YAY! HERE IT IS! My first Draco/Hermione fic!! Hopefully it will be up to the standards of you HP fans!
Disclaimer- This disclaimer stands for the entire story. I, lavender baby, intend no infringement on the Harry Potter series or any other work by the amazing J. K. Rowling. I'm just a lowly fourteen-year-old with no life and an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter. Please don't sue me, my parents would get upset.
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I, Hermione Sophia Granger, have always been replaceable.
Astounding I know, considering how I'm one of the Boy-Who-Lived bests friend and one of his right hand men. Or woman.
But the sad truth of it is that I'm not fundamental to anyone at all.
~*~
It all started in fifth grade in grammar school.
All my life, up until fifth grade, I had been the coddled daughter of my dentist parents and I had had a lot of friends. True, I was quite a bit smarter than everyone else and I tended to act superior because of it, but I still had friends. But then, in fifth grade, there were curves for the tests, grades started to become important, and popularity started to matter.
That year I had no one. Everyone hated me because I trashed the curve for the tests, and brainy Hermione Granger wasn't popular. Smart girls can't be popular because it goes against the unwritten rules of popularity. Silly, I know.
So that year I figured out that I wasn't so special after all. Unfortunately, I loved my good grades too much to purposefully do bad on tests, so I continued to trash the curve and my classmates continued to think I was a snob. A smart one, yes, but a snob nonetheless.
But then the summer after fifth grade rolled around and WA LA! I was special again. It was because I had gotten my Hogwarts letter and I discovered that I didn't make weird things happen because I was weird. They happened because I had magic! Real magic!
That summer almost made fifth grade worth it. I had magic and none of my former classmates did. That made me special right? I mean, how many people had magic?
Boy was I naïve.
Because the day that I stepped into Diagon Alley to get my school supplies rolled around, and wham! A LOT of people had magic. I figured maybe I wasn't so special after all. But it was still alright, because none of the people I knew had magic, so I was still happy.
And my first year at Hogwarts was well, magic. I became best friends with Harry and Ron and life was great. Life continued to be great until I met Draco Malfoy, the official bane of our existence. Ron, Harry, and mine's that is.
Oh I was still happy, but he made me realize that there had been generations of people with magic and that I was new. I was a mudblood. He didn't call me a mudblood until second year, but he made me feel like one since the beginning. I have to say that I did feel slightly put out to discover how new I was to this magic thing, but it was alright.
Everything was alright up until fourth year.
What happened in fourth year was that Harry was selected as a school champion and I made some unhappy discoveries. Oh I was so happy for him, but Ron, on the other hand got jealous. This tore up their friendship and they became mad at each other for months!
That, of course, was horrible, because I only wanted all of us to be friends. Them not being friends put a big strain on me to try and be friends with both of them separately. I could tell that Harry was horribly lonely, so I started spending more time with him.
I can't say it was horrible, having time to spend alone with Harry and then some with Ron. But the only bad thing was, as I was with them separately I could tell that I wasn't enough.
I wasn't enough fun for them. Oh I was Hermione-the-brainy-best-friend, but I was also Hermione-the-slightly-boring-best-friend. They were bored with me as they were never bored with each other.
Soon, after the first task, Ron and Harry became friends again, but the damage had been done to me. I realized that although all three of us would always be friends, Ron and Harry could continue to be friends even with out me. They could go on like always, well, except maybe the quality of their homework would drop, but basically, they would still figure out a way to have fun.
It made me realize that it was the two of them, and then me as an afterthought. I can't say it was pleasant, but I coped. Didn't I always?
And the hardest thing was, the entire school looked up to me. I was the oh so wonderful Hermione Granger with the big brains who could solve any problem out there. I was recognized as the smartest witch to pass through Hogwarts, maybe even smarter than Minerva McGonagall. And talent, well despite me being muggleborn, I seemed to have talent in the cartloads.
And yet everyday I asked myself, why wasn't I happy?
And now, you say how could I be happy with Harry's life on the line and Voldemort being back and everything. And I say that it weighed very heavily on my mind, but then again, I wasn't necessary for the war with Voldemort. Harry was. I was his best friend who'd just fight alongside him. I was too young to join the Order and I wasn't really useful for anything.
Except for making Harry and Ron study, checking their homework, and gaining House points.
I was the perfect Gryffindor and everyone looked up to me, except for the Slytherins. And all through my years at Hogwarts I would wonder why I wasn't happy.
Of course in sixth year I got replaced again. Another mark against Miss Hermione Granger.
Apparently, since I was away from home so much, my parents began to miss having a kid around since I was the only child and I was away at Hogwarts. So what else could they do but have another one?
And so they had another little girl. Helena. Hermione and Helena. How cute.
Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't as if I didn't like little Lena, but well I felt replaced. And the worst of it was, at age sixteen I became jealous of a baby.
Not only was Helena the answer to my parents loneliness, she was beautiful in a way I could never be. She had the bleachest blonde head of hair that my grandmother had and instead of boring brown eyes, she had the palest green eyes ever.
She was a beautiful baby and obviously was going to be a beautiful child as well as a beautiful teenager and a man-killer adult. I had been officially replaced by someone better. A baby, and that was just pathetic.
Oh I still loved Helena, but the feeling of replacement took a long time to go away. It's bad enough to be replaced, but being replaced by someone obviously better made it worse. Ten times worse. Okay maybe only three but it was still bad. But luckily I had Ron and Harry to fall back on. Right?
Wrong.
At age sixteen, Ron and Harry had begun the irrevocable process of increasing testosterone.
I had always had a little niggling crush on Harry since second year, but then he laid eyes on Cho Chang in third year and well my thing for Harry died a gruesome, painful death.
And then I started to have a crush on Ron. Yeah yeah, I know, don't fall for your best friends.. but it was soooo hard!! But then before my crush for Ron could even really bloom he laid eyes on the beautiful, part veela Fleur Delacour. My thing for Ron was mutilated, tortured, and then murdered.
On the bright side, I met Viktor Krum the year my crush for Ron died, and that was just great. He was an international Quidditch player and he was interested in none other than myself. I have to say that I was truly amazed by that.
I guess he liked brainy girls, considering I didn't have much else to offer and the fact that we met in the library.
Plus, it had the added bonus of making Ron insanely jealous, and well who wouldn't be gratified by that? Five feet eight inches of red headed, jealous male. A teenage girl's dream come true.
But then stupid Viktor Krum had to ruin it by living in Bulgaria. I mean honestly! Bulgaria! I had no luck with relationships, much less a long distance one. So in the end my fledgling relationship with Viktor was chopped into little pieces and burned to ashes.
Life sucked, it truly did.
And then in fifth year, Voldemort hatched another evil plan to get Harry and I put my life on the line. Again. For the cause. For the Order that I wasn't even in. It wasn't as if I wouldn't do it, but I began to feel as if my life had no real direction.
Did the cause really even need me?
Did the Order I wasn't in even need me?
Did Harry and Ron need me?
Did my parents need me?
Did anyone need me?
And for all those questions, day after day, the only answer I could come up with was.... I don't know.
I truly didn't know if anyone in the world, magic or non-magic, really needed me.
Oh I know, I was a smart, courageous witch fighting for the cause. But there were so many other smart and courageous people already fighting for the cause. What was one more?
But then my logical thinking took over, and I told myself that if every person fighting against Voldemort thought that, then nobody would fight for the cause. So I kept fighting. And I kept wondering. And wondering and wondering.
But the after the fight in the Ministry, Harry lost Sirius. And he was soo lonely. So I was there for him. And in the end, the little thing I had for him, that crush that had died the horrible death in third year came back to life.
Sorta like Voldemort.
Okay that was a bad joke, and I apologize. No more lame jokes in this whiny monologue.
But it came back to life. I started to feel things for Harry. More mature things than I felt in second year. Definitely more than platonic things.
Okay, the bald truth? I had the hotts for Harry Potter.
He made me finally feel needed. My unanswered question of anyone needing me finally had a definite answer.
Yes, someone needed me, Harry needed me.
That made me feel so powerful. Plus his body was filling out, and WOW.
Not that he ever said anything. But I felt it.
In the end though, I can't say he had been leading me on. He really had needed me. In a purely platonic way. In a pure hands off, Hermione-you're-such-a-good-friend kind of way. He fell for Ginny instead. Now that really hurt. My hotts for Harry died in such a horrible way, I've no way of saying it. Yes, it was that bad. But in the end, I managed to hide it from everyone, so at least I was spared the embarrassment.
So sixth year started out with Harry going out with Ginny, and Ron was going out with Lavender, and in the end, one of my questions was answered.
Did Harry and Ron really even need me?
Nope, not at all. They had their girlfriends.
So when I was somewhat sad by Helena's birth, I didn't even have them to fall back on to make me feel better. I couldn't really even find them sometimes. Do you even know how often they would hide in broom closets to snog with their girlfriends? I mean, the amount of times I couldn't locate them was awful. I suppose Harry needed to feel loved because of his loss of Sirius and his pressure as the only one to be able to defeat Voldemort, but Ron didn't really have one. He just plain out abandoned me.
And now your saying that I'm whining and I should have been happy for them. And I was. I was happy for them. It was only that I was alone and happy for them. All alone. Well me and Pavarti sometimes, since she got ditched by Lavender. But well, Pavarti was such a girl. We didn't care about the same things. Sure she was worried about Voldemort being back, but not on the same level as I was.
All I ever really got from my friendship with Pavarti were some hair, skin, and nail charms. Useful, but c'mon, when would I ever really use them? I was Hermione Granger after all.
So pretty much, sixth year was a lonely year for me. And the worst part, and I mean worst worst part. Even more worse than Ron's thoughtless abandonment, was the fact that my loathed enemy, Malfoy, noticed the fact that I got ditched.
And that just sucked even more! I mean, why couldn't he have kept his perfect Malfoy nose out of my stinking business?? Was it really too much to ask?
And once again I answer one of my own obvious questions.
Yes, it was too much to ask. He spent every minute of every day breathing down my neck. Annoying me. Bugging me. Torturing me. Starting whispers in my head and basically driving me insane. The only bright side of this was that Harry and Ron began to notice how much attention Malfoy was paying me, and they began to be with me more just so they could tell Malfoy off when he came knocking.
Okay, so I guess in a way he improved my life a little bit. A very little bit. A very very little bit. But then he had to ruin it by turning out to be not evil. He just had to go and turn to the light. Now I couldn't even call him a stupid, smarmy deatheater. he took away my only enjoyment. And then he compounded it by being more useful than me. He got to join the Order in sixth year. He got to turn spy.
Did the Order need him?
Oh yes, the Order needed him a lot more than the Order needed me. But like always, I coped. But life still didn't improve. God was looking down on me with a big bad frown on his face. I don't think He really liked me. He definitely wasn't nice. But life goes on.
Seventh year finally arrived and somehow life got worse. I was still top of the class, smartest witch to come by Hogwarts, and to top it all off, I was Head Girl. When I got the letter I hopped around and yelled with joy. I had been pretty worried because even though Hannah Abbot, the Hufflepuff, couldn't keep up with me with grades, her amount of rule breaking was a lot less than mine. I have to admit I was worried about being Head Girl. But in the end, I got it. I was Head Girl. And I thought that maybe I wasn't so replaceable after all. Maybe I was special.
But of course life would never be nice to me. I boarded the Hogwarts Express and reported for the Head Girl and Head Boy meeting. I had fully expected to see Harry there, after all, who deserved Head Boy more than Harry Potter?
But noooo.. Life just wouldn't be fair. I entered the compartment for the Head Boy and Head Girl meeting and met the Heads of Houses of the Head Boy and Girl. And there they were. Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape.
Professor Snape? You ask. Yes, Professor Snape. And yes, that only means one thing and one thing only. My nemesis Draco Malfoy was Head Boy.
Now was that not the cruelest twist of fate? And you wonder why I'm whining.
Well seventh year was a big mix of good and bad. I'll tell you the good first.
Although for the past six years Draco and I had been enemies, apparently he had grown up enough to realize that as Head Boy he would have to cooperate with the Head Girl, which was me. So although we didn't particularly like each other, we managed to keep from publicly sneering each other. We managed to even look like a team to the outside world. In our suite of rooms was another story however.
In private, we'd yell at each other, I'd throw things, he'd call me a mudblood, and we'd end up stomping to our separate bedrooms. It was... interesting, to say the least. Most of our private conversations would consist of something like this...
"YOU'RE SUCH A BLOODY PRAT MALFOY!"
"AND YOU'RE SUCH A DISGUSTING MUDBLOOD!"
"I'D RATHER BE THE WAY I'M BORN THAN THE WAY I'VE MADE MYSELF! UNLIKE YOU!"
"AT LEAST ITS SOMETHING I CAN CONTROL!"
"WELL YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOU'RE STUPIDITY CAN YOU?!? BUT YOU'RE STILL BLOODY STUPID!"
By this time we'd both be red in the faces.
"AT LEAST MY FRIENDS DON'T DITCH ME GRANGER!"
He'd always change the subject when he knew he was losing. It used to annoy the hell out of me.
"WELL YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE FRIENDS TO DITCH YOU MALFOY, SO I WOULDN'T TALK!"
"WHY ARE THEY DITCHING YOU GRANGER?? DID YOU TELL PERFECT SCARHEAD YOU LOVED HIM??"
Okay, now I know I shouldn't have thrown the inkpot at him, but that barb was low and it definitely hit its mark. And you know, even though he knew he won, he'd keep taunting me.
"WHAT GRANGER, NOTHING TO SAY?? DID YOU DISCOVER THEY DIDN'T NEED YOU ANYMORE??"
Okay, so I shouldn't have thrown my ceramic dog statue that Helena made for me at him either, but that barb struck even closer to home. So after I threw (and broke) the ceramic dog, I stomped into my room and wallowed in self-pity because Draco's words felt so true. A few seconds later I heard the door opposite the room slam shut.
That was how Draco and I lived in seventh year, and although you may think it was horrible, sparring with him was sometimes actually fun. God forbid he should ever find that out, but it was.
Also that year, we had the final battle, and as predicted Harry Potter came out on top. I hadn't been severely injured but I did do a lot of damage to the other side. I suppose I had been doubly angry because I had just finished arguing with Malfoy about another Head Boy and Girl responsibility when the school was attacked. I had been so worried about Harry and Ron during the battle that I fought awesomely to try to get to them. Harry did in the end defeat Voldemort and Ron was given the pleasure of helping him. And once again it had been them two, and then me. But it was alright that time, considering Harry and Ron barely made it out alive. I was so happy that they were alive after the battle ended. Good triumphed over evil, and Voldemort was gone forever.
Now for the bad news.
After the final battle, when losses were counted, it was found that Percy and Bill Weasley hadn't made it out alive. Many people hadn't made it out alive, including Pavarti Patil, Colin Creevy, Hannah Abbot, Professor Sprout, and Hagrid. Most of the Order, this time around, lived.
Harry, after the battle, began to seclude himself and cut himself off from many other people, myself and Ron included. Ginny also began to distance herself from others after two of her favorite brothers had been brutally murdered. Harry and Ginny's relationship fell apart that year, and watching it happen was awful.
The night of the battle there was another attack on the muggle population. Deatheaters attacked the tube, and many muggles lost lives that night. My mother and father had been riding the tube home that night from the opera when it was attacked. My mother made it out alive, but my father was murdered by a deatheater later identified as Alexander Jenkins.
I felt as if my life was in ruins. I had always been particularly close to my father, and the taking in the fact that he was gone was hard. I had felt like crying and screaming at the same time when I found out, but I wasn't really allowed to do either. My mother was falling apart and I had to be strong for her. It was so hard that year to put my feelings on hold and be there for her, and I missed an entire month of school because I felt the need to stay with her. Life for me during that time was horrible, and the day that I buried my father is the day I felt dead of emotions.
I was holding Helena in my arms when they began lowering him into the grave, and that was when I finally fell apart. Through all the preperations and everything else, I had held together for my mother, for his friends, for the rest of the family, and I had cut myself from my own pain. Life had grinded to a slow and painful halt for me. But that day, I fell apart and I mourned like a wild animal. I felt all the waste of life and all the pain that Voldemort had inflicted over both worlds and it killed me. I didn't think I'd ever get over it. I didn't even know if I could stand reentering the magical world. Someone, my father, had finally needed me, and I hadn't even been there for him. It broke my heart into a million tiny little pieces.
But life went on, and I went back to school eventually, to finish up the rest of the year. After graduation, instead of taking up many of the job offers I got, or becoming an auror like Harry and Ron, I continued onto Merlin University in Manchester. I graduated from there with top degrees in Potions and Alchemy as well as a minor degree in Charms.
~*~
Its been 5 years since the defeat of Voldemort, and life has indeed moved on for me.
Since my graduation from MU I've garnered much respect from the wizarding world as well as a fat pile of money that I can't ever hope to spend all of. I've lived a respectful life and I've kept in touch with Harry and Ron. I'm still unmarried even though I'm 22, and once again, I've found that I'm not needed.
I, Hermione Sophia Granger, am replaceable, in the most embarrassing and awful way.
I've been jilted.
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Well, there it is, the first chapter! I already have the second chapter written out, but I need to type it. So, if you like (or didn't like) it, please review!!!!!!
Disclaimer- This disclaimer stands for the entire story. I, lavender baby, intend no infringement on the Harry Potter series or any other work by the amazing J. K. Rowling. I'm just a lowly fourteen-year-old with no life and an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter. Please don't sue me, my parents would get upset.
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I, Hermione Sophia Granger, have always been replaceable.
Astounding I know, considering how I'm one of the Boy-Who-Lived bests friend and one of his right hand men. Or woman.
But the sad truth of it is that I'm not fundamental to anyone at all.
~*~
It all started in fifth grade in grammar school.
All my life, up until fifth grade, I had been the coddled daughter of my dentist parents and I had had a lot of friends. True, I was quite a bit smarter than everyone else and I tended to act superior because of it, but I still had friends. But then, in fifth grade, there were curves for the tests, grades started to become important, and popularity started to matter.
That year I had no one. Everyone hated me because I trashed the curve for the tests, and brainy Hermione Granger wasn't popular. Smart girls can't be popular because it goes against the unwritten rules of popularity. Silly, I know.
So that year I figured out that I wasn't so special after all. Unfortunately, I loved my good grades too much to purposefully do bad on tests, so I continued to trash the curve and my classmates continued to think I was a snob. A smart one, yes, but a snob nonetheless.
But then the summer after fifth grade rolled around and WA LA! I was special again. It was because I had gotten my Hogwarts letter and I discovered that I didn't make weird things happen because I was weird. They happened because I had magic! Real magic!
That summer almost made fifth grade worth it. I had magic and none of my former classmates did. That made me special right? I mean, how many people had magic?
Boy was I naïve.
Because the day that I stepped into Diagon Alley to get my school supplies rolled around, and wham! A LOT of people had magic. I figured maybe I wasn't so special after all. But it was still alright, because none of the people I knew had magic, so I was still happy.
And my first year at Hogwarts was well, magic. I became best friends with Harry and Ron and life was great. Life continued to be great until I met Draco Malfoy, the official bane of our existence. Ron, Harry, and mine's that is.
Oh I was still happy, but he made me realize that there had been generations of people with magic and that I was new. I was a mudblood. He didn't call me a mudblood until second year, but he made me feel like one since the beginning. I have to say that I did feel slightly put out to discover how new I was to this magic thing, but it was alright.
Everything was alright up until fourth year.
What happened in fourth year was that Harry was selected as a school champion and I made some unhappy discoveries. Oh I was so happy for him, but Ron, on the other hand got jealous. This tore up their friendship and they became mad at each other for months!
That, of course, was horrible, because I only wanted all of us to be friends. Them not being friends put a big strain on me to try and be friends with both of them separately. I could tell that Harry was horribly lonely, so I started spending more time with him.
I can't say it was horrible, having time to spend alone with Harry and then some with Ron. But the only bad thing was, as I was with them separately I could tell that I wasn't enough.
I wasn't enough fun for them. Oh I was Hermione-the-brainy-best-friend, but I was also Hermione-the-slightly-boring-best-friend. They were bored with me as they were never bored with each other.
Soon, after the first task, Ron and Harry became friends again, but the damage had been done to me. I realized that although all three of us would always be friends, Ron and Harry could continue to be friends even with out me. They could go on like always, well, except maybe the quality of their homework would drop, but basically, they would still figure out a way to have fun.
It made me realize that it was the two of them, and then me as an afterthought. I can't say it was pleasant, but I coped. Didn't I always?
And the hardest thing was, the entire school looked up to me. I was the oh so wonderful Hermione Granger with the big brains who could solve any problem out there. I was recognized as the smartest witch to pass through Hogwarts, maybe even smarter than Minerva McGonagall. And talent, well despite me being muggleborn, I seemed to have talent in the cartloads.
And yet everyday I asked myself, why wasn't I happy?
And now, you say how could I be happy with Harry's life on the line and Voldemort being back and everything. And I say that it weighed very heavily on my mind, but then again, I wasn't necessary for the war with Voldemort. Harry was. I was his best friend who'd just fight alongside him. I was too young to join the Order and I wasn't really useful for anything.
Except for making Harry and Ron study, checking their homework, and gaining House points.
I was the perfect Gryffindor and everyone looked up to me, except for the Slytherins. And all through my years at Hogwarts I would wonder why I wasn't happy.
Of course in sixth year I got replaced again. Another mark against Miss Hermione Granger.
Apparently, since I was away from home so much, my parents began to miss having a kid around since I was the only child and I was away at Hogwarts. So what else could they do but have another one?
And so they had another little girl. Helena. Hermione and Helena. How cute.
Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't as if I didn't like little Lena, but well I felt replaced. And the worst of it was, at age sixteen I became jealous of a baby.
Not only was Helena the answer to my parents loneliness, she was beautiful in a way I could never be. She had the bleachest blonde head of hair that my grandmother had and instead of boring brown eyes, she had the palest green eyes ever.
She was a beautiful baby and obviously was going to be a beautiful child as well as a beautiful teenager and a man-killer adult. I had been officially replaced by someone better. A baby, and that was just pathetic.
Oh I still loved Helena, but the feeling of replacement took a long time to go away. It's bad enough to be replaced, but being replaced by someone obviously better made it worse. Ten times worse. Okay maybe only three but it was still bad. But luckily I had Ron and Harry to fall back on. Right?
Wrong.
At age sixteen, Ron and Harry had begun the irrevocable process of increasing testosterone.
I had always had a little niggling crush on Harry since second year, but then he laid eyes on Cho Chang in third year and well my thing for Harry died a gruesome, painful death.
And then I started to have a crush on Ron. Yeah yeah, I know, don't fall for your best friends.. but it was soooo hard!! But then before my crush for Ron could even really bloom he laid eyes on the beautiful, part veela Fleur Delacour. My thing for Ron was mutilated, tortured, and then murdered.
On the bright side, I met Viktor Krum the year my crush for Ron died, and that was just great. He was an international Quidditch player and he was interested in none other than myself. I have to say that I was truly amazed by that.
I guess he liked brainy girls, considering I didn't have much else to offer and the fact that we met in the library.
Plus, it had the added bonus of making Ron insanely jealous, and well who wouldn't be gratified by that? Five feet eight inches of red headed, jealous male. A teenage girl's dream come true.
But then stupid Viktor Krum had to ruin it by living in Bulgaria. I mean honestly! Bulgaria! I had no luck with relationships, much less a long distance one. So in the end my fledgling relationship with Viktor was chopped into little pieces and burned to ashes.
Life sucked, it truly did.
And then in fifth year, Voldemort hatched another evil plan to get Harry and I put my life on the line. Again. For the cause. For the Order that I wasn't even in. It wasn't as if I wouldn't do it, but I began to feel as if my life had no real direction.
Did the cause really even need me?
Did the Order I wasn't in even need me?
Did Harry and Ron need me?
Did my parents need me?
Did anyone need me?
And for all those questions, day after day, the only answer I could come up with was.... I don't know.
I truly didn't know if anyone in the world, magic or non-magic, really needed me.
Oh I know, I was a smart, courageous witch fighting for the cause. But there were so many other smart and courageous people already fighting for the cause. What was one more?
But then my logical thinking took over, and I told myself that if every person fighting against Voldemort thought that, then nobody would fight for the cause. So I kept fighting. And I kept wondering. And wondering and wondering.
But the after the fight in the Ministry, Harry lost Sirius. And he was soo lonely. So I was there for him. And in the end, the little thing I had for him, that crush that had died the horrible death in third year came back to life.
Sorta like Voldemort.
Okay that was a bad joke, and I apologize. No more lame jokes in this whiny monologue.
But it came back to life. I started to feel things for Harry. More mature things than I felt in second year. Definitely more than platonic things.
Okay, the bald truth? I had the hotts for Harry Potter.
He made me finally feel needed. My unanswered question of anyone needing me finally had a definite answer.
Yes, someone needed me, Harry needed me.
That made me feel so powerful. Plus his body was filling out, and WOW.
Not that he ever said anything. But I felt it.
In the end though, I can't say he had been leading me on. He really had needed me. In a purely platonic way. In a pure hands off, Hermione-you're-such-a-good-friend kind of way. He fell for Ginny instead. Now that really hurt. My hotts for Harry died in such a horrible way, I've no way of saying it. Yes, it was that bad. But in the end, I managed to hide it from everyone, so at least I was spared the embarrassment.
So sixth year started out with Harry going out with Ginny, and Ron was going out with Lavender, and in the end, one of my questions was answered.
Did Harry and Ron really even need me?
Nope, not at all. They had their girlfriends.
So when I was somewhat sad by Helena's birth, I didn't even have them to fall back on to make me feel better. I couldn't really even find them sometimes. Do you even know how often they would hide in broom closets to snog with their girlfriends? I mean, the amount of times I couldn't locate them was awful. I suppose Harry needed to feel loved because of his loss of Sirius and his pressure as the only one to be able to defeat Voldemort, but Ron didn't really have one. He just plain out abandoned me.
And now your saying that I'm whining and I should have been happy for them. And I was. I was happy for them. It was only that I was alone and happy for them. All alone. Well me and Pavarti sometimes, since she got ditched by Lavender. But well, Pavarti was such a girl. We didn't care about the same things. Sure she was worried about Voldemort being back, but not on the same level as I was.
All I ever really got from my friendship with Pavarti were some hair, skin, and nail charms. Useful, but c'mon, when would I ever really use them? I was Hermione Granger after all.
So pretty much, sixth year was a lonely year for me. And the worst part, and I mean worst worst part. Even more worse than Ron's thoughtless abandonment, was the fact that my loathed enemy, Malfoy, noticed the fact that I got ditched.
And that just sucked even more! I mean, why couldn't he have kept his perfect Malfoy nose out of my stinking business?? Was it really too much to ask?
And once again I answer one of my own obvious questions.
Yes, it was too much to ask. He spent every minute of every day breathing down my neck. Annoying me. Bugging me. Torturing me. Starting whispers in my head and basically driving me insane. The only bright side of this was that Harry and Ron began to notice how much attention Malfoy was paying me, and they began to be with me more just so they could tell Malfoy off when he came knocking.
Okay, so I guess in a way he improved my life a little bit. A very little bit. A very very little bit. But then he had to ruin it by turning out to be not evil. He just had to go and turn to the light. Now I couldn't even call him a stupid, smarmy deatheater. he took away my only enjoyment. And then he compounded it by being more useful than me. He got to join the Order in sixth year. He got to turn spy.
Did the Order need him?
Oh yes, the Order needed him a lot more than the Order needed me. But like always, I coped. But life still didn't improve. God was looking down on me with a big bad frown on his face. I don't think He really liked me. He definitely wasn't nice. But life goes on.
Seventh year finally arrived and somehow life got worse. I was still top of the class, smartest witch to come by Hogwarts, and to top it all off, I was Head Girl. When I got the letter I hopped around and yelled with joy. I had been pretty worried because even though Hannah Abbot, the Hufflepuff, couldn't keep up with me with grades, her amount of rule breaking was a lot less than mine. I have to admit I was worried about being Head Girl. But in the end, I got it. I was Head Girl. And I thought that maybe I wasn't so replaceable after all. Maybe I was special.
But of course life would never be nice to me. I boarded the Hogwarts Express and reported for the Head Girl and Head Boy meeting. I had fully expected to see Harry there, after all, who deserved Head Boy more than Harry Potter?
But noooo.. Life just wouldn't be fair. I entered the compartment for the Head Boy and Head Girl meeting and met the Heads of Houses of the Head Boy and Girl. And there they were. Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape.
Professor Snape? You ask. Yes, Professor Snape. And yes, that only means one thing and one thing only. My nemesis Draco Malfoy was Head Boy.
Now was that not the cruelest twist of fate? And you wonder why I'm whining.
Well seventh year was a big mix of good and bad. I'll tell you the good first.
Although for the past six years Draco and I had been enemies, apparently he had grown up enough to realize that as Head Boy he would have to cooperate with the Head Girl, which was me. So although we didn't particularly like each other, we managed to keep from publicly sneering each other. We managed to even look like a team to the outside world. In our suite of rooms was another story however.
In private, we'd yell at each other, I'd throw things, he'd call me a mudblood, and we'd end up stomping to our separate bedrooms. It was... interesting, to say the least. Most of our private conversations would consist of something like this...
"YOU'RE SUCH A BLOODY PRAT MALFOY!"
"AND YOU'RE SUCH A DISGUSTING MUDBLOOD!"
"I'D RATHER BE THE WAY I'M BORN THAN THE WAY I'VE MADE MYSELF! UNLIKE YOU!"
"AT LEAST ITS SOMETHING I CAN CONTROL!"
"WELL YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOU'RE STUPIDITY CAN YOU?!? BUT YOU'RE STILL BLOODY STUPID!"
By this time we'd both be red in the faces.
"AT LEAST MY FRIENDS DON'T DITCH ME GRANGER!"
He'd always change the subject when he knew he was losing. It used to annoy the hell out of me.
"WELL YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE FRIENDS TO DITCH YOU MALFOY, SO I WOULDN'T TALK!"
"WHY ARE THEY DITCHING YOU GRANGER?? DID YOU TELL PERFECT SCARHEAD YOU LOVED HIM??"
Okay, now I know I shouldn't have thrown the inkpot at him, but that barb was low and it definitely hit its mark. And you know, even though he knew he won, he'd keep taunting me.
"WHAT GRANGER, NOTHING TO SAY?? DID YOU DISCOVER THEY DIDN'T NEED YOU ANYMORE??"
Okay, so I shouldn't have thrown my ceramic dog statue that Helena made for me at him either, but that barb struck even closer to home. So after I threw (and broke) the ceramic dog, I stomped into my room and wallowed in self-pity because Draco's words felt so true. A few seconds later I heard the door opposite the room slam shut.
That was how Draco and I lived in seventh year, and although you may think it was horrible, sparring with him was sometimes actually fun. God forbid he should ever find that out, but it was.
Also that year, we had the final battle, and as predicted Harry Potter came out on top. I hadn't been severely injured but I did do a lot of damage to the other side. I suppose I had been doubly angry because I had just finished arguing with Malfoy about another Head Boy and Girl responsibility when the school was attacked. I had been so worried about Harry and Ron during the battle that I fought awesomely to try to get to them. Harry did in the end defeat Voldemort and Ron was given the pleasure of helping him. And once again it had been them two, and then me. But it was alright that time, considering Harry and Ron barely made it out alive. I was so happy that they were alive after the battle ended. Good triumphed over evil, and Voldemort was gone forever.
Now for the bad news.
After the final battle, when losses were counted, it was found that Percy and Bill Weasley hadn't made it out alive. Many people hadn't made it out alive, including Pavarti Patil, Colin Creevy, Hannah Abbot, Professor Sprout, and Hagrid. Most of the Order, this time around, lived.
Harry, after the battle, began to seclude himself and cut himself off from many other people, myself and Ron included. Ginny also began to distance herself from others after two of her favorite brothers had been brutally murdered. Harry and Ginny's relationship fell apart that year, and watching it happen was awful.
The night of the battle there was another attack on the muggle population. Deatheaters attacked the tube, and many muggles lost lives that night. My mother and father had been riding the tube home that night from the opera when it was attacked. My mother made it out alive, but my father was murdered by a deatheater later identified as Alexander Jenkins.
I felt as if my life was in ruins. I had always been particularly close to my father, and the taking in the fact that he was gone was hard. I had felt like crying and screaming at the same time when I found out, but I wasn't really allowed to do either. My mother was falling apart and I had to be strong for her. It was so hard that year to put my feelings on hold and be there for her, and I missed an entire month of school because I felt the need to stay with her. Life for me during that time was horrible, and the day that I buried my father is the day I felt dead of emotions.
I was holding Helena in my arms when they began lowering him into the grave, and that was when I finally fell apart. Through all the preperations and everything else, I had held together for my mother, for his friends, for the rest of the family, and I had cut myself from my own pain. Life had grinded to a slow and painful halt for me. But that day, I fell apart and I mourned like a wild animal. I felt all the waste of life and all the pain that Voldemort had inflicted over both worlds and it killed me. I didn't think I'd ever get over it. I didn't even know if I could stand reentering the magical world. Someone, my father, had finally needed me, and I hadn't even been there for him. It broke my heart into a million tiny little pieces.
But life went on, and I went back to school eventually, to finish up the rest of the year. After graduation, instead of taking up many of the job offers I got, or becoming an auror like Harry and Ron, I continued onto Merlin University in Manchester. I graduated from there with top degrees in Potions and Alchemy as well as a minor degree in Charms.
~*~
Its been 5 years since the defeat of Voldemort, and life has indeed moved on for me.
Since my graduation from MU I've garnered much respect from the wizarding world as well as a fat pile of money that I can't ever hope to spend all of. I've lived a respectful life and I've kept in touch with Harry and Ron. I'm still unmarried even though I'm 22, and once again, I've found that I'm not needed.
I, Hermione Sophia Granger, am replaceable, in the most embarrassing and awful way.
I've been jilted.
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Well, there it is, the first chapter! I already have the second chapter written out, but I need to type it. So, if you like (or didn't like) it, please review!!!!!!