Title: Dustbunny Hitmen

Synopsis: What's worse then being forced to stay with his muggle-loving cousin? And why does it include rabid dustbunnies?!

Author's Quick Note: I was really disappointed in the last chapter (honestly, I regret releasing it because I dislike the "meshing" of the major scenes) so I decided not to release chapter four until I was absolutely sure it was ready to be finished. See bottom note for more reasons and notes on things .;;

---

It was morning.

Draco knew this even as he fought against the impulse to open his eyes and examine what this bright and almost eyeball searing morning would offer him. Today was the first full day of Hols and there was absolutely no possible way Draco Malfoy was going to be up and, more importantly, lucid before the beloved noon hour.

It was absurd to think otherwise!

There was a precedent to be maintained, after all-- for the previous four summer Holidays Draco had never left his bed before the noon hour, and quite frankly the world would have to be ending before Draco would leave his bed before the huge longcase clock in his room throbbed twelve deep rings.

Even if he was insanely curious about what the morning could bring, his eyes itching to open and behold the wonderful view of Malfoy Manor in summer holiday. If he only snuck open an eyelid and looked around....

It was at that moment that Draco realized three fundamental truths that shocked him to the very tip of his perfect toes.

First, the roughness of the bedclothes swathing his form most certainly were not from the stash of fine Egyptian linens his mother coveted nearly as much as her stash of fine Muggle Chablis, hidden from his father and indeed, hidden from himself as well. Draco would never have discovered the fine wine if he hadn't accidentally discovered the stash when avoiding his father after a particularly nasty argument over his academic skills. Poor Mother was left with two fewer bottles of her stash after that...

Second and next in horror inducing revelation was the memory of the day before, his mother's apparent abandonment and his new place in the care of his cousin Nymphodora Tonks. She must have levitated me into this nest of insufferable itch inducing hell. Draco didn't feel the slightest tinge of shame for being caught snooping on the activities of the werewolf and his cousin-- one must always snoop if you are at a disadvantage, and he wouldn't be a Malfoy if he didn't recognize what a disadvantage he was in, weakened by the loss of a mother and barely de-slugged.

He winced. Mental mark to self: Never remember the experience of the bubble of slime. Also, destroy everyone involved and NEVER THINK OF BEING FONDLED BY GOYLE'S MOTHER. He shuddered again, brining him to his third and worst revelation:

He was clothed only in his unmentionables.

Which meant under the thin bedclothes, he, Draco Malfoy, was almost completely naked... and he was positive someone had seen him as such, for he had no recollection of taking his clothes off and he knew he wasn't a Sleep Nudist.

Someone was going to pay for this or his name wasn't Draco Malfoy!

---

Meanwhile downstairs, oblivious to the enraged threats Draco was spouting above their heads, Tonks and Remus were slowly leaving the Kitchen while deep in earnest discussion.

"Well, we can't punish the boy; he hasn't actually done anything wrong..." Tonks pointed out, smashing the last of the golden biscuit into her mouth. It was evenly cooked and tasted delicious so therefore had to be one of the few remaining survivors of Molly Weasley's cooking.

"Yet," Remus pointed out.

"If I have anything to say about it, there won't be any future trouble, or at least nothing we can't handle." Tonks said confidently, crossing her arms and leaning casually against the doorframe.

Remus raised an eyebrow and leaned back on his heels. "You aren't suggesting what I think you are suggesting, are you?"

"And what do you think I'm suggestion?" She teased.

"Keeping him hogtied in the dungeon with a gag to keep him from harassing the Weasleys when Molly brings them over later this week?"

Tonks snorted loud enough to earn her a glare from the portrait of poor Mewet Black, unnoticed by everyone despite his rather handsome self for the sad reason that his portrait, just like he himself had been while alive, was as silent. "Hardly!"

"Giving him a comatose potion and storing him in the cubboard above the stairs?"

"Surely you wouldn't suggest-"

"Oh no! I've got it! Transform him into one of those miniature piglets and introduce him to young Ginny Weasley as your latest ridiculous pet!"

"I'll have you know, Mr. Lupin, that none of my pets are ridiculous! And changing a minor into an animal is technically against the law!"

"Not that you haven't done it before."

"OH!" Tonks glared at Remus before cracking a large smile. "And just for that I'm going to get you a pet now."

"A ... Nymphadora pet? Whatever did I do wrong to deserve such a monstrosity on four legs?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear you say that and move on with my ingenious plan." Tonks tossed her short blonde curls behind her in an overly smug fashion.

"I'll wait to pass judgment on if it is ingenious or a disaster in the waiting, mind you."

"The solution," Tonks continued stressing the word by throwing her arms out (and also to mask how close she had been to teetering backwards) "is so simple, so effective, so very ingenious I'm surprised YOU didn't think of it first."

"Why thank-"

"We'll just have a take a page out of Molly Weasley's book of keeping teenagers out of trouble." Tonks said brightly, her smile so wide it made the corners of her eyes crease.

Remus looked at Tonks carefully, a lopsided smile slowly unfolding and a wry look in his hazel eyes. "Why Nymphadora, are you saying we should scream at the poor boy till he expires?"

Tonks shook her head, her eyes bright with laughter. "No Remus, I'm suggesting we put him to... manual labour!"

---

Apprehension was gnawing on Draco's stomach. The house was unnaturally quiet-- that shouldn't bother him, as Malfoy Manor was comparable to an abandoned crypt most of the time. But some part of him knew the house should be bustling at this hour, crazy werewolves and completely bonkers cousins arguing over sandwiches, rude foul smelling men trying to sell potatoes or some bizarre and utterly worthless thing lounging about in walkways... teenage boys laying in bed denying that it was past time for him to be up moving around.

But I am from a class of luxury! Malfoys do not have to get up before they are ready to, at least not during the holiday! I refuse to get up! I'm privileged!

Draco smirked from within his tent of bedclothes. He felt oddly secure inside, even though his tosseled hair was the only thing holding the tent upright. He folded his legs together and grinned, feeling all of five in his tent.

I refuse to get up-

Something was outside his door. Draco felt his eyes widen, suddenly afraid, really afraid. If his cousin considered foul smelling men to be prime company, who knows what else could be lurking in this shoddy house? At least I'm not with that monster Hagrid, one of his foul beasts would probably EAT me and he'd sit back and laugh! Nasty sort of man-- half-breed that Hagrid is...

The door creaked open, followed by the heavy thud of something entering. He held his breath, remaining completely still. Maybe it won't see me if I just sit here. Still like. He thought irrationally, blinking when he heard two sets of completely different feet.

Oh Merlin there's a four footed monster in my room! I refuse to die this way, munched to death on the first day of my Holiday, especially before I've gotten back at Potty Potter and turned HIM and his friends into slimy, bubble slurping slugs!

He lurched from the sheets, screaming in holy terror pointing, his wandless hand pointing directly at...

A bemused Nymphadora Tonks and a chuckling Remus Lupin.

Oh sweet Merlin! He thought as he fell off the bed, blushing madly. They must think me absolutely crazy!

"Ah, wotcher Draco!" Tonks called out cheerfully, but Draco could certainly hear the amusement in her voice.

Why did I have to get stuck with such a horrible relative who makes fun of me in my most vulnerable moment? Wait a tick, I'm a Slytherin-- we don't have vulnerable moments! Steeled by that house reminded, Draco reached up and quickly pulled the bedclothes down onto the floor. Only with the bedclothes wrapped securely around him did Draco slowly rise, taking a measure of comfort in his semi-clothed state.

Only to be confronted by both Tonks and Lupin laughing very loudly.

"My mother raised me to not laugh at the misfortune of others before a civilized breaking of the fast." Draco said stiffly, trying to stand there regally. The image was not helped by the stubborn drooping of the right fold over his slim shoulder.

Tonks grinned and pointed to him... or rather his hair. "The last time I saw hair that rumbled was on Harry-"

"Don't you dare say it!" Draco squealed, forgetting his death grip on the bedclothes as he leaped towards a mirror. Panic gave way to disgust as he saw his perfect blonde hair was in complete disarray-- in fact, it looked even WORSE than Potters did!

Tonks chuckled and walked over to ruffle his hair-- he shrank from her touch, mostly out of habit-- people were not supposed to touch a Malfoy's hair, after all! Usually the gel was a deterrent... "All you need is a good brush-- I should know, my hair is exactly like yours." She said matter of factly.

"It is?" Remus said quietly from the doorway.

There was a tone of disgust on Tonks' voice as she grabbed a silver antique brush and wordlessly began yanking it through Draco's fine hair. "I hate my hair-- flat and fine and far too blonde for my liking. Mum always said I looked too much like my aunt-- and Draco here might have a lot of his father in his face, but he inherited the same horrible hair I did."

"My hair is not horrible! It's unique and very Malfoy!" Draco denied, glaring at his cousin in the mirror. "And I can very well brush my hair myself you know!"

Tonks grinned at him in the mirror but continued to brush his hair-- softer this time, with smooth strokes that a very small part of him knew to be very soothing. But that part of him was buried under years of simmering anger and weren't about to make themselves know... yet.

One final sweep through his hair and Tonks stepped back, grinning. "There you go cousin-- straight and boring, but now you won't be mistaken for an albino Harry Potter now-"

"I would NEVER be mistaken for HIM." Draco said stiffly, glaring at the mirror. He had to admit his hair looked a little better falling around his face instead of gelled back-- but he looked decidedly UNMalfoy, as everyone knew the Malfoy hairdo was consisted of 3/4ths gel and 1/4th hair.

"No, no you wouldn't." Remus said quietly, and Draco shot him his best glare. The werewolf almost sounded like it was a bad thing Draco wasn't like that horrible half blood...

"ANYWAY," Tonks said, pulling Draco completely around rather roughly. "We interrupted your snooze party for a reason."

"You've found my mum?" Draco said eagerly, not stopping a hopeful smile from tugging at his lips. But the looks on first Tonks and then Remus' faces turned his small smile into a frown.

"No, although we have been trying. No one seems to know what happened to her-- but we will find her Draco."

"We've got the best Auror on the job-- Nymphadora will find her faster than... than..."

"Than Remus can spell chocolate." Tonks finished with a grin. "Which might be a good idea, because I don't think Draco is going to take his activity schedule for today very well?"

"Activity schedule?" Draco repeated slowly, staring at both of the adults with slow horror.

"Yep! We figure we might as well put some meat on your bones while your here-- a little manual labor-"

"I'M A MALFOY AND I WILL NOT DO LABOR." Draco screamed, stomping his foot so hard the room shook. "YOU WILL NOT TURN ME INTO A NAFFING HOUSE-ELF YOU FRE-" Draco continued mouthing his rage, but the words no longer screamed out. Draco was so consumed with his tantrum he didn't realize Remus had cast a silencing spell on his vocal cords.

"Honestly, you'd think he's welcome the chance to gain some muscles-- I thought all boys wanted them, especially the Quidditch players." Tonks whispered to Remus, a conspirator gleam in her eyes.

"But he's a Malfoy." Remus said solemnly. "Or-- Oh dear, I believe the boy has fainted."

Tonks turned to look as her cousin fell plum over sideways. "Eh, he's just faking. Honestly Draco, fainting is such a GIRLY response."

That got Draco up to his feet, clumsily grabbing the bedclothes as they began to pool at his feet. He opened his mouth and began to talk, but nothing came out.

Remus turned to Tonks, a gleam in his eyes. "Maybe we should keep him like this."

Tonks chuckled. "If we did you'd have to put a bell on his neck so we'd know before he started attacking the Weasleys."

Remus groaned. "Maybe we can work that out of him...."

"Ha! There aren't enough hours in the day to work anything about of poor Draco. Except, maybe, a few gallons of sweat."

And that was how Draco Malfoy came to have a new enemy.... and her name was Nymphadora Tonks.

---

"What was he like?" Draco asked suddenly, the rag he was holding with the tips of his fingers falling listlessly to the ground in a slow descent. His arms were collectively so tired he could imagine that they looked as if someone had sucked all the bones away-- a gruesome sight to match the awful exhaustion he felt. His fleshy insides burned, his bones felt like swollen , and he felt much shorter then he unfortunately was, like all this dusting of the third floor had grinded him down to the height of a first year. A tiny, malnourished, pigmy with a hunched back to rival even the monstrous humpback that was his ancient great-aunt Malaxis. A-

"What was who like?" Tonks wheezed, her pale face streaked with dingy lines of dust and whatever filth was naturally attracted to her skin. She used the back of her hand to wipe away the beads of sweat forming on her forehead, which only made the dirt and dustlines smudge into an unholy mess that would have made his mother FAINT. No woman Draco knew would allow their skin to become so, so, so excessively nasty!

"That Sirius Black fellow you won't allow anyone to say bad things about despite his-"

"Oh. Sirius..." Tonks frowned, her eyes suddenly becoming clouded with an emotion Draco felt very uncomfortable about. He squirmed in his seated position, managing to stifle the urge to rub at his cheek. He wanted to look away from Tonks, unsettled by his cousin's grief... but he felt his eyes being drawn to it, and a bizarre notion he should stay quiet and pat her hand. The very thought of a Malfoy touching a halfblood's hand in sympathy!

"He ... he reminds me of you a bit, you know." Tonks said thoughtfully, staring at him with distant eyes.

"ME? You'd compare me to a mass-murdering Wizard?" Draco protested, his eyes wide with indignation. He may be a lot of things, but a murderer he was not! A distant voice in the back of his head

"No, he wasn't like that at all," Tonks said quickly with passion, the color leeching from her face as she closed her eyes.

Draco waited for his cousin to continue, but she remained hauntingly still, her body tense.

"Sirius... he was always like an older brother to me." Tonks said finally, opening her eyes and leaning forward to rub at the hardwood floor with her rag. Her very manner struck Draco as both absentminded and distant all the same. "Oh, most times he played the role of the perfect scoundrel, always trying to play the best pranks on everyone, always trying to get away with things no one else dared to try... but he was ALWAYS fun. And then he was gone-- not dead, but locked away in Azkaban. Mum always went on and on about how he was innocent but we all thought she was crazy with grief-- Sirius was her favorite relative, after all, and now that he was gone... she had no one in her family left that would talk to her."

Including my mum. Draco though with an inward wince-- he always remembered how odd it was when Nymphadora and Aunt Andromeda would come to the Malfoy Manor for their annual visit. His mother always ignored her sister and looked down at the tip of her nose for the entire affaire, an uneasy silence punctuated by the chit chat between his Aunt and Cousin-- but it was an awkward talk, prone to long uncomfortable silences and scratchy robes in the stifling heat.

At least that's what Draco remembered, anyway.

"When Sirius escaped, mum was ecstatic but I was deeply afraid-- I was in Auror training and was suddenly terrified I would be faced with killing my own flesh and blood in order to do my job. But... Remus here brought Sirius to my mum's and stayed on for a week, and I couldn't bring myself to turn him in. He... I believed him, for reasons I won't get into. It wasn't him who killed those poor muggles, but another nasty fellow named... well, we won't get into him."

Draco wondered if the fellow Tonks was snarling at had ever been welcomed at Malfoy Manor.... and Draco began to feel an odd sense of ... something he couldn't place. Regret? No, it was different, all cold and squirmy like-- a nasty feeling radiating from his belly out to his limbs. I must be tired... he thought slowly, trying to ignore the feeling.

"After that, he stayed with me in my flat for a few days. We talked and it was weird having him there-- I didn't believe him guilty, but there was more to the story, more then what he and Remus were telling us. We became really close those few days, before he left without saying a word one night. It was a good six months before I saw him again, when he... moved back here."

"Sirius Black stayed here?!" Draco managed to not squeak, but it was a very difficult thing to do.

Tonks stared at him for a long moment, her eyes searching his face. He squirmed again, wanting badly to get out of this cursed house. He began to mentally go over all the horrors he had been made to suffer-- and all because his mum had abandoned him! His skin began to itch as he wondered if his bed had been the criminals-- as if his wrongness would rub off on Draco's skin.

"Finish up this section of the floor Draco-- I... I'm going down to the kitchen." Without a simple goodbye his cousin leaped to her feed and stumbled for the stairs.

Very quickly it dawned on Draco that this was his one chance for freedom. He didn't have to stay in this rotting house-- he could escape while the two conspirators were distracted! He jumped to his feet, shivering slightly.

"That's odd-- I'm not cold." He muttered to himself as he opened the door closest to him. It was empty and had the remains of a bureau in the corner-- and in the corner was a boarded up window. He looked around for something in the room, trying to desperately find something to beat the window out with.

The duster? Hardly-- how about that mirror-- no, glass won't work on wood this thick... OH. Draco paused and grinned as he spotted an iron rod just laying on the ground. He could imagine it beckoning him, willing him to take it up and destroy the defenseless wood that was all that stood between him and his wonderful escape.

The rod felt unusually cool in his hand as he grasped it and quickly began banging against the wood. After five or six strikes, he frowned and stepped back, wondering what the problem was. He blinked at the wood-- there was no marring marks on it's surface, and he'd been smacking it with all his might.

Anger flowed through his veins as he stared at the wood. "I hate you." He declared, fueling all his hatred onto the board as he raised the rod above his head and smacked it against the board.

It stood no chance against the superior Malfoy anger, Draco thought with glee as the wood shattered, the pieces falling down to the ground outside. His anger melted into fear when he looked out and realized how high he was from the ground... and without a broom.

"No matter." Draco said quickly, pulling himself onto the thick window sill. He paused for a moment, not really knowing what he was going to do-- even though he was magical there was no guarantee he'd survive a fall of this height. He looked up and realized the roof was much closer.

"I'll just climb up to the roof, and then climb down a fireplace. I can do that easily." He grinned, feeling excitement over his brilliance.

Carefully he stood on the window sill and reached above him, grasping the thick lip of the roof. "Just... have to pull myself up, that's all." He said, gritting his teeth. It was a tense moment as he hung in midair, but his tired muscles managed to pull him up onto the roof.

Standing, however, was something Draco was not prepared to do. His chest rasped angrily and his body shivered despite the heat. Still, the idea of freedom brought a false strength to his limbs and very slowly he moved to stand.

Indignation began to play in his mind as he looked about the roof. Imagine, trying to turn him into a simple Houself! As if he wasn't of the purest lines in all of England! And then to have the gall to compare him to that murdering muggle-loving disgrace to the Black family!

"See, no different than riding a broomstick. Probably easier too!" Draco yelled out, ignoring the trembling of anxious horror beginning to nibble on the insides of his gut. The wind had been calm when he began his jaunt but now were threatening to knock him clear off the top of the house.

It was then that Draco realized his wand was safely tucked in his pants pocket. He quickly retrieved his precious wand and allowed himself to gloat, and began waving it around. But the wind chose that moment to pick up and was jerked out of his hand.

The wand floated lazily down to the grounds below, mocking him even as it fell.

"I will not be mocked!" Draco called out, leaning forward to stare at that wand on the ground. But the motion caused his balance to shift and he toppled forward, shrieking in horror.

It was fate that he managed to grab the same windowsill he had climbed out of-- and his rotten luck that the windowsill began to crack under the weight of Draco. It bent down with his weight, allowing him to reach up and wrap his hands completely around the beam to secure his hold.

Draco took a deep breath and forced himself to close his eyes, tightening his grip on the windowsill even farther. "Everything is going to be alright. If I let go I'll only fall three stories-- people can fall from that height and survive! Everything would be mended quickly with a healing spell and, with no witnesses; I can always say I thought I heard something on the roof..."

And then what? Decided to slip out with your wand and your worst clothes and nary a knute in your pocket, expecting to find your way to Malfoy Manor, even though you don't have the faintest idea how to get there without map-- or probably even with a map! Curse Mum for never allowing me to do any adventuring in the summers, for now I've no ability to find my way home again without an adult to hold my ha--

The sill made a cracking noise that rivaled the shriek Draco couldn't help but let escape. His eyes opened and focused completely on the breaking windowsill, so focused on willing the wood to hold that Draco missed something vital going on in his body. His fingers, already tired from their long hour spent doing more manual work than he had ever accomplished in his entire pampered life, decided that it was apt time to loose their hold on the windowsill and begin to slip off. His eyes snapped towards his fingers but it was too late-- he saw with horror how slippery the wood was, drenched with the sweat from his tired and dirty fingers. He dared not look down at the ground, instead tried very carefully to bring his legs up-- but before he could hook both legs around the bent windowsill, his arms gave out and he fell backwards, screaming.

And so it was fate that young Ginny Weasley was the one to look up at precisely that moment and point to the terrified Slytherin hanging from the bent windowsill from one leg, his hair waving arrogantly in the wind despite the look of pure blubbering terror etched on his bright red face.

And next time on "New Exciting Ways That Draco's Life Sucks"-- the Weasleys come to visit... EARLY!!!

-------------------------------------------

Author's Note:

I could be coy and say I waited so long to publish chapter four because I was trying to raise expectations, or I could flat out lie and say I completely forgot about the story and wrote chapter four up in five minutes.

The truth of the matter is that from the original outline and basic plot idea, SIG was only going to be a six chaptered story. It was as I neared the last paragraph of the first draft of this chapter that I realized I had not only did I have more plot than I could stuff in the remaining chapters but I had irrationally brought Ginny to the mix two chapters before she was supposed to appear.

As I was displeased with the first effort of chapter four, mostly because of the horrible truth that this summer I lost my Draco!diologue voice. This is horrible for a Draco-centric story, so I semi-wisely took a step back and plotted a bit more, have a slight enjoyable summer, and as soon as I returned to school got back to writing.

This is the third complete re-write of chapter four as well as the sixth or seventh edit all told, so hopefully I accomplished what I wanted for this chapter. So although I feel terribly about not getting chapter four up earlier, please know that if I had, it would have sucked. And yes, that's about normal for my number of re-writes and edits, because I am not a good first draft writer.

Despite my rather embarrassing ability to not deliver new chapters in a timely fashion, I'm holding myself to finishing SIG by the end of January. I am planning a sequel to SIG, but I won't begin that story until February... I think XD.

Also--- originally I wasn't going to include too much Weasley/Draco action, but honestly this stuff just writes itself. Harry is not going to be in SIG until the very end, but I promise he'll have a good cameo!

Also, further notes on the chapter:

1. Mewet Black: The Etymology behind this name is simple-- Mewet comes from the Old French for "silent," which seemed like a nice name for a Mute Black as well as his portrait. Mewet will be back, BTW ;)

2. Malaxis Mainalgos: Malaxis: A genus of orchids with tiny green flowers; Mainalgos: Mainas (crazy woman) -algos (pain). Malaxis Mainalgos is related to Draco off the Malfoy line and MIGHT exist, in a small way, at Malfoy Manor ;). I'm not happy with the way the surname sounds, but I think Malaxis is certainly a Malfoy-esque name XD