Misfortune

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything…

~*~

Abby was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. 

She couldn't sleep.

The gray light that was entering the bedroom from beneath the bathroom door offered no consolation and she turned her back on it, letting the darkness encompass her.

It was 2:13am.

"Two plus one is three," she muttered to herself as she tried to will herself into slumber, trying to rid of herself of her thoughts, "two plus one is three… two plus one is three."  It was not working.  Reminding herself of the time only reminded her that she wasn't asleep, reminding her of why she couldn't sleep.

"Come on, I have a shift tomorrow, I can't be awake now," she thought.

She knew why she couldn't sleep.

~*~

"Abby!" it was Carter.  She turned around to face him, to give him her attention. 

She could tell something was wrong.

She could tell he had been crying.

She knew him well enough to know.

"Carter, what's wrong?" she asked as he slowed to a halt before her.

"It's…" He stopped talking suddenly; his breathing was ragged.

She eyed him worriedly.

"Are you okay?" Carter suddenly looked hesitant.  Hadn't he just called her name? She looked at him nervously again.

"Do you want to talk about something?" she asked finally.  Since he left to Africa, they hadn't done much talking.  He had been pretty preoccupied with Kem and all, and she with juggling med school and nursing shifts.  There hadn't been much time for anything.

"Do you want to go for coffee and pie?" she asked with a friendly grin.  Why couldn't he just tell her what was wrong?  Frank was now looming over them, chewing his doughnut loudly in her ear.  Carter nodded apprehensively and Abby told Frank she was on a break for fifteen minutes.

"So…" she prompted him as they sat across from each other in the booth at Ike's.  He still hadn't said anything.

"Carter?" she looked at him, the crease between her eyebrows intensifying, "Carter, I can't help you unless you tell me what's wrong." Carter nodded and swallowed hard.

"You can't tell anyone," he muttered and she could tell he was holding back tears.  She nodded encouragingly.

"Don't worry," she said, curling her hands around her mug.

"There's… there's no baby," he said finally, his tears standing in his eyes.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Carter.  Did Kem miscarry?" and surprisingly, she was genuinely sorry. Carter shook his head and Abby eyed him curiously, but her common sense told her not to prompt him to say anything if he wasn't ready.

"There…" he took a deep breath, "there never was any baby."  Abby looked at him, surprised, her curiosity building inside her.  She could tell this was torturing him and she wanted to comfort him.  She wanted to somehow be able to make this all better for him.  But she couldn't. She couldn't do anything.  And it tortured her to know he was hurting.

"What do you mean?" she asked him quietly, at last.

"It was a lie," he said, shaking his head and letting a tear slip down his cheek.

"But the sonogram… Kem said…"

"It was all a lie.  The sonogram results weren't hers.  She lied to me, Abby.  There never was any baby." 

Abby had never felt sorrier for him than right at this moment.  His hands were fidgeting with his fork and he was staring intently at something in his pie.  But she knew he was crying.  And she knew that his heart was shattering in his chest.

She took his shaking hands in her own strong ones and he faced her. 

"I'm sorry," she said and her voice was genuine.  All the hatred that she had welled up inside of her, all of the anger and contempt that she had felt since receiving the letter… it was all gone.  It was replaced, instead, by an overwhelming sense of sorrow, "I'm really really sorry."

~*~

Abby lay in bed reliving the conversation in her mind.  She couldn't sleep.  Something was bothering her and she couldn't quite place her finger on it.  But she knew it had to do with Carter.

She rolled over again, facing the clock.

It was 2:45am and yet, her hand still reached for the phone, dialing the memorized number and cradling the phone against her ear.

"Hello?" she heard a tortured, upset voice and she could tell he hadn't been sleeping either.