Disclaimer: I don't own FFX and all its characters =(
I love flowers. All types of flowers, as long as they smell good. I love roses, even their thorns. I love lilies, with their wonderful fragrance and colourful varieties. I love gardenias, sunflowers, daffodils and violets too. And most of all, I love lotuses. The flower that blooms amongst water. The flower that slowly, but surely, unravels and spreads farther and farther...until its beautiful, big and lush petals take your breath away. One can only simply stare, and marvel its beauty.
And all the while...it simply floats.
I want to be a lotus. Silly desire, you must think. But I do. I want to float, above all pain. I want to float, above all sorrow and hatred and anything harmful. I want to float above failure, death, tears, and heartache. Yet, this is all but a dream. Nothing more, nothing less. And I'll always continue dreaming. Who's there to stop me?
Oh, and I want to be a tree. A nice, big strong tree. A tree that the wind can't even sway and bend, a tree that will never get struck by lightning. A tall, strong, regal tree. Yes, that's something I'd like to be...but of course, that's but a dream too.
And suddenly, reality falls upon me once more. Why? Why am I so full of dreams that get me no where? Why are my dreams so beautiful and intricate, that I know if any saw would be envious of them? Of my dreams? But once again, they are only dreams. And who will appreciate them? Who will see them? Dreams will get me no where, and that is exactly where I am.
No where.
Reality. This is reality.
A dream is but a dream. And when you wake up, reality strikes and slowly your dreams fade. No more flowers, no more trees. No more escapes from reality because once it's here, it won't leave until the day ends. Until one can fall back into their dreams once more.
And that's how I go by my days...I wake up, and my dreams fade. Reality embraces me coldly, bitterly, and painfully. But I take it. Somehow. And somehow, I make it through the day. And then I can return to my sanctuary. My dreams. And everything is alright again...
Is this...right? Is this the way to live my life?
When will my dreams come true? When will...reality go away?
Laughter. Giggling. It's everywhere. Filling my ears, but they're use to it. The laughter, their sneers, I feel immune. Sort of . I hugged my books more tightly around me, sucking in a deep breath as I did so while I turned the corner quickly, never taking another look behind my shoulder. Never look behind the shoulder , I repeated in my mind firmly.
"Hey! Oh Holy One!" A sneering voice rose above all the rest.
I couldn't help but stop in my tracks, feeling my breath grow short as I forced myself to look straight ahead. I would not look back. That way, they wouldn't see the fright in my eyes. The weakness. I would not allow them to see anything. Any of my emotions. And maybe I was feeling paranoid. Paranoid that if they stared into my eyes, they would read me like a book.
Read all my dreams.
"Oh my, is the saint ignoring us now?!"
"Geez, how sinful of you. Won't the gods come and attack you if you be mean to others?"
"Especially since you're ignoring us! That's awfully mean, don't you think?"
"Or are you going to try and cast some protection bubble around yourself?"
I bit my lip. Hard. Sucking in a deep breath, I dared myself to turn every so slightly to catch sight of them. It was always them. Then again, it was always everyone. But mostly them...always them...
"Oh oh oh! I think I feel a tingly sensation running through me! She's staring at me with her green eye! Oh no! Rikku, what do you think that means?!"
A slender blonde placed a finger underneath her chin and giggled, "The green eye? Well that's the poison eye! You're probably getting poisoned right now by the vibes she's sending us, Tidus!"
"Oh no!" The tall, blonde youth faked a dramatic faint and smirked. "But of course, Yuna is a good girl, right? She wouldn't poison people even if she knew how."
"You think?" The girl named Rikku pondered out loud.
I didn't hear much of their conversation, I wasn't exactly paying attention. I took another breath and turned away. I wondered what they would say about my blue eye, but I didn't exactly want to know that either. Sighing, I continued on my way towards homeroom with my books clutched so tightly to my chest that my knuckles were turning a ghastly white.
"Hey! Don't think you're just going to walk away from us!"
"Ya! Meanie!" Rikku bounced from one foot to the other.
I was forced to stop as something came in contact with my lower back, causing me to stumble forward a few steps but I didn't fall, thankfully. Frowning deeply, I turned around fully and picked up the blitzball they had hurled at me. I looked up at them, trying to keep my gaze steady as I looked from left to right at the group of four. Oh yes, one was missing. How odd.
There was the usual. Rikku, who was Al Bhed, and somewhere in my distant memory, I remembered being a friend of hers back in...first grade. We had both transferred to Yunalesca High and then...things changed. Then there was Wakka, probably the one who had hurled the blitzball at my back in the first place. He was...well, I thought he was a nice person...but of course, I had learnt not to assume things. And Seymour. Seymour was usually silent, just following that horrid group as they taunted me. Dona was part of them to. Yet she was probably late for school, like usual.
Last but not least, Mr. Tidus. I couldn't help but scowl as I let that name grace my mind. He was a cruel person. Cruel. I couldn't describe the feeling that boiled within me every time his voice rang out through the hallway to throw some hurtful word at me. His words always pierced through the thin walls I built around myself over the years. He always knew the spots to hit, the buttons to push to bring me to tears. Even with just one. Simple. Word.
And this was the group that made me so miserable. They weren't the only ones, but they hurt me the most. I didn't know why. Maybe because the rest of the student population simply ignored me. Gave me the cold shoulder. I'd take that any day than the cruel words they would throw at me.
I sometimes wondered if they had a heart. At all.
"Yours?" I finally spoke up, slapping myself mentally at the way my voice came out as a light, soft feathery sound.
"Well duh, you think it just dropped from the sky?" Tidus guffawed.
My grip tightened on the blitzball as I replied slowly, "There isn't sky above us. But there's a roof."
They stopped laughing.
"Ah hell, there's sky above the roof okay? You get the point, ya?" Wakka made odd hand gestures as he spoke.
I decided against replying, thinking they would simply turn it around on me like they always did. I gave one last look at the blitzball in my left hand and gave it a quick hurl towards them.
It landed right in the middle of the hallway. It was then that I noticed that students had stopped bustling about in the hallways to simply watch me and them. They always did. They always enjoyed watching me...stand here. With them throwing words, things, anything at me. Why? Why, I wondered again.
They were laughing now. All of them. Every single one of them.
"Can't even throw a blitzball down the hall! Pathetic!"
"That's even worse then my little brother Shinra!" Rikku pointed out and the group burst out into another wave of laughter.
"Really?! Whoa, and Shinra's like, real nerdy ya?"
"Totally!"
"Haha, everyone knows how to throw a blitzball," spoke up Tidus who had been silent for a while now, much to my surprise. For an odd moment, I had thought...maybe he had laid back a bit. "But of course, we all know why little Miss Yuna doesn't know how to do such a simple thing. She never had a father to teach her!"
I should have known. He was saving something to blow me off my feet and let me shatter into a billion pieces. I felt my breath catch in my throat. A million thoughts ran in my head. A million possibilities. My father...if he had been alive...all these years, would he have taught me how to throw a blitzball properly? Would I be just like the rest of them?
"Oh, I think she's summoning up some white magic spell," Seymour drawled out casually.
I didn't hear it. Tidus' voice still rang fresh in my mind. I looked up sharply and stared. Stared into his goddamned azure eyes that twinkled mischievously. He thought this was funny. That this was all a simple game. I couldn't help but glare fiercely.
"At least I don't have a father like you!" I spat, shocked at the own venom in my own voice. I never shouted...I never screamed...especially not here. Not to them. Not to anyone...but suddenly I couldn't stop. Tasting the strange sound coming from me was thrilling. "I hear that you hate your father. What type of relationship is that?! It's no better than having...no father at all! You know it yourself! You're just envious because...because you don't want a father too!" I stopped short. What the hell was that?
...it was quite the opposite. I was envious. Envious of everyone who had a father. A strong, well-built man whom they could go to when they needed strength...someone. Just anyone...
I felt my eyes water and I couldn't stand there any longer. I turned on my heels as quickly as possible and sprinted down the hall in a speed I never knew I had. My heart was pounding so loudly I couldn't hear anything even if they had continued to mock me. And yet, I knew I had somehow hit a spot. Everyone knew how much he hated his father.
And suddenly, I felt horrible.
I was being just like them. Being mean and retched and saying horrible things. I stopped running, right in front of classroom 125. I felt my heart twinge, and I timidly turned to look behind me. The halls were emptying out, the bell had rung. They were nowhere in sight. I wanted to...apologize?
I slapped myself mentally once more. Why should I even desire to apologize? They never apologized for anything they threw at me. Never.
How they always jeered and mocked at my white magic abilities. I could understand how odd it may seem to be able to heal a bruise or two in an instance, but once you get use it, it's really normal- in my opinion. It wasn't like I could revive the dead. And...and what was so bad about healing people anyways? Wasn't it a good thing? I sighed.
My abilities had passed down to me from my mother. They never really developed all that much until I was ten...and then people started to notice and the whispering began. But I was never ashamed of my abilities. They had been from my mother, and anything from my mother I would treasure. I always wondered why mother never used her abilities to heal herself before she passed on...I suppose that will remain a mystery.
My mother...died from leukemia, just two years ago. Ever since father's death, when I was seven, mother had been weak and sad. Lonely too. I could see it in her eyes, so dim and tired. Those were our dark years. We struggled to scrap up enough money to live and pay the rent...and with that went my mother's health. She fell into eternal slumber when I was fifteen. Two years ago.
And alone I lived. I coped though. I only needed enough to pay the rent and have my meals.
I laughed softly. Why was I thinking so much? Shaking my head, I hurried up the stairs with fading blue paint. Maybe chemistry class would let my mind feel more at ease.
As I entered the classroom, the room fell silent. I felt my fingers incautiously crawl up to my neck, holding the small heart shaped pendant that I wore on a thin silver chain. It was a locket. A simple locket. But I loved it more than life itself. Within it was a picture of mother, father, and myself on my fifth birthday. Just thinking of it would bring a smile to my lips. Just thinking of it...seemed to make reality fly away.
And that was what I wanted.
AN: EEP *ducks from tomatoes and such* I know I know! Tidus is an evil poopie head but don't worry! This is a Tidus/Yuna fic, I promise you that! And yes, poor Yuna...but things will turn better for her...perhaps *evil grin* Well kudos to all who read this and please leave a review as I'd very much like to hear what you though of it =)