Forgiveness

A/N: One of the last installments of this story. It's been a long and bumpy ride, but I think It's been worth it. If any readers are interested, I will be posting the revised and uncut version of this story on soon. I'll upload the link when it's ready. Thank you everyone. You are all amazing.

Disclaimer: Same as always.

We can't look at one another.

I'll say something thoughtful soon,

but I can't listen to the quiet

so I hum this mindless tune

I stole from some dumb country-rock star.

I don't even know his name.

It's like my stupid little questions:

the answers always sound the same.

Weakerthans- None of The Above

Months had gone by, all of them seemingly a blur to Remus. After what happened, he spent a great deal of time lying about in the dorms, not working on school, not eating, just staying in bed. Eventually, one night, Sirius came into the dorm and quietly crept into bed with Remus and wrapped his arms around his friend. Remus tensed up at first, being alarmed at the intimate contact. When he tried to pull away, Sirius did not let him. He instead tightened his hold and buried his face in Remus' back and held him, despite his struggles.

Although Sirius had touched Remus in the past and especially after Severus' betrayal, being held so tightly brought back the memories of that horrific night. When Sirius planted light kissed on his shoulder or wrapped his arm around Remus' shoulder, the blond had always assumed it was just a comfort gesture, but it hadn't ever felt sexual, rather, just protective. Remus felt panic rising in his chest and his breathing came faster than was normal and tears began forming in his eyes.

"Sirius, please let me go. Let me go! Let me go!" he cried, trying to break free of the lanky man's hold. When Sirius just tightened his hold more, Remus started to shake. "Please! Merlin, just let me go! Don't, please please please! Don't do this!" he cried, tears flowing freely from his eyes, his hands balled into fists clutching at the fabric of Sirius' sleeves, trying to pry them away from him.

"Remus, it's me. It's Sirius, I wouldn't hurt you."

"Then let me go!" Remus cried, still fighting. After several long minutes of struggling, Remus collapsed against Sirius and cried softly. He was so shaken up, he didn't even realize when Sirius released him and climbed over him so he could lay facing his friend so he could look at him more closely.

Remus shuddered as Sirius' long, calloused fingers stroked his hair and face. Finally, Remus quieted his sobs and blinked at Sirius through his thick lashes. Sirius was looking at him srangly, like the way Severus had looked at him when they were in an embrace. Remus continued to watch Sirius carefully as the other man leaned closer until their mouths were almost touching. Slowly, Sirius closed the distance between them and kissed Remus fully, softly, lovingly. Remus allowed him too and then after seconds of debate, kissed him back. After a few timid kisses, Sirius licked Remus' lower lip, asking to be let in. Willingly, the blond parted his mouth for his long time friend and began to explore his mouth. Hands touched each others bodies, feeling soft, firm flesh that lay beneath their clothes.

And so, for the remainder of their school together, Remus and Sirius found solace in each others arms. Of course, Remus saw Severus in the halls, but the Slytherin's animosity towards him seemed to grow whenever they met eyes. And when nearly 16 years had passed, Remus once again found himself with Severus, back at the school where it had started.

For the first time in almost two decades, the two who were once lab partners sat across from each other, alone and in complete privacy.

Remus looked across the table in the staff room at Severus who was hunched over his papers, grading them without bothering to look up at his ex lover. Remus took the time to examine Severus who looked very much the same as he had all those years ago. Thin, taller than he had been so that he was nearly Remus' height now, and as stern looking as ever. His long, thin fingers worked quickly, marking papers and jotting notes to the students on them. Remus looked at him, and felt no hatred for him. In fact, a few old memories, intimate memories, rose as he watched the tall, well aged man work.

Remus reached for his tea and looked down at his own students work, feeling little interest in grading their papers. Taking a long sip of his warm drink, he looked back up at Severus. The other man seemed to notice the look and glanced up from his papers, dark eyes narrowed.

"Something you want, Lupin?" Severus asked, still holding his quill at the ready. Remus tucked a greying strand of hair behind his ear in a nervous habit he'd had all his life. Severus watched him, expression unreadable.

"Well?" the potions master asked again, this time setting his things down and leaning forward, his loose shirt falling open slightly, revealing his boney chest and collar.

Remus shook his head and looked away from the other man. "It's nothing, Severus. I was just...thinking."

"I assumed as much, seeing as you were staring at me with that look you get."

"What look?" Remus asked, honestly curious as to what Severus meant. He hadn't had an actual conversation with him in so many years, he thought it would be difficult to start again, but it was almost like picking up where they had left off so long ago.

Severus sighed and motioned with his hands towards Remus and began to speak.

"That look, the one you get when you are thinking something important. It's different from your day-dreaming look. So, what is it?" Severus demanded, looking intently at the other man.

Remus paused, considering if it was worth it to open that can of worms again or if it was best to let it rest. Finally, he set his tea down and looked directly into Severus' dark eyes. He hadn't spent so much time making eye contact with the other man in Merlin knew how long and now, he sat and stared into them, hoping to find the answers he never got as a teen.

"Severus, what happened back then? When we were in school. Did you really... Did you do all that as revenge?"

There. He'd finally said it. Remus wasn't sure he would like the answer, but he knew that Severus would not lie. It was not his way. Knowing this, Remus settled back and prepared himself for any answer he got. The first two people he'd slept with may have done it only to harm him and if that was the case, he needed to know.

Severus, for a moment, did no reply. He sat very rigidly as he seemed to consider the question. His hair had darkened from childhood into a true black rather than the dark brown it had been. It was shorter and more easily maintained but he still had it tucked neatly behind his ears. Severus ran a finger over his hooked nose and let out a breath.

"No, Remus. I did not."

Seconds passed and Remus remained unmoving. Carefully, he asked, "Then why, Severus?"

"I did not intend for any of that to happen. I merely wanted to help you. My owl...I don't understand how, But Lucius knew. I am sorry. As I said back then, I am truly sorry for what happened to you."

Severus looked away, finally breaking eye contact and he turned back to his papers. Remus watched him and let what he'd said sink in. Without thinking, he stood abruptly and walked to stand in front of the seated man before him and stared down at him. As he watched, Severus looked up, hands still hovering over his work.

"What is it...?"

"Kiss me," Remus said simply.

"Excuse me?" Severus said, surprise showing plainly on his gaunt face.

"Kiss me, Severus. I just want to know something."

"Lupin, you know well enough that I will not do that."

Dropping to his knees, Remus leaned close to Severus and waited, looking at him intently. Severus strained his neck to pull away, but being trapped in a seat, it was impossible.

"Please, Severus. I just want to know if you still feel for me. If you ever felt for me."

Severus shook his head. "A kiss can lie."

"No, it can't. If you care for me, I will be able to tell. Trust me."

Remus leaned closer so that his breath mingled with the black haired man's. "Please," he breathed, eyes drifting closed.

To his relief and amazement, Severus closed the distance between them and captured Remus' scarred mouth with his. Remus closed his eyes and breathed in every sent he could. He smelled Severus' scent, his cologne, his sweat, his desire, but no trace of a lie. When people lie, they released a very faint, but distinctive smell. Remus smelled nothing like it.

He started to pull back, but Severus wrapped his fingers in the dark blond hair and kept him in the kiss. Before he knew it, Remus' togue met Severus' and they clawed at one another, as is to eat each other from the mouth down. When they finally broke away for air, Remus' robes lay discarded on the floor and Severus was panting, looking at him as if it was the first time.

"My room..." Remus gasped, licking his way down Severus' neck, stopping on his collar to nibble gently.

"Yes..." Severus agreed.

Fin

A/N: My what a long and troubled road this has been. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed over the years, I truly appreciate it. As a note, I will be posting the uncut version that was too explicaite for on If you would be interested in reading this version, feel free to e-mail me and I'll send you a link as soon as it is uploaded. Also, be on the look-out for a short story between Remus and Sirius that takes place in-between chapters of "It's Between God and Me", It will be called "Yes, It's Called Desire" and should be uploaded by April 5th at the latest. Special thanks to MaddyMouse, bluudyrabbitofportland, Femalemoony12, and everyone else over the years who's been so supportive. I love you all.

Ashley