Confessions (1/3)
By: Sarah
Disclaimer: I don't own the Gilmore Girls or any of the characters or storylines. Just this little story below :)
Rating: Oh... PG to PG-13. I'm not really sure yet...
Spoilers: Season 4 (particularly the episode aired on February 17-- I would include the episode name, but I can't remember what it was...)
Summary: Luke makes a confession to Lorelai (L/L, obviously). And just a note... I only started watching the Gilmore Girls in the 4th season, so if any of the character/plot information is incorrect, I apologize. I just needed to get this story out of my system :) This will probably only be a two or three part story, since I'm not good at keeping up with anything longer than that. Please read and review! I'd love to know what everyone thinks!!
* * * * *
Lorelai hadn't said a word since she had broken down—since she had buried her face in Luke's chest and cried her heart out. Without a word, Luke let her cry. He had done his best to comfort her, murmuring reassurances and rubbing her shoulders, as he pulled her toward the warmth of his body.
This was virtually unexplored territory for Luke. He was not an intimate person. Not even with Nicole. He didn't walk around hugging people, or shaking the hand of every new person he met. He was Luke. The guy who always had a cynical comment to share. When it came to comforting a crying woman, he was about as clueless as they came.
But this was Lorelai. And she was hurting.
She continued sobbing, gasping for breath as her tears soaked through his shirt. He didn't know what else to do but hold her. He leaned down, placing a gentle, feather-light kiss on the crown of her head, whispering that it would be okay.
And he let her cry.
Finally, Lorelai's tears died down and she moved in his arms. She lifted her head up, sniffing and running a hand across her eyes to wipe away her tears. The hand remained, spread across her eyes, and covering the evidence of her breakdown.
"I'm sorry," she said after several moments, her voice harsh from crying. "You have your own problems. You don't need me adding mine. You've got Liz and Jess to worry about." Her words were coming quickly. "You work all day at the diner. You don't need to hear about my problems." She shook her head distractedly. "It's just an inn. It's just $30,000 . It's not that much. I mean, who says I can't come up with $30,000? It can't be that hard. It can't be—"
"Lorelai—" Luke said, raising his voice slightly to cut her off. "Stop it. Just calm down, okay?"
Lorelai stopped, breathing deeply. But the tears had started again, and she lowered her head into her lap.
Hesitantly, Luke reached over to rest his hand on her back. "Listen," he said. "Stop freaking out and listen to me. First of all, it's not just an inn. It's your inn—it's been your dream for God knows how long. And I won't let you give up on it."
Lorelai sniffed, her face still hidden in her lap. But the tears had stopped, and Luke breathed a silent sigh of relief. He couldn't stand seeing her cry.
"And," he continued. "You don't need to worry about money. Before you cut me off with your ranting, I was going to tell you that I'd gladly lend you the money."
He felt her stiffen at his words, and slowly she lifted her head to look at him.
"Luke," she said, her eyes red. "I can't ask you to do that."
"You didn't," he replied. "I volunteered."
"But why? Why would you do that?" She asked. "It's your money—you earned it. Don't you have more important things to use it for?"
"No," Luke answered simply. "I can't think of anything more important. I want to do this. For you." Lorelai opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "And I'm not going to argue with you about it. It's done." He smiled. "Consider me your first long-term investor."
Lorelai stared at him for several moments, speechless for the first time since he could remember. Without a word, she reached out, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close to her. He cleared his throat awkwardly, startled by her gesture, before wrapping his own arms around her. Rubbing her back gently, Luke inhaled, breathing in the scent that was purely, uniquely Lorelai. Today, it was something like a combination of rose and lilac—some new perfume she had just bought, no doubt.
The smell was heady—intoxicating. Before he realized it, Luke found himself relaxing into her embrace, smiling as her head moved to rest on his shoulder. This was what he wanted. This is what he dreamt about at night. Lorelai. His Lorelai.
Of course, he had never admitted it to anyone, but he had loved her for a long time. He loved everything about her—her strange quirks, her obsession with coffee. Her eyes. Her hair. Her heart.
But he had never told her. He had always avoided the subject, telling himself that it wouldn't work out. That he didn't want to ruin their friendship. But those, of course, weren't the real reason he had buried his feelings for Lorelai Gilmore.
He was afraid—terrified that she wouldn't feel the same way.
"Luke…" Lorelai interrupted his thoughts.
"Yeah?" he responded, his voice barely above a whisper.
"You don't know how much this means to me," she continued, her own voice more serious than he was used to. "How much you mean to me…"
Luke tensed at her last statement, pulling away from her.
He was important to her. Of course, he had realized that they meant a lot to each other, but every time he heard it—straight from the horse's mouth, so-to-speak—it sent a thrill up his spine.
"Yeah," he said, unable to meet her eyes. "Well, the feeling's mutual…" he muttered. He could sense her smiling next to him, but when he finally mustered up the courage to look over at her, he was surprised again by the seriousness in her eyes. Something was going on in that mind of hers, and he wasn't quite sure whether he wanted to know what it was or not.
"Are you okay?" Luke asked hesitantly.
Lorelai shook her head. "No… but I will be. The pressure had just built up so much that it was bound to explode and hit somebody. You were the lucky one." She paused. "I should have told someone before now."
"You didn't?" Luke asked, frowning. "Not even Sookie? Rory?"
"No. Well, not until today. Now everyone knows. Sookie, my parents, you... everyone except Rory."
Luke noticed her lips tighten at the mention of her daughter's name. He knew that he was her second choice tonight—that she had wanted Rory—had needed the comfort of her daughter.
"You know she would be here if she knew." Luke said softly. Lorelai looked away, brushing at a few stray tears that had escaped down her cheek.
"I know," she said finally, returning her eyes to Luke's. "I just miss her."
He nodded, and they looked at each other a few moments longer, before Lorelai shivered involuntarily, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.
"You're cold," Luke said, reaching out to touch her shoulder.
"Astute observation," she muttered, finally forcing a smile.
"Want me to walk you home?" He asked, surprised at how nervous he was to hear her answer.
"Sure," she said standing up with a sigh and grabbing her purse, which had long ago been dropped to the ground.
They started walking slowly in the direction of her house, Luke's hands shoved deeply into his pockets as he watched Lorelai from the corner of his eye. She was beautiful. Her eyes were a little puffy and red, and her cheeks were tearstained, but she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
He found himself wondering why he had never told her before…that she was beautiful. In fact, he wondered why he hadn't told her a lot of things lately.
…that he hadn't moved in with Nicole.
…that, in fact, they had broken up only a few weeks ago.
But most importantly, he hadn't told her why he had broken up with Nicole.
"You know," Lorelai said, interrupting his thoughts. "I talked to Liz before she left."
Luke raised his eyebrows, wondering what had brought that comment on. "Yeah?" He asked, trying to keep the curiosity out of his voice. She was obviously trying to move the subject away from her financial troubles.
"Yeah," she continued. "I thanked her for the earrings."
"Oh?" Luke said, realizing where she was going with the conversation.
"Mmhmm. She made kind of an interesting comment." Lorelai looked over at him, a smile playing at the corner of her lips. He waited for her to continue, but she remained silent, watching him with a slight grin.
"And what was that?" Luke prompted her, though he already knew what she would say.
"Oh…she just thought it was, well, interesting that you had given the earrings to me, instead of Nicole. You know. That's kind of weird." Lorelai continued to watch him, but Luke remained silent, feigning disinterest. "So," Lorelai asked. "What's up? Why didn't you give them to Nicole?"
Luke frowned, trying to think up an acceptable answer. "They weren't Nicole's style."
Lorelai chuckled. "No?"
"No. She's kind of…conservative when it comes to that kind of stuff. And you…well…you're anything but conservative."
"Luke!" Lorelai exclaimed, pretending to be insulted.
"You know what I mean," he said, annoyed. "You like…shiny stuff like that…" Luke trailed off, realizing how transparent his answer was.
"You suck at lying, Luke." Lorelai stopped walking and turned to face him, her hands on her hips. He returned her stern look for several seconds before breaking eye contact and directing his attention to an invisible point further up the deserted street.
"Fine. We broke up. Okay? We broke up, and she moved to New York." The words came out more harshly than he had intended, and Lorelai's eyes widened in shock.
"What? When?"
"A few weeks ago." Luke answered curtly.
"I'm sorry…" Lorelai said. She stood in silence for a few moments, before her curiosity got the best of her. "So what happened? Why did you break up? I thought you were going to try the whole marriage thing."
"Well, it wasn't working," Luke said resignedly. "We just weren't meant to be together. Not like that, anyways. And there were aspects of our relationship that Nicole couldn't handle, but that I wasn't willing to give up…" Luke trailed off.
"Like what?" Lorelai asked. "And please don't say fishing…"
"Not fishing." Luke said, rolling his eyes.
"You can tell me," she continued. "I promise that I won't blab to the entire town. Just Rory. And maybe Sookie. Of course, if Sookie knows, then Jackson will find out by default, because we all know that Sookie can't keep a secret—"
"Lorelai!" Luke snapped, cutting her off. "It's not important."
"Sure it is… you don't want to talk about it. That makes it important."
"Lorelai—" Luke started. "Just drop it, okay?"
"C'mon. Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No!" Luke snapped, annoyed.
"With a cherry on top?" She whined, her eyes wide, pleading with him. "And whipped cream? And those rainbow colored sprinkles? And hot fudge—"
"Lorelai—"
"Come on, Luke," Lorelai sighed, frustrated. "Just tell me! What weren't you willing to give up to be with Nicole?"
"Fine!" Luke shouted. "If it'll make you shut up!" He moved away from her, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "It was you, Lorelai! I wasn't willing to give you up!"
To Be Continued...
By: Sarah
Disclaimer: I don't own the Gilmore Girls or any of the characters or storylines. Just this little story below :)
Rating: Oh... PG to PG-13. I'm not really sure yet...
Spoilers: Season 4 (particularly the episode aired on February 17-- I would include the episode name, but I can't remember what it was...)
Summary: Luke makes a confession to Lorelai (L/L, obviously). And just a note... I only started watching the Gilmore Girls in the 4th season, so if any of the character/plot information is incorrect, I apologize. I just needed to get this story out of my system :) This will probably only be a two or three part story, since I'm not good at keeping up with anything longer than that. Please read and review! I'd love to know what everyone thinks!!
* * * * *
Lorelai hadn't said a word since she had broken down—since she had buried her face in Luke's chest and cried her heart out. Without a word, Luke let her cry. He had done his best to comfort her, murmuring reassurances and rubbing her shoulders, as he pulled her toward the warmth of his body.
This was virtually unexplored territory for Luke. He was not an intimate person. Not even with Nicole. He didn't walk around hugging people, or shaking the hand of every new person he met. He was Luke. The guy who always had a cynical comment to share. When it came to comforting a crying woman, he was about as clueless as they came.
But this was Lorelai. And she was hurting.
She continued sobbing, gasping for breath as her tears soaked through his shirt. He didn't know what else to do but hold her. He leaned down, placing a gentle, feather-light kiss on the crown of her head, whispering that it would be okay.
And he let her cry.
Finally, Lorelai's tears died down and she moved in his arms. She lifted her head up, sniffing and running a hand across her eyes to wipe away her tears. The hand remained, spread across her eyes, and covering the evidence of her breakdown.
"I'm sorry," she said after several moments, her voice harsh from crying. "You have your own problems. You don't need me adding mine. You've got Liz and Jess to worry about." Her words were coming quickly. "You work all day at the diner. You don't need to hear about my problems." She shook her head distractedly. "It's just an inn. It's just $30,000 . It's not that much. I mean, who says I can't come up with $30,000? It can't be that hard. It can't be—"
"Lorelai—" Luke said, raising his voice slightly to cut her off. "Stop it. Just calm down, okay?"
Lorelai stopped, breathing deeply. But the tears had started again, and she lowered her head into her lap.
Hesitantly, Luke reached over to rest his hand on her back. "Listen," he said. "Stop freaking out and listen to me. First of all, it's not just an inn. It's your inn—it's been your dream for God knows how long. And I won't let you give up on it."
Lorelai sniffed, her face still hidden in her lap. But the tears had stopped, and Luke breathed a silent sigh of relief. He couldn't stand seeing her cry.
"And," he continued. "You don't need to worry about money. Before you cut me off with your ranting, I was going to tell you that I'd gladly lend you the money."
He felt her stiffen at his words, and slowly she lifted her head to look at him.
"Luke," she said, her eyes red. "I can't ask you to do that."
"You didn't," he replied. "I volunteered."
"But why? Why would you do that?" She asked. "It's your money—you earned it. Don't you have more important things to use it for?"
"No," Luke answered simply. "I can't think of anything more important. I want to do this. For you." Lorelai opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "And I'm not going to argue with you about it. It's done." He smiled. "Consider me your first long-term investor."
Lorelai stared at him for several moments, speechless for the first time since he could remember. Without a word, she reached out, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close to her. He cleared his throat awkwardly, startled by her gesture, before wrapping his own arms around her. Rubbing her back gently, Luke inhaled, breathing in the scent that was purely, uniquely Lorelai. Today, it was something like a combination of rose and lilac—some new perfume she had just bought, no doubt.
The smell was heady—intoxicating. Before he realized it, Luke found himself relaxing into her embrace, smiling as her head moved to rest on his shoulder. This was what he wanted. This is what he dreamt about at night. Lorelai. His Lorelai.
Of course, he had never admitted it to anyone, but he had loved her for a long time. He loved everything about her—her strange quirks, her obsession with coffee. Her eyes. Her hair. Her heart.
But he had never told her. He had always avoided the subject, telling himself that it wouldn't work out. That he didn't want to ruin their friendship. But those, of course, weren't the real reason he had buried his feelings for Lorelai Gilmore.
He was afraid—terrified that she wouldn't feel the same way.
"Luke…" Lorelai interrupted his thoughts.
"Yeah?" he responded, his voice barely above a whisper.
"You don't know how much this means to me," she continued, her own voice more serious than he was used to. "How much you mean to me…"
Luke tensed at her last statement, pulling away from her.
He was important to her. Of course, he had realized that they meant a lot to each other, but every time he heard it—straight from the horse's mouth, so-to-speak—it sent a thrill up his spine.
"Yeah," he said, unable to meet her eyes. "Well, the feeling's mutual…" he muttered. He could sense her smiling next to him, but when he finally mustered up the courage to look over at her, he was surprised again by the seriousness in her eyes. Something was going on in that mind of hers, and he wasn't quite sure whether he wanted to know what it was or not.
"Are you okay?" Luke asked hesitantly.
Lorelai shook her head. "No… but I will be. The pressure had just built up so much that it was bound to explode and hit somebody. You were the lucky one." She paused. "I should have told someone before now."
"You didn't?" Luke asked, frowning. "Not even Sookie? Rory?"
"No. Well, not until today. Now everyone knows. Sookie, my parents, you... everyone except Rory."
Luke noticed her lips tighten at the mention of her daughter's name. He knew that he was her second choice tonight—that she had wanted Rory—had needed the comfort of her daughter.
"You know she would be here if she knew." Luke said softly. Lorelai looked away, brushing at a few stray tears that had escaped down her cheek.
"I know," she said finally, returning her eyes to Luke's. "I just miss her."
He nodded, and they looked at each other a few moments longer, before Lorelai shivered involuntarily, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.
"You're cold," Luke said, reaching out to touch her shoulder.
"Astute observation," she muttered, finally forcing a smile.
"Want me to walk you home?" He asked, surprised at how nervous he was to hear her answer.
"Sure," she said standing up with a sigh and grabbing her purse, which had long ago been dropped to the ground.
They started walking slowly in the direction of her house, Luke's hands shoved deeply into his pockets as he watched Lorelai from the corner of his eye. She was beautiful. Her eyes were a little puffy and red, and her cheeks were tearstained, but she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
He found himself wondering why he had never told her before…that she was beautiful. In fact, he wondered why he hadn't told her a lot of things lately.
…that he hadn't moved in with Nicole.
…that, in fact, they had broken up only a few weeks ago.
But most importantly, he hadn't told her why he had broken up with Nicole.
"You know," Lorelai said, interrupting his thoughts. "I talked to Liz before she left."
Luke raised his eyebrows, wondering what had brought that comment on. "Yeah?" He asked, trying to keep the curiosity out of his voice. She was obviously trying to move the subject away from her financial troubles.
"Yeah," she continued. "I thanked her for the earrings."
"Oh?" Luke said, realizing where she was going with the conversation.
"Mmhmm. She made kind of an interesting comment." Lorelai looked over at him, a smile playing at the corner of her lips. He waited for her to continue, but she remained silent, watching him with a slight grin.
"And what was that?" Luke prompted her, though he already knew what she would say.
"Oh…she just thought it was, well, interesting that you had given the earrings to me, instead of Nicole. You know. That's kind of weird." Lorelai continued to watch him, but Luke remained silent, feigning disinterest. "So," Lorelai asked. "What's up? Why didn't you give them to Nicole?"
Luke frowned, trying to think up an acceptable answer. "They weren't Nicole's style."
Lorelai chuckled. "No?"
"No. She's kind of…conservative when it comes to that kind of stuff. And you…well…you're anything but conservative."
"Luke!" Lorelai exclaimed, pretending to be insulted.
"You know what I mean," he said, annoyed. "You like…shiny stuff like that…" Luke trailed off, realizing how transparent his answer was.
"You suck at lying, Luke." Lorelai stopped walking and turned to face him, her hands on her hips. He returned her stern look for several seconds before breaking eye contact and directing his attention to an invisible point further up the deserted street.
"Fine. We broke up. Okay? We broke up, and she moved to New York." The words came out more harshly than he had intended, and Lorelai's eyes widened in shock.
"What? When?"
"A few weeks ago." Luke answered curtly.
"I'm sorry…" Lorelai said. She stood in silence for a few moments, before her curiosity got the best of her. "So what happened? Why did you break up? I thought you were going to try the whole marriage thing."
"Well, it wasn't working," Luke said resignedly. "We just weren't meant to be together. Not like that, anyways. And there were aspects of our relationship that Nicole couldn't handle, but that I wasn't willing to give up…" Luke trailed off.
"Like what?" Lorelai asked. "And please don't say fishing…"
"Not fishing." Luke said, rolling his eyes.
"You can tell me," she continued. "I promise that I won't blab to the entire town. Just Rory. And maybe Sookie. Of course, if Sookie knows, then Jackson will find out by default, because we all know that Sookie can't keep a secret—"
"Lorelai!" Luke snapped, cutting her off. "It's not important."
"Sure it is… you don't want to talk about it. That makes it important."
"Lorelai—" Luke started. "Just drop it, okay?"
"C'mon. Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No!" Luke snapped, annoyed.
"With a cherry on top?" She whined, her eyes wide, pleading with him. "And whipped cream? And those rainbow colored sprinkles? And hot fudge—"
"Lorelai—"
"Come on, Luke," Lorelai sighed, frustrated. "Just tell me! What weren't you willing to give up to be with Nicole?"
"Fine!" Luke shouted. "If it'll make you shut up!" He moved away from her, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "It was you, Lorelai! I wasn't willing to give you up!"
To Be Continued...