Title: You're Gone

By Sharron Ibbitson

Rating: G

Disclaimer: none of these lovely characters belong to me, apart from once you don't recognise!!

I felt I needed a little break from 'A Child's faith' so I jotted down this little ditty that kept buzzing around in my head!!  Don't worry chapter 26 of Faith will be posted tomorrow!

This story is in Scott's POV

The song belongs to Diamond Rio

Please Review!

You're Gone

I met her just as I was feeling the lowest I had ever felt. I was away from home; I had just finished my degree and was a pilot in the Air Force, trying to emulate my father I guess. She was like nobody I had ever met before; she could cut me down to size with just a few words. No-one had ever stood up to Scott Tracy in quiet that way before.

I said hello I think I'm broken,

And though I was only joking

She could tell from just one look that I was hurting, although she didn't know why and I couldn't tell her. Mainly because I didn't know myself. When I was with her everything just felt so right, for the first few months we were inseparable and life was fantastic.

It took me by surprise when you agreed.

I was trying to be clever

My flying was going great and the colonel gave a glowing report to father, off the record of course! Yes life for Scott Tracy was great. We were together for two years, we had our own apartment close to the base, yet I still hadn't told any of the family about her.

For the life of me I never

Would have guessed how far the simple truth would lead.

Then one fateful day in the midst of summer, I got a call from Dad, saying that he needed to speak to me.  Got a couple of day's leave and jetted off to meet him. He had me worried, he was an Air Force man himself and he knew how hard it was to get leave, yet he still called me at such short notice.

You knew all my lies

You knew all my tricks

I felt numb when dad shared his news, I could tell he was disappointed in my reaction, but I couldn't help it. He was seriously asking me to give up everything, not just my Air Force career, but her as well. Of course he didn't know what he was asking me to give up. 'Strictly secret, only family must know' he had said. I didn't know what to say, as the oldest son, it was my responsibility, my duty to stand by dad, but what would I do about her?

You knew how to heal the pain that the medicine won't fix

And I bless the day I met you,

She could tell that something was wrong, but she didn't know what. It was like being back at square one, I felt myself withdrawing from her touch involuntarily. Sure I could propose and tell her everything, but what if she said no? I couldn't bear that rejection, and I couldn't bear for her to just agree out of a sense of duty.

And I thank God that he let you,

Lay beside me for a moment in these arms

Soon after my father's news we started sleeping in separate rooms, I couldn't live with a relationship that had no future in it, I could feel the despair eating me up insde, yet she still treated me with love. It nearly killed me.

And the good news is I'm better for the times we spent together,

And the bad news is you're gone.

I hated myself for pushing her away without explanation, but would she have understood what I was duty bound to do? I didn't know and that was the problem, I should have known.

Looking back it's still surprising.

I was sinking you were rising.

With a look you caught me in your gaze

I cried myself to sleep every night for the first six months we were apart. She had moved out just before I left the Air Force, and I felt like she had ripped my heart out and stomped on it as she walked through the door, but what made it even worse was that it was all my own doing.

Now I know God has his reasons,

But sometime it's hard to see them

Lie awake and find that you're not there.

I should have been straight with her, but I wasn't. Damn Dad and his lousy timing, just as everything was going so well. She was the light in my life, the sun in my sky and the guide in the dark.

You found hope in hopeless

You found crazy saints

You became the missing link that helped me break my chain

I have only seen her once since the day she left, and I wasn't able to talk to her. The one time I see the only woman I have ever really loved, and I can't even talk to her to offer her the explanation she so thoroughly deserves, to look at her hand for a wedding ring. Yet again international Rescue came between us, as to speak to her would have revealed our identity. Every night I look at her picture before I go to sleep at night, and again when I wake up in the morning. She is the only regret I have ever had about International rescue.  

And I bless the day I met you,

And I thank God that he let you,

Lay beside me for a moment in these arms

The expression says 'it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' I don't believe that. If you have never loved you don't understand what you are missing out on. When you have loved and lost that pain and hurt stays with you every day of your life, burning in your heart, never letting up.

And the good news is I'm better for the times we spent together,

And the bad news is you're gone.

I sit here on the beach alone, alone as it seems I am destined to be forever. I will never find the happiness that we shared together, but I will also never forget it, even though I can't even bring myself to utter her name.

And the bad news is you're gone.

The End

Please R+R!!!!

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