I know I should be doing something more productive at the moment, like writing the following chapters for "Lost Hope", "Master Plan of Seduction", or even the last chapter for "Life without you" but hey.. I couldn't help myself so sue me.. heh

I hope you enjoy the re-written version of Orion and give me some feedback thanks and love you all

_+_+_

The Deepest Cut

Love that we can not have Is the one that lasts the longest, Hurts the deepest And feels the strongest

James' P.O.V

I sit here watching the Sun go down and with it any light that could have helped me resolve the problems in my life. Well; only one in specific but it's the one that's been bothering me the most and the longest.. and I should mention that it's been hurting the most

I can feel my eyes stinging with unshed tears as I recall in detail what happened. Every action. Every sound. Every smell. Every word spoken. Tears that remained unshed then and still remain so, threatening to fall at any second of any minute of the day

I laugh

If only my parents would see me now. My father would probably begin his lecture on how men should be strong, emotionally and physical and if that would make us look like arrogant and completely devoid of emotion, so be it. My mother in turn would purse her lips and comment on something of the past that made my father cry like a baby, as she put in her words, like my birth, my sister's death, and when his favorite Quiddich team lost the World Cup

Unfortunately these are just memories of days past and I'll never have a chance to make any new ones. My father won't be able to lecture me on what makes a man and my mother wont be able to mock him

You see.. they're dead

They died last Christmas. Three months ago

The only people that knew were my best friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew and of course the professors

And let's not forget her

I could never forget her. Even if I tried. And believe me I've tried

But it didn't work. Nothing does

But it will. I'll make it work

I have to

To survive

When I told my friends about it a few days ago, they laughed. Well except Remus. He just smiled knowingly and patted me on the back.

But I can't really blame them for their reaction

I mean I've been after her for years. Three to be precise

But the funniest part isn't the fact that I've finally given up. It's the fact that I never imagined myself as the one-girl type of guy. The type that would settle for one girl for an eternity. Never. Until I met her. Until I fell. And I remained fallen

I really was beginning to imagine her together and me for eternity

Until now

Everything is going to change

I'm not going to be her little pet anymore. I mean I've stuck around her for so long and all she ever did was either ignore me or use me

She fooled me once. It was all her doing. Her fault

But when she fooled me for a second time it was all my fault. True it was her doing but it was my fault.

I allowed myself to show vulnerability. Maybe not with my actions but in my eyes. She saw it but I should have never let it happened

And on top she knew what I felt for her

Didn't she?

Maybe she didn't. But it hurt anyway

And I bet she knows now

But it's all getting old. All of it. All this chasing, switching roles, mind games.

I really have had enough

I haven't even introduced myself either

My name is Potter. James Potter

But she always calls me Potter

I may be Head Boy. I may be Captain of the Quiddich Team, top student of the entire school, ringleader of the Marauders, savior of her life in one occasion and I may be in love with her for three years but I'm still Potter

I've tried to change that. Believe me I have tried, but it never worked. Whenever I tried to redeem myself in her eyes, I seemed that I was digging a deeper hole for my grave. She saw me as a bullying, self-centered, arrogant, pompous, attention-seeking asshole

But I'm not

I'm not but that doesn't mean that I wasn't

Wasn't being the key word. As in I'm not anymore. But why can't she see that?

Not that I care anymore

I don't

Really

But the thing is; I know I'll always love her. But I have to move on. I cant live in yesterday

Trapped in a world of fantasy. A world that doesn't exist. I need to find a way out

And I've had enough of this bullshit anyway. What she said to me was the last straw

The deepest cut

Argh

I cannot believe I'm actually crying. Over a girl no less. This is definitely sad

I thought she was perfect.. you know? I really, honestly thought she was

Man was I wrong

She turned out to be a manipulative bitch

Padfoot always said so but of course I, as the love sick bastard that I a -was, didn't listen

Her beauty and all her good qualities blinded me about. I guess as she was blinded with my bad qualities

I look up at the sky

There's no moon and so there's no actual light in the night sky besides the stars

Sirius, the Dog Star in the constellation of Canis Major, the brightest star in the dark silky sky right next to my favorite constellation; Orion

The Hunter.

His story is sorta similar to mine

He was killed by the one he loved. But her brother tricked her into doing so.

That's the only difference between the two stories

She wasn't tricked but she did kill me

And I've been here ever since

At the Quiddich pitch. Not that it's been so long since it happened

It only happened this morning

And I always come here when I need to think

I came here the day I got the letter from the ministry informing me of my parents' death

They really did love each other

There was a Death Eater attack at my house where the Death Eaters wanted to kill my mum because she was working on finding a counter curse for Avada Kadavra. My dad died trying to save her. To give her time to run but she didn't and she died as well

My love for her runs just as deeply

I would die protecting her. Anytime

I re-read the letter over and aver until it managed to sink in.

When it did sink in all I wanted to do was run. And I did

I wanted-needed to be alone

I ran into the forest and without stopping I turned into my animagus form; a stag.

No one followed me. Not even Sirius, who looked up to my parents as his own. They took him in as their son when he ran away from his house and came to mine, about two years ago

I was grateful

That night things changed

She found me. Right here

And let's just say that things really did change

Quite a lot

I went from liking her to living her

I must have been so stupid because I was planning to tell her

But there's this fucking law of the universe that completely messes everything that you plan. And thus nothing goes as planned

Nothing in life is planned. It just can't be

Whatever you plan seems to screw itself up, big time

But it makes you.

Who you are, I mean

It gives a story for you to tell though

And so, there are so many different stories told by so many different people about so many different changes in so many different aspects of life

And I'm James Potter

And this is my story

A/N tell me what you think.. its quite easy actually for those who don't know how..just press that little button down there.. bye