Draco's *"Secret"* Diary
Ha ha! Another fanfiction, hopefully more succesful than the last two. Ach! I hate Christmas music! Oh, yeah, that was random...
Disclaimer- I don't own them. I wish I did, but I still don't. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?????
Entry One, Incripted-
Dear Diary,
Ach, your not a diary, dammit! Your a journal! I am not gay, there for I do not keep diaries. That is a muggle females obsession. So, you are not a diary. NOT a diary. Okay, now that I have that out of my system, I think that I will actually write something that will make this fanfiction... I mean, JOURNAL (Not diary) more plausible. Not that plausibility was ever a case with this JOURNAL but hey, what the heck.
Ha ha. That muggle Granger finally admitted that she kinda likes me. It took three times singing "Clevland Rocks" From the Drew Carey show, four gallons of orange juice, a cup cake, and two cans of tuna to get her to admit it, but admit it she did. Ha ha! Next I will get Potter to say that he is gay by using fish. Yes, strong with the fishes am I.
Wait, I'm not a muggle, how did I learn Clevland Rocks? I have never even heard of that show, let alone that song.
*Sings absent mindedly to self* "All the chicks with crimson lips say Cleavland Rocks, Cleavland Rocks" *Catches what is doing* Oh, shite! Good thing no one will EVER find this Diary... I mean Journal, yes, journal, thats what I ment......
Hey, why are you reading this???? How did you find my Journal????
Draco Malfoy
Entry Two, Incripted-
Dear JOURNAL!!! (Yes, I am still arguing with my self over that...)
Okay, Journal... You know, it would so much easier to give you a name... What will I call you????????? Pansy? No, I hate her.... I think.... Though J.K. Rowling doesn't seem to think so... Oh, wait, Not a fanfiction, a Journal..... Can't acknowlege this as she being my "Maker".
***Miss Cassi writes that Draco will slowly go mad***
Hey, I feel kinda.... Funny. I think I shall sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling and slowly slip into madness....
****J. K. Rowling say "Miss Cassi, you may not tell my charicters what to do!! That is against the law!! Its copyrite infringement!!****
***Miss Cassi says "Dot dot dot.... Oh shite, I'm not going to jail for plegerism again, am I??? I went through that three times in my last Fanfiction!! And this is only the first Chapter! It took two last time... I think...***
*I stare madly at the ceiling while I hear people in my head arguing about plegerism and copyrite infringment* "Clevland Rocks, Cleavland rocks...." Oh no! Not this again?
**Drew Carey says "Hey, isn't that copyrite infringment, using my song???"**
***Miss Cassi says "Hold on readers, I have to use that bathroom. Hold those thoughts..."***
*Ten minutes later, the JOURNAL continues*
Stupid Pansy asked me out again today. Damn her! I do not like her, in that way! In fact, I do not like her at all! I do NOT find her sexually appealing! But hey, if J. K. Rowling thinks so, what ever she say must go....
Stupid people you give them a quill, and they think they are J. R. R. Tolkien
Draco Malfoy
P.s. Who in the hell is J. R. R. Tolkien????
P.p.s. Hey, I never gave you a name... I will call you... Gandalf!
Entry three Incripted-
Dear Gandalf,
'Dear'? Ewwwww... Does that make me gay? Thats Gross..... I am not gay! I have already stated that in previous issues of this JOURNAL that I am not gay...
*****J. R. R. Tolkien says "Hey, doesn't using my names count as that copyrite thing too? I will sue the pants off of you! And your little tunic tooo!"*****
*I stare at the wall wondering why all the voices are talking to me.* Hey, all of you people that aren't supposed to know about this JOURNAL, My imaginary friend says you have serious problems. *Holds up "magic" cell phone* Get Verizon Free-Up! Cha Ching! *Looks at cell phone* Magic cell phone hear my question... What are we having for dinner tommorow?
%%Cell phone beeps and says "You have mail"%%
Well, that helps my male, errr, mail, yes, mail, problem, but I want to know what poison they are going to feed me...
%%Cell Phone says "You are the weekest link. Good bye!"%%
But I don't want to go "Good Bye"!!! I am not the weekest link! I am the weekest Draco! Link is the name of a scary guy from a muggle video game!!
***Miss Cassi sings One little, Two little, three little copyrite infringements four. Five little six little seven little, Infringements. Eight little nine little ten little.... Wait... I sang it wrong, let me try again...***
*I become confused* What happened to this being my journal???
Draco Malfoy
Entry Four, Incripted-
Gandalf,
Ha, no dear. You are not special to me! I don't find you special at all!
***Miss Cassi remembers the Gandalf's hoar conversation with Draco***
I am not a hoar! Especially not his!
***Miss Cassi says thats not what you said last week.***
I thought what we had was special!!
***Miss Cassi says I was talking about the strip club with you taking off your shirt and Pansy shoving money down your boxers.***
... Thats besides the point! I was drunk, yeah, thats It. I was drunk and I wasn't myself. Anyway, journal, now that stupid Potter is back from fighting Lord Voldemort, (Annoying git as he is), I have assessed the situation-
Number dead- 1
Number stupid- Too many to count
Number of evil peoples- once again, to many to count
Assessement of the current situation- There is still hope for Lord Voldemort.
Ha ha, now I have that stupid Granger eating out of my palm, now that I know she likes me.
Stupid Gandalf! Stop laughing at me! I know you are! I never said that *I* liked `her`, I said that she liked me. Read the above entries, you stupid... Well, what are you??? A wizard or a diary? No!! Journal not diary! Ack! I AM NOT GAY!!! Don't listen to that stupid Potter! Its not gross that I want to be better friends with Weasly!
Oh, Shite... Am I still typing???
The Very STRAIT Draco Malfoy
Entry Five, Incripted-
Gandalf,
Ah, Granger is asking me out now... And it is disturbing me... I don't like her! Or Pansy! But I am NOT a eunich, so don't even think of calling me gay. I can't help the fact that all of these woman are absolutely gross.
****J. K. Rowling types that Draco will fall in love with Cho Chang****
Hey, I feel funny again... Oooh... Pretty Ravenclaw.... I think I will go beg her to sit at my side until she slaps me silly and all these people writing about me will say that I will do something drastic....
***Miss Cassi says, Hey! I'm writing this fanfiction! I say that Draco will sit and look pretty while singing a funky song!***
All the chicks with crimson lips say "Cleavland rocks, Cleavland rocks"... Ack! All of you in my head, clear out! This fanfiction is crazy enough without you! NOOOOOO!!!
*Rocks back and forth as slowly goes insane*
***Miss Cassi says that apparantly Draco hasn't gotten over me telling him to go mad yet...***
***Miss Cassi says that because Draco is going slowly insane, I will sign for him.***
The Crazy Malfoy kid with blonde hair
Ha ha! Another fanfiction, hopefully more succesful than the last two. Ach! I hate Christmas music! Oh, yeah, that was random...
Disclaimer- I don't own them. I wish I did, but I still don't. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?????
Entry One, Incripted-
Dear Diary,
Ach, your not a diary, dammit! Your a journal! I am not gay, there for I do not keep diaries. That is a muggle females obsession. So, you are not a diary. NOT a diary. Okay, now that I have that out of my system, I think that I will actually write something that will make this fanfiction... I mean, JOURNAL (Not diary) more plausible. Not that plausibility was ever a case with this JOURNAL but hey, what the heck.
Ha ha. That muggle Granger finally admitted that she kinda likes me. It took three times singing "Clevland Rocks" From the Drew Carey show, four gallons of orange juice, a cup cake, and two cans of tuna to get her to admit it, but admit it she did. Ha ha! Next I will get Potter to say that he is gay by using fish. Yes, strong with the fishes am I.
Wait, I'm not a muggle, how did I learn Clevland Rocks? I have never even heard of that show, let alone that song.
*Sings absent mindedly to self* "All the chicks with crimson lips say Cleavland Rocks, Cleavland Rocks" *Catches what is doing* Oh, shite! Good thing no one will EVER find this Diary... I mean Journal, yes, journal, thats what I ment......
Hey, why are you reading this???? How did you find my Journal????
Draco Malfoy
Entry Two, Incripted-
Dear JOURNAL!!! (Yes, I am still arguing with my self over that...)
Okay, Journal... You know, it would so much easier to give you a name... What will I call you????????? Pansy? No, I hate her.... I think.... Though J.K. Rowling doesn't seem to think so... Oh, wait, Not a fanfiction, a Journal..... Can't acknowlege this as she being my "Maker".
***Miss Cassi writes that Draco will slowly go mad***
Hey, I feel kinda.... Funny. I think I shall sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling and slowly slip into madness....
****J. K. Rowling say "Miss Cassi, you may not tell my charicters what to do!! That is against the law!! Its copyrite infringement!!****
***Miss Cassi says "Dot dot dot.... Oh shite, I'm not going to jail for plegerism again, am I??? I went through that three times in my last Fanfiction!! And this is only the first Chapter! It took two last time... I think...***
*I stare madly at the ceiling while I hear people in my head arguing about plegerism and copyrite infringment* "Clevland Rocks, Cleavland rocks...." Oh no! Not this again?
**Drew Carey says "Hey, isn't that copyrite infringment, using my song???"**
***Miss Cassi says "Hold on readers, I have to use that bathroom. Hold those thoughts..."***
*Ten minutes later, the JOURNAL continues*
Stupid Pansy asked me out again today. Damn her! I do not like her, in that way! In fact, I do not like her at all! I do NOT find her sexually appealing! But hey, if J. K. Rowling thinks so, what ever she say must go....
Stupid people you give them a quill, and they think they are J. R. R. Tolkien
Draco Malfoy
P.s. Who in the hell is J. R. R. Tolkien????
P.p.s. Hey, I never gave you a name... I will call you... Gandalf!
Entry three Incripted-
Dear Gandalf,
'Dear'? Ewwwww... Does that make me gay? Thats Gross..... I am not gay! I have already stated that in previous issues of this JOURNAL that I am not gay...
*****J. R. R. Tolkien says "Hey, doesn't using my names count as that copyrite thing too? I will sue the pants off of you! And your little tunic tooo!"*****
*I stare at the wall wondering why all the voices are talking to me.* Hey, all of you people that aren't supposed to know about this JOURNAL, My imaginary friend says you have serious problems. *Holds up "magic" cell phone* Get Verizon Free-Up! Cha Ching! *Looks at cell phone* Magic cell phone hear my question... What are we having for dinner tommorow?
%%Cell phone beeps and says "You have mail"%%
Well, that helps my male, errr, mail, yes, mail, problem, but I want to know what poison they are going to feed me...
%%Cell Phone says "You are the weekest link. Good bye!"%%
But I don't want to go "Good Bye"!!! I am not the weekest link! I am the weekest Draco! Link is the name of a scary guy from a muggle video game!!
***Miss Cassi sings One little, Two little, three little copyrite infringements four. Five little six little seven little, Infringements. Eight little nine little ten little.... Wait... I sang it wrong, let me try again...***
*I become confused* What happened to this being my journal???
Draco Malfoy
Entry Four, Incripted-
Gandalf,
Ha, no dear. You are not special to me! I don't find you special at all!
***Miss Cassi remembers the Gandalf's hoar conversation with Draco***
I am not a hoar! Especially not his!
***Miss Cassi says thats not what you said last week.***
I thought what we had was special!!
***Miss Cassi says I was talking about the strip club with you taking off your shirt and Pansy shoving money down your boxers.***
... Thats besides the point! I was drunk, yeah, thats It. I was drunk and I wasn't myself. Anyway, journal, now that stupid Potter is back from fighting Lord Voldemort, (Annoying git as he is), I have assessed the situation-
Number dead- 1
Number stupid- Too many to count
Number of evil peoples- once again, to many to count
Assessement of the current situation- There is still hope for Lord Voldemort.
Ha ha, now I have that stupid Granger eating out of my palm, now that I know she likes me.
Stupid Gandalf! Stop laughing at me! I know you are! I never said that *I* liked `her`, I said that she liked me. Read the above entries, you stupid... Well, what are you??? A wizard or a diary? No!! Journal not diary! Ack! I AM NOT GAY!!! Don't listen to that stupid Potter! Its not gross that I want to be better friends with Weasly!
Oh, Shite... Am I still typing???
The Very STRAIT Draco Malfoy
Entry Five, Incripted-
Gandalf,
Ah, Granger is asking me out now... And it is disturbing me... I don't like her! Or Pansy! But I am NOT a eunich, so don't even think of calling me gay. I can't help the fact that all of these woman are absolutely gross.
****J. K. Rowling types that Draco will fall in love with Cho Chang****
Hey, I feel funny again... Oooh... Pretty Ravenclaw.... I think I will go beg her to sit at my side until she slaps me silly and all these people writing about me will say that I will do something drastic....
***Miss Cassi says, Hey! I'm writing this fanfiction! I say that Draco will sit and look pretty while singing a funky song!***
All the chicks with crimson lips say "Cleavland rocks, Cleavland rocks"... Ack! All of you in my head, clear out! This fanfiction is crazy enough without you! NOOOOOO!!!
*Rocks back and forth as slowly goes insane*
***Miss Cassi says that apparantly Draco hasn't gotten over me telling him to go mad yet...***
***Miss Cassi says that because Draco is going slowly insane, I will sign for him.***
The Crazy Malfoy kid with blonde hair