've been doing, probably to ultimately find a fictitious piece of crap and
use that to turn all my friends against me.
RORY
Yikes. She sounds evil.
LORELAI
I went to school with her. She got along with my mother.
"Evil" cannot even chip the iceberg of her persona. Her plan
never worked though. I was too cool.
Lorelai fluffs her hair with false snootiness.
RORY
I get along with Grandma. I'm not evil.
LORELAI
A-ha, but you didn't go to school with me, therefore was not
given the chance to be ridiculously jealous of my handsome boyfriend, your
father, and my awesome fashion sense.
RORY
Mom, you all wore uniforms.
LORELAI
No, honey, they all wore uniforms. I just wore
the skirt. With the Fugazi top.
RORY
And the circle of conversation is complete!
LORELAI
I love how we do that.
They both grab their coffees and exit the house.
EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
As Rory gets off the bus, carrying her books, she
sees Jess stepping out of the Diner across the way. She starts to call
after him, but suddenly stops when she realises that Jess is sneaking away.
With a furrow of her brow, she follows him.
INT. INDEPENDENCE INN - DAY
Lorelai is behind the counter with MICHEL GERARD,
playing the computer. She taps the keyboard incessantly until we hear a
BOOM.
LORELAI
Oooh, I'm kicking your ass, Michel!
Michel stares at her lazily.
MICHEL
I'm not even playing. I don't even have the
slightest idea why you're so fascinated by that screen. It's loud, it's
blinding, it's a two-dimensional triangle firing dots at a pixelation.
LORELAI
That "pixelation" is a level three boss, my
friend, and I just kicked it's ass with the two-dimensional triangle that fires
dots. Yoo-hoo!
MICHEL
(looks OC)
I think your evil friend has just entered the
lobby.
We see JUDY HARLOW walking in, carrying her coat on her arm, waiting for assistance.
LORELAI
I'll give you my new corduroy pants if you take
over.
MICHEL
What would I do with your ridiculous clothing?
Judy walks over to the front desk, smiling widely.
JUDY
Lorelai!
LORELAI
(mumbles to Michel)
Strangle yourself with the pant leg, that's what.
(to Judy)
Hey, Judy! How are you doing?
JUDY
Oh, I'm great! Getting married--I'm on
Cloud Nine!
MICHEL
Did she just say, "Cloud Nine"?
LORELAI
Gah, Judy, this is Michel, our concierge.
Believe me, he's not as mean as he looks.
Michel gives Lorelai a death glare.
LORELAI
(taken aback)
Oh, or maybe he is. Come on, I'll show you
around.
Lorelai leads Judy around back and makes a face at Michel.
EXT. BEHIND THE SCHOOL - DAY
Jess enters with his hands in his pockets.
He seems to be looking around for something.
Rory decides to make an appearance. She steps out from behind a tree and walks towards Jess.
RORY
Excellent place to hide a dead body.
Jess turns quickly at the sound of her voice.
JESS
The idea did flash into my mind.
RORY
Why are you all jumpy?
JESS
I'm not.
RORY
Then why are you backing away from me like I'm
one of the Osmonds and you're Ozzy?
JESS
Nothing, I--
Just then, a small WHIMPER comes out of nowhere. Jess looks alarmed.
RORY
What was that?
JESS
What was what?
The WHIMPER turns into a BARK.
RORY
Now don't tell me you didn't hear that, Jess.
JESS
Hear what?
RORY
I heard a bark.
JESS
I didn't bark.
RORY
I didn't say you barked. Jess?
JESS
Rory?
Suddenly a giant St. Bernard runs into the scene and jumps Jess, nearly toppling him over. Jess pets it for a second and then turns to Rory. She looks at him with a small smile on her face.
JESS
This goes out to no one.
RORY
Jess has little puppy to play with!
JESS
I just found him okay? It didn't have
anywhere else to go, so...
RORY
I've always had this fear of getting stuck in
drain pipes, but now you have Lassie here, my fears are totally out that window!
JESS
Very amusing.
RORY
So, what'd you name it?
JESS
(shrugs)
I don't know. We haven't bonded too closely
since I just found him this morning.
Rory bends down and tries to pet the dog. It snarls at her and she immediately gets up.
RORY
Gah!
JESS
(smirking)
Dog's got taste.
RORY
(sadly)
I never could get along with animals.
JESS
The Disney Princess facade's a cruel farce on
God's part.
(beat)
Rory.
The dog looks up at Jess. So does Rory.
RORY
What?
JESS
I named him Rory.
RORY
You associate me with a large snarling dog that
can rip your throat out? I honestly don't know if that's a compliment or
an insult.
JESS
I thought it suit him.
RORY
Oh, he's a man-dog, too. That's very
touching. Thanks.
A silence falls upon them. Jess keeps petting the dog while Rory looks around nervously.
RORY
Uh, don't you have school?
JESS
Some holiday. Shouldn't you be with Dean
right about now?
Rory's eyes suddenly widen. She glances at Jess for a moment and then breaks into a run.
RORY
I'll see you!
JESS
Watch out for that tree!
But it's too late. Just as Rory turns to find the said tree, she smacks face first into it and crumples to the floor.
JESS
Rory!