DISCLAIMER: I love each and every one of the cast members of Lord of the Rings, and just because I make fun of them doesn't mean I don't like them. 'Specially Viggo.

CREDITS

Kast: "Hello everyone, this is the Cast Commentary for the wonderful film, The Fellowship of the Bounty Hunting. This is the time when you get to listen to my voice and wish you could see my big, gorgeous blue eyes—"

Greedo: "Ahem! Well, is everybody here?"

Dengar: "All except for Fett, who's too busy perfecting his $#%&@-art. By that, I mean the Hunt."

Boussh: "Quioto."

4-LOM: "I agree completely. Fett does smell—"

Kast: "Oh, look, the credits!"

DIRECTED BY MISS CHRYS

Dengar: "Lovely, lovely girl."

Bossk: "I hate that stupid *^#$@. . . . Kept calling me a dinosaur—"

SCREENPLAY BY MISS CHRYS

Bossk: "Her name's on here TWICE?"

Zuckuss: "Zuckuss thinks she is a bit odd."

Dengar: "Yeah, sometimes it seemed like she had this weird, *$%@# obsession with Sarlacc Food—"

PRODUCED BY MISS CHRYS

Bossk: "AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!" *begins to strangle Greedo, who is sitting beside him*

Kast: "I don't think that woman likes me."

BASED ON THE MOVIE BY GEORGE LUCAS

Bossk: *calming down* "It's about time."

Kast: "All hail the Great Flanneled One."

*No one moves.*

Kast: "Or not."

JODO KAST as HIMSELF

Kast: "Top billing! Top billing! Told you I was the best!"

IG-88 as HIMSELF

Boussh: "Quioto."

4-LOM: "Boussh would like to point out that a little known fact about IG-88 is that he is not very straight. Not very straight at all. In fact, the cylindrical shape of his head would lead you to think that, indeed, he IS straight, but he is not."

Dengar: "He's a *$@^$."

Kast: "Likes protocol droids."

Greedo: "You should see him play Richard the Third."

RYSTALL as HERSELF

Dengar: "Holy—! What the $#&$! Why's she got third billing?"

Boussh: "Quioto."

4-LOM: "Rystall has third billing because she is very hot, or at least that is what biological lifeforms have told me."

Dengar: "That and the fact that her dad's a &%*$@ rock star. With that big red hair, the guy doesn't even have to wear a wig."

BOBA FETT as HIMSELF

Kast: "That guy's CRAZY! Sometimes something just CLICKS, and you see this mad glint in his eye—"

Bossk: "One time, he tried to throw his own scale double—"

Dengar: "You know, the one that makes him look taller? We had to reconcile the conflicting heights between the Official Site and All the Other Sites somehow. . . . Fett *$&# HATED having a scale double—!"

Bossk: "—right over a cliff! We were barely able to stop him."

Boussh: "Quioto."

4-LOM: "Boussh would like to point out that Boba Fett smells bad. He chooses to bathe only once a week, because he is busy perfecting his Art—"

Kast: "'The Art of the Hunt?' Bah!"

Dengar: "And the girls still *%*$# love him. Go figure."

GREEDO as HIMSELF

Kast: "You know, Greedo really was 'My Greedo.' I mean, he ordered me pizza, took care of my car keys, didn't complain when I threw cigarette butts in his face. . . . Even let me use him for target practice."

Greedo: "I love this film because it shows that there are some things worth fighting for, like continuity—"

Kast: "What do you mean by 'fighting for'?"

Greedo: "I mean pulling out blasters and disintegrating clones, of course, Mr. Jodo."

Kast: "Harry Potter says fighting is bad. I hope you aren't insinuating something different."

Greedo: "I was just trying to say—"

Kast: "Did you know you're the only Republican in Hollywood?"

Greedo: "Shutting up now."

DARTH VADER as HIMSELF

*The cast has decided not to comment on the Dark Lord, as they prefer to remain alive until Part 2.*

ZUCKUSS as HIMSELF

4-LOM: "This particular biological entity loves to eat."

Boussh: "Quioto."

Dengar: "Once I asked him about a movie he had been in with Han Solo. He didn't *%*#@$ shut up for hours. I sure learned my lesson."

Bossk: "It wouldn't have been so bad if he had used the first person."

BOUSSH as HIMSELF

IG-88: "The director of this film had a terrible experience trying to teach Boussh to speak more than one word. Finally, after doing the research, we concluded that perhaps Lucas was trying to tell us that Boussh's language consisted of only one word. After that, we decided to let Boussh say whatever he wanted."

Boussh: "Quioto."

4-LOM as HIMSELF

Kast: "Those two have terrible comic timing."

Greedo: "We always preferred to call him Lom. Much shorter."

Dooku: *completely oblivious to the fact that no one has been listening to him for the past twenty minutes* "I first met Lucas when I was twenty-two. Wonderful chap. I think that few people understand the true genius of—"

DENGAR as HIMSELF

*Fangirls everywhere cheer*

Dengar: "Hold up! If everyone's *%$*# in love with me, why don't I get higher billing?"

Dooku: "—After all, if it hadn't been for Lucas, special effects wouldn't have been invented—"

Kast: "Remember when you had that mohawk?"

Dengar: "Yeah, the girls—"

Kast: "You were HIDEOUS!"

CRADOSSK as HIMSELF

Bossk: "I hate that man."

BOSSK as HIMSELF

Bossk: *growling* "I hate him even more now."

Greedo: "Is it just me, or does the order of billing make absolutely no sense?"

Dooku: ". . . always was fascinated with the history of the galaxy. Lucas went to great lengths to show all the details. He even invented a pantheon for Trandosha. . . ."

A RANDOM GUY WE PICKED OFF THE STREET as THE CRAZED FANBOY

Dengar: *shudders*

Kast: "I think we ALL had to get rabies shots at some point during the shoot. . . ."

Dooku: ". . . and the introduction of a God of Wookiee-Hunting! Pure genius!"

PIETT as HIMSELF

Zuckuss: "The Admiral does not like bounty hunters, and Zuckuss cannot wait to meet him again, for when Zuckuss does Zuckuss will have Zuckuss's methane at the ready!"

Greedo: "We need to find you a doctor, buddy."

Dooku: ". . . was actually close friends with Spielberg and several other famous directors. They used to meet in a pub to discuss their scripts. . . ."

DURGE as HIMSELF and SEVERAL THOUSAND CLONES

Kast: "Now that guy was eyecandy."

Dengar: *whimpers* "Fett kept telling him to headbutt me."

Dooku: ". . . I was actually asked to play IG-88 first, but since he's a spry young assassin droid, I decided. . . ."

Kast: "Okay, we're out of time! We invite you to sit back and relax while you listen to the wonderful voice of Eenya, the Twi-lek songmistress, as she performs our title song—'EE3.'"

*They file out of the room.*

Dooku: ". . . and then there was the time. . . ."

Kast: *from outside* "Uh, Dookie?"

Dooku: ". . . she was a BEAUTIFUL woman. . . ."

Kast: "Uncle Dookie?"

Dooku: ". . . I actually met Grand Moff Tarkin many many years ago, while filming. . . ."

Kast: "YO, DOOKIE!"

Dooku: *jumps* "What?"

Kast: "Time to go, grampa."

Dooku: *muttering as he walks out of the room* "Kids these days. Don't know how to respect their elders. Why, when I was a lad, back in 1892. . . ." *voice fades off into the distance*

"EE3" sung to the tune of "May It Be" by Enya

EE3, a gleaming arm

Will e'er fire true.

EE3, at Boba's call,

May disintegrate you.

If a bounty's on your head,

Oh, you might as well be dead. . . .

Rood-eht so heep, la la la, sleemo (Shut the door, slimeball!)

Don't beg! You'll only make him mad.

Rood-eht so heep, la la la, pudu (Shut the door, bantha fodder!)

You're only hard merchandise now.

EE3, up to your neck,

Will fire away.

EE3, made by Blastech,

Doth light Boba's day.

When their might is overcome

Wise men know that Fett has won. . . .

Rood-eht so heep, la la la, sleemo (Shut the door, slimeball!)

Don't hide! You'll only make him mad.

Rood-eht so heep, la la la, pudu (Shut the door, bantha fodder!)

You're only hard merchandise now. . . .

You're only hard merchandise now. . . .

Kast: "And now, the OTHER, little known, very obscure title song for the movie, 'In Screams,' sung by a young Alderaanian lad whose voice hasn't broken yet. Absolutely heavenly."

"In Screams" to the tune of "In Dreams"

When the fear of hunters comes

Sunless nights will frighten sleep a-away

In the cage aboard Slave One

You will want to faint away.

But in screams

He still will geh-eh-eh-eh, get pay-ay-ay-aid.

And ne'er in dreams

Will you be sa-ay-ay-ay, ay-ay-aved! Say-ay-ay-aved!

When Fett has cah-ap-tured them all

He will've naught to do all day-ay-ay-ay!

From Vader doth he get his call

Hiring him there

He will go there

And get paid again.

THE END

Author's Note: Believe it or not, that's actually The End. The Real End. Completely The End. That is, until school's out, when I plan to write The Two Twi-leks and, eventually, The Return of the Fett. I'd like to thank each and every one of you for sticking with me, despite my very slow updates. You all are great! And so, goodbye until then! Peace and Long Life! (just kidding)