Whispers of a Distant Star
Chapter 6: Fulfilling Dreams
I wonder what real peace is..." Duo,
The weight of both my bodyguards knocked my breath out and I gasped painfully, struggling to take in air. My ears had been muted from the intensity of the bomb and I could vaguely hear Duo and Quatre shouting at the limo driver to get us out of here while they shoved me in before getting in themselves. The driver peeled out of the driveway and sped away from the danger. I looked back and could see the smoldering fires eating away at my home, my favorite hand planted flowers completely decimated. As empty as it seemed sometimes, it had still been my refuge for a good decade. I dimly thought that we had all been in grave danger but my mind couldn't process fear into my body. Instead, I covered my face with my hands and felt my face contort with the urge to cry. It was painful holding the tears back and I didn't want to fill up the already silent car with my cries. Acid tears tried to fight its way through but I clenched my eyes tight and concentrated on just breathing.
It felt like my efforts in creating peace was just being thrown in the trash each time I felt like I was making progress. I don't know if I can bear taking another attack against the ideals that my family has cultivated for so long. I almost died today because there are people out there who are truly determined to take my life as they had probably taken my father's. And it made no difference if my guards and servants fell alongside me either. I've been told that I'm a strong person, but am I strong enough to bear the deaths of my bodyguards? Was creating peace worth all the blood being shed in order to create its path? Duo gently placed a hand on my arm and I looked up to see that we were parked before a small jet. Quatre had already opened the door and had his hand out, waiting for me to take it. I knew the procedure; they would take me to a safe house until they could find the people who did the bombing or until they found a newer, more heavily guarded place for me to live. And from then on, it would be more security measures and even more bodyguards. Just how was I expected to create peace in the world when I couldn't even keep peace in my own life?
They waited silently for me, their eyes looking anywhere but at my face. I closed my eyes and looked deep within myself, trying to gather the strength that so many people were convinced that I had. Stand tall Relena, never cower from what's before you. My father's words echoed to me, but today, their meaning was harder to follow than it would have been a few years back. I opened my eyes and looked up at Quatre with my quivering smile. I placed my hand in his with a determined air and I felt my bodyguards releasing a sigh of relief. Nobody else could fulfill father's dream the way he wanted it. What's one person's pain compared to the pain of many?
The news blared reports of the start of war and the various political cities engaged in combat with soldiers from space. Dozens of major political figures had their houses bombed just like mine and my sorrow increased with every picture that showed the faces of the deceased. I finally clicked the screen off and threw the remote next to me in disgust. The Alliance, against my wishes, were making preparations to send troops of soldiers to space for retaliation. I had seen dozens of commercials pleading the younger generation to gallantly give their lives towards the war. Even my safe house wasn't far away enough to escape from the sounds of space rockets flying off into the stars. The night sky glittered with hundreds of ships readying for the next clash and my dreams of mobile suits left me tossing and turning every night
And I…I was still the protected figurehead that did meaningless paperwork everyday. The Alliance feared for my life and had even canceled all requests for press conferences on the war. I felt like a trapped animal, and I hated it. I hated it so much that I just wanted to tear apart anything that was near my hands. But being the coward and weak person that I am, I stayed quiet and didn't complain once. All the hopeful energy had been drained out of my body when I first heard that war had started. My ideals crashed down on me and I shut myself in my room for two days. Heero, of course, offered no comfort, but then again, I never asked for it either.
There was a quiet hustle of activity behind me in the dining room, where an immense dining table had been cleared of its respective dishes and given computers instead. I looked behind to see that all my bodyguards were now present and typing away furiously at the network of computers situated in the room. I stood up and the typing on the computers ceased. Chairs scooted back as my bodyguards walked over to escort me to wherever it was I wanted to go, within the house. I opened my mouth to tell them that I was perfectly capable of going to my own room, but I shut it as I remembered the responsibilities they were under to protect me. At all costs. My clock beeped the beginning of the sunset and I climbed the stairs to my suite that overlooked the garden. I sat on my window seat and pulled my knees up to my chest so I could rest my cheek on them. My bodyguards settled themselves several feet behind me, being careful to give me my space.
"Relena-" I heard Heero quietly utter. I continued to stare off into the distance, wondering what laid beyond the fenced house I currently lived in.
"I know." I said before he could continue. Being so close to the window was a danger to my life. Being out in public was a danger to my life. Being anywhere but in a cage was a danger to my life. I wasn't even allowed to enjoy a few moment's of peace. My muscles stiffened at the thought that I will never be able to create peace while I'm being placed under house arrest. This was not the life that I had imagined myself to have. I obediently moved my legs to stand up, but something inside compelled me to stop the movement. What have I been doing this whole week while millions of people were engaged in the very war that I had sought to prevent? My conscience prickled at the self pity I was forcing myself through. Heero roughly took my arm and pulled me away from the window. I didn't protest his forceful movement and my conscience prickled again. I would have argued… I should have argued, but my entire body was too tired to protest anything.
"Give me some time alone," I said softly. "Please."
I could feel Heero's reluctant movement but my pleading voice must have convinced them because they consented to my request by filing out and closing the door shut behind them. I looked up to see a portrait of my family had been placed on my dresser, no doubt by Pagan. I hadn't seen my brother since the war started and my mother was probably safely tucked away in a safe house similar to my own. A wave of tears struggled to pour out and suddenly, I was disgusted with myself. Moping away about my situation and giving up on peace, what was wrong with me? I knew that when I took on the job of pursuing my father's ideals that nothing would be easy. To the Alliance, I was just the ignorant seventeen year old kid of a famous man. To the world, I was just a figure of peace; a reminder that there is such thing as peace and that someone was 'considering' it.
To the leaders of the world, peace was an ideal said, not fulfilled. I knew everything and anything could happen but why was I giving up now? I had spent this whole week in a stoic silence that Heero was probably proud of. I looked at my father's smiling face. Wrinkles had piled around his eyes and mouth from years of work, but the smile was content and most of all, it was determined. Maybe, just maybe, the reason I had been so depressed this entire week was not that I had failed, but that I had failed my father. A knock broke my thoughts.
"Come in." I said while trying to ease the tense face I had been wearing all week. My muscles ached as I relaxed and I realized why I had been so tired this whole week.
Heero walked in and closed the door behind him. Of all the people that could possibly disturb my thoughts, Heero was the one I least wanted to see. I looked away from him, he was probably going to reprimand me about the dangers of staying in a room by myself Yet, he didn't say a word and only sat next to me, close enough so that I could feel a line of heat beside me. Minutes passed until I worked up the courage to ask him the question that had been bothering me ever since he walked in.
"Have you ever wondered whether the reasons why you became who you are were what you wanted?"
"If I allowed those reasons to change me, then it would mean that I had wanted them too." He responded, clearly and logically. In the past, his logical way of looking at things would irk me, but today, I felt the reality of his words.
"Relena-" He said quietly. I looked at him from the corner of my eyes, almost afraid to meet him face to face. Something in his voice was different from the way he normally treated me. Instead of saying my name like it was a duty, he said it gently and with a touch of kindness. "You may not be aware of it, but to the millions of people out there who want peace, you're the only person who can fulfill their dreams."
It was that word again, dreams. Since father's death, I had been determined to be the one to fulfill his dream of peace between earth and space. I sacrificed my life and worked hours to try to make his dream come true, but… maybe the reason why I failed was because it was his dream I was fighting for, not mine. I walked his steps, I did his work, and I dreamed his dream; but I was living in a world much different from my own. I thought that by taking up his duties and walking his path, I could create the peace everybody wanted so much. But maybe, maybe I should carve out my own path to take for peace. I should start fighting for my dream of peace...
"Heero, if you could change yourself to bring peace, would you do it?"
"I think you should be asking yourself the answer to those questions." He said as he stood up. He looked down at me for a second and then presented his hand to me. I looked at his hand in a daze. His gesture could mean a hundred different things, but I took a gamble and placed my hand in his with hesitation. He pulled me up and led me out of the room. He released my hand as soon as we were out and once again I gripped my hand tight, hoping to capture some of that warmth once more.
Once we were downstairs I called all my bodyguards to the living room and asked them to sit. They all looked at me quizzically but sat down to listen.
"My question to you all will hold no consequences, repercussions, such forth. And I will not hold any negative feelings against the answer you give me."
"Babe, just get on with it," Duo said lazily.
"I need to know how loyal you guys are to me." I said.
Duo nearly fell from his seat, Quatre dropped his mouth, Trowa raised an eyebrow, and Heero didn't even blink. I expected just as much so I sat back and calmly waited for their answers. If I truly wanted to start carrying out my dream and not my father's I needed my bodyguard's help, and above all, their trust.
"Relena," Duo said in a rare bout of seriousness. "What's going on that you're asking about our loyalty?"
"I need you to answer my question first." I said. "And when I mean me, I mean just me, not the Alliance's objectives."
"I've been working for your family for years-" Duo started.
"No," I interrupted. "I said just me, and that excludes my family. How loyal are you to me alone?"
Duo furrowed his eyebrows and sat back in his seat in deep thought, a pose that I rarely ever saw him in. I almost felt like fidgeting in the serious aura of the room, but I acted like the professional I was trained to be and watched the expression on their faces.
"You have my unconditional loyalty. We don't all work for the Alliance, you know." Quatre said with a smile. "I offered you my protection on my own."
"I am with Quatre on this issue. You have my loyalty as well." Trowa said with a smile of his own.
Heero nodded his head and gave his characteristic hn, which left just Duo. I looked at my longest serving bodyguard and best friend. He finally gave a chuckle and shook his head.
"I can't believe your old man was right." He said as his chuckles died down. He got down on his knees in front of me and took my hand into his own. "My most lovely princess, I am your loyal knight for as long as I live."
I gave a sigh of relief and gave my first genuine smile in a long time.
"Now, are you going to tell us what brought on such a grave question?" Duo said with a no nonsense glint in his eyes.
"I'm leaving this house and going to space." I said firmly.
"Relena, are you nuts! Space is where the war is at its craziest!" Duo exclaimed as he threw his hands up in exasperation. "How are we supposed to keep you alive when we're in the middle of everything!"
"Duo has a point, Ms. Relena." Quatre said cautiously.
"I am achieving nothing while being here where I'm safe!" I hissed at them.
"You're a figure of peace-" Duo began to say.
"And that's just it! I don't WANT to be a figure that stands for something! I want to be someone who actually did something for the world!" I shouted back, my voice filling the entire room. I was in my element now, a room full of people who were skeptical of me. "Our dreams for peace were shattered…but that doesn't mean I can't pick up the pieces and start again. Father had once told me that his job in advocating peace started with creating peace within himself first. I am going to regret it for the rest of my life if all I did for the world was paperwork behind fenced walls!"
The room was dead silent as I took a breath.
"Believe in me. That's all I need and I'll bring peace between earth and the colonies. Only this time I'm not going to live my father's dream, I'm going to live my own."
Heero gave a sigh and went back to the computers in the dining room. A second later something was printing and he handed me the paper.
"There's a cargo ship carrying supplies to Colony E4165. You and Trowa will be boarding that ship in secret. Once you get there, you're on your own in finding a place to hide. I recommend that you keep a low profile and don't attract any attention to yourself." He directed me.
"What about the rest of you?" I asked as I looked over the map.
"We will join you as soon as we finish our own preparations for going into space and when your fifth bodyguard arrives." He said.
Ugh, another bodyguard? I had never known how valuable my body was until my number of bodyguards had increased. I didn't argue with Heero because, strangely enough, I trusted him to make the right decisions. Granted, his decisions often left me out of the loop, but it had saved my life as well. I nodded my head in agreement and my heart felt clearer and lighter. My plans for persuading the leaders of the colonies are shaky, but I have to do what I can because I'd rather suffer than regret.
Author's Notes: Yes! I am ALIVE! Sorry for the late update, blah blah, my usual excuses, blah blah blah. Oh, and I decided that I am going to use real GW quotes from the characters themselves for each chapter. Granted, its going to take me a bit of time to find cool and deep quotes, so if u guys have any, stick it in the nice long review you guys are going to leave me!
Kik-ting- yup, hero is pretty emotionless most of the time, except when it come to relena. kya, its so cute how he acts when it concerns relena's safety. I think I'm making him a bit too cold in my story, but he'll warm up later.
Death'sFlowerGarden- thanks! I like this story, I just wish I had more time to write for it. And, uh, yeah, hero is pretty darned confusing in the anime, what a complex guy. He's so serious all the time. I hope you keep up with the story and I'll try to do something about heero's character, though his personality was a mess to begin with
Feline- lol, yes, I am ashamed to say that I have not put up enough hero-relena "mess" . and relena is a bit of a baby at first, but heck, she is 17 and already in a high political position. I'm also planning on having her grow up and become a stronger woman as the story progresses, so don't worry, she'll be cooler later on. I'm a girl power kind of person when it comes to my characters. Thanks for reviewing!
Mint- Dante plays an important role later on, and the plot is going to get pretty twisted a few chapters from now. Ah, I love the smell of a complicated plot. And yes, I did purposely give relena faults as a way to show that she grows up from all her tribulations. She will be a better and stronger person in the end though, that's a promise (does a Rock Lee style thumbs up)
APerfectSoldier87- yes yes, I must start putting in affection., but since heero is such an emotionless guy, I figure it might make sense for things to go slow. He isn't exactly a wham bam! kind of guy,.oo, ouch, I repeated a word? Ugh, sometimes I just wanna get my chapter up quick so u guys can read it that I don't go over it carefully enough. I hope u enjoyed this update!
Raigne- there is a reason why he is being cold (especially to relena), but that won't be explained until later. I'm glad you're liking the story so far. I hope I don't stretch this story too long. Two of my old ones already went past 20. I'm going to try to keep this at 15, but who knows
Melodi Moon- yay! Look! I updated! And there isn't exactly a sweet moment, but warmer than usual. I hope my story looks like its finally going somewhere.